Seek Me With All Your Heart

by Beth Wiseman

  Emily resumed chopping the apples and hoped her mother would drop the subject of David. “It’s cold in here.” She twisted to look at the propane heater in the corner of the kitchen. “Is the heater on high?”

  “I think so. But it’s mighty cold outside, and this house isn’t insulated as well as it could be.” Mamm walked to the window and peered at her father, Jacob, and Levi, then she leaned down and checked the heater. “It’s on high.” Mamm walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a tub of butter. “I bet it’s really cold at the Stoltzfus haus.” She shook her head as she added butter to the boiled potatoes. “You should see that place. So much work to do. I reckon the cold air is just seeping through the cracks in the walls without insulation.”

  Emily didn’t mention that she’d already seen the inside of the Stoltzfus home the day David gave her a ride home on Sister’s Day. She thought about how unprepared David had been for their buggy ride this past Sunday—and how cold it had been. In her former life, she would have offered a guy like David a portion of her blanket to cover his legs. She’d spent the last three months so afraid of everything and everyone, particularly men, so she couldn’t understand why she’d felt safe with him on a cold, dark night—but not comfortable enough to share the blanket. Especially with a man who told her straight out that he had no interest in dating her.

  DAVID HELD ANNA on his lap in the back of the buggy as Elizabeth sat next to him. He felt ridiculous traveling this way, his parents carting him around. Back home, he would have taken his own buggy, but Lillian had insisted they all ride together on Thanksgiving.

  “This is so nice of Vera to invite us for Thanksgiving.” Lillian smiled at David’s father, but then she scowled. “I can’t imagine having to cook the Thanksgiving meal in that new haus of ours.” She paused as she shook her head. “One of the cabinet doors fell off this morning when I opened it to unload some things.”

  Daed patted Lillian on the leg. “Mei leib, there is much work to do, but someday it will be a fine home.” He smiled, raised his brows. “It sure is big.”

  “A big mess.” Lillian glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “But we are all together and have much to be thankful for.”

  David readjusted Anna on his lap and avoided Lillian’s eyes for fear he’d blurt out an angry comment and ruin her day. As soon as I can, I’m going back to Lancaster County.

  His father eased into the Detweilers’ driveway and maneuvered their gray buggy next to the Detweilers’ black one, which was almost completely covered in snow.

  “Why do they have black buggies and not gray ones like us?” Elizabeth leaned her face closer to the plastic weather protector on her side of the buggy. “And their kapps aren’t like ours either.”

  David had recognized some of the obvious differences when they first arrived. There were only a few buggies on the roads, but he’d noticed the black ones. And prayer coverings in Lancaster County were heart-shaped in the back, unlike the ones Emily, Betsy, and Vera wore, which were squared in the back.

  “Some things might look different, but our belief system and dedication to the Ordnung is the same, Elizabeth,” Daed said before he stepped out of the buggy and began to tether the horse. David waited until Lillian got out of the buggy; then he pushed the seat forward. He set Anna on the ground and then helped Elizabeth out.

  “I hope the Detweilers like my candied sweet potatoes.”

  David held out his hands toward the casserole dish Lillian was carrying. “Here, I’ll carry that.”

  “Okay, danki.” Lillian handed the dish to David. “I’ll get the loaves of zucchini bread out of the back.” Lillian walked to the back of the buggy. “Girls, go on up to the house, and no running.”

  David followed Anna and Elizabeth up the sidewalk. He turned around when he heard hooves clapping against the freshly cleared driveway. It was his Uncle Ivan and Aunt Katie Ann. Thank goodness they were coming, even though it still didn’t seem like Thanksgiving without the rest of his extended family. Anna and Elizabeth knocked on the door, and a moment later Vera swung the door wide.

  “Come in, come in. Warm yourselves by the fire.” Vera motioned the girls inside, then turned to David. “Hello, David. Here, I’ll take that for you.”

  David handed off the sweet potatoes. “Danki for having us.” He glanced past Vera and could see Emily walking toward them.

  “We’re so glad to have you all. Make yourself at home. I’m going to go put this on top of the stove to keep warm.” Vera headed off to the kitchen, brushing past Emily on her way. David noticed something different about Emily right away as she approached him. She looked . . . happy. She was smiling and her expression was welcoming.

  “Hi.” David nervously stuffed his hands into his coat pockets.

  “Hi. Do you want me to take your coat?” Emily held out her hand, so he pulled his hands from his pockets and began unbuttoning. Emily turned toward Elizabeth and Anna. “Girls, Betsy will be down in a minute, or you can go upstairs to her room.”

  Anna and Elizabeth quickly shed their coats, hung them on a rack by the door, and headed upstairs—leaving David and Emily alone. She moved closer to him, which, for reasons he couldn’t explain, made him nervous. He stared at her, mesmerized by the gleam in her eyes and the way the light from the fire glimmered and danced across her ivory skin— which took on a blush the more he gazed at her.

  He stopped staring and quickly took off his coat, and she looked away as she accepted it and hung it on the rack. Avoiding his eyes, she was instantly back to the Emily he’d first met— timid, nervous. David silently blasted himself for making her feel uncomfortable, but being around her was scrambling his logic, making him consider what-ifs.

  “Sorry about the other night, after the singing.” He placed his black felt hat on the rack by the door, alongside his coat.

  Her face brightened. Then she giggled. “You mean that cold, dark ride in the middle of nowhere with only a blanket and portable heater?”

  David smiled back at her. This woman could transform herself back and forth quicker than anyone he’d ever known. Timid and afraid one minute, then glowing, beautiful, and poised the next. He couldn’t help but wonder, and be angry about, what happened to strip her of the qualities she must have possessed on a full-time basis some time ago.

  “Ya. I’ll plan better,” he whispered as he felt his own cheeks take on a flush just as his father and Lillian came into the room.

  Lillian brushed past David and went straight to Emily, a smile stretched wide. “You must be Emily. I’ve heard so much about you.”

  Careful, Lillian. David knew he’d mentioned Emily’s name more than he should have the past few days. Something else that puzzled him. He glanced at Emily to see her smiling. He wasn’t sure if it was from Lillian’s comment, or just because everyone seemed to smile in Lillian’s presence. She had that effect on people.

  “Ya. I’m Emily, and I’ve heard much about you also.” Emily offered to take Lillian’s coat at about the same time Vera walked back into the room, followed by Elam, Jacob, and Levi. Onkel Ivan and Aenti Katie Ann walked in, and Vera made introductions. Then she suggested the men warm themselves in front of the fire while the women put the finishing touches on the meal.

  David took a seat next to his father on the couch. Elam and Jacob each sat in a rocker on the other side of the room. Levi stood near the fireplace with his arms folded across his chest, and Uncle Ivan stood nearby.

  “So, Samuel . . .” Elam began. “I hear there is much work to do at your home.”

  Samuel nodded his head, then grinned. “I reckon that is an understatement.” His father shook his head. “I should have traveled this way before I moved mei family here, and tried to do some work before we made the trip.”

  “We’re a small community, but I know everyone will pitch in to help you. You can count on me and my boys.” Elam nodded toward Jacob and Levi, then smiled. “And that brings me to another point. I know your girls will be starting school soon, and
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we don’t have a schoolhouse. Classes are being taught in a barn right now.”

  David’s father nodded. “I did hear that from Lillian.”

  “Plans are to start construction on a new schoolhouse when the snow begins to clear. And I know you have your hands full with your own place, and—”

  “Count David and me in,” his father interrupted. “We’re available to help.”

  Elam nodded. “We will work some on the schoolhouse and some on your place as the weather allows. We have an Englisch fellow named Arnold who will lead us with the project. He’s a fine carpenter.”

  David watched his father nod, then he glanced around the room at the Detweilers’ cozy den. It was much smaller than the den in their current home, and smaller than the den they’d had in Lancaster County. He wondered how they could possibly hold worship service in such a small house, but then he remembered where he was. Probably weren’t more than forty or fifty people in the district here.

  “We haven’t met the bishop,” David said, glancing from his father to Elam.

  “He’s a fine man.” Elam sat up taller, but Levi grunted. Elam turned toward his son, then narrowed his brows and cut his eyes sharply at him. He turned back to David’s father. “He’s a bit strict, but a gut leader in our small community.”

  “We had a strict bishop in Lancaster County too,” David said as he glanced at his daed, who nodded.

  “Ya, Bishop Ebersol was firm, but he was also a gut leader.”

  David’s chest tightened at the mention of Lancaster County. He wondered how Mammi Sarah Jane was doing, and Noah and Carley, and Mary Ellen, Linda, and all his other relatives he’d been forced to leave behind.

  EVERYONE RAVED ABOUTMamm’s dressing. Everyone but Emily. She couldn’t bring herself to enhance her mother’s zestful spirit, something that Emily resented more with each passing day, as if nothing in their world had changed. Maybe nothing in Mamm’s world had changed, but it certainly had in Emily’s.

  “Lillian, these sweet potatoes are so gut. I must get your recipe.” Mamm took another bite of the candied yams.

  Emily figured Mamm was secretly wondering if everyone liked Lillian’s potatoes more than her dressing. Emily helped herself to more of the potatoes, intentionally bypassing a second helping of dressing. She tried to feel guilty about her attitude toward her mother, but nothing.

  “Betsy, don’t you like turkey?” Lillian eyed Betsy’s plate, filled with dressing, potatoes, candied yams, cranberries, green beans, and everything except for turkey and ham. “Anna and Elizabeth love turkey.” Lillian looked at her plate piled high with turkey and giggled. “We all do.”

  Emily liked Lillian right away. She’d barely spoken to the woman, but there was something about her. David had said everyone loved Lillian, and Emily could see why. Her smile made you want to smile along with her.

  “I’m a vegetarian.” Betsy sat taller, her expression serious.

  Emily watched as Lillian nodded. “I see.”

  “Betsy is not a vegetarian.” Mamm put her full fork down on her plate. “Betsy, get you some turkey or ham. You’ve always liked both.”

  “Not anymore.” Betsy shook her head. “Not since I’ve turned vegetarian. Now I don’t eat meat. I will have less chance of having coronary artery disease, gallstones, cancer . . .” Betsy took a deep breath and continued. “Particularly colon cancer, and kidney stones, and high blood pressure.”

  Emily cupped her hand over her mouth, wondering if Mamm might pass out, then she glanced around the table.

  Most were stifling a grin. Except for her mother and Levi.

  “Betsy, you ain’t got a clue what you’re talking ’bout.” Levi frowned as he reached for another roll.

  Mamm forced a smile. “Betsy likes to read, and sometimes she takes things to heart.” She leaned toward Betsy who was seated on the bench to her right. “I’m sure Betsy will be back to eating meat by the end of the week. Right, sweetheart?”

  “No, Mamm. I’m done with all meat. It will help keep my bowels regular, too, I reckon.”

  Emily burst out laughing. Hard, gut-wrenching laughter that almost caused her to spew her food. Everyone looked shocked at her outburst—except for Lillian, whose eyes were watering in her effort to control herself. But Emily wasn’t sure if Lillian was tickled about Betsy or Emily’s inability to contain herself.

  “Betsy!” Mamm said in a loud whisper. “What is wrong with you? That is not proper talk for the dinner table.”

  Emily glanced at David. His eyes were wide as he glanced around the room, finally locking eyes with Emily. Embarrassment flooded over her. She looked down at her plate and pinched her lips together.

  “I’m going to be a vegetable too!” Anna said proudly.

  “VegeTARIAN.” Betsy shook her head. “Not a vegetable!”

  Mamm forced another smile, but Emily was sure that her mother was ready to yank Betsy from the table and cart her out to the woodpile for a spanking. “That’s enough, Betsy. Eat your—your vegetables.” Mamm lowered her chin.

  Emily glanced around the room again, her gaze landing on David last. Their eyes met for a long moment, then David winked at her. Slow. Intentional.

  She felt her left eyelid wink in response, as if it had a mind of its own. She quickly looked away, unable to fathom why she would act in such a forward manner—so flirtatious, so completely unladylike, and in very poor taste.

  And yet the way David smiled at her sent her heart to racing in a way she hadn’t felt since she was on her date with James, and her visions of that night plowed to the front of her mind. James had seemed like a good man too. How could she trust David? How could she trust anyone?

  Emily excused herself from the table and rushed out of the room.

  Seven

  DAVID SILENTLY CHASTISED HIMSELF FOR WINKING AT Emily. He finished off the last of his turkey and dressing in one fork load, knowing he’d been the one to cause her to bolt from the table. However, she’d returned the gesture by winking back, which was confusing. Emily baffled him, for sure.

  After the meal, all the men retired to the barn while the women gathered in the kitchen. His father and Elam each puffed on a cigar, something David only saw his daed partake in on holidays. Uncle Ivan, David, and Jacob stood near them, but Levi leaned against the far wall, one foot propped up behind him. David noticed him holding an inhaler and caught Levi glaring at him several times. It was quite clear that Levi didn’t like him, but David wondered if Levi liked anyone. He was a sour fellow, unlike Jacob, who was always friendly. But today Jacob seemed antsy, and David suspected he was ready to head to Beth Ann’s house. He’d mentioned several times throughout the course of the day that he would be going there this afternoon.

  David shivered along with the rest of the men inside the cold barn as they all stood around sharing jokes.

  “I’ve got one,” David said as he recalled a joke he’d heard in Lancaster County. “A man once asked God, ‘What’s a million years to You?’ God said, ‘A second.’ Then the man asked God, ‘What’s a million dollars to You?’ God said, ‘A penny.’ The man asked God, ‘Can You do me a favor?’ God said, ‘Sure,’ so the man asked God, ‘Can You give me a penny?’” David smiled. “God said, ‘Sure. In a second.’”

  They all laughed, and even Levi grinned.

  Ivan was standing right beside David, across from the rest of the men, so David was pretty sure he was the only one who heard the vibration coming from Ivan’s pocket. He watched his uncle discretely reach into his pocket and silence the noise before excusing himself. Why is Onkel Ivan carrying around a cell phone?

  None of David’s family had cell phones when they were in Lancaster County. He knew plenty of Amish folks who did, but mostly because their businesses required it. In some instances Bishop Ebersol had allowed it, but David had never known his uncle to need a cell phone.

  EMILY CARRIED SEVERAL glasses to the kitchen. Her mother, Lillian, and Katie Ann were chatt
ing as she placed the glasses in the sink.

  “Martha is her name,” Mamm said to Lillian and Katie Ann. “She’s an Englisch woman who lives alone. Sometimes I take her homemade bread and such, so I thought I’d run her a plate of food later.”

  “I’ll do it, Mamm,” Emily said. Martha was the crankiest Englisch woman Emily had ever met, but it would get her out of the house. This silly flirting and winking with David had her stomach upset. “I’ll take Martha a plate.”

  Her mother raised a brow. “Really? Hmm. That surprises me, Emily. But all right.”

  Lillian straightened in her seat at the kitchen table.“Nonsense. We’d be glad to carry Martha a plate when we leave. There’s no need for Emily to have to hitch the horse to the buggy.”

  “Or Ivan and I can drop off the food to your friend,” Katie Ann added.

  “No, really. I don’t mind.” Emily paused, hoping to sound convincing. “Besides, Mamm will tell you, Martha is a bit, well . . . grouchy.”

  “She’s right.” Mamm shook her head. “Martha is difficult sometimes. In the three short months we’ve known her, I don’t think the woman has ever smiled. She’s different than most folks around here, Englisch or Amish.” Mamm turned to face Emily. “That’s nice of you to offer, Emily.”

  “I’ll go ask Jacob to get the buggy ready.”

  Emily excused herself, found Jacob, and told him that he could either hitch up a buggy for her or stop by Martha’s on his way to Beth Ann’s. He quickly agreed to hitch up both buggies. Luckily they had two covered buggies, or Jacob would have complained about having to take his topless courting buggy in this weather. No snow so far today, and even with the frigid temperatures, the sun shone brightly, and it seemed warmer than thirty-eight degrees. A drive would be good, clear her head.

  “Here. This is for Martha.” Mamm handed Emily a bag when she walked back into the kitchen. She leaned closer to Emily and whispered, “I’m surprised you are offering to do this, Emily. It’s cold, and Martha isn’t the friendliest . ..” Mamm twisted her mouth to one side. “Surely you don’t have other errands to run on Thanksgiving Day?”