She crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window. “Let me tell you something. Lola’s dad left when Lola was just a little girl.”
“I know. She told me.”
“But there’s one thing she didn’t tell you because I haven’t told her yet.” She sighed. “He tried to come back just after Lola moved to New York. He came crawling back, saying he wanted to make things work again with me. He said he’d made a mistake.”
“Wow. What did you do?”
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “I kicked his ass outta here. Too little, too late. He had his chance. You see, Julian, there are two types of men in this world. Those who run because they’re scared of getting hurt and those that dive in anyway because the risk of getting hurt isn’t nearly as bad as having missed out on a great love.”
Her words hit me straight in my core, perhaps like no others had. I was a runner. I’d been running my whole life.
She gave me a knowing look and then stood up to get on with her morning chores.
Half an hour later, the car was packed, and it was time to say goodbye to Lola and the others. Shannon took me in with a big bear hug, which seemed to be amusing to Lola, although I don’t know why. Everyone else was just as keen to send me off with well-wishes, except for Lola. She was downcast as she embraced me quickly, obviously eager to get the moment over and done with. She could barely look me in the eyes. Maybe it was easier that way.
It was better to cut the cord, rather than drag things out. I got in the car and pulled away, leaving One Tree Valley, and Lola, behind for good.
After driving for a few miles, the feeling of dread inside me only amplified. It was that nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right.
I had to be sure about this. One thing I knew for sure was that this was it. If I walked away now, I was losing her forever.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I was wrong. At the same time, a voice screamed inside my head, telling me that it would never work.
“Fuck it.” I put my phone on speaker and called Kash.
“Julian, hey, buddy.” He sounded like he’d just woken up.
“Kash, I need you to tell me that I’m doing the right thing here.”
Kash sighed. “So you didn’t get the girl?”
“No. It’s not that I don’t feel anything for her. What I feel is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, even more than with Hannah. I think that’s what scares the shit out of me about her. But you know, she’s young, she’s got so much life ahead of her, so much love… she deserves so much better than me. Why would she want to be burdened with a step kid and my crazy ex-girlfriend. She is young and free. Why would she want me? Even if she thinks she does, she doesn’t know—”
Kash interrupted. “Woah. Slow down. Look, I’m no expert on love, but it seems like none of that stuff is actually your decision to make. It’s Lola’s. You’ve gotta give her the chance to decide. There’re no guarantees in this. These are human relationships, Julian. It’s not a business contract.”
I was surprised by how much sense he was making, but there was still something nagging at me. “That’s the thing, there are no guarantees. I don’t think I can lose someone like that again. I mean, I think it would break me completely.”
“It’s simple, buddy. If you’re making the choice out of fear, then your taking the coward’s way out.” Kash paused. “You’re no coward in the ring, Julian. So why the hell are you being one now?”
I let the words reverberate in my mind. He was right. I wasn’t a coward. Not when it came to business, not when it came to boxing… I’d been to prison for fucks-sake.
“What the fuck am I doing?” I hung up on the call and swerved on the road as I did a quick U-turn, heading back in the direction of the commune.
Chapter Forty
Lola
I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry in front of my mom, so I made an excuse to go inside. I stared out the window in my bedroom, trying to think back to where it all went wrong and if I could have done anything differently. The thing was, I don’t think I could have. I put it in Julian’s hands, and he made a choice. Now he was gone.
A commotion sounded from outside. It sounded like a car had screeched to a halt.
“Lola! Come out here! Quick!” My mom hollered at me from out the front.
What the hell? I walked through the house and out onto the porch only to see Julian’s rental car parked right in front. The man himself marched toward me with a look of determination in his eyes.
“What are you doing back?” I asked him.
He didn’t say a thing. Instead, he grabbed my waist, pulled me to him and kissed me in front of everybody. When he pulled away, I couldn’t formulate any words.
What did it all mean?
“I pick you.” He rubbed my cheek, taking in my reaction. “I’d pick you today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life if I could. I thought I lost someone before, but that pain would be nothing compared to the loss I’d feel if I let you slip through my fingers.”
My breathing quickened as he continued. “Come back to New York with me. Be with me. I know I’m stubborn and hard to read, and I push people away, and I probably don’t deserve you… But if you love me, the way I love you, I’ll work every day to make you happy. That’s something I can guarantee.”
The knot I’d been feeling in my chest disintegrated immediately and made way for a burst of joy that could have swallowed me whole. He waited for an answer. His eyes looked nervous, and his hand trembled as he held my face.
He chose me. He wanted me. And he was finally willing to take a leap.
I gave him a wordless answer when I leaned up and kissed him back.
* * *
Several days later, we were back in New York. I’d stayed the night, and we were sitting at Julian’s kitchen table, having a lazy breakfast. Julian’s eyes widened as he looked up from the newspaper. “Holy shit.”
He handed the paper to me and pointed to the article on the front page. I scanned the article and slowly look back up at him. It was reporting on the arrest of Cole Gallagher after his former personal assistant, Meredith Taylor, went public with evidence of sexual harassment and abuse he’d been perpetrating at his company.
Apparently, Meredith had been hoarding recordings of conversations, emails, and other evidence for years.
“Well, it pays not to piss off your employees.” Julian shook his head. “Cole isn’t a murderer, but he’s a creep, and he’s finally going to get what’s coming to him.”
Julian was over the moon. I got up and went over to kiss him on the cheek, but instead, he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me passionately.
After we broke apart, Julian studied my eyes and tenderly brushed a hair behind my ear. “The pain, the stress… It’s all been worth it. But it didn’t take Cole getting arrested for me to know that. The second I got you, that I really knew you were mine, I knew I would have walked through fire to get where I am today.”
I nestled my face into his neck and sat there, basking in the contentment of finally having my own happy ending.
I didn’t need a list.
I didn’t even need a twirly gown.
All I needed was a shitty, lime green chair that I dug out of a dumpster. The perfect sewing chair… that led me to my very own, tattooed prince-charming.
Have you caught up on the rest of the Seven Vices Series? Pick up Wrath (Book 1) and Greed (Book 2) now.
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Obsession: Seven Vices Series Page 20