by BlaQue
I stared at her in horror as she casually talked about having an abortion like it was as easy as returning a pair of shoes that she didn’t want. I felt sick to my stomach; and wanted to grab hold of that bitch and punch her in her mouth for being so trifling. But who was I to talk? I was a murderer too. The only difference was she didn’t see it that way. She looked at the abortion as a method of birth control. I looked at it as her being just as devious as I was. It was all murder in my eyes. A life was going to be taken. It didn’t matter how it was going to be done. Just because the baby didn’t have a name didn’t mean there wasn’t going to be a crime committed in that clinic. I looked around at the faces of the women and knew that we were truly some fucked up creatures.
“Ms. York. Chyan York,” the nurse called my name from a doorway.
I was glad she had called my name when she did because I was two seconds from bolting to the door and saying, fuck it!
I followed the nurse to a little room where they did an ultrasound and I found I was three months pregnant. I cried watching the little gas bubble float around on the screen. By process of elimination due to the time line, the man I had believed had killed my sister was not the one who had fathered this child. Dread was eliminated from planting the seed.
The nurse handed me a paper cup with water and two pain tablets.
“Why do I have to take this now?” I asked the nurse.
“It keeps the pain down to a minimum when you wake up. I see you opted to be asleep while having the procedure done. It is easier that way,” she said.
I guess she could see the concern on my face.
“You know it is not too late to change your mind honey. It is never too late! You can take your stuff and go if you want to.” the middle-aged black nurse urged.
It was as if she could read my mind. I wanted to tuck my tail between my legs and run. Instead I stayed. I nodded my head at her and popped the pain pills and chased it with the water.
“I have to do this. I don’t have a choice,” I said weakly.
I hated being so weak. I had prided myself on being strong and now here I was being reduced down to a river of tears.
“I understand darling. Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons, no matter what they be.” the woman said as she left the room.
No sooner had the nurse left before another one came in with a wheelchair. I got off of the table and into the chair. The new nurse, who needed practice on her bedside manners and who was rude as hell, wheeled me to another waiting room.
I was instructed to climb up on a bed. A doctor came in and gave me the run down on what was going to happen. I tuned him out and nodded at him to make him think I understood what he was saying. I sure was glad I had dropped another $350 in order to be sedated. Another doctor and the friendly nurse joined him. She glanced over at me again. Her eyes were begging me not to go through with it. I could see the plea in her eyes. I did my best to ignore her because there was no turning back. It was do or die for me. The nurse started an IV line and the doctor she had accompanied in told me to count to one hundred. The doctor pushed some fluid into the IV line. I got to number fourteen and that is all I remember.
*****
I woke up and my body was in so much pain I cried out for Neko. I screamed for him to come to me. What I got in return were nurses who gave me another shot of morphine. I lay there high, confused and sobbing. I wanted to get up and get far away from this place but I was in no condition to do so. The doctor came in to check on me. He was followed by the same nurse who had been so friendly to me before. This time she avoided all eye contact with me. I could feel the disappointment in her eyes. I knew she wished I had changed my mind before going through with the procedure. This time it was me who looked at her, begging for this woman who knew nothing about me, to forgive me for what I had done.
The doctor wrote me out a few prescriptions and told me that I would be back to my old self in no time. He didn’t know that was the furthest thing from the truth. I was never going to be the same. Not after this shit. Nothing in my world would ever be the same.
I guess it was really imbedded in my blood to be a murderer. I was a natural born killer. It didn’t matter who the mark was. Anything I touched withered and died. I was such a sorry bitch that I had even killed my own unborn child for my own selfish reasons and I felt low behind it. I valued nothing; not even the life I had created.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Rare Essence
“Sweet Miranda”
Neko
I sat in my office wondering if I should call Pinky. She had tried to call me repeatedly for the last four days and I had continued to avoid her. I loved her deeply on a level only she and I could understand, but I couldn’t be 100% sure she wasn’t out to get at me for fucking with Natalie.
Head stuck his head in my office to tell me that he had to leave early. Something about his girl wasn’t sitting to well with him and he wanted to check on her. I hadn’t met the bitch who had tamed him, but I wasn’t going to be a cock blocker either. I couldn’t imagine him with anyone. She would definitely have to be as wild as he is to put up with him. He said he would be back before I was supposed to leave work for the day and that if I needed to leave before my normal time I should hit him on his cell phone.
I let him know that was fine with me and then Head and his girl were out of my thoughts as they drifted to NiQue and her strange behavior that day in the hospital. I hadn’t heard from her since that day. I didn’t have a clue to what the fuck came over her when she found out I had been dating Pinky. She looked wild and confused when she found out, but that shit was for the birds and I wasn’t concerning myself with her or what she thought about who I was fucking.
There still hadn’t been any word from Gatsby and I assumed he had perished in the fire. I had barely gone home during that time, and I didn’t plan on going home if it meant I may run into Pinky.
The office phone rang taking me from my thoughts. I had forgotten that I had let Head leave, which meant the phones were going unanswered.
“Hello this is Neko.” I said.
“Oh, so you can’t answer the phone when I call you on your cell phone, but yo’ ass can answer your office phone! What the fuck is up with that nigga?” Pinky said in a manner that dictated she meant business. From the harshness in her voice I could tell she was pissed. This was not a good sign.
“Hey Pinky. I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls. I’ve been so caught up in some other shit around here that has been demanding my time; I forgot to holla back at you.”
Before I could finish my lie, she cut me off.
“Neko, I want you to know I hate you for not answering my calls. If I didn’t care about you, your ass would have been cancelled a long time ago. You can believe that. You don’t know what I have been through and I will never be able to forgive you for making me go through this shit alone.” she sniffled into the phone.
“Pinky, I am sorry for whatever you are going through, but my receptionist ain’t been in the office in days and no one can find her.” I said trying to let her know I suspected her of killing Natalie. I was trying to get a rise out of Pinky to see if she would let on to the fact that she had killed Natalie.
“I don’t give a fuck about your slut ass receptionist. Neko, you weren’t there when I needed you! I have been calling you, and calling you, because I was pregnant, you selfish bastard!” she screamed at me.
I thought I hadn’t heard her correctly. Did she say she was pregnant?
“Pregnant? Did you say you are pregnant?” I asked her.
Shadow walked into the office and looked at me to make sure everything was ok. I’m sure he was getting used to all of my drama by now. I put my hand up to let him know to stay right where he was and be quiet.
“No. What I said was, ‘I was pregnant!’” she corrected me.
“Pinky what do you mean, was?” I asked confused. My mind was all over the place. Had something happened to her to c
ause her to lose the baby? Had she miscarried?
“I said exactly what you heard. I was—but because your selfish ass ain’t answer the phone, I was forced to handle shit on my own. I didn’t know where we stood, so I handled the situation,” Pinky said. Her voice cracked and I knew she was crying.
“Pinky, I wish you would tell me straight up what you did!”
Shadow’s eyes got big as saucers at the mention of her name. He may have been more uneasy about me speaking to her than I was.
“Neko, I went and had an abortion. I didn’t know what else to do. You didn’t answer the phone and you made me feel like you had cut me off. So I didn’t want to keep a baby from a man who didn’t want its mother. I figured you had moved on, and I didn’t want to raise the baby on my own, so why should I have the burden of being the only one who cared for a child?”
My ears had to have been deceiving me because I knew this bitch hadn’t just said she killed my baby when she hadn’t even bothered to ask me what I wanted to do about it. I knew we weren’t speaking, but Pinky had taken things too fucking far this time! She had made a decision for my life that I wasn’t so sure I approved of. I couldn’t contain my anger. I knew I was dead wrong for what I said next, but I wasn’t able to hold it in.
“You killed my baby? Is there nothing you won’t destroy? You kill niggas for pay; and now you killed my seed just because you had a chip on your shoulder! You killed my baby because I didn’t pick up the fucking phone? You must have lost your fucking mind!” I screamed at her. I knew my words were ripping through her like cannons.
“I lost my mind a long time ago Neko!” she continued to cry.
A part of me wanted to go to her, and a part of me didn’t want to be anywhere near her. I might put my hands on her if I did. She was mad as hell that I hadn’t been there for her and she retaliated by killing my child. She didn’t even wait to hear from me. There was no doubt in my mind now that she had killed Natalie. If she would stoop so low as to take an innocent child’s life to get under my skin, she was more than capable of killing Natalie to fuck with me too.
As far as I was concerned, Pink was a monster and she may have done me a favor by having that abortion. I may have loved her, but some things were unforgivable. Some things you just couldn’t look past. This was one of them.
“Yeah Pinky, that was a choice you made on your own by killing my baby, and that is a decision you will have to live with by yourself!” I shouted into the phone and hung up.
I was pissed that she had killed my baby so easily and didn’t think enough to tell me that she was pregnant. I looked up and Shadow was standing there staring at me. I knew he felt the same way I did about children. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have so many.
“If she was pissed at you before my nigga, you can best believe she fuckin’ hates you now! You better watch your ass slim. You know that old saying, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ I think it is safe to say that bitch is a little more than scorned. She is pissed. There ain’t no telling what she is gonna’ do now,” Shadow said.
I sat there listening to what Shadow was saying and he was right. I may have done some shit I couldn’t undo. The phone rang in my office again. I motioned for Shadow to answer it. I was too mad to talk to anyone. I especially didn’t have anything more to say to Pinky.
“Reynolds’s Rides and Detailing.” Shadow said into my phone.
I watched Shadow closely, waiting for him to give me a sign that it wasn’t who I already suspected it was. Shadow’s face twisted in horror; he hung up the phone and looked at me with a fear in his eyes that no grown man should have.
“Who was that?” I asked him.
“Man, I don’t know who that was. But whoever she is, she ain’t happy. She said she was coming for your ass.”
I was sick of niggas thinking I was a joke. They must have forgotten whose blood ran through my veins. Female or no female, I would take her ass out. Pinky was on some different shit by threatening me. I would kill her ass and not have second thoughts about it! Even though I had settled down and laid low, I was far from a scared ass nigga. If Pinky wanted to take it to the streets with me, then that’s what we would do!
Chapter Thirty-Five
Rare Essence (R.E.)
“Come Back Baby Come Back”
NiQue
I woke up in my old house in NE, Washington, DC. I hadn’t been back here since the shooting of my brother more than a year and a half earlier. No one knew I still had the place. I kept it just in case shit with Dread and I didn’t work out; I wanted to always have some place to lay my head. I was more than happy to have it now.
I couldn’t go home after Dread’s shooting. Pinky could have easily come back and sprayed the place with me and the baby inside. I wasn’t sure if anyone had seen what had happened to Detective Gatsby. If they had, surely they would be looking for me at my house.
I looked around and didn’t see the baby. I went from room to room looking for her. She had to be hungry and wet by now. Why wasn’t she crying?
“She ain’t crying because she ain’t here idiot!” Pajay said annoyed—and as usual—reading my thoughts.
“What do you mean she ‘ain’t’ here? Where is my daughter? What have you done with her?” I asked afraid that Pajay might have killed her. I didn’t put anything past her.
“I swear you are the dumbest bitch on the planet! You can’t remember shit, and you would be nothing without me guiding your footsteps!” she said viciously. “You need to stop playing innocent like you didn’t give me the ok to handle everything. You said you were tired of fucking around with your family, so I left her ass right next to where I left that sorry ass, no good Detective.” Pajay lied.
Her laugh made me cringe as it bounced around in my head.
“Yeah Pajay, I said, ‘my family’ meaning Neko; not my daughter! Do you know Dread would kill me himself if something happened to her?”
“I am sure she is fine! We left her at the hospital in the parking lot. I am sure whoever found that private dick, found that annoying ass baby too! And Dread...please! You better pray he makes it out of ICU first; and then you can worry about the police not hauling him straight to jail before he even gets released from the hospital. You got other shit to worry about besides that kid. Like I said, ‘she’s safe!’” she scoffed. “You couldn’t exactly handle this ‘other’ business dragging that funny looking kid around; now could you?” she asked.
I don’t know why, but I knew she was lying about my daughter. There really wasn’t anything I could do about it. I had to hope that Pajay had left her where she said she had and hopefully the baby would be ok.
“So what’s next? If we started this shit, I guess we should finish it,” I said defeated.
I would have to worry about trying to get my daughter later. Pajay was right; I couldn’t get at Neko and Pinky if I had to worry about the baby getting in the way. Dread was in the hospital. He would never know what was happening anyway. I just prayed that I would have her back before Dread was healthy enough to realize that she was gone.
“I am glad to see you’re seeing things my way! Now who would you like to settle the score with first…your dear ole brother, or his bitch?” Pajay laughed maniacally.
Just thinking about Pinky suffering made feel better about not having my daughter. Pinky had pulled up on the wrong nigga on the wrong day, and she was gonna feel some heat behind it! I don’t give a fuck what her reasons were for shooting Dread; she had officially started a war.
“I think we should do something special just for the two of them! They need to die slow!” Pajay said. Her laughter echoed around in my head and it was causing it to throb.
For the first time I didn’t stop her, nor did I want to! I wanted her to do whatever she could to make them pay for what they had done to me! I was no longer in the business of forgiving and forgetting and trying to make amends! I was in the business of making those who hurt me suffer. I guess genetics are a mutha fucker!
I picked up the phone and called Neko’s office. He was going to feel just what I had felt my entire life; pain. I thought he would have been the one to answer the phone being that Pajay had taken his receptionist’s pretty tongue and her life too. Neko was just like our father as far as I was concerned. He didn’t care about anything unless his dick was involved. He had shown me his true colors and I could not allow him to be spared this time. He had betrayed me, and now he was going to get a better understanding of the term Bad Blood.
I let the phone ring several times. I almost hung up when that fool Shadow answered. I figured I would leave the message with him and he would relay it to Neko. It didn’t matter who got the message as long as I got my point across. I was coming for them and they had better get an army if they thought they were going win this battle.
“Fuck them all!” I said aloud.
“You finally have the right fucking idea! It took your simple ass long enough to see things my way!” Pajay said.
I laid my body back across the bare mattress in the house where I grew up and began to drift off into an uneasy slumber. I had a mission that was far more sinister than anything Pajay and I had ever pulled off before, and I needed to be well rested and alert to make sure this went off without any issues. One slip up, and not only would I expose my ugly truths, but I would end up either caged or dead. I had no room for errors.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Northeast Groovers (N.E.G)
“Hell Mary”
Pinky
I would have never thought Neko would have treated me so cold. After the way the conversation had gone earlier, I didn’t regret my decision to terminate the pregnancy. Neko had hurt me and I took pleasure in hurting him back. Fuck him! I was finished fucking with Neko. There was no use in crying over it. I had done what I had done and there was no taking it back even if I wanted to. The baby was gone and I felt empty and cold inside.