Circle of Friends Complete Collection

by Susan Mallery

  “Those of us in our thirties muddle through,” Abbey said. “There are people in college in their seventies.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Why? They’re not going to get a job or anything.”

  “Some people like to learn things because learning is fun and interesting,” Abbey said. “Some people like school.”

  Brandon looked as confused as if she’d just spoken Mandarin.

  “Don’t you like school?” Crissy asked.

  He shrugged. “Most of the time. I like math and science. I like to read, but not as much as Emma. If she could be a book, she’d be really happy. History is dumb and I hate writing papers.”

  “Typical jock,” Abbey murmured, then looked at Crissy. “I totally blame you for that. You’re so athletic. And his birth father was a jock. Couldn’t you have fallen for someone intellectual?”

  Crissy laughed. “Sorry. Next time I’m in high school and getting in trouble, I’ll choose someone different.”

  “It can’t be helped now,” Abbey said, looking at her son.

  Brandon laughed. “Come on, Mom. You love me just the way I am. You don’t want me to be different.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. A son who cleans his room could be exciting. At least it would be a change.”

  He sighed heavily. “I’ll clean my room. I promise.”

  “The deadline is Sunday by one. And yes, we’re going to church, so don’t think you can use that time to do it.”

  He picked up his plate and carried it to the counter. “I guess I should go do it now, huh?”

  Abbey shrugged. “It’s your call. Your room—your responsibility.”

  He turned to Crissy. “See what she’s like?”

  “You’re pretty lucky and you know it.”

  He grinned. “I’m not saying that.” Then he ran out of the room.

  Crissy watched him go. “You’re amazing with him.”

  “He makes it easy. Which is also your responsibility.”

  “I guess I don’t mind taking the credit, even though I don’t deserve it.”

  Abbey passed over the container of pot stickers. “How are you doing? You seem... I don’t know. Tired maybe.”

  “I have a lot on my mind. Before I forget, I wanted to ask your opinion about Brandon and the baby.” Crissy glanced toward the doorway to make sure they were still alone. “Telling him. I was thinking of waiting until I’m showing a little. Eight months before the actual birth seems excessive. What do you think?”

  “I agree. Waiting isn’t a problem. He’ll still have plenty of time to deal with the situation.”

  “Do you think it’s going to be hard for him?” Crissy asked. “I worry about that. About him thinking I didn’t care about him, but I care about this child.”

  “I don’t know how he’ll handle it,” Abbey told her. “But I do know we’ll tell him together, in a supportive environment and that we’ll get through whatever his reaction is. We’re his family and he knows that. I have a feeling everything is going to be fine.”

  Crissy hoped she was right. “Have you talked to Josh?”

  “Not in a few days. He hasn’t been around. What—” Abbey grimaced. “You told him, didn’t you? From the look on your face, I’m going to guess it didn’t go well.”

  “It was a disaster.” Crissy set down her fork. “I don’t get it. I thought I knew him. I thought we had a connection that mattered to him. He totally freaked. He accused me of tricking him so that I could get pregnant. Worse, he flat out said he didn’t want a child with me.”

  She did her best to stay strong as she spoke the words, but it was hard. Emotions welled up inside of her, making her hurt again.

  “He didn’t mean that,” Abbey said.

  “He sounded fairly sure.”

  “He thinks he means it, which isn’t the same thing. You have to know he’s reacting to his past rather than to you, right?”

  “Even if that’s true, does it matter? If he can’t let go of the past, then we don’t have a chance. I really thought he was the one.”

  Tears filled her eyes. She did her best to blink them away.

  “I thought he was great,” Crissy went on. “The guy you wait your whole life to meet. Now I’m not so sure. Did I make him what I wanted him to be? Did I create the perfect man out of a normal guy with a few problems? Everyone has problems—I’m good with that. But I’m not sure I can handle Josh’s. I’ll never be Stacey. And until he’s willing to let her go, he can’t be someone I can love and he won’t be a father to our child.”

  Abbey bit her lower lip. “I’m so sorry. I hate that this is happening. I know in my heart that Josh has to be excited about the baby.”

  “If he is, he’s doing a heck of a job convincing me otherwise.”

  “Don’t be mad at him,” Abbey said. “This is all my fault.”

  “I can’t wait to hear how.”

  “That first night you were here, I could see he was attracted to you. He hadn’t dated since Stacey’s death and I was getting on him about going out more. I told him to find someone and have sex before he forgot how. I just didn’t think he would do it that night.”

  Crissy smiled. “I hate to burst your bubble of self-importance, but you have nothing to do with what happened. As much as Josh adores you, he wouldn’t go out and have sex just because you told him to.”

  “I want to believe that,” Abbey said, looking miserable.

  “Does he ever do what you say?”

  “Oh.” Her expression cleared. “Not really.”

  “Why would he this time?”

  “I like your logic,” Abbey told her. “But that doesn’t solve the problem. Give him time. I think he’ll come around.”

  “I hope so,” Crissy murmured, knowing she would love for Josh to be a part of the baby’s life, not to mention her own. But only if he did so with an open heart.

  “Are you nervous about the baby?” Abbey asked.

  “A little. So far I’m not thinking much about being pregnant. It’s so new that I—”

  She stopped talking when Abbey held up her hand. The other woman put her fingers to her lips and quietly rose. She moved to the doorway and looked down the hall, then returned to the table.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I thought I heard a noise. Brandon found out you were his birth mother by listening in on a conversation between Pete and me. It’s kind of a thing with him, and we’re doing our best to break him of the habit.”

  “I’m glad you checked,” Crissy said. “This isn’t how I want him to find out he’s going to have a half brother or sister.”

  “Agreed. Anyway, you were saying you were in denial about the baby.”

  “Not denial exactly, but I’m not thinking about it every minute. I’m okay with being a single mother, at least intellectually. I’m financially secure, I have a support group, I run my own company, so my hours can be as flexible as I want them to be.”

  “You have me,” Abbey said. “I want to be considered part of your support group. I’ve raised three babies, so I’m experienced with the whole newborn thing.”

  “I’m happy to hear that. You’re my total mother role model.”

  Abbey smiled. “You’re sweet to say so, but I’ve made mistakes. Pete helps a lot, too. He’s great with the kids.”

  “I want Josh to be like that,” Crissy admitted. “I want him to be excited and involved. I can’t believe he would walk away from his own child.”

  “He won’t,” Abbey told her. “Like I said—give him time.”

  But would time be enough? “It won’t work if he’s not willing to move on,” she said slowly. “Which can be harder than it should be. I felt so guilty about giving up Brandon, I didn’t let myself move on for years. What if Josh is the same way? If he takes too long, he�
��ll lose so much with the baby.”

  “Are you willing to give him a chance?” Abbey asked.

  “Of course. I love him. But he has to be willing to take a chance, too.”

  * * *

  TOMMY WAS SEVEN and totally into airplanes. He wanted to be a commercial pilot when he grew up, but that was only after flying fighter jets for the air force. He already knew more about planes than Josh did and he wanted to go to an air show for his eighth birthday.

  Josh’s job was to make sure he lived until that birthday.

  He checked Tommy’s chart, then walked into his room. There were posters of airplanes on the wall and several stuffed animals piled on the bed. Tommy’s mother slept in the bed next to her son’s and even in sleep, she looked exhausted.

  Josh moved quietly, not wanting to bother either of them. As he reached out to lightly touch Tommy’s face, he braced for the heat of a fever brought on by the aggressive chemo he had prescribed.

  It was a classic choice of two evils. If Tommy didn’t have the chemo, his cancer would kill him. But the chemo was almost a death sentence itself. Symptoms varied, but in this child it had produced raging fevers that kept spiking at terrifying temperatures.

  There was an ice bath kept at the ready and in the past thirty-six hours, the nurses had used it twice.

  His fingers brushed against cool, damp skin. Josh frowned. Damp? Why would—

  Not daring to hope, he gently pulled back the covers and saw Tommy’s pajamas plastered to his body. They were soaked, as was the bedding.

  “Hot damn!” he said, louder than he meant to. Tommy’s mother opened her eyes and sat up.

  “What happened?” she asked, already on her feet and moving to her son. “Is it his fever? Should I call the nurse?”

  He grabbed her hand and put it on Tommy’s thin chest. In the light spilling in from the corridor, he saw her face transform from terror to wonder.

  “The fever’s broken,” she whispered. “It’s broken. That’s good, right?”

  “It’s better than good. It means he beat the chemo and he’ll be all right. I’ll have the nurse come in to change his bed and check his temperature, but it’s way down.”

  “Thank you,” she said, then put her hand over her mouth as tears trickled down her cheeks. “Thank you. No one else would take a chance on him. You’ve saved him.”

  “Not yet,” he told her. “But we’re in a much better place than we were.”

  He started to leave. She grabbed his coat sleeve and held him in place.

  “You always do this,” she said. “Come here in the middle of the night. I want you to know how much that means to us. I’m sure it makes your wife crazy, so would you please tell her thank you from my husband and me? Remind her what a great guy she married. While you’re at it, tell your kids they’re lucky to have you for their dad.”

  He nodded because there was no point in telling her he wasn’t married and didn’t have any children. Instead he went to the nursing station to request they change Tommy’s bed, then he wrote the results of his visit in the boy’s chart.

  It was late and the hospital was about as quiet as it ever got. He was exhausted. At home he could go to bed, even if he couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping much since Crissy had told him about the baby. But trying to rest made sense. Still, instead of heading for the parking garage, he took the elevator down two floors and walked toward the newborn nursery.

  There were seven infants sleeping in their bassinets. Just beyond the glass wall, he saw a nurse rocking a fussy baby. She moved with an age-old rhythm that was as instinctive as breathing.

  He had loved his wife with a passion he’d thought would live forever. Her passing had nearly destroyed him. So now, four years later, did he have the right to start over?

  He hated that he even had to ask the question, but he couldn’t help himself. In the darkness, when he was alone and there was no one around, he could admit that yes, a part of him did want a child. His child. Crissy’s child.

  If he were to pick any woman in the world to be his baby’s mother, she would be the one. He admired so many things about her and he knew she would be fiercely loving and nurturing.

  She was also an innocent party in all this and he owed her an apology. He’d been wrong in his accusations, lashing out because he’d been stunned by her announcement.

  How was he supposed to reconcile what had happened with Crissy with his relationship with Stacey? He’d told Stacey he didn’t want children and he’d meant it. But if he admitted he wanted this child with Crissy, didn’t that make everything about his marriage a lie? Didn’t that make him a bastard?

  How could he deal with the guilt and find peace? How could he be the man Crissy and his baby deserved?

  There were no answers in the night. Just the sleeping newborns and the ache in his chest that told him he very much wanted to be a father and damn the consequences.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  JOSH WAITED UNTIL the next morning before going to Crissy’s house. He thought about calling first, but had the feeling she might refuse to see him. After what he’d said before, he’d earned her anger.

  So he showed up at seven-thirty with Starbucks coffee and a bag of scones. She answered after the first ring.

  She was in the perfect state of almost-ready when women are most beautiful. Her makeup was on, but she wore a robe instead of a suit. Hot rollers covered her head and she had a brush in her hand.

  He’d been in pain since she told him about the baby, but this time, when he looked at her and felt the ache, it had a very different cause. He ached because he wanted her. Not just in his bed, but in his life. He wanted to talk to her and share dreams with her. He wasn’t prepared to say he loved her, but with time, that could come, too.

  “I have a meeting this morning,” she said by way of greeting. “I don’t have a lot of time.”

  “Then I’ll talk fast. Can I come in?”

  She eyed the coffee. “I’m supposed to stay away from caffeine.”

  “I brought you decaf.”

  “In theory a good thing,” she muttered, taking it from him and stepping aside so he could enter her house.

  He followed her into the kitchen and set down the scones. She shoved her brush into her robe pocket and turned to face him.

  “What do you want?”

  Not exactly the response he’d hoped for but he knew he was going to have to earn his way back to her good side.

  “I want to apologize,” he said, trying to put as much conviction in his voice as possible. “My reaction to your announcement was wrong in more ways than I can count. I know you didn’t set me up. It was ridiculous for me to go there. I was wrong to accuse you of running away from responsibilities. I’m sure there are other things I said that I shouldn’t have and I apologize for them as well. I’m sorry, Crissy. I mean it.”

  She stared at him for a long time, then looked down at her coffee. “It’s not that simple, Josh. I know I’m supposed to accept your apology so that everything could be fine between us, but that would be a lie. I hate what you said and even more, I hate that you thought it in the first place. I’m not the kind of woman who tricks men. Why don’t you know that?”

  “I do. I reacted out of a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with you. My past. Issues with Stacey. That all crashed in on me.”

  She raised her head and stared at him. “You’re wrong. All that stuff does have something to do with me. Your past makes you who you are. It will always affect me.”

  She was right. She was the kind of woman who would always be right. It could make a guy crazy, if he let it. Josh planned on enjoying the ride.

  “I can’t change my past, but I can learn to manage it better,” he said. “As to the pregnancy, I know we’re equally responsible. Neither of us was think
ing that night. Now there are consequences and I want you to know I’m prepared to be a part of that.”

  She set down her coffee. “It’s not consequences. It’s a life. In eight months, we’ll have a baby. You’re either in for the whole messy ride or you’re not. If you expect me to believe you’re the least bit interested, you’re going to have to show a little enthusiasm and energy.”

  Annoyance tightened his muscles. What the hell did she want from him? Blood? He’d shown up and apologized. And he’d meant it. Every word. He was willing to accept that he was totally in the wrong, that they were having a baby and he wanted to be part of that baby’s life.

  “This is a big step for me,” he said slowly, trying to keep his temper from showing. “I never wanted children, never thought about having them. Suddenly everything is different. I’m doing my best to make the mental shift. Could you give me a break on that? A lot of guys wouldn’t have even tried. I deserve some credit for showing up.”

  She folded her arms over her chest. “Oh my, yes. Big, big points for showing up. Yeah, you. What a fabulous man you are. The great Dr. Josh Daniels showed up. If you’d given me more warning, I could have arranged a band to be playing.”

  She was furious and should have looked ridiculous in her robe and curlers, yet she didn’t. Her words stung enough to make him want to lash out. He knew instinctively that was the road to disaster so he struggled to find a better way to say what he meant.

  Before he could, she said, “This is going to get me into trouble, but at this point, I don’t actually care. I want the truth, Josh. I don’t care if it’s pretty. Just go with your gut on this. Are you sure you never wanted children or did you decide that after you met Stacey and found out she couldn’t have kids? Was it your decision or a way to make her feel better?”

  The question ran into him like a truck. He managed to keep standing and hold in his need to deny the implication of her words. Then he stunned them both by saying, “I don’t know.”

  Crissy stared at him, her eyes wide, her mouth partially open. “I’ll give you credit for honesty,” she whispered. “I never thought you’d say that.”