Masquerade

by Cambria Hebert

  As I walked from my locker to the cafeteria, my stomach knotted in anticipation for today’s report. It was Monday, the crappiest day of the week, and it just got crappier because now I had to sit through an entire lunch of her details of the weekend. Her weekend with Sam. I tried to console myself with the fact that she said all their ‘dates’ were strategic, meaning that they only went places where she would be seen with him, and she was certain it would get back to Cole. She told me that they hadn’t ever been completely alone on a date, and I was curious what Sam thought of that. I wondered how much he liked her and how much he would hurt when she dumped him and went back to Cole. Then I wondered if Cole would even want her back. As if he knew I was thinking about him he appeared at my side.

  “Hey, Hev.” He said, giving me a smile.

  “Hey.”

  “I thought about calling you after the other night…I wanted to see how you were doing.”

  “See how I was doing? You’re the one who had to watch Kimber drape herself all over Sam.” I muttered darkly.

  Hurt flashed in his eyes, and I felt bad for my comment. Just because I was suffering didn’t mean he had too as well. “Do you know him well?”

  I glanced at Cole swiftly. “Who?”

  “The new kid – Sam. The way you said his name…” he looked at me with questions in his eyes.

  “Uh-no. I’ve heard her talk about him a lot.” As soon as the response left my lips I felt guilty again.

  “I’ll catch you later,” Cole said, stopping just outside the cafeteria doors.

  “Aren’t you coming to lunch?”

  “I forgot my lunch money in my locker.”

  Before I could respond or try to apologize for my foul mood and grouchy comments, he stalked off.

  Exhaling, I walked into the cafeteria to our usual table where Kimber was already sitting, lunch bag open in front of her. I slid into my chair, bracing myself.

  “How was your weekend?” she cheerfully asked.

  “Fine – and yours?”

  “So great. I had a date.” She smiled and her eyes sparkled. I was beginning to wonder if she was even doing this to get back at Cole anymore. I wondered if she enjoyed playing with people’s hearts like this. Then she said, “He came over to my place.”

  The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and my vision blurred. I blinked several times. “Sam came to your place?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  That’s all she had to say? Usually it was, ‘Sam this’ and ‘Sam that’ and blah, blah, blah. She never shut up! But the one time I wanted just a single detail, she was being closed-lipped. It could only mean one thing. She liked him – really liked him.

  I couldn’t do this. My chest tightened, and a cold sweat prickled my skin. Do not freak out right now. Calm down. I took several deep breaths until I felt more in control and then looked up at Kimber who was chomping on her sandwich, oblivious. Then a bright smile broke over her face. “I invited someone to join us today.”

  Oh no.

  Sam pulled out a chair next to Kimber and sat down. I think my heart stopped beating. So far I’d only had to listen to the gory details and see them, briefly, from across the hall. But never once did I have to witness Sam and Kimber up close and personal. I couldn’t bear it.

  “Sam, you remember Heven?”

  “Hey, Heven.” I swear his voice turned huskier than usual when he said my name.

  “Hey,” I returned, blushing furiously.

  “Where’s your lunch?” Kimber asked him.

  “I need to go through the line.”

  “I’ll save your seat.” She giggled, leaning toward him.

  He smiled, and I wanted to gag. I scooted my chair back so I could get out of there when Kimber turned toward me. “Here.” She reached into her bag and handed me a sandwich.

  I took the sandwich, laying it in front of me. “You brought me a sandwich?”

  Kimber rolled her eyes. “I’ve been bringing you a sandwich every Monday for months.”

  She had? Sure, she shared sometimes, but every Monday?

  At my blank look she rolled her eyes again. “Mondays are the hardest day of the week for you. You never remember food. Can’t have you wasting away.”

  Her thoughtfulness touched me and made me regret the things I’d been thinking earlier. Then Sam cleared his throat. My eyes shot to his face; he wasn’t looking at me, but at Kimber. “I’ll be right back.”

  When he was gone I tried to escape, using the same excuse Cole had used only moments before. “I forgot something in my locker.”

  “Not so fast.”

  “What?”

  She sighed. “I know you’re uncomfortable around new people, and I get it, but Sam, he’s important to me.”

  “More important than Cole?” I shot out.

  She seemed taken aback. “I…”

  “Don’t you think he’s learned his lesson? How much longer are you going to hurt him?”

  “He hurt me too.”

  “Not like this.” He wouldn’t do that to her.

  Kimber frowned and looked to where Sam was in line.

  “You really like him?” I whispered. When she opened her mouth to answer I cut her off. “Don’t answer that. It isn’t my business anyway.”

  “Of course it is. You’re my best friend.”

  But I couldn’t stand to hear her answer, which was ridiculous, because I didn’t even know him, and he had no clue I was alive. He arrived back at the table and sat down. Kimber looked at me with pleading eyes, and with a sigh, I scooted my chair back to the table.

  “I need to talk to you about something,” Kimber said, taking a bite of her turkey sandwich.

  “Okay.” I was only half-listening, distracted by Sam’s presence.

  “You know Jenna broke her arm?”

  “Uh-huh,” I answered. Sam’s hands were huge; he had long fingers and short square fingernails. The fork he was eating with looked like a child’s toy.

  “Earth to Heven” Kimber was waving her hand in front of my face.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, and Sam looked up to catch me staring at his hands. Quickly I ducked my head, but not before I saw his lips tilt up. My heart beat faster.

  “Anyway, I thought you could think about it,” Kimber finished whatever she was saying.

  I stared at her.

  “You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” she frowned.

  “Uh, yeah, Jenna and her broken arm.”

  Kimber brightened a bit and nodded. “I want you to take her place at the cheer competition next weekend.”

  “Me?” I choked on the water I was drinking. The cap from my bottle flew out of my hands and landed right in front of Sam. He scooped it up before I could reach for it and held it out. It looked small lying in the center of his palm. I flicked my eyes up to his face, but then looked back down when I saw him watching me. “You lost something,” he rasped and held his hand out to me.

  “Thanks.” I tried to touch as little of him as possible, but someone jostled his chair from behind just as I was reaching into his palm. Instead of the ‘no contact’ I’d planned, his arm shot out, and I automatically grasped his hand to try and steady him.

  His skin was warm.

  And slightly rough.

  I sighed.

  I swear he heard the small breath, and his eyes locked on mine. I didn’t pull away as I wanted to because I was surprised by the shot of gold that was like lightning through his whiskey- colored stare. I blinked then looked back at him, but the gold was gone. Had I imagined that?

  “Heven, are you okay?” Kimber worried from somewhere far away.

  To my intense surprise Sam squeezed my fingers before gently sliding his hand from beneath mine. He grabbed my water bottle, and I watched as he twisted the cap back into place. When he was finished he returned the bottle beside my elbow.

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.”

  “Heven, the cheer competition?” Kimber reminded me.

 
“I don’t cheer anymore.”

  “It hasn’t been that long, and I can teach you the routine.” I shook my head, ready to shoot her down, but she interrupted. “Please! The team won’t be able to compete because we’ll be short.”

  I looked doubtful, and Kimber hurried to add, “Two girls are out because of injury already, and now with Jenna…”

  “Find someone else.”

  “There isn’t anyone, and you’re the best!” Kimber smiled over at Sam. “Heven was going to be head cheerleader.”

  I kicked her under the table. Sam looked at me. “Yeah?”

  I nodded, blushing.

  “Cool. How come you stopped cheering?”

  Wasn’t it obvious? Kimber made a sound, but I held up my hand. “I cheered Before.”

  He seemed confused, so I motioned to my face and looked right at him so he could see.

  “You stopped cheering because you have scars on your face?” He put his fork down like he was sickened by his food. It made my stomach hurt to see his reaction to my ugliness, and I quickly ducked my face, reaching for my hair and pulling my hoodie as close around my face as I possibly could. Desperate for a new subject, I turned pleading eyes on Kimber, but she was staring in the opposite direction, so I followed her gaze. Just entering the lunchroom, Cole was standing in the center of the room, staring at our table. He looked angry and hurt at the same time. Abruptly he turned and banged out the doors, and Kimber jumped up from her chair.

  “I’ll be right back,” she threw out and then ran after him.

  I resisted the urge to go after them both and find out what was happening. Did Kimber finally understand that she was breaking his heart? Could Cole possibly forgive her? I prayed that he would, because things just didn’t seem right when they weren’t together. And because selfishly I didn’t want her to be with Sam. I reached across the table and gathered Kimber’s forgotten lunch – I knew she wouldn’t be coming back this period. I couldn’t wait ‘til the final bell rang so I could find out what happened between them. As I zipped up her fashionable pouch I felt a whisper against my ear. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  A shiver started at the base of my spine and went all the way up to my shoulders. Ever so slowly I turned to peek at him from around my hood.

  “Remember me?” He smiled.

  Something familiar ghosted through me, but I couldn’t think about that now. I would never forget Sam. I nodded. His chuckle slid over me like honey, and of their own accord, my eyes briefly closed.

  “So?” he prompted.

  I sifted through the fog in my mind for whatever it was he’d asked. Oh, yeah, the scars. “Yes. I gave up cheering after my accident.”

  “I don’t think you should let a few little scars keep you from what you love.”

  He was closer than ever. Somehow his chair was right next to mine, and he was the only thing in the universe. “I-It isn’t little.”

  “Your beauty overshadows it.” He said the words easily, as if they cost him nothing. Yet they were words that were more valuable to me than anything, and I was very afraid that they cost me my heart. The very heart I had been trying to protect. I watched in slow motion as his hand came up and drew closer, his hazel eyes hypnotizing me. Right before he made contact I realized what he was doing, and I jerked away. No one had ever touched my scars, except for my doctor. Not even my mother. As a result of my quick reflexes, his hand brushed the side of my hood and landed on my shoulder. I kept my eyes down, trying not to struggle for air. I felt his fingers move over me, almost like a caress, and then his touch was gone. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

  “You didn’t.” My shaky voice betrayed me.

  He sat back in his chair and watched me for several moments until I looked up. He seemed angry with his jaw set and hand clenched in his lap. “I’m sorry,” I told him.

  “Me too.” The simple words were spoken like he truly meant them, and I couldn’t figure out what he might be so sorry for. Was it was the fact that he tried to touch me, or the fact I was too chicken to let him.

  “I have to go, I…I don’t want to be late for class.”

  His white teeth flashed, and he laughed.

  “What?” I scowled.

  He motioned to the room, and I managed to break my eyes away from his beauty.

  I gasped. “How long?”

  “About five minutes.” He was amused.

  I, of course, was mortified. I’d sat there with Sam for five minutes without noticing that the room was completely empty.

  Chapter Five

  Heven

  The skies were dark and cloudy, matching my mood. Why did I always allow her to talk me into things that I absolutely did not want to do? From the window seat of the bus I stared out, watching the trees bow and sway in the increasing wind.

  A storm was coming.

  In the glass of the window I saw Kimber slide into the seat beside me. With a sigh I turned to face her.

  “Want me to do your hair?”

  “No,” I replied quickly. “I’ll do it before we go on.”

  She didn’t press, which was a good thing. “Thanks for doing this,” she said, lowering her voice.

  I looked down at my lap, noting the bright colors of my cheerleading uniform – something I thought I would never wear again. I thought back to the day at lunch, the day I secretly think of as “the day Sam stole my heart”, and remembered the broken look on Kimber’s face after school. Her strategic ‘dating’ of Sam worked too well so things with Cole were not going well. In my head I told myself that it was her fault, and in my heart, I felt a teeny bit of satisfaction that she was getting a little payback for making me watch her with Sam. But she was my best friend – my only friend, and I hated to see that broken look on her face. So, when I denied her request once more to cheer for the competition, she informed me that I was their last hope. If I did not agree to learn the cheer, then the entire squad would have to forfeit. How could I do that to my old squad? It made me feel downright guilty.

  So here I sat, on a bus headed toward Portland, for a very public cheering competition. The girls surprised me with smiles and welcomes. I even got a few thank yous for bailing them out of a forfeit, and it felt good to be back with the squad. The practices were fun, and the routine was super easy to learn; I even managed to change a few moves to make it better. If only I could skip the competition. Every mile that we drew closer to Portland the more nervous I got.

  “You’re nervous, huh?”

  I nodded.

  “No one is even going to notice.”

  She was trying to be nice, but I knew better. My puckered, raised scars were too noticeable, and to top it off we had to wear our hair up. Ugh. At least I managed to talk the coach into letting me be in the back. She wanted me in the front, but I made it clear it was the back row or nothing.

  “Let’s talk about something else,” I said. “How are things with Cole?”

  She screwed her face up. “I really messed things up good.”

  “He’s still mad?”

  “Hurt, angry and betrayed is more like it. But he’s driving up here today to watch.”

  “That’s great!”

  “Yeah. I don’t know if I can fix things with him. I was stupid.”

  I was afraid to ask about Sam and what was going on between them. She hadn’t mentioned him in a while, but I saw them in the hall the other day. “His coming up here is a good sign.”

  “Yeah. Although I think that he might be coming just to see what I’m doing, or rather what I’m not doing.”

  “Oh.”

  “I feel bad for Sam, though.”

  “Why?” My heart picked up at his mention.

  “Cole is pissed, and it’s mostly directed at him.”

  “Kimber! You can’t let him be mad at Sam for something that isn’t even his fault!” My breath stuttered, and I felt my control slipping. The thought of Sam getting hurt was more than I could bear.

  “I know,” she answ
ered miserably. “But with Cole so mad at Sam, he isn’t as mad at me.”

  “Kimber,” I gasped.

  “Fine. I’ll tell him.”

  “Want me to talk to Cole?”

  “Couldn’t hurt. Cole has a soft spot for you.” She nudged me with her elbow. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “You’ll be great today,” Kimber whispered, sinking down to rest her head on my shoulder.

  I stared out the bus window at the gathering clouds, hoping just to make it through the day.

  The roar of the crowd and the loud beat of the music made me want to throw up. I stood behind the curtain waiting for the signal that it was our turn to perform. I couldn’t stand still, shifting from one foot to the other and fidgeting with my ponytail.

  “Your hair is fine,” Kimber said from beside me.

  “Well, yours looks gorgeous.”

  Kimber smiled. Then the announcer was calling for our squad, and the crowd was cheering. The next thing I knew, I was being pulled and pushed by the girls out onto the platform beneath bright lights. I found my spot, my feet feeling like concrete blocks, and stood still while everyone moved around me, getting ready. Panic rushed through me as the hundreds of faces in the crowd blurred to one. I couldn’t do this. I. Could. Not. Do. This.

  Just as our music began playing there was movement in the crowd that drew my eye. It was Sam. My eyes locked on his, and he nodded. That profound, familiar feeling of safety that he always brought flowed through me. I could do this. His presence meant everything to me. Air filled my lungs as the squad started moving. I plastered a huge smile on my face and performed the routine with perfection, all the while keeping my eyes on Sam.

  Before I knew it the audience was clapping and cheering and the music went off. The girls bustled around me, high fiving each other and squealing with excitement. But I just stood there, a solitary being in the center of chaos. I couldn’t look away from Sam. I didn’t want to. He was here for me. I felt it in my core; I could practically taste it in the air. He never once looked away during the entire performance. It was as if he knew that he was the one thing that tethered me to the floor. He never once glanced in the direction of Kimber; it was almost as if no one else existed for him but me. I marveled in the fact that I could have the most personal moment of my life in a room filled with people.