Heart of Darkness bbm-1

by Lauren Dane

  Dominic looked around the kitchen. At the cabinets they’d made and installed themselves.

  “Did you know I made extra money when I was in L.A. by doing carpentry?”

  “Yeah? Good. You have a good hand with it. But you’re better at running things. This club of yours. Meriel told me about it last night. She invited me to Seattle to stay whenever I like. I want to see what you’ve built. If you’ll have me in your life, that is.”

  Dominic turned to face the man who was his father in every way that was important. “I’m pissed off at you. But that doesn’t change that I love you. Of course I want you in my life. Why do you think I’m still here?”

  Tom turned the bacon. “Put the biscuits in the oven please.”

  Dominic did.

  “Maybe you’re only here to get more info on your mother.”

  Dominic turned the potatoes, satisfied with how golden they’d gotten. “Really? You think that?”

  “No. Not really. Leastwise that’s not how you were raised.”

  “I know I haven’t been much for thank-yous and stuff. But I get it now.”

  “What’s that?”

  “All the limits I used to think were so severe, so much more strict than others. You did it to keep me from being him.”

  Tom snorted. “Partly I suppose. You’re headstrong. He was too. But so am I. Headstrong isn’t a bad thing. I just wanted you to have a sense that you could do anything you set your mind to. That inner strength and confidence your father lacked in the end. And then you ran off to Los Angeles and I worried so much. I just had to hope you’d snap out of it. And you did. You’ve built a good life, Dominic. You and Meriel will have a good relationship. And one day you’ll have babies and I can teach them how to fish and camp too.”

  Dominic had needed to hear that. He hadn’t realized it until that very moment just how much.

  “Meriel can see the marks. The protective ones on my body.”

  Tom’s brows rose for a moment. “Really? Your magick works together well then? I didn’t grow up in a clan. And then once you came along I wanted to get you away from any group of witches where you might be discovered. I know the rules I was raised with, but you’ll have to teach me about your life now.”

  Dominic realized no matter what else, he and Tom would get past this.

  “When I first met Meriel we had this sort of … potential. Major attraction. The clans are run by full-council witches, as you know. But they’re like junior partners until they meet and do the ascension spell with their bond-mate.”

  “So you were compelled to be with her? So she could take over a corner office?”

  Dominic grinned. “I felt that way at first. I didn’t trust any of it, but I can’t deny the appeal. Anyway, it’s not so rare it’s only one person in the world or whatever. I could have walked away. She gave me space, gave me time as I worked it through. But I don’t want to.”

  “So you’re one of them now?”

  “Yes. What I choose to do is up to me. Meriel is obviously very involved. They have committees and they own several floors of a building in downtown. They have businesses and it’s all to benefit the entire clan. They’re like a giant corporation but also maybe some of the mafia too.”

  It was Tom’s turn to laugh. “When you’re hiding from those who want to harm you and yours, the rules change.”

  “Exactly. Anyway, not all bond-mates are romantic or sexual. Sometimes it’s just a person you’re magickally connected to. Meriel’s mother’s bond-mate is like that.”

  “So what’s the catch? I mean, the bond is voluntary you said. What happens next to ascend?”

  “This is how it was explained to me and I’ve found it pretty accurate. Each of us has natural defenses — barriers around our magicks. Not all witches, but a small percentage the clan witches call full-council have a way to unlock it via another person. You have to choose to let those down and marry your energy with your bond-mate. The ascension spell unlocks those walls and, well, the best way to put it is that the magick of each person works as one unit. The spell throws all the walls around our latent magick wide open. Essentially an ascended witch is operating at full capacity because there are no reserves waiting for the balance of a partner. The bond-mate is a stabilizing element to channeling all that magick. Like the third leg on a stool. I’ve got my magick, Meriel hers and then there’s our magick.”

  Meriel came into the room and he turned to smile. He liked the way she looked, her hair loose, face clean of makeup.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” She looked worried and he wanted to fix that.

  “I was just explaining how the bond works. I was about to say that the spellwork we do together is even stronger than anything we do individually. It’s harder to break down with unraveling spells. You should see the warding she helped me do at Heart of Darkness.”

  She smiled up at him.

  “Can you get these potatoes on the table? I’m going to do the eggs. Scrambled okay?”

  “Yes, please.” She took the potatoes and set the table, getting coffee and juice for everyone.

  Chapter 21

  “SO do you want to talk about it?” Meriel looked up from her meal and across the table. He’d been moody and a little distant since they’d returned from Bend. He’d thrown himself into his work, making excuses to stay at his place instead of staying with her.

  He’d been fine when they were still at Tom’s. A little pouty here and there. Snippy, but he hadn’t really distanced himself until he’d pulled up at her place and said he had a lot of work to catch up on and left.

  He hadn’t asked her to stay with him and she’d felt like he needed the space so she gave it to him. She’d given him a few days, knowing he was upset about his parents and probably needed a little time to process by himself without the pressure of her or Tom’s presence.

  But this had gone on long enough and she was done. They had a life together and it was time to remind him that she was part of it.

  “About what?”

  “Really?” She sent him a raised brow.

  “Look, it’s over and done with. The past is the past.”

  “Really?”

  He sighed. “I don’t want to do this.”

  “Hm. Too bad. I do. You can’t just pretend you’re not upset about all you learned when we were at Tom’s. I get it. How can you not be? I’m not going to judge you for your feelings. I just want you to talk to me so we can work our way around it.”

  “I can’t emote on demand.”

  “I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to share yourself with me. I’m not looking for tears or rages, unless that’s how you feel and you want to do that. But you’ve avoided me for four days. If you’re angry at me, let’s talk about it so we can work it out.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You think what you think about her and I think what I think. Anyway, just because we’re bonded doesn’t mean I have to vomit all my feelings at all times for your amusement.”

  She stood and grabbed her purse, clamping down on her own hurt. “You’re right. You can’t. And if sharing with me makes you feel that way, there’s nothing more for me to say. I’ll be away until Friday. I’ll call you when I get back.”

  She’d hoped he would come after her, but he remained seated so she took her coat and left Heart of Darkness, running into Simon on the way to the door.

  “Meriel. It’s good to see your pretty face.” He bent to hug her. And then when he pulled back he took a good look. “Don’t tell me he’s still locked up.”

  “He doesn’t want to share with me and I can’t make him. But I can’t sit here knowing he’s upset and that he won’t open up even a little. I know it’s still new between us, but I can’t feel this way and I don’t think it’s helping him either. Keep an eye on him please. I’m going to San Francisco. I’ll be back Friday.”

  “Give him a chance. He’s never had anything even remotely like what he’s got with you. It makes him vulnerable to share. He doesn�
��t know how to do it right.”

  “I know. I’m not walking out on our relationship. Just this moment in time. I brought him dinner. I try to talk to him. He ignores me. He hasn’t slept over in a few days. He’s shutting me out of his life so until he’s ready to let me in, I have to be patient.” But it hurt too much to stay around just then. She wanted him to come to her and share. Understood why he hadn’t yet, but it left a lump in her throat and hurt her stomach.

  “He’s been working too much. I think he slept here last night. Though I did notice he’s got one of your T-shirts as a pillowcase, so he’s not as tough as he tries to come off. Will you be safe? I mean, away from here when all this stuff is happening?”

  “Yes. I’ll be on Owen land with other Owen witches. Life goes on. I can be there for him, and I am, but I can’t experience his grief and his guilt. I have to go. Please watch him. If anyone suspicious comes around, will you let me know?”

  “If that bitch comes around, I’ll make sure she never can again. And you be careful too. I don’t like you being away right now with all this mess.”

  “I can’t be here right now, Simon. I’ve given him space. I’ve not shown him just how upset I am. But I have feelings too. And I have a job. I have a clan to run. This meeting is important and so I’ll go. It’s two days.”

  And all she could do, she thought as she drove home, was hope he felt it when she was gone.

  “YOU’RE being a grumpy fuck who is going to have my fist in his eye in about five seconds.” Simon growled at Dominic from across the table.

  Dominic slumped, looking around for the eight-millionth time, hoping to see Meriel and then remembering she was gone. And then he’d start missing her again. Even more than he had an hour before.

  “You miss her.”

  He sighed. “When she said she was going I didn’t think she meant it. I went to her house yesterday morning and she was gone. I had no chance to apologize or to even say goodbye.” He should have followed her when she’d left Heart of Darkness that night. He’d let pride keep him glued to his seat as she walked away.

  “Do you even know if she got there safely?”

  “She sent me a text when she got to San Francisco giving me her hotel and room number.”

  “You haven’t called her yet? What the hell is wrong with you? I know you understand the magickal stuff now, I’ve seen how much stronger you are. The wards on the club, all the diversions and glamours between the back room and the front of the house are seamless. Gage’s idea of changing the overall flow of traffic between Other and human entrances was helpful too. You’re better now. With her in your life. You’re stronger. You don’t lose your cool at all. It’s like you’ve finally calmed down enough to know you’re doing just fuckin’ fine, thankyouverymuch.”

  Dominic laughed at that description. “Pretty much from a short time after we met until this fight, we’ve gotten along. Sure we bicker. She’s a very vexing woman sometimes.” He said that with a big smile. “I came up on this thing and when we were in Bend, we had this unity and closeness. She’d been supportive and helpful. She left me and Tom alone enough to work through our stuff, but not long enough for us to start fighting.

  “The way she is stuns me. She’s got this effortless intuitiveness about what I need. I took that. But I got back here and we sort of fell back into our schedules and I guess I fell back into my old patterns. I didn’t have this person to share with and turn to before her. I sure didn’t have a person I was metaphysically attached to, who shared my life in such a breathtakingly intimate way. And I was pissed off. Scared too probably, that she gets to me the way she does. I didn’t want her to be right about my mother and I resented that she was.”

  “Why aren’t you telling her this?”

  “I thought I could hold out until she got back. Give us both time to get past the anger and hurt. Be a little further from it. I’d show up at her place with flowers and some sea salt caramels and a lot of groveling, that we could get to makeup sex within an hour or two.” He covered his face. “I know. God. I’ve never run after a woman before. I let that get to me and then I’ve suffered for it just like she knows I will.”

  Simon laughed. “That’s tough love, man. But it’s either deal with it now and at least get some relief from this suffering and then you can get to the sex part way faster when you get back. Or you can wait till she gets back after you’ve suffered for another day and then still have to apologize and admit you were being a jerk.” He tipped a beer in Dominic’s direction. “She’s a ruthless, canny bitch. I really love that.”

  Indeed. He did too apparently.

  “So I talked to Nell earlier. They got some possible hits on my mom.”

  His friend looked around and then shook his head. “Get your head out of your ass. Damn it, Dominic. You are one of the smartest guys I know. Street smarts, business smarts. You are a survivor for a reason and that’s because you are fearless when it comes to the truth. Except for now. Why you holdin’ on to some fantasy that this witch is anything but a cancer? You don’t need to find a witch like her unless you got plans to remove her from your enemies list.”

  “Why does everyone judge her? You don’t even know her.”

  “Fuck you, Dom. Neither do you. And that’s a fact. What I know is as much as what you know. It’s as much as what Meriel knows. Tom knows even more. You’re the only one who looks at all this evidence and decides to just ignore the facts. That’s not you, man. Think about this woman.”

  “She’s my mother.”

  “So what? Huh? She gave birth to you and then abandoned you a time or two, oh and then maybe was even stealing your life force to get high. Brava. We know she’s turned. We know there’s no cure once you turn. She’s a turned witch who will kidnap, torture and maybe even kill, most likely kill, to get her fix. She is not whoever she was when she met your dad. She is not even a witch anymore. Her ties to her own magick are dead. She’s cut herself off from her gifts. When even nature won’t recognize you, you are not a cat people want at Thanksgiving dinner.”

  Dominic chewed his bottom lip a moment.

  “You’re my brother as assuredly as any of the ones back home who turn furry and have claws. I can’t allow you to lie to yourself. She can’t either. Meriel is exactly what you need. She won’t take your shit and she’d take a bullet for you. Don’t go fucking that up for some junkie who means you nothing but heartache. Don’t be dumb and lose everything real and good for this dream of yours.”

  Shit.

  MERIEL’S phone buzzed and a text from Dominic came onto her screen.

  I want to hear your voice. Can I call you?

  She smiled.

  Yes please

  Moments later the phone rang and she picked up. “Hey there.”

  “Hey there yourself. I miss you. I’m an asshole too. I’m sorry.”

  “I know you’re having a hard time with all this. I understand that. And I understand that you’re feeling exposed and raw and that maybe a lot of what you’d thought was your past was all just made up.

  “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry it happened to you. I’m sorry you’re hurting. But you wouldn’t let me in. You were so open with me at Tom’s but when we got back you dropped me at my apartment and went home. You made an excuse the next night too. I brought you dinner and you wouldn’t even look at me. You owe it to me to look me in the eye if you don’t want me around. It’s not fair for you to hurt me to get me to leave.” That had been the worst part.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I am. I was a dick. And I was scared and all off balance and I shoved you back even when I knew you would make it better. That you would help me find a way to give it all some meaning, so that it made sense somehow. And I knew I’d hurt your feelings when you left and I didn’t come after you, even when I knew you were upset. I came to you yesterday morning and you were gone. I miss you. I need you to help me make sense.”

  Meriel wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and tried not to sniffle where h
e could hear it. “You didn’t come after me. I wanted you to and you didn’t.” That’s when the tears leaked from her voice and she cringed, not wanting to make him feel bad.

  She heard his intake of breath. “I’m sorry. God. I’m sorry. I hurt you and it was totally my being a dick. I’ll come for you. Always from now on I will come for you.”

  She believed it. “You’d better. And how are you then?”

  “I haven’t slept much. I talked to Nell about some information that came up about my mother, Gloria, whatever. Simon yelled at me, but I think he set me straight. I guess I’m lucky to have a friend who’ll totally take me to school.”

  “He did? What for?” Good heavens, did they regularly get into fistfights? For fun? “I can’t believe that gets me hot.”

  He paused for a moment and then laughed. “God, I’ve missed you. We talked about the whole thing with my family. He just reminded me of who I was. I want to talk to you about all this face-to-face.”

  “I’ll be home tomorrow morning. Eleven thirty. You can pick me up from the airport. Call Gage and tell him.”

  By the time they hung up she felt a lot better.

  HE was there where the gates dumped passengers. A huge bouquet of red roses in one hand. He looked so good she sighed.

  Many women paused as they passed him, taking a long look, trying to get his attention but he had nothing for any of them. He looked at no one and nothing but Meriel. And when she reached him, he put his free arm around her and hauled her up to her toes to receive the kind of kiss she’d missed so very much.

  “You’re back.”

  She nodded.

  “Are you free for the day or do I have to share you with work?”

  “I’m all yours.”

  “Yeah. I’m a lucky guy that way.”

  She took the bouquet and buried her face in the silk of the blooms, breathing in deep. He had no idea but she loved getting flowers.

  He got her settled in the car and she relaxed for probably the first time since he’d dropped her at her door on Sunday night.