by Ashley Beale
"You're not answering me. Do you like this Cassandra?"
I moan in response. I meant to say no, I really did, honestly.
"Mm, I thought so." He sucks on my ear and I tilt my head, giving him better access. His lips goes down and start to suck on my neck ever so softly. His hand makes its way down the front of my shirt and he runs his fingers over my bra, caressing my already hardened nipples. "Oh, baby girl, you're ready for me, aren't you?"
I nod my head. Then I mentally scold myself for not saying no. I can't. I can't stop this as much as I want to. As much as I know I should. This is stupid and I'm a horrible, horrible person. But I can't stop it. My body is betraying me, my brain is shut off, and my heart is going out of control.
His hand goes under my bra, and he squeezes my breast, making me moan once more, this time louder. I finally find the courage to speak, but the only word that comes out in his name. And it's hardly spoken, it's more whispered breathlessly.
He pulls on my nipple and bites down on the back of my neck again. "Do you want me to stop?" he asks.
Yes. "No." Dammit.
He pulls his hand away and I whimper. My shirt is missing a moment later. Cassie, what the hell are you doing?! Pierce steps in front of me and drops to his knees. He pulls my body closer to him, so his mouth is level with my breasts, which become bare in front of him. He takes my nipple in his mouth and I arch into him, wanting more, needing more.
My body naturally starts to grind into him, needing to be released from this built up sexual tension. He ignores me as he continues to assault my breasts with his mouth. His tongue starts traveling lower and I lay back in the chair, allowing him access to wherever he needs. My pants are on the floor, as well as my underwear, and I'm left sitting here, completely exposed to him.
"Oh Cassie, I've missed you." His lips start on one knee and he kisses and licks until he is mere inches from my hot, wet core. He starts on my other knee, repeating the process, only this time he doesn't stop. He spreads my legs open and licks my clit. I wasn't expecting that and I scream out his name.
My hands go to his hair, pulling and shoving his head, exactly where I need him as I grind my pussy against his mouth. He continues to lick and suck on me, pleasuring me with his mouth. As I'm about to come he suddenly stands up and drops his pants. "Stand up," he orders. I'm almost unable to, but he helps me up, turns me over and makes me bend over the chair.
He enters me from behind and my eyes roll back. I bite down on the back of the chair so I'm not too loud. He continuously thrusts into me, going so hard that I'm not able to stop myself from coming around his dick. He keeps going, building me up again almost immediately. His fingers find my clit and rubs against me until I'm coming a second time, the same time as I'm filled with Pierce's release.
He grunts. "Fuck, Cassie, shit." I'm convulsing beneath him, loving the feeling he just gave me.
He turns me around, placing me so I'm sitting in the chair again. He then leans down and pulls his dress slacks back up, buttoning them before tucking his dress shirt back in. He walks around the desk and sits down in his chair.
I'm still sitting here breathless, still completely exposed to him. He stares at me but that hunger is gone from his eyes. "You should probably get dressed and back to your boyfriend."
Tears fill my eyes immediately. Everything that just happened comes rushing through my mind as a sob escapes my mouth. What did I just do? Oh my God, Avery. What do I do now? What do I tell him?
I stare at Pierce for only a moment before getting dressed. When I'm fully clothed again I start to ask Peirce about what just happened. "Pierce, what-"
"Don't worry," he interrupts, "I won't say anything. I got work to do though, so you can leave now."
Excuse me?
"Oh, um, okay," I stutter. My whole body is visibly shaking.
The tears flow down my face as I turn around and walk out Pierces door. Before it closes behind me I hear him say, "You’re forgiven now." I slam the door, then walk down the hall, knowing sooner or later, I'm going to have to face Avery and tell him the truth.
Chapter Seven
I can't get him out of my mind. I hate him, and I love him. I loathe him, and I lust him. I completely fear him. It's been three days. Three long, treacherous, guilt ridden days.
When I left his office, I came straight back to my apartment where I indulged in a bottle of wine, while taking a well needed bubble bath. Avery kept calling my phone but I put it on silent, ignoring him. I needed to. I couldn't break his heart, not again. I did something so insanely horrible, I wasn't sure how to deal with it. So I drank my sorrows away for the first night.
During the last cup of wine, my door swung open and a panicked Avery stared down at me, confused, angry and scared. He had thought something happened to me. When I told him I was just having a bad night, he left me alone. I got out of the bubble bath, finishing my drink and slipping into an old tee-shirt and underwear.
Walking out of the bathroom, I noticed Avery sitting on the couch. He came over and wrapped me in his arms, doing his best to comfort me. I didn't need comforting, not from him. I just tore his heart and soul out, he just didn't know it yet.
I started crying uncontrollably. He didn't know why and he didn't ask. I didn't tell him. I just kept crying. Eventually we made it into my bedroom, where he kept me wrapped tightly in his arms until I fell asleep. The only reason I let him is because I wasn't sure how long I'd have the chance to do this. I wasn't sure when he was going to find out the truth. It wasn't a matter of if he'd find out the truth, it was a matter of when. I wouldn't keep this secret forever, but for now, I had to.
The following day I had no choice but to act normal, it was the day that Mason was purposing to Aubrey. She didn't know that, but I did. She only knew Mason wanted to 'go home' for a few days and she was glad to go with him. I knew she'd call me and need to tell me the news. I had to be happy for her.
It was a long morning, one where Avery cooked me breakfast and talked about his meeting with his psychical therapist. He got a new tooth the previous day and he talked about that as well, telling me he couldn't talk when I called because he had just been given a shot of Novocain and couldn't handle talking correctly.
That brought on a great deal more of guilt.
He ended up leaving, having to do another PT session. Since he got hurt so badly, his training was a little longer. I was secretly thankful, because I needed this time alone. I ended up cleaning the entire house top to bottom.
When Aubrey finally called to tell me that Mason proposed, she gushed for almost an hour on the other line. I almost forgot my horrible mistake in that time. When she said they were staying a few days longer in Texas for their pre-honey moon, I realized that I was going to be very lonely in that week. I don't think I can keep this secret that long from Avery, and I don't want to burden Aubrey at all. I'll be without them both. I'll have my mom, but I can't tell her what I did.
Avery came over again that night, and he said wanted to swing by Austin's. I knew I couldn't handle seeing Katie, knowing someone like her actually deserved Avery more than me. I told him I wasn't feeling well, so he left. I text my friend Amy from class and asked what she was doing. She said there was a party at Beta and I asked to come. Another lie to Avery, and this one was a much easier lie to get caught in, but I couldn't be alone. I also couldn't be near Avery. And I wasn't ruining Aubrey's night.
Amy picked me up and we rode the short distance together. Before we got out of the car, I looked over to her and asked her to please keep an eye on me. She laughed and said she would.
Shey saw me the second I walked in and brought me a shot of tequila. I instantly felt sick but threw it back anyways. I needed it, even if it reminded me of Avery breaking my heart last year. It was a cycle between us.
The night went pleasantly well. Amy, Shey, this girl Carla, and I all ended up dancing, drinking, and chatting with one another. Carson asked me once where Avery was and I said at a different party, a
nd we left it at that. He kept giving me sad glances all night but I ignored them. He had an awesome girlfriend, one who I loved, who he loved, who loved him, and he needed to concentrate fully on her.
By the end of the night, I ended up having black out moments. Shey kept feeding me tequila shots, so every once in a while I'd be doing something and not understand how I got there or why I was doing whatever it was. Sometimes it was something silly like peeing in the bushes outside, Amy laughing while she did the same. Other things would be dancing on the couch, singing a Britney Spears song at the top of my lungs. Other times it'd just be something as simple as being in one room, then realizing I was in another.
I don't recall anything bad happening and no one told me I did anything wrong. That made me happy. Amy stayed the night, but I knew I shouldn't. Carson actually is the one to walk me home, claiming he had too many to drive but wasn't too drunk to walk me home. On the way there, we had a small conversation, but I don't remember most of it.
He had asked me why Avery was at a different party, and I said because we're allowed to hang out with our own friends. He asked if I was happy, I said yes. He mentioned the fight and Avery's tooth and his physical therapy. I mentioned Shey and how perfect she was as a friend to me and girlfriend to him. We kept it simple and friendly.
I had laid in bed when I got home and ended up having a weird dream. The dream was so realistic and so wrong. I had dreamt about having sex with both Avery and Pierce in one night. I dreamt of Pierce giving me comfort and Avery yelling and screaming at me. It was odd and confusing, and although I don't remember much of it at all, it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up alone this morning.
It's been eating at me the last hour, as I lay awake on the couch. There is no music on, no television on. I haven't talked to Avery, or Aubrey, or my mom, or anyone else since I woke up. I just have laid here, thinking about how to tell Avery, thinking about the dream, about lying to him last night and if he is going to be mad at me for going to the party.
Finally I decide to grab my phone and get that first lie out of the way. The easier one. The one where I tell him I needed a night out with a friend and not him. I'll put it in better words of course.
The phone rings and rings, but he doesn't pick up. I leave a voice mail instead. "Hey babe, it's me. Call me when you get this. I wanted to talk to you."
After five minutes of no returned phone call, I get up and shower. When I get out, I throw my hair up in a messy bun, walk to the kitchen and make coffee, then I get dressed. Every time I hear something remotely close to a vibration or a song- usually a car driving by outside- I check my phone. Nothing. No calls back, no texts. I call him again, this time it goes straight to voice mail.
He is mad at me. He found out I was at the party last night and is mad at me.
I brush my teeth and head out the door. I'm not sure if he is at his apartment, but I can't imagine where else he'd be. I drive there but his bike is gone. I decide to knock on the door anyways, just in case he left his bike at Austin's and got a ride back here. No one is here though. I try his phone again and when it goes straight to voice mail again, I leave another message. "Avery, it's me. Please call me back. Your phone is off and you're not home, your scaring me. Love you."
I drive back home and my heart jumps a beat when I see that mid night blue motorcycle sitting in my spot. I park next to it and walk inside. Avery is sitting on the floor, his back against my door, with his head on his knees. "Avery?"
He looks up to me. His eyes are blood shot, he has tears running down his pale face. He looks horrible. Oh my God, what happened? I lean down in front of him, running my fingers down his cheek. He flinches and backs his head away. "Avery, what is wrong, you're scaring me."
"You drank a lot last night, didn't you? Do you even remember what happened last night?" His words are whispers. They're also hopeful and scary at the same time.
I stare him directly in the eyes. "Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going out. I tried calling you this morning but your phone is off."
"You really don't remember, do you?"
My brows scrunch as I stare at him. "What are you talking about?"
He runs his fingers through his short, dark hair. I wipe at his tears that are starting to slow down. He shakes his head back and forth, silently telling me to stop touching him. I don't understand. Is he really that mad at me for drinking without him last night? Or does he feel guilty about something. Are our roles reversed? Is he crying out of guilt and I'm comforting him without knowing he was unfaithful? It couldn't be, it's just my own guilt eating at me.
"Avery, please," I beg. "Tell me what is going on, please."
He rests the back of his head against my door and looks at me. "You called me last night, told me you were sorry, you kept repeating it." Oh no. Oh no, no, no! Please don't tell me I told him what happened while I was drunk.
"I wasn't sure what you were sorry about Cassie." He is using my real name, this isn't good. I sit down on my butt and cross my legs. I don't care if we're in the hallway and my neighbors can see this. "I came over to comfort you. You made me feel guilty about leaving you alone, you made me feel bad for you Cassie."
I can feel my face pale and tears are threatening to spill.
"You started kissing me, pulling my clothes off the second I walked in the door, telling me you loved me and needed me. I knew you'd been drinking but... but I love you Cassie... so I didn't question things." More tears start to fall. From both our faces. This was my dream, I remember this.
"You were being so passionate," his words are now whispers, hurtful whispers. "You kept repeating your love for... me." His voice breaks the same time my heart shatters.
"I do love you Avery, I love you so much."
He ignores me and closes his eyes. "Then you called out his name."
I don't need him to tell me who he is talking about, I already know. I already remember. It wasn't a dream. I was having sex with Avery and I was picturing Pierce. Avery and I fought after. I don't remember if I told him the truth or not, but I remember calling Pierce and yelling at him for ruining everything. He then apologized and comforted me on the phone until I fell asleep. It wasn't a dream at all.
I should have just came out and told Avery to begin with. Telling him I cheated on him would probably hurt him a lot less than telling him I love him, then calling him someone else’s name.
In this moment, right here, I absolutely hate myself. I'll never forgive myself, not ever.
Despite Avery's hatred right now, I reach out and grab his hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry Avery, I really am. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you so much."
"But you love him too, don't you? You still haven't gotten over him."
I swallow down the lump forming, trying my best to be strong. Not for myself, but for him. To give him reassurance that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. His eyes slowly open to look at me when I'm silent. "I don't know," I answer honestly. "I thought... I thought I got over him, until I saw him."
His eye widen and he looks both hurt and angry. "When did you see him?"
"He was at your fight." I don't mention the next day, not sure if this is an appropriate time or not.
He tilts his head and looks at me. "Did you talk to him?"
I shake my head no. I didn't talk to him at the fight. I'm not completely lying.
"Have you talked to him at all?"
He knows me too well. I nod my head as a new set of tears start flowing from my eyes.
His eyes narrow and his voice is weaker when he talks. "Is that all you did... talk?"
I shake my head and look down. I start sobbing uncontrollably as he stands up and walks away. I let him walk away. I just sit here as tears flow freely.
I think he is completely gone when I stand up and unlock my apartment door. I look down the long hall that leads outside, the direction he had gone, just to see him staring at me from a distance. He has glossy eyes and I can see him
shaking. Seeing him this way reminds me that it isn't safe for him to be driving his bike.
"Avery?" My voice chokes on the word.
He startles, like he wasn't expecting me to notice him, or speak, or say his name. He doesn't reply, so I continue. "Do you want to come in?" He shakes his head no. "Can I drive you home then? I don't feel safe having you drive your bike."
He thinks on it for a moment before he nods his head softly, then he turns and walks out the door.
I lock up my apartment again and run after him. He is standing outside my car, looking down at his feet, shuffling them uncomfortably.
On the ride to his house, I decide this may be my very last chance to make things right. Well, not right, they'll never be right again. Maybe better. Is that what it'll make it? Maybe, possibly. No, probably not. It's worth a shot though.
"I never meant to hurt you Avery. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"I don't want to hear it Cassie."
I don't care, I continue. "You've been amazing to me. I made a mistake, a huge one. I just wanted to apologize to him and it just happened. I don't even know why I let it happen, but I'll never forgive myself. And I'm not asking for your forgiveness, I don't deserve it, but I want you to know, I really am sorry."
He turns his entire body to face me. I have to keep my eyes on the road but my body is quite aware of his eyes watching me. "Why the hell would you need to apologize to him?"
I exhale a deep breath. This isn't something Avery and I have ever talked about, not once. "When you were fighting over the summer and I was in Hawaii, Pierce and I talked... a lot. We got close." I glance over real quick to see him still staring, listening closely to each word. I look back at the road. "The day I got back, the day you got... shot. Well, he and I were out to eat, we were going to start dating, make things work between us. I got the call though and he rushed us to you." That part he knew, that Pierce drove Mason, Aubrey, and myself up to him. He never knew why, never questioned it, probably not wanting to know the truth.