by Kate Murphy
social exchange theory Peter Blau, Exchange and Power in Social Life (New York: Routledge, 2017).
experiencing the “other.” Bettina Bergo, “Emmanuel Levinas,” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, fall 2017, ed. Edward N. Zalta, https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/fall2017/entries/levinas/.
informed our ideas of morality Michael Tomasello, A Natural History of Human Morality (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2016).
guided only by the lantern Pascal Bruckner, The Temptation of Innocence: Living in the Age of Entitlement (New York: Algora Publishing, 2000), 19.
I have no idea Deborah Solomon, “The Science of Second-Guessing,” New York Times, December 12, 2004, https://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/12/magazine/the-science-of-secondguessing.html.
more intense than nonsocial regrets Mike Morrison, Kai Epstude, and Neal J. Roese, “Life Regrets and the Need to Belong,” Social Psychological and Personality Science 3, no. 6 (2012): 675–681, https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550611435137.
can’t go back and do over Amy Summerville, “The Rush of Regret: A Longitudinal Analysis of Naturalistic Regrets,” Social Psychological and Personality Science 2, no. 6 (2011): 627–634, https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550611405072.
regret is the second-most common Susan Shimanoff, “Commonly Named Emotions in Everyday Conversations,” Perceptual and Motor Skills 58, no. 2 (1984): 514, http://dx.doi.org/10.2466/pms.1984.58.2.514; Susan Shimanoff, “Expressing Emotions in Words: Verbal Patterns of Interaction,” Journal of Communication 35, no. 3 (1985), http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1460-2466.1985.tb02445.x.
17: WHEN TO STOP LISTENING
working on a story Kate Murphy, “The Fake Laugh,” New York Times, October 20, 2016, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/23/opinion/sunday/the-science-of-the-fake-laugh.html.
As George Eliot wrote George Eliot, Middlemarch (New York: Harper & Brothers, 1873), 70.
certain expectations in conversation H. Paul Grice, Studies in the Way of Words (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991); H. Paul Grice, “Logic and Conversation,” in Speech Acts, ed. P. Cole and J. L. Morgan (New York: Academic Press, 1975), 41–58.
politeness and fairness in turn taking Geoffrey Leech, Principles of Pragmatics (New York: Routledge, 2016); Penelope Brown and Stephen C. Levinson, Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage, vol. 4 (Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 1987).
calling tech support Kate Murphy, “Why Tech Support Is (Purposely) Unbearable,” New York Times, July 3, 2016, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/04/technology/why-tech-support-is-purposely-unbearable.html.
’Tis the good reader Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Collected Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson: Society and Solitude (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 2007), 150.
You mirror each other’s Thomas Fuchs and Hanne De Jaegher, “Enactive Intersubjectivity: Participatory Sense-Making and Mutual Incorporation,” Phenomenology and the Cognitive Sciences 8, no. 4 (2009): 465–486, https://doi.org/10.1007/s11097-009-9136-4; Alex Pentland, “Social Dynamics: Signals and Behavior,” in Proceedings of the Third International Conference on Developmental Learning (ICDL’04), Salk Institute, San Diego, UCSD Institute for Neural Computation (2004): 263–267.
We can readily accept Robert Zajonc, “Feeling and Thinking: Preferences Need No Inferences,” American Psychologist 35, no. 2 (1980): 151, http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.35.2.151.
treatise On Friendship Alexander Nehamas, On Friendship (New York: Basic Books, 2016).
It may really be too hard Amy Bloom, Love Invents Us (New York: Vintage, 1998), 205.
communication privacy management theory Sandra Petronio and Wesley T. Durham, “Communication Privacy Management Theory Significance for Interpersonal Communication,” in Engaging Theories in Interpersonal Communication: Multiple Perspectives, ed. Dawn Braithwaite and Paul Schrodt (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 2014), 335–347; Sandra Petronio and Jennifer Reierson, “Regulating the Privacy of Confidentiality: Grasping the Complexities Through Communication Privacy Management Theory,” in Uncertainty, Information Management, and Disclosure Decisions: Theories and Applications, ed. T. A. Afifi and W. A. Afifi (New York: Routledge, 2009), 365–383; Lindsey Susan Aloia, “The Emotional, Behavioral, and Cognitive Experience of Boundary Turbulence,” Communication Studies 69, no. 2 (2018): 180–195, https://doi.org/10.1080/10510974.2018.1426617.
compared to other breakup strategies Tara Collins and Omri Gillath, “Attachment, Breakup Strategies, and Associated Outcomes: The Effects of Security Enhancement on the Selection of Breakup Strategies,” Journal of Research in Personality 46, no. 2 (2012): 210–222, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2012.01.008.
CONCLUSION
the collective monologue of preschoolers Jean Piaget, Language and Thought of the Child: Selected Works, trans. Marjorie and Ruth Gabain (New York: Routledge, 2002), 1–30.
greatest compliment Henry David Thoreau, “Life Without Principle,” American Studies Collection, University of Virginia, http://xroads.virginia.edu/~hyper2/thoreau/life.html.
Index
The index that appeared in the print version of this title does not match the pages in your e-book. Please use the search function on your e-reading device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below.
Abraham, Laurie: The Husbands and Wives Club
active listening
air traffic controllers
Algonquin Round Table
algorithms
alienation
alternative facts
amygdala
Anderson, Stephanie
Annie Hall (film)
anxiety
Apple
Armstrong, Neil
Aron, Arthur
assumptions
attachment-based programs
attachment theory
attention
attention economy
aural environments and
conversation and see conversation
divided
grabbing for
people’s confidences, sustained attention and receiving
self-awareness and
silences and
span, average
speech-thought differential and
technology/distraction and
vocal properties and
withholding
audiobooks
auditory cortex
auditory hallucination
auditory information, processing of see also hearing
aural environments
authenticity
autism
avoidance/withdrawal strategy see ghosting
awareness
background music
bad listeners
behaviors
Barnes, Monica Bill
bartenders
Basilica of Our Lady of San Juan del Valle, San Juan, Texas
Bass, Dick
Becker, Howard
Bercow, John
Betty Crocker
Betzig, Eric
big data
bin Laden, Osama
Blau, Peter Michael
blind, listening see also nonverbal communication
Bloom, Amy: Love Invents Us
Bodie, Graham
body language see also facial expression
boredom
Boston College
boundaries, setting/respecting
Bowling for Columbine (documentary)
Bradbury, Ray
brain:
amygdala
attachment theory and
auditory cortex/auditory processing
autism and
brain waves, syncing of
differences of opinion/fight, flight, or freeze mode and
inner voices and
prejudicial information and
speech-thought differential and
theory of mind/social cognition
uncertainty and
Wernicke’s area
Brexi
t
Brookings Institution
Brown, David
Bruckner, Pascal: The Temptation of Innocence
Carnegie, Dale: How to Win Friends and Influence People
Caro, Robert
Catholic Church
Center for Attachment Research, New School, New York
Center for Courage & Renewal
Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
Chicago commuter study (University of Chicago)
children/childhood
Churchill, Lady Randolph see Jerome, Jennie
Churchill, Winston
Circle of Security
clarification
clearness committees, Quaker
Clinton, Bill
closeness-communication bias
Coche, Judith
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
cognitive complexity
collaboration
collective dialogue/collective monologue
Collins, Senator Susan
Columbia University
comedy
command of conversations see also conversational sensitivity
communicators, best
communication privacy management theory
communication research
commuter study, Chicago (University of Chicago)
con artists/hustlers/scammers
confession, Roman Catholic Church
confidences, keeping people’s
confirmation bias
congressional hearings, U.S.
connectedness
Connolly, Cyril
contradictory views see opposing views
contrived listening
conversation:
aural environments and
closeness-communication bias and
conversational flow
conversational grandstanding
conversational narcissism
conversational pods
conversational sensitivity
conversational turn-taking, equality in
conversation starters
email see email
face-to-face
gaps in/silences and
gossip see gossip
Grice’s four conversational maxims
listening feedback loop, as a continual
most memorable and meaningful
quality of, attentive listener changes
reflecting on
social media see social media
speech-thought differential and
support/shift responses and
technological distraction and
telephone see phones
text see text messages
tone of voice and
Cook, Tim
Coolidge, Calvin
couples’ group therapy
Crick, Francis
Crowe, Kelsey: There Is No Good Card for This: What To Do and Say When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love
curiosity
Dallas Police Department
Dartmouth College
Darwin, Charles
dating
Davis, Miles
daydreaming
dead air
deaf/hearing-impaired children see also hearing loss
debate teams
demeanor, listener’s
Democratic Party
depression
Derber, Charles
device dependency
disconnection
Disraeli, Benjamin
distraction
addiction to
speech-thought differential and
Doerr, Anthony
dogmatism
dogs, hearing ability of
dopamine
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor: Notes from Underground
Duke University
Dunbar, Robin
Durham University
eargasm
earplugs
ears
right- and left-ear advantage
effort, listening takes
Eliot, George: Middlemarch
Eliot, T. S.; “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”
email
Emerson, Ralph Waldo
emotion:
attachment styles and
conversational sensitivity and
friendships and
hearing loss and
inner voices and
nonverbal cues and
right- and left-ear advantage and
self-awareness and
silences and
support/shift responses and
technological distraction and
tone-deaf responses and
tone of voice and
see also individual emotion
empathy
English language
Epic Games
Epictetus
Essential Partners
European Union
“everyday talk”
expectancy bias
Facebook
facial coloring, emotion and
facial expression
grammaticalization of
screen time and
face-to-face conversation
fake/bot accounts, social media
Family Dinner Project
Family Romance
faux pas
Federal Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I.)
Fernyhough, Charles 129; The Voices Within
Feynman, Richard; The Pleasure of Finding Things Out
fidgeting
fight, flight, or freeze mode
Fitzgerald, F. Scott: Tender Is the Night
Flores, Bishop Daniel
fMRI scans
focused interview see also focus groups
focus groups
fetuses
Freeman, Charles
Fresh Air (National Public Radio program)
Freud, Sigmund
friendship
closeness-communication bias and
Dunbar’s number and
“everyday talk” and
hospitality, listening as a form of, and
humor and
layers of
opposing views and
reflecting on conversations and
syncing of brain waves and
tone-deaf response and
Gallery Furniture
General Mills
generation Z
generosity of spirit
ghosting (avoidance/withdrawal strategy)
Gibson, Jerry
Gladstone, William
Gómez, Father Jorge
good listeners
Google
gossip
Gottman, John
government shutdowns (2018–19)
Great Conversations
Grice, Herbert Paul
Gross, Terry
Group Attachment-Based Intervention
group storytelling exercises
Guardian, The
guilt
gun violence
Hairston, Joseph Henry
Hampsten, Katherine
Hariri, Ahmad
Harvard Business Review
Harvard Law School
Harvard University
Hasson, Uri
Hawking, Stephen
Haynes, David
headphones
hearing
animal
auditory information processing, brain, and
mishearing
physical mechanics of
loss of
helicopter parents
Henderson, Naomi; Secrets of a Master Moderator
higher-order thinking
Hopf, Greg
hospitality, listening as a form of
hostage negotiation
Hovde, Matt
humor
hyperpartisanship
identity, social
ideological entrenchment
IKEA
improvisational comedy
improvisational l
istening
individualism
inflection
inner voice
insecurity
Instagram
integrated services digital network (ISDN) line
intelligence-gathering
intelligence/IQ
interest, demonstrating
internal stances/attitudes
internet see also email; Google; and social media
interrogation
interruption:
of cell service
conversational
devices interrupting train of thought
intimacy
introductions, first
introverts
intuition
irrational behavior
isolation
Ive, Jony
Jacobs, Jerry
James, William
Japan
Jerome, Jennie (Lady Randolph Churchill)
job growth, social interaction and
Jobs, Steve
Johnson, Lyndon
journaling
journalism
Journal of Research in Personality
Jung, Carl
Kahneman, Daniel; Thinking, Fast and Slow
Kamprad, Ingvar
Keaton, Diane
Keats, John
Keller, Helen
Kohut, Heinz
Koudenburg, Namkje
Krenzel, Lauren
laughter
left-ear advantage
Lehman Brothers
Lennon, John
Levinas, Emmanuel
life expectancy
linguistic relativity
LinkedIn
lipreading
listening see individual area of listening
Llyndgyn, Myrd
long-term relationships, closeness-communication bias and
loneliness
Lukensmeyer, Carolyn
Luntz, Frank
lurkers, social media
lying
Mahler, Gustav
Mahmud, Sultan Bashir-ud-Din
manipulation, listener’s power of
Mankoff, Bob
Manson, Marilyn
mansplainer
marriage
mass shooters
Maurois, André
McCain, Senator John
McCartney, Paul
McDonald’s
McDowell, Emily: There Is No Good Card for This: What To Do and Say When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love