Dex in Blue

by Amy Lane

  THEY went to Sac City College next, and then to Sac State for Dex. Dex did all the talking.

  “’Kay, he’s been out of high school for what?” Dex turned from the registrar to Kane, who was looking around the registration office in the forty-year-old building and thinking that he needed to buy more lottery tickets if this was the best they could do.

  “Kane,” Dex said patiently, getting his attention, “how long have you been out of high school? Three years? Four?”

  “Two and a half,” Kane said, and Dex grimaced, then turned back to the girl.

  “Two and a half years,” he said. “Christ, I’m old. Anyway, does he need his high school stuff or can we just pretend that never happened?”

  The girl grimaced. She was maybe Dex’s age, but she dressed older and had one of those plain expressions on her face that said she wanted to be taken seriously. “Why would he want to do that?” she asked, eyeballing Kane like he was a weird species of bug.

  Kane lifted a corner of his lip in response. He wasn’t sure what that looked like, but her eyes got big and she went back to her paperwork in an all-fired hurry.

  Dex looked at Kane apologetically. “Because I’m betting he spent his high school years getting laid and not getting educated.”

  Kane cocked his head to the side and nodded. “That’s fair,” he agreed, and the girl’s eyes got really big.

  “So, uhm, why are you interested in education now?” she asked, and Kane looked at Dex in exasperation. God, who the fuck cared, right?

  “Because I’m tired of banging the whole goddamned world and I’d like to do something else for a while,” he snapped, and he could tell it was probably the wrong thing to say by the way Dex’s eyes got big and his mouth pursed tight like he was trying not to laugh.

  The girl turned crimson and open and closed her mouth a few times, and she looked at Dex for help.

  “So you’re helping him sign up for college?” she asked when she could breathe again, and Dex nodded, still with that suspiciously bright-eyed look on his face. “So, who are you to him?”

  Dex’s eyes narrowed, and Kane could tell Dex was fucking done with the personal questions too, but he still wasn’t prepared for his answer.

  “I’m his pimp, sweetheart. Now do you need his high school transcripts, or can he just pay his tuition here and sign up for classes online?”

  The next day Chase came over so they could all go Christmas shopping together, and Kane told the story with great gusto.

  Chase—the new, quietly smiling Chase, who answered questions with real words instead of wisecracks like he used to—laughed appreciatively and then actually asked about Kane’s life. “So, you’re signing up for classes? That’s great! What are you signing up for?”

  Kane flushed. “Well, Dex made me sign up for biology, because he said that’s what I’m gonna love and that’ll keep me interested. Then he made me sign up for English A, because he said I’m not gonna get through anything else without it. And I had to sign up for basic math for the same reason. And then”—Kane brightened a little—“then we both signed up for cooking!”

  Chase was up on one of the stools at the little tile island in the middle of the kitchen, and he practically spit out the soda he was sipping. He turned to Dex and said, “What in the furry hell?”

  Dex rolled his eyes, and when he spoke, he spoke directly to Chase like two grown-ups spoke when there was a kid in the room. “He didn’t want to do all that learning by himself. I said we could take a class together.”

  For a moment, Kane felt something red and ugly in his chest, and then he caught the thoughtful look Dex aimed at him. Chase didn’t know. Nobody knew. It was a good story—Kane wanted to tell it. But Chase didn’t know, and if they were going to tell the story, they would have to tell Chase, and suddenly, they’d be a real thing.

  Chase turned around and looked at Kane, then back at Dex. “I’ve gotta pee,” he said, startling them both. “I mean, I don’t gotta pee, but I’m gonna go pretend to pee, and then when I get back, maybe you two can tell me about cooking class.”

  Chase got up and walked out of the kitchen toward the hall, and Dex opened his mouth to say something. And that’s when Chase let out a startled squawk.

  “Dex! Dex! Holy fuck, Dex, there’s a snake in your house!”

  “Oh Jesus!” Kane went trotting into the hall and brushed by a freaked-out Chase to go pick up Tomas. Fucking snake was slithering across the hallway like a sinuous four-foot-long ruby, black, and gold rope on his way across the carpet to the bathroom. They didn’t know why he went into the bathroom—snakes weren’t supposed to like tile or even carpet for that matter, but when he got out, they could either find him curled up in Dex’s balls (Dex’s least favorite way to wake up) or asleep behind the toilet. Dex once said sourly that he just liked to smell the place when Dex missed, and Kane had to admit, he didn’t mind smelling like Dex either. (Not his pee, but, well, just Dex.)

  “Tomas, buddy,” Kane mourned, taking the snake low down on his neck so Tomas had some movement while Kane lifted the middle of his long body up. Tomas coiled his tail behind Kane’s wrist, and Kane helped him drape the rest of himself on Kane’s arm, so he could hold the guy by his chest and warm him up a little. “Tomas, it’s not good to bust out in the winter. Man, you got everything in there, you got heat, you got water, you got food. I come and visit every day. Why you gotta be like that?”

  “Maybe he’s still pissed you slept with his girlfriend,” Dex said dryly from the hallway. He came up and got into Kane’s space, stroking Tomas’s neck with a sort of reluctant tenderness.

  “Naw,” Kane mumbled, checking his body temp to see if the big guy got too cold during his little sojourn. “If he was that upset about the girl, he wouldn’t keep trying to climb up your ass all the time. Here, I’m gonna take him in the room and warm him up.”

  Kane opened the door, aware that Chase was peering over his shoulder curiously as he walked into the room. They had the little heaters in the terrariums on, but they left the oil heater on too, so the room was tropically warm, and Tomas seemed to relax on Kane’s arm as Kane walked in.

  Chase looked at the little sea of big glass enclosures and said happily, “Turtles! Tommy’s got turtles!” and Kane relaxed a little. He’d lost his curiosity about the new pink scar on Chase’s wrist—he’d seen it at the welcome back party and at Thanksgiving—but sometimes he still wondered what to say to someone who had been as much in pain as Chase had without ever really telling anyone.

  He’d mostly talked about bugs, really, and now that he knew Chase knew something about turtles, he had another topic.

  “Yeah,” Dex said. “Tommy helped pick out one of these too.”

  Chase took in the room then, and Kane could almost hear his eyeballs shift. “Uhm, Kane—don’t you have a house in Natomas?”

  Kane looked at Dex, who shrugged. “Yeah,” Kane said. “But my sister and her baby are living there right now.”

  Kane saw Chase looking at Dex, who shrugged again. “So, uhm, if this is the guest room, where are you sleeping?”

  Dex looked at Kane, and this time Kane shrugged. “I’m sleeping with my boyfriend. Is that a problem?”

  Chase looked at the two of them, and suddenly Kane saw a wonder of wonders on his thin face: a smile. “No,” he said quietly. “Not to me. It explains why Donnie’s sister was so disappointed on Friday, but I’m pretty happy for you both.” He winked at Dex. “Glad to see your taste improved. Now, are you gonna tell me about cooking class or not?”

  “Yeah,” Kane said, and he held Tomas over the cage to see if the snake was ready to slide down or if he still wanted to cuddle. The vote was to slide down. “We’ll tell you about cooking class if you’ll agree to help Ethan watch the guys over Christmas while Dex and I go meet his folks!”

  Chase’s look at Dex was thoughtful, and Kane wasn’t surprised when Dex said, “Spit it out, Chase. You’re not allowed to do that anymore.”

  �
�I am when it’s something that’s none of my business,” Chase replied mildly. “I know. I asked.”

  Dex laughed a little. “All right, I’ll help you out. No, my parents don’t know. No, I don’t know if I’m gonna tell them. And no, I don’t know how that’s going to work out over Christmas. Did I answer all your questions?”

  Chase nodded. “All except the cooking class. And whether or not I can hold one of the turtles.”

  “You can hold the iguana if you want!” Kane said excitedly, because not even Dex had warmed up to Ms. Darcy the iguana yet. “She doesn’t get a lot of attention. But you gotta be careful she doesn’t bite. Her spit’s poisonous.”

  “Charming,” Chase said dryly. He found an empty spot among the terrariums and slid down to sit on the carpet. “Hand me the lizard and tell me the story quick. Ethan and Donnie are gonna meet us at the sporting goods store in an hour.”

  Kane lifted Tomas out of the terrarium again and handed him to Dex, where Tomas was more than willing to go. Then he reached into the terrarium to pull out Ms. Darcy.

  Ms. Darcy weighed around six pounds now and had a good eight to ten to go. When he’d first gotten her, she’d hissed and tried to bite him more than once. But Kane had wooed her. Sweet fruit, sweet grasses, fresh veggies—oh yeah, he bought her the nutritionally balanced pellets and cleaned and disinfected her food dishes twice a week, but that’s not what really made Ms. Darcy melt like butter. The trick was, while she was eating, he’d reach in and stroke her between the eyes, or even on the neck and along her spine and sides. When she’d allowed him to pick her up, he’d continued to feed her delicacies, until now, as long as she’d been fed, she was as docile as Tomas. Kane pulled her out gently and hefted her up, giving her tail room to swish. He looked up at Dex and said, “Could you get her some of the mango in the fridge?” and Dex turned around to do just that while Kane set the bright-green lizard delicately in Chase’s hands and told Chase about cooking class.

  The problem had been, Kane told him, that they were getting ready to take all these classes, but none of them were together. All the classes Dex needed were at Sac State, and Sac State wouldn’t even let Kane through the doors if he didn’t pass some classes at the community college.

  “Yeah, that sucks,” Chase said, stroking Ms. Darcy along the back. He seemed to have a knack for it. Ms. Darcy was relaxing right into his hands as Dex came in with the mango.

  “So I didn’t wanna do it,” Kane said frankly, looking at Dex with the remnants of his little snit-fit from the night before. “I mean, I like hanging out with him. Why would I want to make our whole week so we couldn’t even frickin’ see each other, right?”

  “Works for me,” Chase said mildly.

  “Damned straight,” Kane said, and he didn’t mind how much I-told-you-so was in his voice when he did, either. “Anyway, so I was gonna dig in my heels—”

  “And not in the fun, sexy way either,” Dex said dryly, and Chase grinned at him.

  Kane ignored them and went on. “—and Dex said that maybe we could take a class together at the community college. I was like, sure, what? He could get a degree in running a pet store? I mean, business and enterpetolomy—seriously. Where’s that come together?”

  Chase was crossing his eyes a little and moving his lips—Kane was pretty sure he’d gotten one of the damned words wrong, but he didn’t care, he was on a roll.

  “So Dex said how about something we both liked, and I said what? Cooking? ’Cause Dex cooks, you know.”

  “No, I didn’t,” Chase said, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. “How about next time we get together, we come here? Tommy’s gonna frickin’ kill me with tarragon over Christmas, I know it!”

  “Have him make fried chicken,” Dex said seriously. “No tarragon in that recipe at all.”

  “Can I finish?” Kane complained, and Dex gestured for him to go on. “Anyway, so Dex cooks, I cook, but I’m not sold on the idea. I’m like, ‘Cooking? Like food?’”

  “And I’m like, ‘No, cooking like poison, genius!’” Dex chimed in. “‘Of course cooking like food!’ And this guy looks at me and says—”

  “Two gay guys take a cooking class!” Kane quoted. “And Dex says, ‘What’s the punch line?’ and I say”—and they finished this together—“That is the punch line, I saw it on a sitcom last week!”

  Chase laughed throatily, looking from one of them to the other, and Kane smiled, feeling like he and Dex had accomplished something, making Chase laugh like that.

  “Okay,” he said when he caught his breath. “I get it. Cooking class. Like in the television shows. It sounds like fun.”

  Dex rolled his eyes. “I hope they’ve got a ‘Cooking with Ketchup’ chapter, just to make Kane comfortable.”

  Kane nodded, because he’d even do extra homework for that one, and then they both looked at Chase, cuddling Ms. Darcy to his chest and looking at the lizard fondly.

  “Look at her, I think she’s thinking about falling asleep.” Ms. Darcy’s eyes were partway closed, and she was swaying hypnotically in tune with Chase’s breathing.

  “She likes you.” Suddenly Kane found a reason to pout. “She likes you, Tomas likes Dex—when’s one of these stinkin’ guys gonna like me best?”

  “They all like you best,” Dex soothed. “You’re just the mommy. Most mommies get taken for granted while their kids go out and find a playmate. You’re gonna have to get used to it.”

  Kane perked up. “I’m the mommy? That’s awesome. I’ve always wanted to be the mommy!”

  “Good,” Chase said. He was suddenly sober. “So you’ll be able to help me if I decide me and Tommy can be the daddies, right?”

  Dex was the one who spoke into the charged silence. “You ready for that, Chase?”

  Chase looked up, and suddenly Kane saw that this guy, the guy they’d all thought had it together and then lost it, this guy who had some sort of mythic mystique in Kane’s mind, because he’d just been who he was, was really just as lost as Kane had always felt. “No,” he confessed with a smile, “but Tommy wants it more than anything. For Tommy, maybe I can fake it.”

  Kane bent down and took Ms. Darcy gently from Chase’s arms so the lizard could stay asleep and happy when they left.

  “I got a niece,” he said into the sudden quiet. “I love her a lot. I don’t never get to see her, although, you know, thanks to Dex, that might change. I’d love to see a baby, raise a baby, who knew who I was. I’d really love that. You know. I’m Mexican. We like babies.”

  Chase stood up and dusted himself off, and when Kane was done putting Ms. Darcy back in her terrarium (she was getting too big for it—Kane needed to build her an actual enclosure with some higher trees and stuff), Kane looked at his thin face with those haunted blue eyes and saw another one of those wonderful smiles.

  “Good,” Chase said. “If you guys can help us, I think maybe we can do this, you know?”

  Dex hugged him first, because Dex and Chase had been closer, but Kane stood by, waiting for his turn, until Dex grabbed him by the front of the shirt and hauled him in. It was a real good hug, and Kane felt that warm thing, that warm thing that more and more opened up in his chest, grow bigger and softer and friendlier, just from standing there with Dex and their friend.

  Conceding the

  Mental Conversation

  Dex

  DEX gave Kane the window seat on the plane, because he’d flown with Kane before and knew what would happen.

  For the first twenty, twenty-five minutes on the plane, as it powered up and took off, Kane was like a little kid. He pressed his nose to the window and watched as the farmland of Sacramento and Woodland disappeared beneath them. Most of the fields were green after the December rain that had besieged them since Thanksgiving, and etched with lines of service roads and the matte black ribbons of freeways.

  As soon as that disappeared and they were over the cloud cover, Kane turned around to Dex happily, laid his head on the seat rest, blinked twice, and fell
fast asleep.

  Dex was tired—exhausted, in fact, because those last few days hadn’t been easy, getting ready to go, finishing up at work, not to mention those fully realized covert plans for home renovation to surprise Kane—but still. He waited for Kane to fall asleep, because it was perfect and without self-consciousness. Kane’s descent into sleep was as sweetly trusting as Frances, who had cried on Santa’s lap but calmed down when Uncle Kane took her to their place and let her look at the turtles.

  Dex just wanted to see him sleep. It was soothing, and it put a soft blanket on the wicked edges of worry in Dex’s chest that had been catching and fraying on his well-being since he’d called his mother.

  “HEY, Mom. I was just wondering if I could bring a friend with me this time.”

  Dex called his parents while Kane was out with Chase, buying Christmas presents and shopping for Chase and Tommy’s nursery. Dex felt something alien and warm at the thought of the two men teaching each other how to spoil children. He’d spent the last nine years watching from the outside as his brothers and sister grew up, married, began families. As off-kilter and broken as his life was, he’d yearned for that. As many times as Tomas made himself at home in Dex’s balls (four now!), Dex thought he could deal with it, because that snake was Kane’s baby.

  So was Kane’s niece.

  So Dex had gone shopping with Kane most of the week, getting ready to spoil Frances rotten, but on this day, he gave Kane a break. Kane had been hinting, begging for a hint, anything, about what to get Dex for Christmas. Dex already knew what he was getting Kane—he’d set it up with Tommy, Chase, and Ethan while they were watching the critters. He’d been a little uneasy about how to give it to Kane with a bow, but Tommy told him they had his back. As far as Dex knew, none of the three of them had ever befriended Scott or even talked to the guy when Dex hadn’t been there, and he thought that should have told him something. God, the older he got, the more he was convinced he was the dumbest motherfucker on Earth.