Unsound

by Chantal Fernando

  “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want her, and you know it,” I clip angrily, pointing at Dani. “And, I never said I didn’t want you,” I inform her. I know I never said those words. Just like Lady to put shit in my mouth. She did it when we were younger, and it looks like that never stopped.

  “I didn’t want this life for her. She is on a great path. She has a future, and it’s not biker trash.”

  My face burns, feeling like I have been slapped. She called me biker trash all the time when we were younger. It’s the worst thing I have ever been called in my life and it still burns today as much as it did back then. Why in the fuck did she come here? Why is she here, asking for help from biker trash?

  “That’s how you see me, huh? Biker trash?” I ask softly, avoiding looking at my daughter. I’m scared to see if she agrees with her mother. I risk a glimpse at Dani. Her mouth is parted with shock and her face is tense with confusion. Maybe she doesn’t think I am trash, a deadbeat father. Maybe I can fix what was never there between Dani and me. But whatever was between me and Lady is long gone in the wind of resentment.

  “There’s a room at the end of the hall you can stay in, Lady. This is a lot for Dani to take in. I'm sure she could use some alone time.”

  “Don’t tell me what my daughter needs. You know nothing about her.” Her face scrunches. “She needs her mother, and that is what she will have. Don’t you have some slut to attend to?” I step up to Lady, ready to throw her fucking ass out of my club. I have had enough of these fucking games.

  “Enough!” Dani shouts. I stop mid-step and look over at Dani, her body wracking with emotion. The anxiety she must be facing, the uncertainty she has to be feeling. I look down at myself, my hands clenched and body puffed out in anger. I look terrifying, not what I want Dani to see in me. I quickly turn, leaving Dani and her mother. I can’t be around Lady and keep a cool head on my shoulders. I don’t want Dani to think I’m the monster her mother put me out to be. I may be a lot of fucking things to keep my club the way it is, but I’m a man, and I need family just as much as any other person.

  BABS

  Several days pass and Bull hasn’t really spoken to me at all and has ignored my texts. I know it’s because his ex-girlfriend has come to town and him just finding out about his daughter. I’m on edge and feeling anxious. Is he wanting to get back with her? Not to mention, Locks seems to be putting on some kind of show lately, acting sweet toward me at the club. Not sure if it’s to appease Miss. Fancy Pants or what it is. Maybe he wants to work things out between us. I don’t see how that would be possible with everything that has happened between us though. The young girl Shadow was carrying is named Dani, and looks just like Bull. She seems nice as they go. Dani is innocent and naïve. I’m floored she is the daughter of Bull and that bitch who walks around here like she is better than everyone. Dani better grow a backbone if she wants to survive this place.

  Just as I’m about to head into the kitchen, Dani walks out from the hallway and sits on a stool. She looks up at me and smiles, her bright green eyes nailing me. She has got her father’s eyes something bad. I go in the kitchen and pile a heap of eggs on a plate, grab an orange juice from the fridge, and place it in front of her. She grabs the fork next to the plate and takes small bites, surveying the place between each forkful.

  “Where are all the guys?” she asks, pushing her plate forward.

  “They've gone on a bike run, hun. Something the boys do to handle club business. They should be back soon,” I reply, wiping the bar clean. “Other than that, we don’t get the privilege of knowing what their runs consist of or how long they'll be out,” I inform her. Her face takes on a blank look, as if she is shocked at what I just told her. I have seen the way she looks at Shadow; better she know now then fall for the fool and throw the rules out the window like I did with Locks.

  “A lot of these bikers, they don’t like women here at the club. This is their stomping ground, and we are not privy to what goes on here. Being an ol’ lady, you are to take care of your man and not ask questions regarding the club,” I continue. She nods, but doesn’t say anything. Just as I think I have scared her enough, I grab her plate and head for the kitchen.

  ***

  There is a club party tonight, and I have been chopping and whipping up dips all day. I want everything to go well for Bull and the party. Not to mention, he goes crazy over the dip I make. The club is getting loud and hectic just as I put out the last bowl of dip. I push through crowds of people. The music loud and the smell of pot strong, I go down the hall in look of a bathroom. The hall is packed with people leaning against the wall and talking. I try and shove through, but am not making much progress when my hand is suddenly grasped and I’m pulled forward. I smile, I know that hand anywhere.

  Bull pulls me into his room and shuts the door. It’s dark and I can smell hard liquor on his breath.

  “I haven’t been ignoring you,” he states, rubbing his hands down my face gently.

  "What do you mean?” I try and act like I haven’t noticed, but it’s a lie. I have been sweating bullets that I was thrown on the back burner now that Lady is back in town and they have a daughter together.

  “Shit with Lady isn’t adding up. Lady’s ex is hard to find. I have had my men looking for him and have come up with nothing. Why is he so hard to find if he’s a bigwig as Lady says he is?” He sighs, shaking his head. “I can’t believe I have a daughter, and I’m trying to make up not being there by being there now,” he replies. He grabs my hand and gently applies kisses to my fingertips, his breath skirting across my knuckles. I’m shocked he is telling me shit that happened at the table and the trust he must have in me to tell me these things. But to hear Lady’s name come out of his mouth has me angry.

  “Do you love her?” I blurt mindlessly. I close my eyes as soon as I say the words, scared of the response and pissed at my bitter jealously of that vile woman who calls herself Lady.

  “Who?” Bull questions, slowly licking his bottom lip.

  “Lady,” I answer quickly. Bull drops my hand and exhales slowly.

  “Does it matter?” he questions. I pull my head back to look at him, see if he is joking.

  “It does, very much so,” I reply, ticked off.

  “No, I don’t love her,” he whispers, his tone sincere. My breathing picks up, relieved.

  He skirts his hand down the side of my neck, taking my mind from collided thoughts. Aware of his touch, I squeeze my legs together to smother the ache rising between them.

  “You can clench those legs together all you want, it won’t help,” he whispers arrogantly.

  “Bull, I can’t. We can’t,” I whisper back.

  “Locks, this way, baby,” a voice coos from the other side of the door, following Locks’ laughter. The second Locks thinks I’m gone, he’s humping on a cunt-cake. Fuck it. I close my eyes and grab hold of Bull’s neck, pressing his lips to mine.

  “That’s my girl,” Bull mumbles against my lips.

  I push on Bull, making him stumble onto the bed. My hands fumble with his belt, my heart stammering against my chest; scared we might get caught. Sometimes I wish we would. Get it over with, take the wrath of the club after finding out we broke club laws, and move forward. It seems like no matter how hard I try to move forward, I can’t, not when I am living a life of nothing but secrets.

  Bull grabs my shirt and pulls it over my head, his hands grabbing on to my red bra. He pulls the cups down, making my breast pop out and lift to attention.

  “Fuck yeah,” Bull whispers, taking one into his mouth. He sucks on my nipple, the cool air rushing against the moisture his mouth leaves behind. He gently bites down on my breast, causing just enough pain to make me gasp. I grab at the waist of his jeans and pull them downward. Instantly, his cock springs free, waiting for the taking. He leans down and wraps his arm around my waist and stands, my legs wrapping around his frame as he plows us against the dresser, making shit fall everywhere. His lips peck up my neck, ca
using a slight burn from his abrasive beard.

  “You are too good for any of us,” Bull whispers against my skin, causing goose bumps to rise.

  “Shut up,” I demand, out of breath, kicking my heels off. I lean my neck back, giving Bull access to the tender skin. He brushes kisses up my neck before licking and sucking on the spot right under my ear, causing a fire to bloom in my lower stomach. He grabs my jeans and quickly unbuttons them. Shimmying them down my legs, he throws them over his shoulder. He runs his hands up my legs slowly and hooks his fingers into my panties, pulling them off agonizingly slow, making the hair stand up on my neck. He grabs me by the ass and lifts me off the dresser, his mouth licking and sucking at my left nipple as he moves us. He trips over one of my heels and has us crashing into a wall, my back screaming from the impact. Just as I’m about to suggest going to the bed where it’s safe, he impales me with his length.

  “Oh!” I moan loudly.

  “Yeah, baby!” Bull grunts in the crook of my neck. He grips my hips tightly and pulls me up and down on his dick. I tighten my hold on his neck, my head lolls back, and I cry out with pleasure.

  Bull turns us and heads for the bed. We flop on the bed, me on bottom and Bull on top, his dick never leaving me. He grabs my legs and places them on his broad shoulders as he pistons his hips quickly. He looks down between us, watching as he enters and withdrawals from my warmth. His lips are parted slightly as he pants, and his forehead is wrinkled with concentration. He slides his gaze from us to my eyes, and that look of really seeing me, the feeling it gives me, I know I am falling in love with Bull. My hands grip the sheets as I feel my pussy tighten around his cock, my toes curl, and the overbearing pressure has me crying out his name.

  Just as I come down from ecstasy, Bull follows with his own. Falling on top of me, grunting, his body tensing.

  “Damn,” Bull mutters, out of breath. He rolls over, pulling me on top of him, and rubs his hands up and down my back slowly.

  “If we didn’t live this Hell, lived a normal life, Delilah, you’d be mine,” he whispers, the sincerity of his voice making me gasp. That’s just it though; we do live in Hell, and in Hell, there is no escaping the damaging things it brings. I’m in love, and can’t fully be in love because I’m already owned by a Devil.

  *****

  I wake up in bed alone again. I spent the night with Bull the night I slept with him. He nuzzled his nose right into my neck and held me close all night. It was a few days ago, but now when I come home and sleep, it’s lonelier than ever. At least I don’t have to accommodate Locks anymore. He pretty much stays at the club. He comes and gets clothes and food here and there, but that’s it. This thing between Bull and me, how long do we have to keep it a secret? Forever? I grab my low cut, silk black shirt, blue jeans, and low cut boots. I put on my makeup, leave my hair down, and head for the club. Bull will be up for his coffee soon.

  I pull up to the club and get out. The air is thick with humidity, making it hard to breathe today. I push the doors open to the club and stop. There is blood trickled on the wooden floor. Well, I think it’s blood. It’s dried and damn near black. That’s going to be hard to get up.

  “Safe house was attacked.” I look up and find Shadow sitting at the counter with a coffee mug in hand, arm bandaged up. “Bull had Shadow and Bobby take Dani and her mother to the safe house, get them out of the club for a while.”

  “Oh, shit, you okay?” I drop my bag and hurry to him, looking his arm over.

  “Yeah. I grabbed a bullet, but Dani is safe,” he replies, eyeing his arm.

  “What about her mom?” Does it make me a bad person to hope she caught a bullet too?

  “Nah, she wasn’t there when it happened,” he answers, his tone groggy. From the looks of him, he hasn’t slept.

  “Anyway, Dani is here. Will you look after her?” He looks up at me with pleading eyes, eyes of someone who has fallen.

  “You crossed a line, didn’t you?” I ask, taking a step back. I watch his Adam’s apple gulp at my accusing question.

  “I don’t want to know,” I say, placing my hand up to stop him from answering my question.

  I walk into the kitchen and find Bull staring at his coffee cup intently.

  “You okay?” I ask, noticing the coffee pot already full.

  Bull snaps his gaze from the mug to mine.

  “Hey, doll. Yeah, I’m fine, just a lot going on,” he answers, grabbing his cup off the counter. He walks up to me, brushes my hair behind my ear and kisses my cheek quickly.

  “I gotta run. Look after Dani for me? Oh, and Lady was up drinking with Vera all night, so she will be a bitch today. Stay clear of her,” he demands. I grab things to make some breakfast, worried about the sudden attack against the club. I know Bull will figure out who did it and why, but it’s still nerve wracking.

  *****

  I walk back to the bar and spot the boys finishing up the eggs I cooked. Something catches my attention by the hall. Looking over, I see Dani standing there nervously.

  “Hey there, babe, you hungry?” I ask her. Her eyes widen in my direction. I walk into the kitchen and look for another plate to pile on some eggs. As soon as I walk out of the kitchen, I notice Bobby and Hawk, an older member of the club, fighting on the floor. I sigh and turn back for the kitchen. Those two are like children, always bickering about shit and not getting along. I grab some juice from the fridge and make my way back to Dani, who is sitting at the bar now.

  “Well shit, boys, we better get,” Locks says, kissing me on the cheek. My face winces, curious why he is being so damn sweet. Is it for Dani? “We should be back tomorrow night sometime, babe.” I can’t help but roll my eyes, his tone fake and unwanted. He never tells me when he will be back, or where he is going. He is putting on a show, what an ass. I notice Shadow mumbling something to Dani, her face on cloud nine as he speaks to her. They look so cute and young. Poor Shadow is going to pay for this one, what is he thinking?

  Later in the day, I’m gathering up shit to make some lunch, knowing Dani will be coming out of her room for food here soon. Hopefully, her mother keeps her drunk ass in the bedroom. I’m nervous. Dani seems to have Bull in a frenzy of emotions. I care for Bull, and I can smell something is up with Lady. I will kill her if she hurts him. I look over and see Dani moseying in, her face taking in the club like she does every time she walks in.

  “I’m about to get lunch going, babe,” I inform her, smiling.

  She nods and smiles. My smile fades and my eyes furrow. “You know your dad would do anything to protect you. If you hurt him, I will make sure you and your mother never see another day of light,” I threaten unintentionally. I close my eyes and curse myself. Why did I even saying anything? If Bull hears I threatened his daughter, I am in deep shit.

  “I know, and I am not here to hurt him. I’m not like my mother,” she informs, her tone strong and confident. “Anything my mother does is on her own agenda, not mine. I want to know my father better, and I trust him, more than I trust my mother,” she mumbles, her face a little broken. I can’t help but smile, knowing the relationship between her mother and her is shit and it might just be in Bull’s favor.

  “Good.”

  What do you clean blood up with? - B

  I do a double take at the text message at three in the morning, making sure I read it right. Shit.

  I’ll be there in a minute. -Babs

  I ride to the club, pajamas still on. I get out of truck and walk toward the club, stopping when I find blood splattered outside and trailing inside the club’s doors.

  “What the hell?” I mutter.

  I walk in and find Bull sitting backward on a stool, staring at the blood on the wooden floor.

  “What happened?” I ask frantically, my eyes searching his body for wounds.

  “He fucked my daughter, even after I warned him,” Bull replies, his face in a permanent scowl. I know who he is talking about. I knew Shadow couldn’t resist.

  “Who?” I ask
, only because Bull is looking at me waiting for me to ask.

  “Shadow,” he mutters. I look back at the dried blood, afraid to ask what he did to him.

  “Dani got taken by Shadow’s mom. I’m not entirely sure why, but we went and got her back today,” Bull says, rubbing his hands over his face.

  “Is she okay?” I question frantically.

  “Yeah, little banged up, but she’s okay. That girl is tough, I tell ya. Anyway, that’s when I found out about her and Shadow. Shadow was a fucking mess when he found out she was taken, off his game and distracted. Don’t get me wrong, I was fucking sweating bullets as well, but I was rational,” Bull explains; his head tilts to the side as he explains what happened.

  “So what’d you do?” I ask nervously, my voice cracking, giving away my unease.

  “I fucking shot Shadow in the arm, Bobby too,” he informs, his voice confident and stern.

  “Bobby?” I question, curious why he would shoot him too.

  “Yeah, he knew the whole time that Dani and Shadow were together. I couldn’t let that kind of betrayal go without justice,” he dignifies.

  I shake my head, understanding his predicament. I walk up to him and cup his scruffy face in my hands, trying to calm the rage inside of him.

  “He broke a club law. He went for her even when I told him not to,” Bull continues. I can’t help but smirk. Shadow reminds me a lot of Bull, and looking at the spot Bull and I are in, how can he be so judgmental?

  “Why are you smiling?” Bull demands, his tone angry. I bite my lip, trying to stifle my grin.

  “Who else do you know who has broken a club law, a few of them actually?” I ask, taking my gaze from the blood to him.

  Bull breaks eye contact and looks at the blood staining the floor.