Forgiving Eve: A Novel

by Kathryn Hewitt

  So I slammed the door on my thoughts and instead focused on keeping up with Jack and not tripping on my own feet. I definitely was not focusing on how his butt looked in his PJ pants. Definitely not.

  As we were walking, I noticed we were headed to an area of campus that I hadn’t really investigated. Leila and I pretty much hung out in the same areas: the smoking bench, the picnic bench where no one else seemed to hang, a few more populated spots like outside the Caf and the area where they’d had our ‘reward campfire’. I had my spot by the tree outside of the art room, but otherwise that was about it. Most other areas were either highly occupied by the young kids, yuck, or were close to Admin.

  Or Irma and Richard’s offices. No thanks.

  So as Jack led us past Admin, which I thought was ballsy seeing as, although we weren’t technically breaking the rules by being up, we probably stood out and looked suspicious, he rounded the last building and stopped. I narrowly missed running into the back of him. Stopping with an inch to spare between us, I heard his laughter although he didn’t turn around. Bastard. He probably did that on purpose.

  While I was mentally picturing the many torturous punishments I would like to inflict on him, he reached back and grabbed my hand, tugging me forward. Shit, how did he do that? I guess I needed to get out of my head and start paying better attention. Then Jack and his viper-like reflexes wouldn’t take me by surprise so often.

  I realized again that I’d been so focused on being indignant that he’d latched onto me without warning, that I failed to notice that we were now up against a fence. It was chain link and had barbed wire running along the top. I stifled a laugh. They really were scared of us escaping.

  “It’s funny what fear will drive you to do, isn’t it Eve?” I stopped laughing. I hated the way he did that. He spoke as if he were referencing what was happening in the here and now, but it always also sounded like he was referring to something else, prodding at something deeper and more significant.

  Stupid Jack. God he got under my skin.

  With that, he pushed at a panel of chain link and it unfurled outwards. Apparently there was a weakness in the fence and Jack knew about it. It made me wonder what other weakness he was aware of.

  Holding it open, he urged me through, not following until I was safely outside and far enough from the fence that should it snap back, it wouldn’t harm me. Always the gentleman. Slipping through himself, Jack rearranged the metal linkage so as not to give away the flaw in the fence should someone come by. Then he turned and grinned a Cheshire Cat smile at me, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket once again.

  “Welcome home, Evelyn.” What the fuck? How the hell did he know that was my name? Then he cracked up. God knows what expression I was wearing but I suspected that I was being read like a book. “Don’t worry, Eve, I just heard Irma say that we were expecting a new camper, an Evelyn Harris. I am not as in the know as you fear.” With that he turned and stalked away, leaving me to decided if I should follow him or not. I could turn back around and headed back into camp, or I could make a break for it and never look back. That’s probably what I should do.

  Instead I followed Jack. Just like he knew I would.

  Rat Bastard.

  He marched up forward until we’d reached a meadow area at the mouth of a crop of trees. A mini forest, almost. I still wasn’t sure what he had in mind until he brought me up to the edge of the tree line, stopping before we hit the large Oak trees. Then he reached back and, once again, grabbed my hand, pulling me down as he settled into the meadowland.

  I plopped down, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them. I refused to meet his eyes. This whole thing had been unexpected and strange, so you’d think I’d be into it, but the reality was that I didn’t like surprises. I really didn’t like people touching me unexpectedly and I certainly didn’t like being so out of control that I had no idea where I was going or what was going to happen.

  It touched a nerve.

  So I did what I do best, I recoiled and crawled back inside myself. I reminded myself that I was only ever safe when it was just me, so I needed to stop allowing other people into my life and around me. As I lay my cheek down onto my knees, I tried to steady my breathing. I told myself that this was just Jack, that I was tough now and in control, all the while trying to remind myself that I didn’t even feel anymore so why was I panicking?

  “Eve,” Jack said softly. I couldn’t look at him.

  “You can relax. It’s just me.” Who was he? Jack. I knew him but I didn’t know him. Yet he always seemed so intuitive when it came to me.

  I didn’t respond.

  Leila wouldn’t have minded, in fact she’d have reveled in it.

  Jack, not so much.

  “Seriously. Get out of your head.” With that, he was suddenly kneeling in front of me, resting two fingers on my chin as he lifted it gently up and away from my knees. He had my head up, but I refused to look at him. Then he was delicately prying my white knuckled grip from around my legs. Once my hands were free, he grasped them and then tucked them into my lap, never once touching anything but my hands in the process.

  “Why did you ask me to come with you?” I finally looked at him, meeting his piercing blue eyes.

  “Because. And I knew you weren’t asleep. Besides, you could be a little grateful that I’m sharing this with you. I’ve never brought anyone here before.” He held my gaze. I focused on calming my emotions so that my eyes stayed soft and grey.

  “It’s beautiful.” It really was. The meadow was full of high grass and dandelions, weeds and lush green ground cover. So natural and so free. I longed to be like this meadow. And with the grove of trees as a backdrop, it was truly idyllic.

  “It is. It’s about time you opened your eyes.” Huh? “Eve, you’ve been here, what….a month or so?” I tried to stop myself but I nodded imperceptibly. “If you want me to tell you to stop fighting everything, I won’t. If you want me to tell you to start fighting everything, I won’t. All I can say is that you seem like an interesting person.” Ok, that was the most answer-free string of sentences I’ve ever had the privilege of being audience to.

  But I didn’t want answers…did I?

  “How did you know I could play guitar?” Maybe I did want answers.

  Jack’s sapphire eyes glowed for half a second.

  “You are amazing. I wanted to tell you.”

  “You didn’t answer me.” Nice try buddy.

  “True. But I know you will call me out, so I don’t go into things blindly when I’m around you. I just wanted to tell you how beautifully you played.”

  “Who are you?”

  “Jack Wilson.” There was a long pause. “Fine…If you want to get technical, John Stephen Wilson. People call me Jack.” He shot me his winsome smile as he held out his hand. I ignored it.

  “Jack…” I’d never met someone who both made me want to spend more time with them as well as NO time with them. He was so contradictory that it made me want to scream.

  “Eve…” He smirked.

  “Answer my question.”

  “Well, I’m pretty close with Irma and Richard. If you’re worried I read your file, I haven’t..”

  “JACK.” My irritation was escalating.

  “Hey.” He held up his hands in surrender. “Richard said you were coming and that you’d be here long enough to transition to participant, so he was trying to find the right niche for you. He mentioned that you were musical.”

  I didn’t comment. How close was he to Richard and Irma that they were discussing me around him? And how much did they say?

  “Truth?” Jack asked.

  “Truth.” This was a response I could provide.

  “I was intrigued by this newcomer who was artistic and musical. So I asked what they meant by musical. They said you played a few instruments but they didn’t know which ones. That part hadn’t been included in your file.”

  “And?” I knew I was red but I needed to know what else they
’d told him.

  “And I went out on a limb. For all I knew you were a Tuba player, but I decided to take a risk. I figured that if you didn’t play, you’d balk at the drum circle and head back to the cabin. Instead you did exactly what I’d hoped you’d do. You took the guitar and you played the ever loving life out of it.” Oh. So he didn’t necessarily know everything about me. I felt myself relaxing imperceptibly. “You know, Eve, it took balls to get up there and play in front of everyone.” I must have misinterpreted his expression because for a second it looked like he was looking at me with admiration.

  I started absently braiding my hair into a side braid. Halfway through I stopped, my fingers frozen. I hadn’t done that since before. I used to do it all the time when I felt uncomfortable from praise. I’d focus on my hair and hope it distracted me as well as whoever was complimenting me. Jack was watching me and I felt like I had to say something before my cheeks started to flush. “Yeah, well I have a huge pair.” Jack suddenly laughed, the sound loud and hearty.

  “Oh Eve.” I wouldn’t look at him. I was too uncertain; terrified that he knew about my past, terrified that I was allowing someone else in, terrified by everything that had occurred in the last few days. What happened to the numb and unfeeling Eve? Come back, I silently pleaded.

  We just sat there, the silence thick between us. Around us, the birds were singing and nature was coming alive to meet the morning, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak despite the sneaking suspicion that Jack was waiting for me to. Finally unable to take it, I stood up.

  “Off so soon? I thought you’d like a reprieve from the dullness of our everyday lives. Was I wrong?” I shook my head.

  “Jack,” I said softly, looking at him. “I don’t know what you want from me. What do you expect from me?” My voice was hollow. He rose to his feet, facing me.

  “Eve, I don’t want anything from you. And like with everything in my life, my expectations are low. I just thought we could be friends.” He sounded a little wistful and I was suddenly feeling a little badly that I was making this so hard for him.

  “I don’t have friends.” It sounded much worse aloud that it usually sounded in my head.

  “Ok.” Jack just shrugged like it made no difference to him, but for some reason I suspected otherwise. “Leila is your friend.” He wasn’t looking at me when he said it, but his tone was matter of fact. “I don’t do friends either, Eve. That’s why I thought we’d get along.” He still wasn’t looking at me.

  “Leila is your friend,” I parroted, but I said it in all seriousness. Jack laughed a little bitterly.

  “I think Leila is drawn to people like us. She feeds off the energy we put out.”

  “Are we the same, Jack? You say ‘people like us’ as if we fall into the same category.”

  “Aren’t we?” His vibrant blue eyes swung towards me, clashing with my grey ones.

  “Leila likes me.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to state this, but I didn’t like what his statement about Leila made me feel. Like she only associated with me because of my loose screws and not because of anything having to do with me. Why I’d care, I’m not sure. Like Jack had said, I didn’t do friends.

  “I think she does. I didn’t mean to imply she didn’t. I love how your eyes burn like quick silver when you get upset.” Um, what?

  “You are very hard to follow, Jack Wilson.” His serious expression flipped from one of utmost seriousness to one of playfulness, a smile taking over his face.

  “And yet you do it so well, Evelyn Harris.” This guy was nuts. It seemed like all the good-looking ones were.

  “Don’t feel too proud of yourself, I’d probably follow a rabbit down a rabbit hole if he caught me this early in the morning.” Jack laughed, his eyes dancing.

  “See, it’s not so hard to be friends.” He grabbed my hand again and pulled me back down, tugging me so that instead of facing him we now sat side by side.

  We sat like that for another half an hour, not speaking, just sitting. I wondered what Jack was thinking about, but I didn’t ask. It felt nice just sitting there in silence. Not uncomfortable like I would have thought, but nice.

  Finally Jack stood up and stretched, his hoodie lifting just enough for me to see a strip of his tan stomach right above the waistband of his Pajama pants. I forced myself to look away and hoped he hadn’t seen me notice it. He reached his hands out to me and I surprised myself back placing mine in his, allowing him to haul me up from the ground.

  “Time to head back, Evie. We’ll be noticed missing soon and I’d rather not have to deal with such inconveniences this early in the morning.” I nodded, noticing he was still holding my hands. Pulling gently, I slipped mine out of his, hoping to avoid any awkwardness. He smiled softly and then began to lead us back to the fence. When we reached the breach in security, he pulled the chain link back for me, again, and I climbed through silently, waiting just on the other side for Jack to follow me in.

  Once we were back inside, he turned to me. “Thanks for coming.” I shrugged. “I’m usually alone so it was interesting to be out there with someone else.” I just nodded. Then we walked back to the bunk. When we reached the door I stopped before opening it and turned to look at Jack, who I was surprised to find standing close behind me. Looking up into his face, I tried to ignore how his eyes felt like they were staring into my soul.

  “Thank you,” I whispered and was rewarded with a ghost of a smile. I then entered the bunk and crawled into my bed, pulling the evil blanket up to my chin and closing my eyes. After lying there a few minutes, I dared to lift my lids enough to glance at Jack’s pallet. He was there, his eyes closed, but I suddenly knew what he meant.

  I knew Jack wasn’t asleep.

  People like us.

  I thought back to our comfortable silence and something struck me. The whole time I’d been with Jack, I’d never once thought about Gideon.

  TWELVE

  “So, hotcakes, you gonna have some shortcakes?”

  “Leila, have you learned nothing since I’ve been here? I choose to play breakfast roulette.” Leila’s peal of laughter echoed throughout the Caf and I fought the urge to cringe. Attention + Eve = Bad News Bears.

  “Yeah, that’s why you always have the most eclectic tray in the whole Dining Hall, not the mention the least appetizing. I get it that you don’t seem to care about food…if I didn’t witness you eating at every meal I’d think you had some kind of eating disorder. As it is, you’re freakishly thin.” Yeah, says the tiny waif girl who resembles a wood nymph. Whatever. According to Leila, and I wish I had documented each of these, I am really tall and rub it in all the time, I flaunt my long legs, I have a great ‘rack’, I should cut my hair because I’m making every other hair on every other person’s head feel inferior, and apparently I’m freakishly thin.

  I’m fairly certain None of that is true. But Leila and I are evolving; I’m starting to understand her better and these are the things she needs to say and that I need to ignore. I’m not quite ready to delve into the psychoanalysis of why she needs to say these things and the underlying meaning behind her need, but we’re making baby steps.

  Thankfully, despite all of my many struggles and manifestations of how screwed up I am, eating was never a thing for me. I eat when I’m hungry. That’s about it. I was a dancer because I think I was genetically blessed with a dancer’s body and a dancer’s metabolism. But if anyone thinks that my biggest concern right now is how I look and how my body looks, they’d be vastly mistaken. Sure, I was a little upset about my hair, but come on. I looked like a total freak. But since I don’t have that great of an appetite anyway, and I’m not exercising At All, I’m not exactly feeling the need to shove the calories in. And at this moment? If I were? I am not quite sure I would care one way or another as to the consequences of such desires.

  “Shoosh!” I whispered loudly, to try to shut her up. I need my food benefactors to be in top form. Yesterday’s lunch was a disaster along the lines of cou
s cous, banana grits, and rice pudding. If I never had another grain again, I’d live a long and happy life.

  “Oh, Eve. And here you think that your love life is a secret!” Leila bellowed in response.

  What. The. Fuck.

  And, non sequitur of the year.

  I felt my face tomato, as I refused to look up from my tray or allow my expression to change. I knew the entire Caf was staring at us- at me- but I pretended like none of this was happening and that the mashed potatoes I’d just acquired were the most interesting thing on earth. What was Leila doing?

  I risked a glance and I had been right; the entire Caf was riveted to us and those who’d finally broken their stare, were whispering furiously. Fabulous. I wanted to crawl into my shell like the true hermit crab I was. Is it too much to ask for a girl to eat lunch in peace? Focusing hard on getting my cheeks to return to their normal pale complexion, I was suddenly thwarted.

  “Hey baby,” a smiling Jack said, as he slipped his arm around my shoulder and gazed down at me with affection. Ok. Twilight Zone? Check. Psycho sorta best friend? Check. Crazed boy with model good looks? Check. Holy Moly this was becoming surreal.

  “Uh. Yeah. Jack, get the fuck off of me.” That may have been harsh. Maybe. “And don’t call me that.”

  “Don’t worry baby, we don’t need to hide what we have.” He kept smiling and had not removed his arm.

  “Jack Wilson, Get. Off.” I hoped I had warning written all over my face.

  “You’re beautiful when you’re upset.” He leaned closer to me before he spoke again. “Your eyes flash, your cheeks flush, the way you bite your lip…” Jack’s face was entirely too close to mine. Wrenching out of his grip, I attempted to pull away entirely but he grabbed my hand, and with the slightest tug, rolled me toward him like some choreographed tango move. We were once again face to face. Chest to chest. Mine was heaving out of frustration and anxiety. “Eve. Relax. You really are a little too tightly wound. Everyone is watching us, I thought we could give them a show. You know how boring it is around here.” A show? Maybe you should have consulted your costar to see if she was available for a live taping.