“Morning. Who the hell was on the phone?”
“The record company.”
“Oh shit. How’d that go?” she asked as she poured a cup of coffee and sat at the table.
“I don’t know yet. At least he listened to my side. Apparently dickman is the one who tipped him off about the tweets. I don’t think he saw the picture though, he didn’t say anything about that. He only asked about the song shit. All the news channels talked about it this morning.”
“Fuck. That bitch sure did a number on you.”
I nodded, getting up to refill my cup. I didn’t know if there was enough coffee in the world to make me feel alive today. “She sure did. I hope she looks just as pretty today.”
Michelle laughed, “Me too. I wonder how she’ll cover it up for the show tonight.”
“I should care about that huh? Too bad I don’t. I don’t even want to think about Raining Chaos. If I never hear that name again it will be too damn soon.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because you were calling Trent’s name and crying on and off all night. I thought you were awake the first time.”
“I was?” Sighing, I shook my head. It figured, he wouldn’t be easy to erase from my heart or my head. Would it even be possible? Or maybe I’d have to live with this hole in my heart for the rest of my life.
“Yeah, it scared the shit out of me the first time. I’d just fallen asleep and I heard you screaming. I went running in there and you were out cold.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? The ass breaking your heart? It’s not your fault.”
“Sure it is. I should have known better. I basically did exactly what my mother did, at least now I kind of understand why.”
“It’ll get better you know. How many broken hearts have you gotten me over?”
“I don’t know. Too many,” I tried to smile but I don’t think I did a great job considering how sore my cheeks were.
“You’ll get over him.”
I hoped she was right, but I’d never fallen for anyone before, not like this. Yeah it’s what everyone said but it really was different. He touched something inside that no one ever had before. Tears welled up in my eyes and I brushed them away before they slid down my cheeks. Damn, after all the crying yesterday, how could I have any tears left?
“I was wondering if you checked Twitter last night?”
“Nope, I was on the phone with Eric then you came out. I forgot about it by the time we went to bed.”
“I’m not sure if I want to look or not.” I didn’t even remember the last time I’d seen my phone. Oh yeah, in the cab, I’d shut it off and shoved it in my purse. Finding it in the bedroom I dug it out of my purse and went back to the kitchen.
I turned it on and waited for it to run through the startup shit that seemed to take forever, and poured another cup of coffee for me and one for Michelle.
“Holy shit.”
“What?”
“Sixteen missed calls and voicemails.”
“One of those was from me. I bet I can guess who the rest are from.”
“Why would he call me so much? You said Eric told him I was here.”
“I don’t know. Maybe he realized what a huge dick he was and was trying to apologize.”
I laughed and laughed, until the tears started, then the hiccups. Damn, I hated those things. Michelle got me a glass of water and finally they stopped.
“What was so funny?”
“It wasn’t really. I called him that one of the first times I argued with him and it just I don’t know…” I really didn’t want to go in to it all. The one night we’d had was wonderful, maybe one day I’d be able to think about it without crying but I knew it wouldn’t be for a long time.
She nodded and I was thankful she didn’t push me for answers. There were some things I wasn’t ready to talk to her about, maybe I never would.
“I wonder when they’ll let me know about the job. I’d be happy if they did fire me, then I could try to forget about all of this.”
“What exactly did they say?”
“That they’d get back to me.”
“Typical.”
I nodded, it was a total clusterfuck. I scrolled through the missed calls. Michelle was right. They were all from Chaos except for two. One was from her and one from a number I didn’t recognize.
“Are you going to listen to the messages?”
“I don’t think so, at least not yet.”
“Okay. So what do you want to do today?”
“Don’t you have to go to work?”
“Nope, school doesn’t start until next week and I have all the supplies I need to decorate the classroom. I’ll do it tomorrow or the next day. No rush as long as I do it this week.”
“I thought you had in-service days.”
“I do, but not until the end of the week. Don’t worry about me. It’s take care of Cyn time.”
“We don’t need to do anything for me. I’ll wait for the call and see what happens then.”
“Did you want to call the lawyer I found?”
“Maybe, but not right now. Right now I want to just try to forget for a little while.”
“Cool, so how about I go get us a couple of movies and some ice cream?”
“It’s not even lunch time.”
“So what, ice cream’s dairy.”
I knew there’d be no stopping her. She got dressed and went to the store. As soon as the front door closed my cell rang. It was Chaos again. What the hell was his problem? Maybe I should have left the pages behind, so he’d know I didn’t want his damn song.
I hit the ignore button and went to get the notebook from my purse. When Michelle got back I was sitting on the couch with it in my lap and my iPad on the table. I didn’t know what to do about the song. If Symmetry didn’t fire me, should I turn it in to them, or just forget I’d ever heard it?
“I’m back with movies. Which do you want,” she asked, holding up two pint sized containers of ice cream. “Mocha almond fudge or Double chocolate chip?”
“Give me the mocha. You know it’s my favorite. Bitch.”
“Exactly.”
“What movies did you get?”
“Moonstruck, Simply Irresistible, Phantom of the Opera, and Chocolat. Which one first?”
“Good question. How about Simply Irresistible?”
“Great choice,” she laughed and inserted it into the DVD player.
Maybe she was right, watching a movie and eating ice cream worked for her. “Thank you, Michelle. You’re the best.”
She hugged me tight, then handed me a spoon and the ice cream. For the next hour and a half I was glued to the TV and tried not to think about anything else. I hadn’t seen it in ages and I’d forgotten most of it, which was good, it kept my mind off Chaos until the end.
Michelle decided we needed pizza next. I didn’t usually eat all this junk food but she swore it was the only cure for heartbreak. While she was picking it up from across the street, the phone rang and it was Symmetry records again.
“Hello?”
“Cynda?”
“Yes.”
“Cliff Warner here. I spoke to Rod Dixon and he says it was a misunderstanding and they’ve tweeted that it was a mistake and we’re going to put out a press release saying the same thing. So it looks like you get to keep your job.”
“Great,” so how come I wanted to puke up all the ice cream I’d just eaten?
“So when can we expect the songs?”
“My contract says I have three months. It will be then or sooner if I can get them done.”
“Sooner would be better. We’d like them to lay down some tracks when they’re on the west coast.”
“Then you shouldn’t have given me three months in the contract.” I knew I sounded bitchy but hell, I was over all of them.
“Well said, Ms. Pearson. Your father would be proud.”
“What do you know about
my father?”
“Did you think we’d hire you without a full background check? I knew you were Preston Mitchell’s daughter from the beginning.”
“Is that why I got this job?”
“It might have helped, but your song writing talent is amazing, just like his.”
“Does he know? I mean, that I’m working for you?”
“Not from me. I haven’t spoken to him. They’re on tour in Europe and aren’t working on a new album until they get back.”
“Well, I’d rather you didn’t tell him.”
“No problem. I won’t mention it.”
“Thank you.” He disconnected before I even finished saying thank you. He was one rude ass man.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chaos
The next two days flew by. The crowds in Virginia were amazing and seeing over twenty-five thousand screaming fans is a fucking rush like you have no idea. We’d put the last night in Philly behind us and come back together stronger.
Sweets and Candy were a little quieter but it was better with Sweets than it had been in a while. Joe had made a few calls for us and was working on trying to get in touch with Preston.
Jack and Sally were working on things from their end and I was just about done with the song. I needed a few more pieces for everything to fall into place, with any luck by the time we got to Georgia. I’d spent time talking to Sally too, and told her all about Cynda. She tried to be encouraging and I really freakin’ hoped she was right. As she reminded me often while we were growing up—she was always right.
Hearing a knock on my door I yelled come in. It was Wrath. We hadn’t had a lot of time to talk lately, not since Sapphire. I didn’t get it, she didn’t seem like his type but she’d been staying with him on the bus since Philly. There was something about her I didn’t trust, but after how fuckin’ wrong I was with Cynda I wasn’t going to say anything.
“Hey, what’s up, bro?”
“I figured I’d check on you. How are things going? Have you heard from Cynda?”
“No not yet, I keep calling but she hasn’t answered any of my fucking calls. I hope I’ll be able to fix this.”
“Me too. She was good for you.”
“Right, you’re probably just glad to get me off your fuckin’ back about shit.”
“No seriously, dude. When you finally stopped arguing it was cool. You looked happy, really happy.”
He was right, I had been happy, and stupid, stubborn, and a fuckin’ asshole. I was working on changing but it was going to be a slow process.
“How’re things with Sapphire?”
“Great, she’s fan-fucking-tastic.”
I laughed, oh yeah, he had it bad. I wondered what she was like in real life and if she planned to hang around for long. Most groupies held on for a while but eventually they had to go back to their real lives. After Georgia, we were heading to the Midwest. If she was from the Philadelphia area she’d be far from home.
“I have one question, is her hair really blue or is it a wig?”
“It’s her hair, dude, I couldn’t believe it either. I’ve never seen color stick that good.”
“No fuckin’ shit. Maybe we should have a bet on what color her roots are?”
Wrath laughed. “Hell yeah, why not.”
“I know I’ve kind of been keeping to myself. I’m sorry.”
“It’s cool, we know what’s going on. It’s all good. I am glad we have a day off before the next show. It’ll be good to just relax for a night.”
“Fuck yeah. I love it though. Wait until we’ve been doing this a year, and in Europe too. We’ll be lucky if we remember where we are.”
“No shit. Oh yeah, have you heard anything from the lawyer yet?”
“Nothing yet, but Joe’s spoken to him a couple of times. I’m just hoping Rod doesn’t show up. He called to tell me Symmetry still has Cynda writing our songs. So at least she didn’t get fired.”
“That’s good, although I hate they won’t be our songs.”
“I’m not sure they won’t. I’m still hoping it’ll all work out.”
“Well, I’m gonna get back to Sapphire now, before Fury starts hitting on her again and I have to take him out.”
“Oh fuck no. No more fights while we’re on tour.”
Laughing, Wrath closed the door saying, “no problem.”
I wanted to talk to Joe but I also needed to find Flame. Flame, Fury, and Rage were all playing poker at the table. Pulling out a chair I joined them, it’d been a long time since I just hung with the guys. Too fucking long. No wonder things had gotten so out of control, everything had changed too fast.
“Deal me in will ya?”
“Fuck no. You’re lowering yourself to play with us?”
“Don’t give me no shit, Rage, or I’ll kick your ass.”
“Right. Sure you will. You’re getting soft, bro, that’s what girls do to you.”
Laughing, I had to agree. Cyn had definitely found the part of me I’d kept hidden since I was a little kid. It still fuckin’ surprised me it didn’t hurt as much to let it show as I thought it would.
“Maybe, but I’ll still take all your money.” After a few hands I’d kept my word and won three of the five hands we’d played. “What, no smartass remarks now?”
“Nope, I’m out.”
“Me too,” Fury said. “I forgot how fucking lucky you are all the time.”
“Not luck, I can just fucking bluff really well. I know your tells.”
“You don’t know mine,” Flame said.
“Like hell I don’t.”
“What is it then?”
“Nice try, I’m not fuckin’ falling for that. Trust me, I know them all, even Wrath’s.”
“You know my what?”
“Your tell.”
“Bullshit.”
“Well if you weren’t in there fuckin’ around I’d show you.”
“Go to hell, asshole. You’re just jealous,” he said as he grabbed a couple of bottles of water and went back to his cubby.
Flame shook his head. “I don’t know how he can spend so much time in there, it’s too fuckin’ small.”
Fury and Rage agreed. Sometimes I felt bad about having the room but they’d said since I was the leader I should have it. I was hoping soon I’d have someone sharing it with me, and that reminded me of why I’d sat down to begin with.
“Hey, Flame. Have you talked to Michelle lately?”
Fury laughed, “You’re fuckin’ kidding me right? He’s on the phone with her for hours every day.”
Flame’s face actually got red. I definitely needed to spend more time with them. “Really? Do you have any plans to see her?”
“We’re trying to work it out for her to come down this weekend while we’re in Georgia, but she wasn’t sure she could leave Cynda.”
“Can you ask her to do me a favor?”
“I can ask but I’m not sure she will. She’s pretty pissed at you.”
“I’m not surprised, but I really need this.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Great. See if you can get her to send you the lyrics Cynda wrote for my new song. I want to do it while we’re here, then she has to get Cynda down here for the show.”
“Fuck, dude, you don’t want much do you?”
“Hey, dream big or give up, right?”
They all nodded, it’s been our saying since we’d first decided to start a band.
Next, I went to talk to Joe. He was driving and I kept it short, but he’d gotten a hold of Preston who’d agreed to do what I asked. Everything was falling into place, now we just had to make sure Cynda was here on Saturday night.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cynda
Michelle had gone back home on Tuesday and it’d been only me and Sylvester since. It was quiet, especially after life on the tour bus. It was surprising how fast I’d gotten used to having so many people around…especially one person. Chaos still called every day but I
wasn’t ready to pick up, or listen to his voicemail. Even if he apologized, what would it matter?
No we hadn’t been together very long, but he’d gotten through to that spot inside that no one else had, and I thought I’d been important to him too. For him to not even listen to what I had to say hurt so damn bad. The mirror showed me my bruises and scratches were healing, but my inner pain wasn’t going anywhere. My heart still felt like it had a gaping hole that bled pain all day. I even woke myself up crying for him last night. I wondered if I was going to need therapy.
It probably didn’t help that I had to work on the songs. Every time I listened to his music it brought it all back, I finally knew how horrible salt in a wound felt, since I was currently living it.
I had torn the lyrics to the new song out of my book and given them to Michelle. I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away but I didn’t want to see them either. I’d decided if he hadn’t submitted them to the record company, it wasn’t my job to do it. So I focused on the music he’d written and tweaked his words.
The songs were great, I hated to admit it, and I couldn’t figure out why Symmetry wanted them changed. I made small changes here and there but even after spending just a few days with the band, I felt like I had a pretty good idea of who they really were and how the songs should be. I hoped when they recorded them they liked what I’d written.
I wanted to stop caring about them—about him—but I couldn’t. The hollow feeling inside wouldn’t go away. I’d spoken to Eric/Flame a few times and he seemed really nice. I knew Michelle had it bad for him and I was praying he wouldn’t hurt her. He was asking her to come to their show in Georgia on Saturday. I told her to go but she said not without me.
How could she ask me to go there, to see him, or even that little bitch? Yeah, I’d seen how Sweets had tried to fix things, but she’d fucked it up so bad I didn’t think it could ever be fixed.
I had the next song queued up on my iPad and was just about to hit play when my cell phone rang. I almost didn’t bother to look but I was glad I did when I saw it was Joe. We’d spoken once a day since I’d left, he kept trying to talk to me about Chaos but I didn’t want to hear it. We did talk about the lawyer though.
“Hi, Cynda.”
“Hey, Joe. How are you?”
Taming Chaos Page 15