Yours Book 1: Losing My Innocence

by Blue Saffire

  Mark signs his papers wearing that scowl again, he peeks up at me than slides the folder back across the table. Several emotions cross his face before he stands to follow Kimmie out. I try to process the emotions I see, but I don’t understand half of them.

  “Well, we can begin with your salary and the expense package Nick wanted us to offer you,” Jillian begins. She goes on and on with the paperwork, I want to know where I have to sign before I wake up and this is all over. I can’t even think about tonight or the fact that Nicholas Lincoln told me he wants me. I really do try to focus on what Jillian is saying, but my thoughts are everywhere.

  I need to call Luke and tell him I have a job. I need to call Ettie and ask her what I should wear on a first date, scratch that I may need to ask Kimmie instead. Oh, but Ettie will know how much longer I have to wait to get my hair dyed back to my color. Would Nick want me to wear it up or down? Oh I know he said that we would be professional here, but could we have lunch together sometimes, would he make good on that table promise?

  She is asking you a question Sephora, pay attention before you blow our job. Right, work first. I quickly scanned my brain for the last few things my subconscious picked up. She asked me if I had any questions, that’s it.

  “Sorry, no I don’t have any questions,” I smile politely.

  “Okay, great, you can sign here, here and here,” she chimes as she points out the designated lines and passes me the pen. “There are some other documents I will be bringing by your office later, but for now Lily will take you down to your office so I can get these to Nick.”

  “Thanks,” I beam as a knock comes at the door and the petite girl from downstairs, I’m guessing Lily, pokes her head in. She is a pretty girl with brown skin and bright eyes.

  I make a mental note that Nick has a few black women working for him when you count Kimmie, Lily and myself. I don’t know why knowing this makes me feel a little more comfortable but it does. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind my mother’s words and views on my color flame some insecurities.

  “Miss. Emilsson, if you’re ready, I’ll walk you down now,” Lily smiles.

  I nod and stand to follow her out. As we make our way out I notice Nick in the hall speaking with an older gentleman with his head bent over some documents. He looks so serious, but so sexy, it has to be illegal. He looks up through his lashes to catch me staring at him and one side of his mouth pulls into a smile.

  Yup, my panties are certainly ruined for the rest of the day. I’d be surprised if I don’t slip on my own arousal and face plant right here. What have I gotten myself into, this was the reason I knew we shouldn’t work together.

  “Welcome to FLI, Miss. Emilsson,” Lily beams as the elevator doors close. “You’re going to love it here.”

  “Thanks, but you can call me Sephora or Sophi,” I say with genuine joy.

  “If you need anything, you can always come and find me. I am usually floating, but I know the ins and outs of all the departments. Mr. Lincoln likes to have a few of us moving about to make sure things are running smoothly and the departments are intercommunicating functionally. I’ll most likely be sitting in on most of your team meetings,” she says with an open smile.

  “Great, I can’t wait to get started.” I chirp back as we make our way off the elevator and pass Amanda the receptionist from earlier and past rows of chic looking cubicles. They are framed in wood at the bottoms with lightly frosted glass at the tops. They give the illusion of privacy, but still allowed the occupants to not feel closed off from everyone else.

  Lily leads me to one of the offices on the outer perimeters of the cubicles. Pushing open the frosted glass door Lily holds out her hand for me to enter. “This will be your office. I am three doors to your right when I am in my office,” she says with that infectious smile and turns to leave.

  This is my office? Oh my God, this place is huge. I spun around to take it all in, the view, the desk, the bookshelves, the chair and sofa anchoring a seating area. I squeal and pinch myself.

  I sigh and say a silent thank you as I sit at my desk. This is so a dream that Kimmie is going to come shake me out of any minute now. My own office and it is huge. I had walked right by the cubicle Kimmie calls her desk and saw Mark not that far away from her. I shake my head and let out a silent happy squeal. I am now both their boss. I have people that work under me.

  I take a quick spin in my chair as I hug myself. This is really happening. I pick up the phone on my desk and call Luke. He will be so happy for me.

  “Hello shithead,” he laughs as he picks up the phone on the third ring.

  “Well, that’s a first,” I giggle.

  “Sophi, what are you doing calling from Nick’s office?” he asks with concern in his voice.

  “I am not calling from Nick’s office, I am calling from my office, silly,” I beam.

  “Oh, noo, Sophi,” he groans, “please tell me you didn’t.”

  “What do you mean?” I am taken back and I can feel my face compress with confusion.

  “I mean; tell me you didn’t sign anything saying you would take that job. Nick is like a brother to me, but Sophi… Just please tell me you didn’t.” Luke sounds frustrated and panicked.

  “I did,” I grumble.

  “Shit, I’ll kill him,” I hear him say away from the phone. “Sophi, listen to me. You are a big girl now and you can make your own decisions, but Lilla du, Nick is not for you. Do your job and keep away from him, do you hear me?”

  “I hear you Lucian, but like you said I can make my own decisions.”

  “Sephora, Nick shouldn’t be your first boyfriend. You won’t understand him, Lilla du, he has …shit Soph, he is wrong for you,” Luke growls.

  “I have to go,” I almost sob. Luke is ruining everything great about today for me.

  “Soph honey, I just want what’s best for you. I don’t want you to get your hopes up and find out you’ve gotten into something you can’t handle. I love you, Sephora. You always come first,” Luke sighs heavily waiting for my reply.

  “I know what I’m doing Luke. I’ll be fine,” I respond and disconnect the call.

  I hear a knock at the door and look up to find Kimmie bouncing at my door. She has a tablet in her hand while she sweeps my office with her eyes. I will have to wait to deal with Luke’s words. I really don’t know what I’m getting into with Nick, but I won’t let Luke know that.

  “Hey, come in,” I offer, clearing my throat.

  “Oh no, are you having second thoughts, will I have to cancel my shoe order my bonus just paid for,” Kimmie pouts.

  “No, but as your boss, I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell me you have been surfing the net during work hours,” I giggle.

  “I was on a break, I swear,” Kimmie gasps.

  “Relax, it’s just my stupid brother,” I groan.

  “Oh, what’s eating him now,” Kimmie mutters.

  “This job and the whole Nick thing. He thinks I should stay away from him. He said Nick is not good for me. He’s more than can I handle,” I snort.

  “Well,” Kimmie whines and shrugs. “He may be right this time,” My heart sinks with her words and it must show on my face. “Wait, wait, listen Soph. There are just things about… um, some of your brother’s friends that you don’t know.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Well… I was sort of curious about something and when a friend of mine took me to learn more about it, I sort of ran into…um, some mutual acquaintances. I have more in common with them than I thought. We all have a need that we have to fulfill. Sophi… a lot of Luke’s circle happens to have a common interest. If Nick is like the others and from what I have noticed I am pretty damn sure he is… Luke is just looking out for you.”

  “Okay, so what, you guys all smoke pot or something?”

  Kimmie gives me an incredulous look, then doubles over in laughter. I just watch her trying to understand what is so funny. Drugs is the only thing I can think of that Lu
ke would want to hide from me. I can’t think of anything Kimmie wouldn’t tell me. I practically live through her.

  “Sophi, seriously, there is so much I have spared you sweetie,” She sighs heavily, shaking her head and placing her tablet in her lap. “We all for lack of better explanation need to have control when it comes to certain pleasures and we have learned a way to get it. Nick is going to be more than you bargain for Sophi, but if you want him, I think it will be good for you in the end.”

  “I’m already scared to death of my feelings for him, Kim. All this,” I emphasize by waving my hands in the air, “is not helping. Before talking to Luke I thought the biggest thing I had to worry about was what to wear tonight.”

  “Wait, tonight? As in you are going out with him tonight,” Kimmie gushes.

  “Keep your voice down,” I hiss.

  “Oh my gosh,” she whispers, “he asked you out. I mean, I am so not surprised, but I thought he would let the ink dry first.”

  “You’re not surprised?”

  “No, look at you, Sophi. You have no idea how many guys would love to think they have a chance with you. And lately you have a few wrapped around that little finger of yours and you don’t even have a clue.”

  “Yeah, I seriously doubt that,” I snort.

  “Ugh, you’re impossible,” Kimmie frowns. “So you’re going out tonight, which means we have work to do so I can get out of here on time to get you all dolled up. I am sure our boss would have no problem with you skipping out, but some of us do have to work around here.”

  Kimmie spends the next two hours filling me in on my new staff and running down the projects that are now on my calendar. I am so excited that I will be working so close to Kimmie and Mark. Kimmie may love to party, but she is great at what she does and never misses a thing.

  Lily stops by with a brand new tablet customized for me and informs me that my assistant will be starting on the floor tomorrow. Rumor has it that she was handpicked by Nick himself. She and Kimmie will be working closely with me to get me into the flow over the next few weeks.

  I am a little overwhelmed at first, but Kimmie is making things a lot easier. Nick is wasting no time at all in the office just like in our personal life. I have a booked solid schedule loaded to my tablet with meeting after meeting for the next week, followed by a ton of project completion dates.

  Kimmie and I have a working lunch as I go through the profiles of my team to see what resources we have in our favor. Nick must pride himself on finding and hiring the best. The staff has to be Americas most wanted when it comes to technology. I am a mixture of impressed and a little scared of the resources at Nick’s fingertips.

  Time seems to fly by as I get acquainted with my new surroundings and team. Kimmie has left me alone to get her reports done for the day as I make mental notes of where I want to get started tomorrow on my first official work day. Jillian knocks at the door just as I start to pack up for the evening.

  “Hi, I hope you were able to find everything well,” she begins as she steps into my office. “I have the rest of the paperwork you will need to go through. You are welcome to turn it into HR in the morning.”

  “Oh, thank you. I was just getting ready to leave for the day.”

  “Oh, well, I’m glad I caught you. Nick had me quite busy today. He can get this way when there is something he wants. He is willing to say and do anything necessary to get a deal closed,” Jillian prattles on arrogantly. “I’m sure you noticed that. Well, I’ll leave these with you. I need to get back to Nick, we have dinner plans this evening and he hates to be late.”

  I don’t miss the insinuation in her tone, but I am not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing her words affect me. All Jillian has done is prove to me that my brother is right as always. Nicholas Lincoln is out of my league. So much so that he has fooled me into giving him exactly what he wants while holding a straight face.

  I think I am going to be sick. I feel like I made a deal with the devil and got burned before the ink even dried. I try my best to breathe as I gather the rest of my things and the papers Jillian left behind. I realize my whole body is shaking as I hold the papers in my hand.

  Why did I think Nick wanted someone like me? Was I that stupid to think that he was ever telling me the truth. I take in a deep breath as I step out of my office and over to Kimmie’s cubicle. She is powering down as I step to her desk. She lifts her head with a huge smile until she sees my face.

  “What happened,” she whispers quickly rising to her feet.

  I shake my head, if I speak now, it will all be over. I will never be able to show my face in this office again. Kimmie nods in understanding as she throws her bag on her shoulder, grabbing my hand to give it a good squeeze as she leads the way to the elevator.

  I try my best to hold a tight smile on my face, but I am sure I probably look like a tortured cat determined not to let go of the evidence he is being tortured for. Tears burn the backs of my eyes and I feel like the world’s biggest brat as I think of calling Luke to thank him. I just need to get out of this building before I crack.

  As the elevator opens in the lobby, Kimmie pushes through the crowd as she pulls me along with her. We almost make it to the doors when it all comes crashing down. There he is standing in the lobby with a group of man laughing and looking as handsome as ever. I can just imagine that he is telling them the tale of the foolish girl he tricked into signing a five-year contract with his company just this morning.

  I bury my face in Kimmie’s shoulder to muffle the sob I can no longer hold on to. I can’t look back at him or the others in the building. I am humiliated. Somehow I will return to this building tomorrow, but I just need to get through today.

  Chapter Five

  The Confrontation

  Once we make it to the apartment, I tell Kimmie everything. From the first time I met Nicholas Lincoln, the graduation party, to today. I sob my way through the whole story leaving my voice raw and my head throbbing. Kimmie is lost for words when I am done and she looks completely confused.

  “I don’t know Soph,” Kimmie shakes her head. “I think you should call him. Let him explain because something doesn’t add up.”

  “She’s beautiful Kim, what would he want with me,” I sob.

  “Soph, there are a number of things wrong with what you just said, but I still think you should call him. Jillian may be beautiful, but she is a lot of other things as well, and being involved with Nick, I don’t believe is one of them.”

  “Luke is right, I should just stay away from him,” I sniffle.

  “Well…I understand why Luke believes that, but Luke is one to talk. I told you before, it may not be what you expect, but it is for you to decide if it is for you, it may be good for you.”

  “Whatever it is, I won’t be finding out now anyway. I refuse to show up at some restaurant and be stood up or worst find him there with her.”

  “I think this is a bad idea, and I think… no, I know he is going to be pissed. You should at least call him.”

  “Who’s side are you on anyway?” I pout throwing a pillow at her as I swipe at a few stray tears.

  “Always yours,” Kimmie smiles sadly. “I just want to see you happy.”

  “I’ll be okay. I will walk in there tomorrow like nothing happened, do my job and when I am done, I will go home like everyone else.”

  Kimmie sighs and gives me a weak smile looking like she is fighting her hardest to hold in the rest of what she wants to say. I stand and go to give her a hug. It is great just to have someone listen. I know she just wants to see me happy, but I have made up my mind I will not be made a fool of.

  “I’m going to take a shower and lay down. Maybe we can order some Thai later and watch a movie,” I offer.

  “Sure, I’ll be here,” Kimmie smiles.

  I go to my room feeling a little better, being all cried out and having talked to Kimmie. It still hurts really bad to be made a fool of, but I have been through worse. I will get over
this. I will just stay in my league if I ever do think about dating again.

  I strip out of my clothes and make my way into the shower to wash the day away. Using the hottest water I can stand to wash Nicholas Lincoln out of my system. As I scrub at my skin, my hand grazes the butterfly around my neck and I make mental note that it is definitely coming off and being returned.

  Once my skin is almost raw and I feel drained I step from the shower and wrap in a towel, letting my heavy hair drip down my back. I look in the mirror to see how puffy my eyes are as I pull moisturizer and a brush through my hair. I look a mess. I sigh, giving up on my hair that has needed attention since this morning and walking back into my bedroom.

  I yelp as I lift my head and jump clear in the air reaching to tighten my towel. Nick is here in my room, just staring at me. His face is hard and he is standing stock still.

  His tie is loosened; his suit jacket is tossed over the armed chair in the corner of my room. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled to his elbows and he looks as if his hands have had several passes through his hair. His eyes travel the length of me and he licks his bottom lip as he passes his hand through his hair yet again as if reigning in control.

  “Wh-what are you doing here?” I stutter. “How did you get in here?”

  “The questions here should be why are you here? Why have I been waiting for you to join me for dinner when you obviously intended to stand me up?” Is his reply in a deadly quiet tone.

  “I would like you to leave, please,” I manage in almost a whisper.

  Instead of collecting his jacket and walking out he stalks over to me, getting so close I can taste the current coming off of him. He places one hand on my waist and the other in my damp hair. I want to pull away, I really do, but my body is only obeying his commands.

  “I think you should go. You don’t have to worry. I will still come to work in the morning,” I breathe.

  “I. Only. Want. You,” he growls before covering my mouth with his, seeming to have lost some of his carefully constructed control.