Fragile Dreams

by Karen Cogan

  Gran dabbed her eyes as Caroline assisted James up the steps. “It is good to have you home, James.”

  James flashed Gran a smile. “Thank you, Gran. There were times I wondered if I’d ever see all of you again.”

  Caroline frowned. “What happened to your leg?”

  “Caught part of a cannon. I’m afraid the doc couldn’t get out all the little pieces or get the shattered bone to set just right. I’ll have this limp all my life, but at least I have my leg. I saw...” he trailed off. “No. I won’t tell you about the horrors I saw. You’ve been so brave to hold things together here. I worried I’d come back and find us burned out.”

  “The Lord’s been watching over us,” Gran interjected.

  James nodded. “I’m glad of that. I wasn’t a praying man before I left, but I said my share of prayers when the cannon balls were flying and I thought of my family here at home.”

  After he washed at the basin, Gran set a bowl of stew and a generous wedge of cornbread before him. Andrew returned with the buttermilk, watching with satisfaction as James closed his eyes with pleasure as he took a large draught.

  “Ohh, that was good. I haven’t eaten like this in a long time.”

  Caroline blinked back tears, thinking of what he must have suffered to think this simple fare such a feast. In times of plenty, they had eaten two meats, a table full of vegetables and cobblers and pie for dessert.

  James poked at the vegetable in the stew. “You must have a good garden this year.”

  Caroline nodded. “We’ll have enough to can for winter. We put in acres of cotton, too. You can see it later when you’ve had a rest.”

  James sat down his fork. “You got the cotton in by yourselves? I don’t know how you managed.”

  “We couldn’t have done it without...” Andrew piped.

  Caroline jostled him to silence. This was not the way she wanted to introduce Nate’s existence to James.

  “Would you like more cornbread?” She asked quickly.

  James shook his head. “Better not. My stomach’s already more filled than I’m used to.”

  He studied Andrew. “You get in a fight?

  Andrew nodded. “Some guys jumped me when I left the store.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, they said...” He paused, glancing at Caroline.

  She jumped in quickly. “They’re a bunch of town kids, sticking together. You know how kids can be. Their parents should be ashamed.”

  Before he could ask any more questions she added, “I saw an old friend of yours. She wanted to know if we’d had word of you. She seemed quite anxious.”

  The flush that crept into James’s gaunt cheeks made Caroline smile. “Mary. I got her letters often at first. Then, it was hard to get mail. How is she doing? Is she well?”

  “She’s very well. Her father’s store is doing brisk business now that the war is over.”

  James frowned. “No doubt it’s largely because of all the Yankee soldiers in town. It’s enough to lose a war without having to live under martial law. I’d be glad to never set eyes on a blue uniform again.”

  Caroline swallowed hard. How could she tell him her heart had betrayed her? She had not intended to fall in love with a Yankee, would never have invited one into their house. Yet the simple deed of restoring Nate’s health had led to both.

  She shivered as she remembered the words Jed had flung at her. He’d said James would rather be dead than know she’d fallen for a Yankee. She prayed with all her heart it would not be so.

  ****

  Nate’s boots scraped along the wooden sidewalk on the way to the livery to get the horse he’d had re-shod. He pushed past a man dressed in a loose striped suit. Gaudy rings adorned the man’s hands as he gestured in emphasis to the young lady who clung on his arm. Nate shook his head. The carpetbaggers had arrived like buzzards ready to feast on the spoils. Their loud talk and flamboyant dress set them apart from the plainly dressed town folk.

  Folks Nate recognized as old blood turned away and crossed the street to keep from brushing against the offensive newcomers. Nate understood their feelings about men who would buy cheap what hungry folk could not afford to keep.

  Clouds that had taken all day to build opened into a lazy summer shower. Bodies crowded along the sidewalks to keep out of the mud that splashed from the wheels of buggies. He stepped past an uncovered alley and back to the sidewalk. A man stood with a group of ex-slaves promising them wealth if they invested their new earnings with him. Nate snorted in disgust. The atmosphere of the town depressed him. Like a carnival in a grave yard, the prosperity seekers came in callous disrespect to the mood of the town. People had united during the war, lifting each other’s morale. Now with spirits low, they stuck together to disdain the carpetbaggers and Yankees. And woe to anyone who broke the rank.

  He winced at the memory of Andrew’s bruised face. My fault. My fault... Every step of his boot seemed to beat out the rhythm. He could have prevented the position he had put them in. He could have resisted his attraction to Caroline. He might have let stand the barrier that had separated them. When his wound had healed, he could have ridden away, with no one the wiser about the kindness Caroline had shown him.

  Instead, he’d let his selfish attraction rule his heart. He had wanted to love her and have her return his love. Yet, what kind of love would separate Caroline from the social support that had governed her life? The accusation on her face when she’d seen Andrew, bruised and cut from the fight, haunted him. He longed to hold her tightly and kiss away all the pain and confusion, to promise that they could live in their own world where no fist or snub could ever hurt them again.

  Yet, if they married and stayed here, he knew they’d live their lives under a shadow of disapproval. He stomped through the mud to the door of the livery. The familiar smell of horseflesh and feed, leather and polish, brought a measure of comfort.

  Dave, arms thick as young trees, was bent beside a horse, finishing a job. Nate thought sourly that the army had brought the livery owners a great deal of business. Perhaps, in the depths of their loyal hearts, some business men would miss them more than they would like to admit.

  Dave straightened. “Afternoon, Lieutenant. Raining still?” His soft drawl washed over Nate, making him wonder how much this young man resented returning from Gettysburg with a patch over one eye.

  Nate nodded. “The rain’s good for the crops.” He thought of the rows of cotton he’d helped Caroline plant. Those rows would need a lot of hoeing to keep out the weeds that sprang incessantly from the fertile ground. He’d planned to ride out on his next leave to attack whatever had sprung up in his absence. The uncertainty that he would be welcome grew in his mind like those very weeds multiplying near the cotton.

  Maybe Caroline had decided she was out of her senses to consider marrying a Yankee. Maybe her trip to town and her visit with her friend had convinced her she’d acted out of loneliness.

  Dave nodded toward a stall. “Your horse is over there.”

  Nate fetched the horse and inspected the job. Satisfied, he reached in his pocket to pay Dave. Dave watched him closely. He accepted the money and said, “Maybe it’s not my place to say this, but I’m going to because you seem a decent sort of guy.”

  Nate frowned, puzzled.

  “You have a family back home?”

  Nate nodded.

  “Any sisters?”

  “I’ve got four sisters.”

  “How would you feel if you came home and found one of them fixing to marry a Confederate?” Nate stiffened, seeing the angle of the conversation.

  “I’d want her happiness enough to look beyond the division of war and see we’re all God’s children when it comes down to it.”

  Dave ran a dirty hand through his pale hair. “Well you’re more Christian in your outlook than many around here. There’s talk a lady’s honor is at stake if she crosses over the line by allowing you to come courting. I’m thinking it’s nobody’s business but her own
, but there are others who don’t think that way.”

  Nate raised his eyebrows as Dave’s gaze shifted away. “What else have you heard?”

  “That you’ve got to be taught a lesson if you think you can court a Southern belle.”

  “Who’s going to teach me this lesson?”

  “Can’t rightly say. Just thought you ought to be warned. I don’t take with jumping a fellow when he’s outnumbered.”

  The hair rose on the back of Nate’s neck. So that was it. Men were waiting for a chance to jump him, beat him senseless, or worse. He would have to be especially careful if he did ride out to see Caroline.

  He clapped a hand on Dave’s arm. “Thanks. It was decent of you to warn me.”

  The rain had slowed to a light drizzle as Nate led the horse across the muddy livery yard and onto the street. He glanced at a group of officers coming out after supper at the hotel. The strong presence of the Union army safeguarded him in the streets of town. No one would be fool enough to jump him in view of a group of soldiers. A shot cracked behind him.

  In the first moment of shock, Nate’s blood ran cold, thinking the shot was meant for him and wondering if he’d been hit. He stared at the frozen street scene and the confused faces. The lieutenant across the street went down, falling against the other officers. A woman screamed as men bent over the fallen man. Nate took a step toward them, and then paused.

  As his senses thawed, he began to think. He could do the most good by finding the gunman. The shot came from behind him at the saloon. He threw his reins across the hitching post and smashed through the doors, gun drawn. In the heat of late afternoon, he wasn’t surprised to find the bar room crowded. The heavy-set bar keeper stood behind the counter, regarding Nate with eyes too small for his fleshy face.

  “Get you a drink, Lieutenant?”

  Nate ignored the question. He kept his back to the door as his eyes roved the seated men, tensed and watching for any sudden movement. Civilians were not allowed to carry weapons. Yet, someone had defied the rules and escaped detection.

  He backed toward the stairs. “Who fired that shot?”

  Silence bathed the room. His hand shook with anger. “Not having the courage to identify a cold-blooded murderer makes all of you just as guilty.”

  Bending low, he wheeled and darted up the stairs. On the landing he came face to face with the man who had served as sheriff. Caroline had called him Jed. A girl clung to his arm.

  Nate pointed the pistol into the man’s chest. “Turn around.”

  Jed turned around. Nate searched him for a weapon but found nothing.

  “Is there a problem, Lieutenant?”

  “Yes, there’s a problem. Someone shot an officer. Where have you been?”

  The hatred in the man’s eyes belied the smile that curled his lips. “Why, I’ve been keeping company with Mandy.”

  He turned toward the girl, “Haven’t I sweetheart?”

  “You sure have,” she simpered, hanging onto his sleeve.

  Nate didn’t trust them. He didn’t trust anyone. Still, without a weapon, he had no evidence.

  “Get downstairs,” he ordered. The pair sauntered placidly down the stairs.

  Nate called down to a group of soldiers who’d entered the saloon. “Search everybody downstairs, then come up here.”

  When the search downstairs proved fruitless, they searched each room upstairs. No potential hiding place revealed a weapon. Still, Nate insisted on covering the rooms again and again. The Lieutenant had taken a bullet in the forehead. Whoever had shot him was a good shot, someone who would shoot again.

  At last, although he felt sure the shot came from the saloon, even Nate had to admit defeat. The weapon had either been smuggled out or been too well hidden to find. Feeling defeated, he walked back to headquarters. Two more men murdered. Who would be next?

  Fragile Dreams

  Fragile Dreams

  CHAPTER TEN

  Caroline kept her patience, not disturbing James until he had washed up, rested, and trimmed his beard. At last, he came downstairs looking like a gaunt version of the handsome brother she remembered. His loss of weight could be cured by Gran’s cooking. The limp, however, seemed destined to be a permanent reminder of his time in battle.

  At supper, he quizzed Caroline about Mary. “She asked about me?”

  Caroline smiled. “She did. She was worried when the letters stopped. We all were.” He nodded, bending his dark head over his supper.

  “I was sorry when mail got too hard to deliver. I missed the letters from home.”

  Caroline caught her lip between her teeth. So much had happened while he was away. She longed to tell him how Jed had lied in order to try and force her into marriage. Yet she dared not do so. James would surely confront him, leading Jed to break the news about Nate. She wanted to pick a time to broach the subject gently. It would have to be soon. If Jed did not tell James, Mary would surely do so. Mary had a heart of gold. Yet, she could never keep a secret. Caroline would have to tell James about Nate before he went to see Mary.

  “When will you go calling?”

  He frowned. “I don’t know. I’d love to hitch the buggy first thing in the morning and go to town. But I’m afraid I’d get there and find she’s changed her mind. She’s waited at home, pretty as ever. I’ve come home damaged.”

  He stretched his injured leg.

  Caroline frowned. “Having you come home with a limp is the least of her worry. Not when we’ve been praying you’d come home any way at all. I don’t think you men have any idea how hard it is to stay home and wait, and worry.” She thought of Nate’s danger. No doubt, his family was also praying for his safe return.

  James thin cheeks flushed. “Of course you’re right. I’m thinking of myself and not how she’s been feeling. And what of you? Who’s safe return have you been praying about?”

  Andrew and Gran had been quiet through supper. Gran drew a sharp breath. Caroline glanced at Andrew. His eyes were round with concern. She felt their tension as they awaited her answer.

  “Why, you, of course.”

  She turned to Gran. “Shall we have dessert?”

  James had no intent of letting her off so easy. His dark eyes held an impish light. “I haven’t taken leave of my memory and forgotten that your dance card was filled at every ball. There must be someone you’ve been missing.”

  Caroline swallowed hard. The truth would surely surprise him. She missed a Yankee officer so much that her throat ached at the thought of him. Her heart pained at how she had left him in the alley as his eyes begged her not to blame him for Andrew’s fight. Yet she had driven away, absorbed in self-pity. She released the breath she’d been holding.

  “Unlike your Mary, I have no Confederate gentlemen I’m considering for marriage.”

  James accepted a piece of pie. “Now that the war’s over, we’ll see who comes calling.”

  After supper, he limped out to inspect the fields. He whistled softly. “How did you manage to get so much done without hiring help?”

  “Andrew worked hard. You should have seen the way he learned to plow and harrow.” She eased her guilty conscience by reminding herself that it was the partial truth.

  Andrew grinned from ear to ear before going off to chase an old barn cat that wandered into the field.

  James squatted to inspect a thriving plant. “Crop looks good. Aren’t enough plants to let us live extravagantly, but we should make enough for food and taxes. That’s more than I expected since I’d been thinking I’d get back too late to plant and we’d have no cash crop at all.”

  He rubbed the soil between his fingers. “I’ve missed seeing this black earth sprout clouds of cotton. When I was laid up with my leg, all I could think about was getting back home to see my family and touch the land.”

  Caroline stared down at his dark head. A lump rose in her throat. His appreciation of the rich earth reminded her of how much Nate longed to find a good farm. He’d shared his dreams with her as
he lay recovering. He wanted to pick out fertile acres, virgin land, not far from a sure source of water. He wanted to work the land with his own hands, coaxing it to bear the bounty that he longed to produce.

  She watched James finger the land that had been in her family for generations. Such was the dynasty Nate longed to create. Yet, from the depth of his love, he had been willing to sacrifice his dream. Her conscience stung with the knowledge that she did not feel the same unselfish devotion. She loved Nate. Of this she felt no doubt.

  Still, the thought of going west terrified her too much to consider. She would have to make him see that they could find happiness here. If he didn’t want to live at the main house, when money allowed, they could build a pretty little house a short distance away. They could raise their children in civilization with the culture and comforts she had been given.