Anna

by Amanda Prowse

‘So, like we type on the typewriter, but then you have to print them out? Rather than have the letter in your hand instantly?’

  Anna looked at her colleague and had to agree that when she put it like that it made very little sense. They were both proficient at typing documents in triplicate with strategically placed carbon paper between the sheets.

  ‘I quite understand your reticence, Melissa. And I have to confess that it does seem to be a tad of a step backwards, particularly when we have a system that works well and has worked well for decades. Ha!’ She gave a short laugh that sounded a bit like hysteria. ‘But who are we to stand in the way of progress? The partners have made the decision and apparently Mr Asquith has seen computers work very well in other practices.’ She adjusted her glasses again, before leaning forward conspiratorially. ‘Between you and me, I can’t see them catching on. I think it’ll be a fad, but we do need to show willing. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ Melissa pulled a dissenting face. This was a girl who had her father’s AmEx card in her purse, so she was free to make faces, knowing that her life would definitely not unravel if she lost this job. It was another lesson for Anna that having money, security and the safety net of a loving family gave you the sort of choices that she was denied.

  ‘Yes, Mrs Glacier.’ Anna walked back to her desk and scrolled through her Rolodex. She was searching for the number of the courier who was to deliver the books Mr Knowles had bought and needed taking quite urgently to Kingston Polytechnic in Surrey, where his daughter, Olivia, was studying to be a teacher. Lucky Olivia. Anna knew Olivia’s grades had been woeful compared to her own.

  ‘Computers?’ Melissa drew her from her thoughts. ‘I bet they get rid of them within six months.’

  ‘I know, right?’ Anna laughed, adopting her friend’s favourite phrase.

  * * *

  Anna let her eyes sweep the room to make sure all appliances were switched off before locking the door of her little flat and securing her satchel bag over one shoulder and diagonally across her body. She skipped the three flights of stairs to the front door and on the way out checked the little pigeonhole for mail. There was rarely anything more exciting than junk in there, but she did get the occasional letter or note from Jordan, living the dream while waiting for his big break in New York, which always brightened her day. His communications were as comedic as they were informative.

  You would not believe what I saw in broad daylight...

  And he looks at me as if I have just crawled out from under a stone and says, ‘Darling, not in those shoes!’

  She would replay the snippets in her head, hearing his theatrical tone and picturing his wild gestures. How she loved him.

  Anna stepped out into the bright blue sky of a crisp spring day. A light breeze fanned her face. She untucked the white points of her shirt collar to sit outside of the rounded neck of her yellow cotton-knit jersey and pushed the ends of her dark bob behind her ears. Her style was developing nicely; she read magazines, committing to memory the outfits she liked, and copied the looks worn by the shiny girls who dated the lawyers at work, wanting to look like them. Wanting to be like them. It was important to her that she shake off the mismatched hand-me-down chic that had been her style since her mum had died, reinforced by the clothes she was given at Mead House, which had come largely via a charity box. She thought, as she often did, of Shania. It had been a while since she’d seen her and she hoped she was happy on this lovely day.

  ‘Morning!’ a voice called from the fruit and veg stall opposite. The red-and-white-striped awning and its table piled high with tempting produce appeared like magic at five o’clock every morning on the kerb outside her flat, then disappeared again before she got back from work a little after six in the evening.

  She lifted her hand and smiled at the tall bloke in the denim shirt and fingerless gloves. His fair hair was cut shorter at the back, leaving the fringe and top a little longer, in the style favoured by Jason Donovan. She noted he was nice-looking, smiley. Not exactly Jason Donovan, but close.

  He held up a shiny red fruit. ‘How about an apple?’ he called, in a cockney accent that was marginally broader than hers.

  She smiled, decided not to engage him any further and walked briskly along Fulham Broadway towards work. The temptation to glance over her shoulder and see if he was looking was strong.

  ‘What are you looking so happy about?’ Melissa asked as she removed her three-inch-high Buffalo platform trainers and slipped her feet into a pair of heeled court shoes, the style suggested and approved by the partners of Asquith, Barker and Knowles.

  ‘I think I might have just had someone flirt with me.’

  Melissa sat forward, fully focused, eyes wide. ‘What do you mean, you “think”? Surely you’d know!’

  Anna bit her lip. ‘Not really. I’m not very good at this stuff.’

  ‘Have you had many boyfriends?’

  She looked skywards and mentally counted the liaisons, encounters and drunken fumbles that constituted her unfulfilling love life to date. ‘Not really. Not what you’d call proper boyfriends. I’ve never been that fussed. I’m quite a private person, but I’ve had a few, you know... I suppose... hook-ups.’

  ‘Hook-ups? You dark horse! How many hook-ups are we talking here? Less than four? More than ten?’ Melissa’s eyes lit up. ‘Please tell me more than ten! It’s true what they say, it’s always the quiet ones!’

  Anna laughed. ‘They weren’t one-night stands, if that’s what you’re driving at. I just...’ She rolled her hand, trying to find the right phrase, one that didn’t make her seem like she was either too picky or a slut. ‘I just haven’t ever met anyone I wanted to get serious with.’

  ‘So how many?’ Melissa pushed.

  ‘’Bout six.’ She looped her satchel over her head and placed it under the desk, then took her seat. ‘I don’t know why I said “about six”. I know the number – it’s exactly six.’

  ‘None that were keepers?’

  Anna sighed. ‘No. Some of them were nice, some of them not so nice, but none of them set my world on fire. I think maybe I’m setting my expectations too high.’

  ‘How so?’ Melissa paired her platform trainers and placed them under her chair.

  Anna shrugged. ‘I don’t know, I guess I always feel excited to meet someone new and I love that energy, all the possibilities of what might happen, but then we go out and I look at them and listen to their stories and I feel a bit bored and I try to picture myself sitting with them night after night and I panic, knowing I definitely don’t want that, and so I might see them maybe once or twice more and then I go quiet and hide.’

  Melissa let out a loud guffaw.

  ‘Morning, girls!’ Mrs Glacier called from her office. This was her way of telling them to settle down and crack on with the job. Loud guffaws were not what was expected of the front-office staff at a firm such as this.

  ‘God, Anna, I can’t believe that’s your thought process! You don’t have to get engaged, you just need to have a good time!’ Melissa whispered. ‘And luckily for you, I am an expert in good times.’ She winked.

  ‘I know I don’t have to get engaged!’ Anna tutted her reply, remembering her mum’s advice that it wasn’t vital to get married. ‘And actually the bloke this morning was nice, good-looking, and he seemed as if he might like a good time. He works on the little market near my flat and he tried to give me an apple.’

  ‘Eeeeee!’ Melissa squealed and bunched her fists up under her chin. ‘This is so cool! It’s like Adam and Eve, him tempting you in with his fruit.’

  ‘I’m pretty sure it was Eve who gave Adam the apple.’ Anna smiled, knowing how much Melissa’s education had cost and wondering how they had missed that basic fact.

  ‘Potato, potarto.’ Melissa batted away the words with her hand. ‘The important thing is he made a move!’

  ‘I guess. I mean, I think he did, but he might have just been being kind.’

  Anna opened the diary, wanting it to a
t least look as if she was working should Mrs Glacier pop her head around the door.

  Mr Knowles, the youngest partner, a tennis player with a loud snort of a laugh, arrived at the office. ‘Good morning, ladies!’ He gave a mock bow.

  ‘Morning, Mr Knowles.’

  ‘Good morning,’ Melissa chirped.

  The two watched him disappear into his office.

  ‘You are on fire today! Did you see the way he looked at you?’

  ‘Mr Knowles? Don’t be so ridiculous!’ Anna felt her cheeks flame. ‘He’s at least fifteen years older than me, and married, and eeuuuw!’ She shuddered at the unpalatable thought. ‘I think Apple Boy is more my type.’ She smiled at the admission.

  ‘If you like him, you need to respond, make the next move.’

  ‘Do you think so?’

  ‘Yes!’ Melissa slapped her forehead in despair. ‘That’s like dating 101!’

  The phone rang and Anna lifted the receiver, rolling her eyes at her friend’s suggestion while simultaneously wondering to herself whether she had the confidence to do just that.

  ‘Good morning. Asquith, Barker and Knowles, how may I help you?’ she asked with a certain frisson to her tone.

  *

  The following morning, Anna blotted the thin application of nude lip colour on a square of loo roll and studied her face in the mirror fixed to the wall of her tiny flat. She had draped it with fairy lights and liked to look at the delicate orbs reflected in the glass as she fell asleep. Not only did she find the dappled spray of soft light a comfort, but it was these little touches that to her mind made the place feel homey. She tried to re-create the feeling she remembered from their flat in Honor Oak when her mum was alive. The way the surfaces in the kitchen were always clutter- and smear-free and how the bleached net curtains fluttered in and out of the open windows like angel wings.

  She sat on her bed and tried to steady her pulse. If she was going to get up the courage to talk to blonde-haired Apple Boy, she needed to order her thoughts. Nerves made her mouth dry.

  Supposing she had completely misread the signals? Supposing he was just a chirpy market trader who had a wink and a wide-mouthed grin for every potential customer? Such thoughts did little to bolster her confidence. She walked to the window and peered down at the top of the stripey awning.

  A... apple.

  B... blonde.

  C... cute.

  D... do it! Do it, Anna! Make a move!

  She grabbed her satchel and slung it over her head, gathered her keys and locked the door.

  E... every stair is taking you closer.

  F... fuck! There he is!

  G... grinning. He’s smiling at me.

  H... heart. My heart is racing.

  I... I like the look of you, Apple Boy.

  J... just do it! Do it, Anna, for God’s sake.

  K...

  ‘Here she is!’ He smiled at her, giving the impression that he’d been waiting for her, and, just like that, her mind cleared. She abandoned the alphabet game and stood in front of him.

  ‘I’m Ned.’ He was grinning now. She noticed the slight warble to his voice, as if he didn’t do this very often, suggesting he too was more than a little nervous.

  ‘Anna.’ She smiled back. ‘I’m Anna.’

  And that was all it took: a tiny ounce of confidence, a big smile and the offer of an apple.

  Anna and Ned fell into step with ease and by their third date were nattering like old mates, holding hands as they walked along the street and saying goodbye with a peck on the cheek, confident that they’d be seeing each other again very soon.

  ‘You like him!’ Melissa squealed.

  ‘Sssshhh!’ Anna put her finger on her lips. ‘I don’t want everyone to know!’

  ‘Why not?’ her friend yelled.

  ‘Because!’

  ‘Because nothing!’ Melissa laughed. ‘We need to celebrate.’ And she began to sing, loudly and to no recognisable tune. ‘“Love is in the air...”’

  Anna covered her eyes in embarrassment as Miss Glacier came into the foyer.

  ‘That’s as maybe, Melissa, but we are a legal practice, not a lonely-hearts club, and I would appreciate it if you could keep your singing to the absolute minimum.’

  ‘Sorry, Mrs Glacier.’ Melissa nodded contritely.

  Anna glanced across at their boss as she swept past and was gladdened by the wink she gave her, followed by the merest hint of a smile.

  * * *

  Ned reached across with his big hand and took hers.

  ‘Remind me why I have to do this again?’ Anna tilted her head to one side and screwed her eyes shut.

  ‘Because they’re my mates. Because you and I have been seeing each other for seven and a half weeks, and because it’s important to me. They’re important to me!’

  ‘They don’t want to meet me, they just want to see you, which is understandable. You go ahead.’ She flicked her hand towards the entrance of the pub. ‘I honestly don’t mind! Go and have fun. I’ve had a long day and—’

  ‘I’ll stop you right there. I’ve had a longer day, so you can shut up about that. You’re not getting out of this!’ He pulled her towards him and kissed the top of her head. ‘I want to show you off.’

  ‘God knows why.’ She inhaled deeply. ‘Supposing they don’t like me?’ And there it was, the real reason, her fear of rejection forever lurking close to the surface.

  ‘Then I promise you we never have to see them again.’

  Anna pulled a fake smile and followed her brawny beau into the Red Lion.

  ‘Oi oi!’

  ‘Whatto, Ned!’

  ‘It’s the boy!’

  The shouts came from around a rectangular table near the window. She felt her gut churn with nerves.

  A...

  Before she had a chance to begin, Ned pulled her by the arm and held her fast, gesturing over her narrow shoulders. ‘Okay, now listen carefully as there’ll be a test later.’ He pointed to each of his mates in turn. ‘Tug—’

  ‘Why Tug?’ She wrinkled her nose.

  ‘Don’t ask!’ The stocky boy raised a half-finished pint and accepted the cheers from his friends.

  ‘Nitz.’

  ‘I was seven!’ Nitz shook his head in mock humiliation and ran his hand over his balding pate.

  ‘Johnny, Naz and Bono.’

  They waved, winked and smiled respectively.

  ‘Bono?’ she queried, taking the seat opposite Naz and sliding her legs under the sticky table.

  Bono looked at her sheepishly. ‘Because these lot are bastards. And if I was you, I’d head straight back out that door and keep running!’

  Anna made to leave, much to the delight of Ned’s friends.

  Bono continued. ‘I once, in my teenage years, suggested we raise money for something I’d seen on the telly, I can’t even remember what it was, some terrible disaster, and I thought it might be an idea to have a collection or something. My so-called mates started calling me Mother Teresa, and that stuck for about a year, so as you can imagine, in comparison, Bono is actually better.’

  ‘Because you wanted to do a good thing for charity?’ She laughed.

  ‘As I said...’ Bono sipped his pint. ‘If I were you, I would run for the hills.’

  ‘So what’s your real name?’ she asked.

  The group again tittered into their glasses, nudging each other, waiting gleefully for the punchline.

  ‘Yeah, Bono, what’s your real name?’ Tug said.

  He sighed and bit the inside of his cheek. ‘My real name is Maurice.’

  The lads laughed loudly, repeating the word ‘Maurice!’ in case anyone hadn’t heard.

  Anna smiled at him. ‘I can see why you prefer Bono.’

  The eruption of laughter around the table, along with the smile on Ned’s face, told her that she needn’t have worried about being liked or fitting in and that she would definitely be seeing this motley crew again.

  When they finally left the pub a
few hours later, sauntering out, with Ned’s arm around her shoulders, Anna could sense his happiness. It delighted her to think this might be because of her.

  ‘I like your friends,’ she admitted.

  He exhaled with what sounded like a sigh of relief. ‘And they liked you. Told ya.’

  ‘Yes, you did.’

  ‘I can’t wait to meet yours.’ He tightened his grip.

  Anna flushed with embarrassment. ‘I don’t... I don’t have a whole tight-knit bunch like you do.’

  ‘Most people don’t – lucky, aren’t we?’

  ‘Yes, you are.’

  ‘It’s cos we never left. We went to school around the corner, grew up here, all our mums are mates and now we all work here too. But you moved around a bit, didn’t you, so it’s different.’

  ‘Yes. Very different,’ she whispered. She’d been deliberately vague about her background.

  It was only as Ned steered her along an alleyway and through the back of the housing estate with the high-rise blocks that she realised they weren’t going the normal way to her tiny flat.

  ‘We’re taking a very funny route.’

  ‘Not unintentionally.’ He swallowed.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Ned hesitated and turned to face her. ‘I figured that as it’s been a night for introductions, it might be good to get them all out of the way.’ He nodded, holding her gaze, gauging her reaction, and licking his lips with a suggestion of nerves.

  ‘You’ve lost me?’

  ‘There are a couple of other people I’d like you to meet.’

  ‘What? Now? It’s nearly eleven o’clock! We can’t just turn up unannounced when people are getting ready for bed.’ She laughed.

  ‘It’s fine, really. I—’ Ned didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence.

  ‘You coming in or what?’ a man shouted from the open front door of a ground-floor flat across the pathway. The hall light shone out onto the concrete apron.

  Anna turned to stare at the man. He was in his fifties and was dressed in dark trousers and what looked to be a stripey pyjama top.

  ‘Just a minute, Dad!’ Ned held up his hand.

  ‘Dad?’ she squeaked. ‘You live here?’

  ‘Oh there you are, love!’