Tears of a Clown

by MB Mulhall

  Thinking about it, the boys were really the least of her problems. What was she going to do about the group of cheerleader bullies? The thought of her head going back in the toilet made her curl up into a ball, hugging her knees tight. Adults had always told her “ignore bullies and they’ll get bored without your reactions and go away.” Somehow, Darcy didn’t think that tactic was going to work in this instance. She needed revenge. She needed to do something that would teach them that they shouldn’t fuck with Darcy McDillion.

  Morning brought about another issue Darcy hadn’t thought of. How was she going to get to school? She doubted Chaz would be by to give her a ride and she sure as hell wasn’t going anywhere near Mandy.

  Dinner the night before had been uncomfortable enough. She was afraid she was going to “accidentally” stab Mandy in the eye during their family meal. That would have caused more trouble than it was worth.

  Deciding walking was her only option, Darcy hurried through her morning routine and crept out of the house before anyone could stop and ask what she was doing.

  The air was cool and crisp, but she had no doubt that the humidity would seep in and weigh everything down as the sun rose higher in the end of summer sky. Getting to school should be all right. Coming home would be torturous. Darcy sighed. How had life gotten so shitty in such a short period of time?

  She trudged down the road, her backpack swinging slightly with the uneven gait the cracked sidewalks were causing her to have. Darcy cursed herself for not packing her MP3 player. Music would have helped pass the time. Too late now. She’d have to remember for tomorrow.

  The sound of tires squealing caused Darcy to stop short in her tracks. Looking over her shoulder she saw a tiny bright red car with tinted windows headed her way at top speed. She wracked her brain trying to remember if any of the cheer squad drove such a car, but she couldn’t think with that thing barreling down the road.

  The car’s bright lights flashed on, even though they were totally unneeded. Darcy had to shield her eyes. The damn thing was headed straight for her. Turning her head frantically, she tried to decide where would be best to run. She didn’t want the car to hit anyone’s house. It would have to be a tree. Spotting a large oak ahead, Darcy sprinted to safety behind its massive trunk.

  She heard the car revving behind her and was sure it was going to jump the curb and follow her. Instead, it slammed on the brakes. The screeching filled Darcy’s ears while the smell of burnt rubber permeated her nose.

  Bending at the waist, she peered around the tree, her hands gripping the rough bark. She watched as the driver side window lowered. The way the sun was shining through the car made it impossible for Darcy to see who was at the wheel.

  “Hey Bubbles! I know you clowns like your games and all, but I don’t think the principal will accept ‘we were playing hide and seek’ as a good reason for being tardy. Heh tardy. That word makes me giggle. Now, are you going to get your hot ass in the car or do I have to come motorboat you?”

  “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” Darcy stalked out from behind the oak tree and stomped her way over to the car which was idling by the curb.

  “Aww damn. I was hoping you’d stay over there so I could get in some early morning fun with the girls.” Jazz leered at Darcy’s chest.

  “Like I’d let you do that,” Darcy mumbled as she walked around the car to get in. As soon as she was buckled in, Jazz hit the gas like a Nascar driver who had fallen asleep at the starting line. Darcy grabbed the handle above her door and held on for dear life.

  “Slow down!” Jazz looked over at her and grinned before pushing the pedal to the floor. The need for speed obviously ran in the family. Darcy felt more fear riding with Jazz than she had on the back of Judd’s bike.

  When Jazz pulled into the student lot and parked, Darcy fumbled with the door handle and spilled out onto the rough tarmac. She had a sudden wild urge to kiss the ground.

  The sound of heels clicking on the black top made Darcy look up. Jazz, in all her tiny glory, was standing over Darcy, hands planted on her hips.

  “While it’s always lovely to have minions bow at my feet, I consider you an equal, Darcy.” Darcy rolled her eyes and stood up, brushing her hands off on her jean clad thighs. She looked around. They were the only ones in the lot.

  “Why are we here so early? Better yet, how did I end up with you and your tiny little death trap following me?”

  Jazz leaned her lithe frame against her car, patting it lovingly.

  “Be nice to my little lady bug. She’s been good to me.”

  “Okay...that doesn’t answer any of my questions.” Jazz sighed as if she was being horribly put out by the line of questioning.

  “Judd asked me to give you a ride. He said to leave early so you wouldn’t have to go with Mandy. When I got to your house, I saw you sneak out and heading down the road. I followed.”

  “Judd asked you to give me a ride?” Jazz took over the job of eye rolling.

  “I think that’s what I just said, did I not?”

  “Why would he do that?” Darcy asked more herself than Jazz. Jazz leaned over and flicked Darcy in the head.

  “Because he likes you dummy. I don’t know what went on between the two of you yesterday, but he was not a happy camper when he came to get me. In typical Judd fashion, he was grumpy and brooding but I couldn’t break him and make him to tell me what the deal was. I don’t suppose you’d like to fill me in?” Jazz asked, eyes questioning.

  Darcy shook her head slowly. She was ashamed of herself. If Judd thought she was shallow, she had no doubt Jazz would feel the same way.

  Jazz sighed again, loud and long.

  “Fine. Be that way.”

  “Sorry,” Darcy said looking at her feet. Jazz nudged her with her elbow.

  “Don’t be sorry. I just don’t like seeing two of my favorite people unhappy is all.”

  As they stood there, another car roared into the lot, a familiar car. Darcy felt herself tense up. She knew she would have to face Chaz in science. They couldn’t get around being lab partners, but she had mentally prepped herself for dealing with it then, not first thing in the morning.

  His buff frame rose from the car, book bag in his hand. Dark sunglasses hid his eyes from theirs. Darcy hadn’t seen him wear them before. They made him look mysterious and extra cool. His head turned towards them. Even with the dark glasses on, Darcy could feel his penetrating gaze. Jazz lifted a hand in greeting, but he turned his back on them, slammed the car door and strode towards the building.

  “What the hell is his problem?” Jazz asked, frowning.

  “I think he’s mad at me too.”

  “Too? Who else is mad at you?” Darcy looked at her friend.

  “I think it’s easier to list who isn’t.” They watched Chaz stop and tape something to the window of the door. Jazz linked her arm through Darcy’s and stepped away from the car.

  “Well I’m not mad at you, so that should make your day, right?” Darcy chuckled.

  “Yes. That does make me happy.” Jazz did a little dance step and squealed.

  “Yay! Clowns should be happy! Unless, ya know, they’re those scary ones…”

  “Let’s go rider. Hey, where are our jackets?” Darcy asked, joking, as they walked up to the door.

  “Ooh I have to put the order in yet. My brother wanted his flaming sword on the back of his. I had to say no. I didn’t think he could wear it anywhere in public without getting arrested for being lewd or whatever.” Darcy laughed at the idea of Judd wearing a jacket with a flaming phallic symbol on the back.

  “More like he’d be giving the gay population, those friends of Dorothy, the wrong idea. He’d be breaking a lot of hearts, as if he isn’t already.” Jazz laughed.

  “I didn’t stop to think of that!” The two girls continued to laugh as they reached the door. Jazz stopped short and removed her arm from Darcy’s. She dashed to the door and ripped down the paper Chaz and put up moments before. Darcy got
a quick look at it before Jazz could remove it. She held out a hand.

  “Give it here.” Jazz shook her head back and forth.

  “You don’t need to see this. It’s rubbish. Trash. Utter BS.”

  “Jazz…” Darcy’s voice took on a hard no nonsense edge. The smaller girl looked sad as she begrudgingly handed over the somewhat crumpled piece of paper. Darcy took her time smoothing it out. She was pretty sure she knew what it said and was stalling. Finally she had to look.

  THE DRAMA CLUB PRESENTS:

  PT BARNUM

  FOR THE FALL FESTIVAL PLAY.

  PUT ON YOUR HAPPIEST CLOWN FACE AND COME TRY OUT!

  BARNUM SAID THERE’S A SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE. DON’T BE ONE OF THE SUCKERS, BE A PART OF THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH INSTEAD!

  Try outs in the cafeteria 3p.m. this Wednesday, Thursday & Friday

  Sample sheet music and scenes can be picked up in the drama club room number 405

  “You have got to be freaking kidding me.”

  “Is this a joke?” Darcy asked holding the paper out to Jazz.

  “I…doubt it. They always put on two plays a year; one for homecoming or the fall festival and one in the spring.”

  “And who picks which play they do?”

  “The members of the drama club vote on it I think…” Darcy took a deep breath.

  “And is Chaz a member of the drama club?” Jazz remained silent, looking everywhere but at Darcy.

  “I see…” She was seething, unconsciously crumbling the flyer into a tiny ball of pulp in her hand.

  “Maybe…maybe he voted against it. Maybe he was out numbered! You never know Darcy! Talk to him. I’m sure he can explain it.” Darcy tossed the paper ball at the nearby garbage can. SCORE! She took it as a sign. She needed answers and Chaz was going to give them to her, whether he wanted to or not.

  Throwing open the door, Darcy entered the quiet halls, Jazz at her heels. She moved with a purpose, swiveling her head to peer down the corridors hoping to spy the culprit hanging more advertisements. Finally spotting him at the end of a row of lockers, she hurried over, pausing only to tear one of the offending flyers off a bulletin board. When she reached him, she waved it in his still sunglass clad face.

  “What is this?” She saw his eyebrows rise above the black rims.

  “Looks like a flyer for the play. I wish you wouldn’t rip them down after I just hung them all up.”

  “Being coy doesn’t work well for guys, regardless of how pretty they are.” She swore she saw the corner of his lips turn up, but the smile was gone a second later.

  “Playing stupid doesn’t work well for you either. You know damn well what you’re holding.” Darcy took a step back, surprised by the sudden venom in his voice. She frowned and tried to take another step back only to find herself bumping in to Jazz. The smaller girl stepped out from behind her friend.

  “I think what Darcy is trying to ask, is why would you be a part of this Chaz?” He shrugged his shoulders and started to turn away.

  She wasn’t sure what possessed her to do it, but Darcy stretched her arm out and snatched the glasses off his face.

  “You can at least have the decency to look me in the fac-” She stopped, her mouth open, when she caught sight of the black eye that had been hidden behind the sunglasses.

  “What the hell happened to yo-” Jazz started to ask before he grabbed the glasses back in anger.

  “Mind your own damn business. Both of you.” He roughly shoved the glasses back on and hurried away before either girl could call for him to stop.

  While they watched him practically run away, Jazz stroked her chin thoughtfully.

  “Verrrrrry interesting.” Darcy looked down at her.

  “The eye? Or the running?”

  “Someone else we know is sporting some bruises today. They wouldn’t tell me where they came from either…In fact, I accused you of giving them.”

  “Judd has a black eye?”

  “Nope, but his hand is all bruised and swollen.” Darcy shook her head, unable to believe it.

  “Why would they have been fighting?” Jazz raised an eyebrow and cocked her head in Darcy’s direction.

  “Are clowns the aphrodisiac of the south? Seriously, this kind of shit did not happen in Detroit.” Jazz got uncharacteristically serious.

  “I think it’s more the attitude. The fact that all these people have been trying to beat you down, both literally and figuratively, and you keep getting back up and brushing yourself off. It’s admirable. When I first came out and everyone picked on me, I begged to go to another school. I’m…not as strong as you are.” Darcy put her arm around Jazz.

  “Well, you hide it well. I think you’re the most kick ass girl I know and if anyone gives you trouble you can’t handle, you point me in their direction.”

  The halls were starting to get populated with other students. Jazz walked Darcy to her locker and then to her homeroom. Darcy felt a pang of loneliness as they parted ways. She guessed it was going to be a long day.

  As other kids filed in the room, they would look her way and giggle or snicker before taking their seats. Darcy ignored them and doodled ICP lyrics on her notebook cover.

  “Hey! Clown chick!” Darcy sighed before looking up.

  “What?”

  “Are you trying out for the play? Maybe you can teach them how to juggle or fall on their faces. You seem to be a natural at that.” The rest of the class erupted in laughter. Even their teacher cracked a smile. Darcy bit her tongue and put her head back down. She had to be able to get through one full day of school without fighting with someone.

  They continued to make jokes, not caring that she wasn’t rising to take the bait. Lucky for her, homeroom was only fifteen minutes long. When the bell rang she lingered, so they wouldn’t think she was trying to run away. That would just make things worse. The last one to leave, she threw the teacher a dirty look.

  “Way to lead by example. I hope you’re tenured.” The teacher had the decency to look ashamed, but Darcy didn’t care. She slammed the door behind her and turned to head toward science. She was not looking forward to the class. Before she could take a step, she found her way was blocked by a pair of long legs.

  “What did that door ever do to you?” Darcy frowned.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, attempting to walk around the stretched out legs. Judd lifted an eyebrow. “And why the hell can everyone do that damn eyebrow thing? It’s so unfair.”

  “Well hello to you too,” he said, effortlessly pushing off the wall to stand up straight. Rather than answer him, Darcy glanced down at his hand. Jazz was right; it did look bruised and a bit swollen. Judd caught her looking and scowled before shoving his hand in his pocket. He stepped off in the direction of her class. She just stood there.

  “Are you coming, or what?” He stopped, but didn’t bother to look back at her. Darcy sighed and stepped up to his side. Judd nodded his head but said nothing more during their walk. When they reached the classroom door, he told her to wait after class and turned on his heel and left.

  “Thanks for the stimulating conversation,” she mumbled.

  The class was half full when she walked in, but no Chaz yet. She breathed a sigh of relief. Sitting in the far seat at their table so he wouldn’t have to brush past her, she rummaged in her bag, extracting her lab book and text book. She figured she could look busy and avoid having to talk to him. Not that she thought he want to talk to her after the incident earlier.

  Just as the bell began to ring, Chaz strolled in. Rather than walking back to their table, he headed for the teacher. They had a quiet intense looking discussion with lots of head shaking. Eventually Chaz removed his sunglasses and Darcy saw the teacher’s disposition soften. She looked around Chaz and met Darcy’s gaze. They locked eyes briefly before Mrs. White looked back at Chaz and nodded her head, obviously agreeing to something. Chaz flashed the teacher that infamous smile and walked over to the only other empty seat in the class, n
ext to one of the rah-rahs. Never looking back, he opened his bag and took out his books while Mrs. White started the class.

  Darcy sat there, dumbfounded. Had he told Mrs. White that the black eye was her fault? She knew he was mad at her, but she never thought he’d go as far as to change lab partners so he wouldn’t have to deal with her. It hurt more than she ever expected. Agonizing over it the whole period, the bell rang and Darcy realized she hadn’t heard a single thing the teacher had said. She hoped it wasn’t more stuff on magnets.

  Darcy decided she had to know what Chaz had said to the teacher. She didn’t think he would tell her, so Mrs. White was her only choice. She lingered until the room emptied out.

  “Nice to see you finally awake and joining us Ms. McDillion, but you’re a little too late for my class.” Darcy blushed.

  “Sorry. I’m…not quite myself today. I uhh…I just had a question.” She stood there, unsure how to word it.

  “Well Ms. McDillion? I do have another class coming in and I’m sure there’s somewhere you need to be as well.”

  “Sorry,” Darcy said again. She took a deep breath and forced out the question. “Did Chaz say I was the one who gave him the black eye?” Mrs. White looked confused.

  “Were you?”

  “No! No it wasn’t me. I…I just don’t know why he changed seats and I saw you look at me…” Mrs. White stood and started gathering papers on her desk.

  “Chaz asked to move because he was afraid, with his swollen eye, that he wouldn’t be able to see the board as well from the back of the room.”

  “Oh…” Mrs. White stopped what she was doing and faced Darcy.

  “I don’t know what’s going on between you and…everyone in this school, but don’t you think life would be easier for you if you just…conformed a little? Didn’t wear the makeup? Perhaps smiled on occasion?”