by BlaQue
I was in my favorite spot, a café by the harbor in Oxon Hill, Maryland. I had called him to come and meet me. I didn’t want to be alone. I had been feeling lonely since I decided to end the pregnancy. Being cooped up in my home had led to nothing more than me crying for far too long. I was sick of crying. It was time for me to get back to business. I had been neglecting contracts and I hadn’t been back to the club since my sister’s death. It was high time I shook all that shit off and got back to my grind. I had never been a weak woman and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let the shit happening to stop me from doing what I did best.
I blamed the pregnancy for my inability to finish my personal mission of making sure someone would be burying Dread. I needed to see Head. He was the only person I knew that was willing to go all in with me on killing Dread, or anyone else for that matter.
While I was deep in thought Head pulled up on his bike. Damn he was sexy! All I could do was think how glad I would be once I was no longer under a doctor’s care, and he could fuck me and make me forget all about the feelings I had for Neko. My saying was that in order to get over a man, the best thing to do was to get on or under another one!
“What’s up Pinky?” Head said kissing my forehead.
“Nothing much, I wanted to spend some time with you!” I said smiling at him.
Head looked bored and uninterested in me saying that I wanted to spend time with him. I wondered what that was about.
“Did I catch you at a bad time? Were you busy? If so, you could have just told me that and what I wanted to say to you could have waited,” I said. I was trying to keep him on my side of the fence. I needed him to help me eliminate Dread.
“Naw, you are good. I was at work though. You know I took this legal gig and I’ve been kind of busy with that,” he said.
“Well, we needed to talk about finishing that job we started. We cannot leave it unfinished. Too much is at stake if we do.” I said reading his face to see if he was following me.
“I got you Pink. I need to holla at Gat to see if he can get us into the hospital without anyone knowing what we are up to. You know they might have that nigga under lock and key for all this shit he is twisted up in. We can’t just go in with guns blazing in a hospital. We will end up getting knocked for sure,” he said pausing when the waitress came to take his order.
“I don’t want that detective involved in this Head. He knows too much about me. I got the feeling he can’t be trusted.” I said truthfully
Something about that Detective was more than sneaky; it was downright devious.
“Well, how do you suppose we get in that hospital and get at your boy then?” He asked. He sat there waiting on me to respond and I had no answer. I had no idea how I was going to get past the guards I knew were protecting Dread. After all, he had just survived someone trying to murder his ass, and they didn’t know who or why. It only made sense that he would be in protective custody at the hospital. I thought it all over for a few moments longer and decided that maybe having Head contact Gatsby wasn’t such a bad idea.
“Go ahead and make the call and see what he is willing to do to help us get at Dread.” I said giving in.
Head seemed like he didn’t care either way. His eye was trained on the waitress who had taken our order. She was giving him suggestive glances and he was doing the same in return like I wasn’t even there.
In the past few weeks I hadn’t been myself. Before all of this shit happened, I wouldn’t have cared about him looking at another female. I was never the jealous type. Now I was feeling insecure. Was he looking at her because he thought she was prettier than me? Was her ass phatter than mine? It wasn’t just my appearance that I was feeling inadequate about; it was also my ability to handle a job. I had fucked up and Dread was still alive. I had never missed a target before and now was a horrible time to start missing my mark!
“You know you could at least wait to eye fuck that bitch once I leave the table!” I said. I was feeling insecure and unsure about myself and his behavior wasn’t helping.
I was so sick of niggas playing with me. First the shit with Neko, and now Head was ass watching right in front of me like I wasn’t even sitting there. I was so upset with his blatant disrespect that leaving was the best thing for me to do if I didn’t want to wind up with a murder beef. I gathered my shit and got up without saying a word; leaving him and his roaming eye having his ass sitting right there. Had I continued to sit there, I may have gotten mad enough to blow his head clean off in a café full of patrons.
I had made up my mind that I was going to have to do this shit on my own. I was a loner before Neko and Head; and I could do it all over again. This emotional shit wasn’t me and it was leaving me feeling vulnerable. Anyone could catch me slipping giving the way I had been acting lately. I was too wrapped up in this heartfelt shit and it was becoming dangerous. I was going to get my head blown off if I kept this weak shit up!
I wanted the old me back. I missed the bitch that didn’t care about anything but making money and pleasing herself. Once I started caring about niggas who didn’t give a damn about me that is when my life got turned upside down. I needed to get my shit on track and stay in my own lane. I wasn’t meant to love anyone. This “love” shit only complicated the simplest of things. I guess that is why I had never let anyone get too close to me, and I never got too close to anyone else for fear of them using that shit against me. That was just what had been happening lately. I let my guard down, and Neko fucked me over. I started to feel something other than lust for Head, and he was too wild to care about anything!
My mind was spinning with thoughts of how much I was allowing things to fall apart all because I had been stupid. In the midst of cursing myself out, I hopped on my bike and was about to pulled on my helmet. Just as I was prepared to ride off, Head caught up to me before I could pull away.
“Pink what the fuck is up with you? You have been tripping lately. What’s wrong? You ain’t ever tripped off of nothing like this before.” he said looking at me as if I were a science experiment.
“Nothing is wrong baby. As a matter of fact, everything is just right. I had to check myself. I will get up with you later.” I said icily.
I pulled my helmet on and sped off leaving him standing right there with a confused look on his face. It was time for me to take my life back! Those bum niggas had done enough of playing with my heart, and as far as I was concerned, they could all go straight to hell!
*****
I had spent the remainder of my day trying to figure out where to start. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do next. I drove to the 5th District to see if I was able to catch up to Detective Gatsby, but the place was chaotic. There were people busying themselves with the clean-up of the fire. I thought maybe I would find him out there assisting with the clean-up effort. After an hour or so of no Detective Gatsby, I gave up. I hated being around that many law enforcement officials.
I tried his phone over and over and there was no answer. It was like he had dropped off of the face of the map. I didn’t know any other way to reach him besides Head; and there was no way I was going to ask him to help me again! I was through with being a weakling. No matter how bad I didn’t want to admit it, I was going to need help with locating Dread; and once I found him, I would need help gaining entrance to wherever he was.
I found myself a few times wanting to pick up the phone and dial Head, but I stuck to my guns and decided against it. I was just going to have to come up with another way to get this shit done. Either I was going to have to wait until the good detective got back to me, or I was going to have to play nice with Head since he seemed to have a direct line in reaching Detective Gatsby. Until I decided which was better for me to do when it came to waiting it out or swallowing my pride and calling Head, my hands were tied. My ego wouldn’t allow me to contact Head; so I waited—unbeknownst to me—on a call that was never going to come.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Rare Essence (R.E.)
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br /> “Give Um’ What They Want”
Neko
Head came back to the office right before it was time to close up the shop for the day. He looked like he had been through some shit, so I let the young nigga go home. He said his lady friend was driving him crazy. She had been acting strange and he didn’t know why.
I could understand where he was coming from. All the females in my life, past and present, were fucked up; from my sister YaYa, to Pinky, to Natalie, to NiQue. They all were fucked up. Oh, and we couldn’t forget my mother who had her fair share of shit too. All of the bitches I knew had issues. I ain’t talking minor issues either. They all had some serious shit that needed to be worked out. Therapy may have helped them, but even that wasn’t guaranteed.
I chuckled to myself thinking about that part in “Baby Boy” where the big head ass nigga said that women were unstable creatures. He spoke nothing but the truth! They were always moody, always whining about something, and they could be deadly if you didn’t handle them with care. As soon as I thought about anything being deadly, I immediately started thinking of Pinky. I started to become enraged all over again. I wanted to kick myself for not telling Head I had an issue that we might have to address.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone walking down the hallway towards my office. I instantly stuck my hand in the top drawer of my desk and wrapped my hand around the cool steel of my Beretta. I never pulled it out; I just waited to see who was coming down the hall. If it wasn’t anybody I cared to see, I wouldn’t hesitate to squeeze the trigger. Fuck what ya heard!
The uninvited guest stuck his head in the door and I pulled the gun and trained it on his dome.
“What the fuck is wrong with you man?” Shadow said in a high-pitched voice.
I had obviously scared the shit out of him with a gun aimed at his head. Fuck that, he had scared the shit out of me as well. I let out a sigh of relief. Had I not been thinking, and been on some ole “shoot first” type shit instead, Shadow would have been a done deal!
“Nigga, what the fuck is wrong with you creeping through here? I thought you were gone for the day. I thought I was alone, so I had to be prepared” I said putting the gun back in the desk drawer.
That is when I noticed Shadow was carrying a baby carrier.
“Oh hell naw nigga, I know damn well you ain’t get another bitch pregnant and now you are babysitting and bringing babies to work!” I laughed.
Shadow didn’t laugh with me. He didn’t even crack a smile.
“No, this is a special delivery just for you,” he said sitting the carrier on the desk.
“You must have lost your mind! I don’t have any babies!”
“I never said it was your baby, I said it is a special delivery for you,” he said repeating himself.
I was baffled.
“What the fuck are you talking about Shadow? If it ain’t my kid, and it ain’t your kid, whose kid is it, and where the fuck did it come from and why is it here? Don’t give me no shit about no stork or no crazy shit like that either.” I said trying to diffuse the situation.
“Man you need to stop fucking around!” Shadow said seriously.
I peeked inside of the carrier and at first glance I just shrugged. It was just a baby. I looked at the baby again and noticed something I hadn’t seen. The baby had grey eyes just like mine. She had flaming red hair and she looked like a mixture of my late sister YaYa and Dread. I felt like I was hyperventilating. I sat down and leaned back in the chair and tried to calm down. I gripped the sides of the chair tightly and tried to breathe as normally as I could.
“Shadow, whose damn baby is that and where the fuck did it come from?” I asked him trying to catch my breath.
“Boss, you ain’t ever going to believe this shit! I almost got all the way to Tya’s house and found out I left my keys to my baby momma Marie’s house at the front desk. I turned around and came back here to get them. I pulled up out front and your girl NiQue was peeling out from the parking lot. I saw the carrier on the steps. Who thought that bitch would be crazy enough to leave a baby out front? Yo’ when I got to the steps, I had no idea there would be a sleeping baby inside! What kind of shit is ole girl on? She got to be on something for her to leave a fucking baby on the steps of a business like that!” Shadow said getting hyped over the situation.
“I don’t know man. She was acting crazy that day in the hospital. Maybe the shit going on with Dread is making her bug out,” I said. I rubbed my temples. NiQue really had lost her mind. She left her daughter on the steps of my business like she was trash. I knew she was going through it with Dread, but to drop a baby off like it was a package was ridiculous.
“What are you going to do with the baby?” Shadow asked me.
“There has to be a reason that she left her here with me. I guess I am babysitting until I can find her crazy ass mother,” I responded.
“You don’t know shit about babies. Do you even know how to change or feed her?” Shadow questioned me.
“Shadow, my dude, that is what you are here for! All those damn kids you got, I am sure you can give me a crash course in taking care of this one until I find her mother.” I laughed uneasily.
*****
Shadow showed me the basics of taking care of a baby. I was nervous. I didn’t have a clue about what I was supposed to do. I wanted him to take her, but what was he going to do with another baby? He already had enough of his own to take care of. If he brought home another baby his girl might flip the fuck out; whether it was his or not. That was Shadow’s pattern every few months, he would turn up with another kid and Tya would kick his ass out. She would take him back, but not before he had spent several nights sleeping in the office.
I gathered my up my things, grabbed the baby, locked up the office and left. I felt so awkward with a baby in my care. I made a quick stop at CVS and got what I thought I would need for taking care of her until I could locate her crazy mother. Then I headed to my house. In doing so, I let my guard down. I had forgotten about the threats Pinky had been making because I was so focused on taking care of the baby.
I never even knew I was being followed.
After several hours of trial and error with trying to feed the baby and change her, I finally got her fed. I had to call Shadow a good four times just so he could walk me through the process of how to put a diaper on her. Not to mention the fact that she peed on everything during my attempts. I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I gave her a bath and put her down for the night.
As I was watching the baby sleep it dawned on me that I had never seen Dread and NiQue’s daughter before now. It was eerie looking at a baby that reminded me so much of my sister. Sure she looked like her father, but there was no mistaking who she really favored. She favored YaSheema. It was like looking at a miniature version of my sister.
I tried calling NiQue to find out what the fuck was up with her, but she didn’t answer. I waited on the voicemail to pick up because I had a lot to say to her ass for leaving her daughter at my shop. I didn’t mind keeping her, but the way she went about it was just trifling and she was going to hear about it too!
“Aye, yo NiQue, what the fuck is up with you leaving a baby on my property like this? Look…take whatever time you need to do whatever it is you need to do, but I wanted you to know that was some heartless shit you just pulled! What kind of mother does some shit like that? You are lucky we got some kind of bond or I would have dropped her off somewhere and called them people on you! Man, hit me when you get yourself together. The baby is fine and you will be lucky if you ever see her again at the rate you are going!” I said slamming the house phone down on the cradle. I flopped down on the bed hard; causing the baby to stir. I couldn’t figure out how her mother could just drop her off and not look back. She hadn’t even bothered to call to check on her daughter.
“Some fucking parents you got baby girl.” I said to the baby who had returned to a peaceful slumber on my king size bed.
It wa
s by sheer chance that Shadow had seen NiQue leaving, or we might have never known whose kid she was. I couldn’t help but wonder if NiQue had snapped. Had she lost her damn mind leaving her daughter exposed to the elements?
Seeing the baby sleeping made me think of Pinky and our baby that she had aborted. I started to call Pink and try and work shit out with her, but I wasn’t so sure she would be receptive of my call being that our last conversation wasn’t so pleasant. After thinking about it for a few minutes I swallowed my pride because I really did miss ole girl. I didn’t know if she was the one who was out to get me or not, but I dialed her number anyway. She answered on the first ring.
“Pinky, please let me say what I need to say first ma. I know I said some really nasty shit to you the other day, and for that, I apologize. I couldn’t believe the shit you were telling me. The whole thing with you and the baby had my mind fucked up. I can’t blame anyone but myself for what you had to do. My own insecurities were keeping me from being there for you when you needed me the most.”
“Neko, I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you first about the baby, but you wouldn’t answer me when I tried to reach out to you. I didn’t want to be alone raising a baby. I ain’t too good at caring for myself; I knew I would be a mess trying to take care of a baby alone,” she sniffled.
I felt so bad for not being there for her. I put all of my suspicions of her to the side and threw caution to the wind.
“Pinky, do you mind stopping through? I think we need to talk about this face to face. I don’t want to discuss this over the phone.” I said hoping she would accept my invitation.
“I will be on my way in a few minutes,” she said.
“Good, I will be here waiting for you.”
“Hey Neko…I love you,” Pinky said.
“I love you too Pinky.” I said as I hung up the phone.
I was excited about seeing her. I really did love her. I prayed that we could work out our differences and that she wasn’t the one who had killed Natalie; mostly because I really wanted to be with shorty. Not having her around was fucking with me.