Fearless Attraction (Cassie Series)

by Ashley Beale

  "I know you are." I hug her to me for a moment. I hate when people are right. I hate that I couldn't process all that information myself. If the roles were reversed, I'd be giving her the same advice, it just isn't as easy when it comes to myself.

  Tomorrow I'll do it. I'll call Pierce first, then I'll call Avery. I'll meet with them both, and I'll figure out what we are. If we're anything at all. If they'll answer my call and meet with me that is.

  "Stop stressing," she says. She knows me all too well.

  I smile at her the best I can. "Yeah, let's watch this movie."

  I stand and put the movie in while Aubrey gets back into her spot and gets comfortable. I'm going to miss the hell out of her.

  Chapter Nine

  I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my entire life. I called Pierce first this morning, after I was showered and got ready for the day. I procrastinated as much as humanly possible. Surprisingly he had answered on the second ring, and was being extremely polite. I almost wish he would've been in asshole, that way I could make the choice to take him out of my life completely. I just don't think I can do it though. This is going to be hard.

  Next I called Avery. He didn't answer, so I had sent him a text. I still haven't received a response from him. That was over an hour ago.

  Currently I'm on my way to meet with Pierce at a seafood joint. He said if he was going to meet with me and talk about "us" then he wanted it public and where there is food. Of course I agreed that was the best possible way to discuss this. I don't need to worry about crying if we're in public, and I don't have to worry about him trying to seduce me again. Not that it doesn't give me tingles all over thinking about his office.

  Had I not been slammed with guilt seconds after it happened, it'd be on the forefront of my mind every night. Instead, my heart ache is, and the fact that I've tangled myself into a web I didn't need to be in.

  Arriving at the restaurant, I spot Pierce's pickup parked but he isn't in it. I walk into the restaurant and the hostess brings me outside, where he is overlooking the ocean waves crashing ashore. He stands when I get to the table, and doesn't sit back down until I'm seated and scooted forward.

  Neither of us say anything, we just stare at one another. In fact, nothing is said until the waitress asks us what we want to drink. Pierce orders a whiskey on the rocks, I order a water with lemon. He then stares at the shore again, avoiding me. I may as well rip off the Band-Aid.

  "Do you want to be in my life?"

  He turns and gives me a questioning look. His eyes take in my worried features, then he clears his throat before sitting up a little straighter than before.

  With a shrug, he answers, "some days I'm not so sure."

  I nod, understanding exactly what he means. I need more than that though, I need closure or more of an understanding. I have to think about what Aubrey would tell me to say. "This is really hard for me Pierce, but I need to know. Do you want me in your life or not? And if you do, what do you want us to be?"

  He tilts his head with bunched brows. I don't think he understands quite what I'm saying and I hope he doesn't read into it too much. I just need an honest, up front answer to the exact questions I asked.

  "Yes, Cassie, I want you in my life." He shrugs his shoulders and leans forward a little more. "But you ripped my fucking heart out. I never meant to fall for you and not only did I fall, but I fell hard. I wanted to make you mine and only mine, and you made me believe you wanted that too, then you just pushed me away, out of your life. We've both been fine, then you come barreling back into my life. I don't know what I want, I can't be your friend, and I sure as hell can't be more than that right now, but yes, I want you in my life. I was healing until you walked into my office, and now I'm back at square one. I can't live without you somewhere in my life. I need a part of you. I'm sure that confuses you, hell, it confuses me, but that is the best I can answer your sudden questions."

  "You think sleeping with hundreds of girls in the last several months is healing? That is bullshit Pierce, and you know it."

  He smiles while leaning back into his chair. His eyes narrow in a seductive way, reminding me of in his office. Then he starts laughing. Well, I'm glad he can laugh about this, I sure as hell can't. It isn't funny, not at all, none of this is. Not me cheating, not him sleeping around, not the heart breaks and the confusion. None of it.

  Pierce starts to shake his head, amused by something. "I was lying to you Cassie. I was trying to hurt you, like you had hurt me. I was hoping you'd walk out of my office and never come back. When you didn't, when I saw that look on your face and knew you still cared, knew you still had something for me, that is when I lost it. I had to have you, even if for one last time."

  "You're such an asshole." Then why am I happy? Shit.

  He nods, agreeing. "Yeah, that I am, but I have to be."

  "You don't have to be."

  "And you didn't have to apologize in person. You sure as hell didn't have to let me fuck you. You didn't have to call me that night you and Avery broke up. You didn't have to call me today either."

  I swallow the lump forming. He knows Avery and I broke up that night? What did I say to him? Why can't I remember? I want to ask him, but I'm a little too nervous to. "I know," I answer honestly, my voice weak.

  "Listen, Cassie, my feelings for you haven't changed, okay? But I'm not going to sit and wait around for you to decide between us. This has been going on well over a year, and it is bullshit. I understand you're confused, that is fine, I am too. It's easy to be confused. It doesn't mean you can play with us. And before you say anything, yeah, I'm the one who got you going in my office, and I'm sorry about that. I should have stayed back but that look on your face," he looks down and shakes his head, "it undid me. I had to be in you. I dream about you. About kissing you, about fucking you, hell, I'll admit it," he looks back up, "I dream about making sweet, passionate love to you."

  My body is shaking as I hear his words and the intensity of his voice. "I'm sorry Pierce. I would have stayed away, I did stay away, but then you showed up at Avery's fight and," I shake my head, not finishing my sentence.

  "Yeah, I shouldn't have showed up. I'm sorry too." His hand reaches over and his fingers lightly brush the tops of mine. My entire arm breaks in goosebumps. I stare at his fingers then my eyes meet with his. They've changed. They look lighter, softer maybe. They're not as intense, no, instead they're full of something else. Remorse maybe?

  "It was good seeing you though." It comes out in a near whispers.

  His lips form a small smile at my words. "You too, Princess." My heart warms at the friendship feeling between us right now. I like this feeling. I want to be friends with Pierce again, he was always so good to me. Just, I'm scared. Being friends with someone that holds a piece of your heart is going to be hard. But if that is the only way I can keep him around in my life, I'll accept it.

  "So we are... friends?"

  He gives me a tight smile and looks back out to the ocean, leaving his hand on top of mine. "Sure."

  Why do I feel like we're exactly where we were? I can't get a break.

  Pierce and I remain silent until after the food is delivered to the table. He finally looks up at me, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "How is your family?"

  Right, I forgot he doesn't know anything that I've been through for the last six months. "My parents are in the process of a divorce right now, actually."

  He straightens his form, looking sorry for me. "I'm sorry to hear that. May I ask what happened?"

  Who is this guy and why isn't he playful and cocky and fun? Not that I don't like him being a gentlemen towards me, but it's weird. I feel like he has grown up so much in the half year since we've seen or talked. Between a broken heart, the long hours he puts in at work, and being away from the college crowd, he has really matured. I like it but again I miss the craziness we had between us.

  It's not really a conversation I want to have, especially right now, but I owe Pierce anything
he asks of me. "It's kind of humiliating." He continues to stare, waiting for me to elaborate. "My dad had an affair."

  "Oh, Cass, I'm so sorry."

  "With Avery's mom."

  "Oh."

  We both stare at each other in complete silence. Yup, this is awkward. "It's whatever," I finally say before taking another bite of my chowder.

  "It's not whatever." I look up to him and he is still giving me that same sad expression. He really does feel bad for me. I don't need him feeling bad for me. "That is some rough shit. How is your mom?"

  My heart warms again at the fact he truly cares. Not just about me but my mom. It almost brings a tear to my eyes. "She is much better, this was back, wow over five months ago now."

  He looks surprised. "Huh, wow. I never would have thought. What is with those damn Manning's that make them so irresistible?" He tries to be playful, and I give him an A for effort, but this really isn't the time so I scrunch my forehead at him. He presses his lips together, suppressing a smile.

  "Fine, fine, what is it about the McKnight’s that make them so irresistible?"

  I pick up one of my oyster crackers and toss it at him with my tongue stuck out. "You're a pain, I hope you know that."

  He grins and leans back in his chair. "Yeah?" He looks down at his gorgeous figure. "Most of the sexy mother fuckers are."

  I throw my head back in laughter. This is what I miss about us. "Oh yeah, you think you're sexy? Hm, I guess I missed that memo."

  He holds his hands to his chest, pretending to be hurt. "Ouch, Cassie, you're always hurting me. I have an ego you know, and it needs some polishing. You're denting the shit out of it."

  "Has anyone ever told you that you were crazy?"

  "A time or two." He shrugs his shoulders then starts eating again. Even while chewing he can't hide the smile that is forming on his face.

  After a few more bites, I decide that I should probably ask about his family and work and stuff too. "So, now that I've answered, how is your family?"

  "Brother has another addition on the way, this time a boy. I'm pretty excited for him. Dad is doing fine. Now that he has more free time with me starting to take over, he doesn't seem as stressed and has time for himself, so that is good. Mom is enjoying the extra time with him too, and the vacations they keep taking. So I'd say well."

  I smile at that. That is awesome. "Good. How's work?"

  He gives me a nasty look while finishing his next bite. "It's okay. I like it, most days. Especially when I get distracted at work," he says with a seductive look. "I'll probably be taking over sooner rather than later. I've put in about seventy hours a week."

  "Wow, that is good to know." I completely ignore his little remark. His smile tells me he knows I'm purposely ignoring it.

  "How is school?"

  "Good," I tell him. "I'm taking some pretty awesome classes this year, a lot better than last year. Next year I get to shadow at the Police Academy, which will be awesome. I'm excited about that."

  "So are you becoming a cop? Have you decided?"

  "Oh God no!" I laugh. "Could you see me as a cop?" He grins and shakes his head. "Nah, it's just part of the requirements in the graduate program for Criminal Justice. I haven't made up my mind quite yet what I want to be, but I have a few choices." That's me, the indeceive one.

  After our meal, Pierce asks if I want to hang out for a little bit, to catch up. I agree to it under one condition, no sex. He laughed at me when I told him that but he agreed, saying that for that to happen, we have to stay in the public’s eye. Sometime later we end up at Seaport Village.

  "You know, bringing me here isn't the smartest of ideas." He tilts his head at me, questioning why. "I could spend days here just shopping."

  "I didn't think you were a big shopper."

  "Not for clothes." I walk into a store filled with some of my favorite art pieces. "Art, decorations, purses." I pick up a mirror that is framed in sea glass and show Pierce. "I'm in love with this stuff, I could spend my entire day here."

  "Great," he groans.

  I place the mirror back down and pick up a hand crafted porcelain doll. He grabs it from my hand, puts it back in its spot, and grabs my hand. "What are you doing?"

  "We're not shopping." He pulls me behind him, treating me like a misbehaved child. It makes me giggle softly. When we walk back onto the sidewalk he turns to face me. "Why are you smiling so much?"

  "That was funny."

  He sighs, turns back around, then he continues walking. I quickly follow behind him. "We didn't come here to shop, they're having a small carnival here today. I thought we could watch people get hypnotized, eat some junk, ride on a few rides, what do you think?"

  I look over his shoulder and see something that would be awesome. "And that." I point to it.

  He looks over his shoulder and stares back at me. "Uh, face painting?"

  "Yup," I say with a grin.

  "Uh, sure, if you want your face painted like you’re seven."

  I walk in that direction and he follows. I look at the booklet the lady has and find a picture of a black kitten. "What do you think about this?"

  He just stares at it with a blank expression. "A cat?"

  "A cute little black kitty."

  "You're so weird."

  "I know." I smile at him while he just continues staring at me like I'm crazy. The lady asks if I'm all set and I tell her I am. I show her the picture and she tells me to have a seat. "Oh, this isn't for me."

  "What?" Her and Pierce both seem to ask me the same time.

  I look at Pierce and my smile grows. "Have a seat my precious."

  "You've ridiculous, I'm not getting my face painted."

  I pretend to be extra sad. "Fine, then I'm leaving." I slowly turn around and I hear him grunt behind me, completely frustrated by the situation. It's more of a test for me, to see what he is willing to do. Small steps.

  "Fine," he says as I take a few more steps.

  I turn to face him, excited about him agreeing. "Really?"

  He flops down into the seat and stares straight ahead, not giving me the satisfaction of seeing him get his face painted. That is fine, as long as I see the after effect. I'm definitely taking a picture of this.

  Pierce whispers something to the girl and she nods her head, then she proceeds to dip the stick into some water and paint. I wait patiently while she pants his left cheek. It takes a little longer than expected, so when he is finished I don't even notice, too busy staring out into the bay, watching some yachts float by on the water.

  "What do you think?"

  I look up at him and try my best not to grin, failing miserably when I burst into laughter. The words, Cassie's Bitch, are painted onto his cheek. "Oh my God, you did not!" Tears start to form in my eyes as I continue laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

  "I had to slip her a twenty for it, but yeah, I did."

  I pull my phone out and snap a picture of it before Pierce even knows what I'm doing. "Shit, you didn't."

  "I did!" I slip the phone back into my pocket and smile at him. I don't think I'll be able to stop grinning the rest of the day seeing that on his face.

  Chapter Ten

  After a long, blissful day at Searsport Village, Pierce drives me back to my car that is still at the restaurant. "Thanks for today," I tell him.

  He looks over and his smile is small but it's there, making me happy he had a good day as well. "I'm glad we got to finally hang out and catch up."

  I can see the paint on his face when he tilts his head towards me and I smile even bigger. I still cannot believe he did that. People were staring at him like crazy today, I think one girl even snapped a picture of us while we were on the carousel, but I'm not positive.

  Feeling a little melancholy about the day ending, I ask Pierce, "so are we going to hang out again, or was this it?"

  I can see his face turn serious as he watches the road in front of him. He doesn't answer as he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant and par
ks his truck. Putting it in park, he turns and looks at me. "I don't know."

  "Oh, um. Okay. Thanks for today." Before any tears fall I grab at the handle and start to open the door. I didn't realize this would hurt so much. I should have left this alone. I should have dealt with the guilt of leaving him back in August, and not given into temptation. Not just once, but multiple times. Between going to his office, having sex with him in the office, calling him and meeting up with him.

  I've come in like a hurricane and I can't seem to stop making a disaster in my way.

  He pulls on my arm and I look to where his hand wraps around me. "Hold on." My heart starts beating faster and I look up to meet his gaze. He looks sad, too. This is hard on him as well. Sometimes I forget it's not just me this all is effecting, how hard it is to make choices.

  Seeming a little reluctant with himself, like he is debating something in his mind, he finally gives in and scoots towards me. My breath immediately picks up at his nearness in such a confined space. "Cassie, you're too tempting."

  "I... I didn't... I didn't do anything," I stutter.

  "You don't have to do anything, trust me." His hand comes up and rests on my cheek. The warmth it's bringing to my face could lull me to sleep. I can feel my eyes close as I push my face into his touch. "You're beautiful, funny, and smart. You're incredibly sexy, even when you don't mean to be. You're perfect."

  My voice comes out in a whisper. "You think too much of me Pierce. You're too good for me."

  "No, baby girl, I'm not. I'm perfect for you."

  I shudder at his words. I can feel him tense up and my eyes open. His are at half mass and he looks tantalizing, and ever so seductive. "Are you going to kiss me?"

  "I shouldn't."

  "I know."

  His hand slowly moves to the back of my head and he starts to bring mine towards him. "But I want to."

  I slowly nod my head, waiting for him to pull me to him. His eyes search mine for a moment before they land on my lips. It's too much, it's such a tease, I can't stop myself. I grab his face with both my hands and pull him to me, using my lips to tell him everything I'm feeling inside. All the love, lust, hatred, confusion, passion. Everything I have, everything I feel, it's expressed in this kiss. I can feel his emotions return to me, I swallow them, I run my tongue along them. It tastes incredible.