Haley was already regretting that she’d let him go so easily.
It was probably a good thing that he had gone, because there was something dangerously tempting about Damon. She might have forgotten her own rule—again—and ended up broken-hearted—again.
She reminded herself that it was easier to be alone.
Safer.
Smarter.
Haley rolled to her back and stared at the ceiling.
And she’d said Aidan’s name in her sleep. How embarrassing. Was that why Damon had left? He said he didn’t want a thing, but evidently he didn’t want just sex either.
At least not with her.
There was a familiar theme song.
Haley wasn’t going to fall asleep with her thoughts churning, so she got up and made a cup of cocoa. She remembered Natasha’s itchy chemo hat. That jumped to the top of her real life triage list, because it was something she could fix.
She needed a success.
Haley dug into her knitting bag which had a teensy bit of stash at the bottom, and pulled out the two skeins of red yarn. It was beautiful fine yarn, a blend of angora and alpaca. Haley had bought it because it was so soft, softer than she could have believed yarn could ever be.
She’d bought it on impulse, which was something she never did.
She’d bought it without a plan, which was also something she never did.
And it hadn’t been cheap.
She’d never knit it up because she didn’t want to waste it.
Or maybe she’d just been waiting for the right project.
Holding it now as she thought about Natasha, patting its incredible softness, it felt like destiny that she had this yarn in this moment. She searched on Ravelry for chemo hats and found a free pattern for the right weight of yarn. She started an audiobook on her phone, cast on, and knit with compulsive speed.
She wasn’t going to be taking credit for this gift, much less expecting any expression of gratitude from Damon. It would be her secret.
She would think about Natasha and how the hat might give her comfort. She would send up a few little prayers and maybe stitch some into the hat. She would think about healing and becoming strong.
She certainly wasn’t going to think even once about Natasha’s son.
It might have been better if she had. Instead Haley found herself thinking about Dr. Aidan Smith. She closed her eyes, still able to see his chiseled features, his amazing blue eyes. She swallowed, remembering all the nights they’d spent together.
She’d bet he was still married to the beautiful Dr. Krista Olson-Smith and that they had many adorable babies, a house as big as her apartment building, several large luxury sedans, and a vacation home in an exotic locale. Haley knit as she thought about all the luxuries that happy couple must share and realized she didn’t care about any of their expensive possessions.
All she had wanted was Aidan.
But he hadn’t wanted her.
And in the early hours of the morning, Haley admitted that truth still hurt.
* * *
Damon awakened, sweating, just as the grenade detonated.
It took him a moment to realize that he was at home in his own bed, and not sprawled in the dirt in Afghanistan.
The dream had been more vivid this time.
The awareness of his own powerlessness had been terrifying.
He was shaking and his heart was pounding as if he’d run halfway across the city. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, told himself he’d get through this.
He dropped and did a hundred sit-ups, but it worked even less than it had the last time. He needed a distraction.
Damon turned on the light and went to his desk. The plans for the condos in the Flatiron Five tower were spread out there, in progress, but he wasn’t feeling practical. He got out his sketch book and flipped through it to a fresh page, picked up his favorite pencil and began to draw. He let his pencil take its own path, let his imagination take possession of his hand.
He quickly realized that he was drawing Haley.
Laughing. The way she looked after climax. Hair tangled, eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed. The way she looked after he gave her pleasure.
He had been able to give her this joy.
That wasn’t a small thing.
It wasn’t something to throw away.
His mom would have told him to fight for Haley, but Damon didn’t want his demons any closer to her than they had already been. He was still tempted to call her, just to hear her voice, but he knew he had to be responsible. Even if she forgot about Aidan, she deserved more than he could give her.
She was better without him.
No matter what he yearned for in the night.
There was something very satisfying about capturing the sight of her joy forever. Damon concentrated on every line, getting it exactly right, and before he knew it, the dawn had come.
* * *
Haley was nervous about going to Flatiron Five on Wednesday afternoon. It was her day off and she was determined to go to that massage class.
Even if Damon was teaching it.
She wasn’t going to let the chance of seeing him again influence her own plans. She’d done that years ago, when Aidan came back to town with his new wife, and had gone out of her way to avoid crossing paths with either of them. Aidan’s return was why she’d done her Masters in New York, although she hadn’t admitted that to anyone else.
Haley wasn’t going to be such a chicken again.
Especially since it had been just sex. She couldn’t let every sexual partner affect her future choices.
She’d called F5 ahead of time and they’d said she didn’t need to do any preparation or bring anything specific. It was an open class and the teacher modified it each week to suit the attendees. The woman suggested that Haley wear yoga gear, as there would be no nudity in the class. When she found out that Haley had a day pass, she enumerated many of the features of the club, encouraging Haley to make a day of it, and to stop at reception if she had more questions.
She stopped at the hospital with Natasha’s new chemo hat. Damon’s mom was asleep but Haley removed the itchy hat and slipped on the new one. She thought that maybe Natasha smiled a little, but she had to run for the train.
She got to F5 a little early, having left extra time. She wandered through the shop featuring F5 gear and equipment, then watched the climbers on the huge rock wall for a while.
Her brothers would love that.
“Hi,” a woman said, stopping beside her. “You’re new, aren’t you? I’m Cassie Wilson, one of the founding partners of Flatiron Five.”
Haley shook the other woman’s hand. Cassie was taller than her, slender and sleek. There was a bandage on her upper left arm. She was blond and so pretty that she could have been a model, but Haley had the definite sense that Cassie was smart. “Why is it called Flatiron Five?”
“Because there are five of us.” Cassie ticked off her fingers. “Me, Tyler, Theo, Kyle, and Damon.” She smiled. “And it’s in the Flatiron district.”
Haley remembered the pictures she’d found online. “You’re the only woman, then.”
Cassie laughed. “And they never let me forget it. They’re good guys, though.” She raised her hands. “I feel like I have four big brothers.”
“Five partners seem like a lot.”
“It’s a big responsibility and takes a lot of different skills to make it work. We each have our gifts.”
“What’s yours?”
“Marketing!” Cassie’s eyes lit with enthusiasm. “Kyle is the visionary. Ty is the money guy. Theo is the networker. That man knows everyone worth knowing, and who to call whenever we need something.”
“You said there was a fifth partner?” Haley asked, feeling very obvious.
“Damon. Our dark horse. He’s a bit mysterious and he tends to be quiet, but then he comes up with these amazing ideas. He’s a great designer. The layout and color scheme are thanks to his skills. It’s welcom
ing but professional.” Cassie pursed her lips. “I don’t know how to describe it, but he sees things differently, and often puts his finger right on something the rest of us have missed.”
“He sounds like a good person to have on the team.”
Cassie grinned. “Even though he doesn’t take his turn with the club. We love to tease him about it.”
“I thought this was the club.”
“Yes, F5 is the fitness club but there’s also the F5 dance club, which is only open Thursday through Saturday nights. It’s totally Kyle’s brainchild and it works well to attract new members. Its popularity also gives us a lot of media visibility, thanks to Theo’s connections.” She hesitated, falling so suddenly silent that Haley knew there was more.
“Why does it sound like that’s not a good thing?”
“Because we have a policy that at least one of us is in the dance club when it’s open. With four of us—Tyler does the math and the money but doesn’t work at the club—that worked out okay. The thing is that right now Kyle and Theo are in San Francisco, managing the setup of our sister club, our first expansion.” She heaved a sigh. “I like the dance club. I don’t mind working Friday nights, but I’ve been working every Friday night. Damon has a standing date with his girlfriend every Friday night and he won’t even talk about breaking it.”
Haley blinked. “His girlfriend?” she echoed, without meaning to do so.
“Natasha,” Cassie said with a roll of her eyes. “A dancer, apparently.” She shook her head. “He refuses to mix it up. Kyle was back last weekend and for New Year’s, but this coming weekend, it’s back to me again.” She winced. “I could really dislike this inflexible and demanding Natasha, if I’d ever met her.”
Haley was shocked. Damon hadn’t told his partners that his mom was sick, much less that she was dying. She knew from her courses in palliative care—and from experience—that he was going to need emotional support when Natasha passed away.
Cassie smiled. “But we’re all friends as well as partners. We have each other’s backs.”
These were his friends as well as his partners! How could he not have confided in them?
Cassie’s expression turned contrite. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I ended up telling you all of that.”
“People tell me stuff all the time,” Haley said, because it was true. “I must look sympathetic.”
“Or you’re a good listener. Thanks for letting me vent. Now, you must be here for a class or a workout?”
“I have a guest pass.” Haley pulled it out of her bag but didn’t turn it over so Cassie could see Damon’s handwriting on the back.
“So, you do. How can I make your visit to F5 a success?”
“I’d like to attend the massage class at two.”
“Massage and yoga are both on the seventh floor. You can take that elevator right there. There are change rooms and lockers on each floor, if you want to stash your bag and coat. Did you bring a lock?”
“No, I didn’t think of it.”
“We’ll lend you one.”
“Thanks. Do I need to hand this card in somewhere?”
“I’ll stamp it for you and you can keep it.” Cassie smiled. “So you don’t forget where we are.” Haley nodded agreement. “Let’s get you a wrist band so you can go wherever you want. F5 is all yours for the day.”
Haley followed Cassie to the desk. She put on the wrist band she was given and Cassie stamped the front of the card and handed it back without turning it over. Haley breathed a sigh of relief. The receptionist pointed Haley to the elevator.
“Have a great class!” Cassie called. “If you have any questions about the club, Sonia here can answer them for you.”
Haley’s pulse was skipping when she took the elevator up to the floor where the massage classes were held, and even the tranquil atmosphere didn’t calm her down much. She wasn’t the first to arrive, and the other two women there were quick to introduce themselves. There were nine people gathered for the class before the teacher arrived.
It wasn’t Damon.
Haley didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.
No. She knew. She was disappointed.
“Good afternoon, everyone,” the instructor said with a bright smile. “I see we have some new faces today. I’m Liz.” She waved to them all and the regulars waved back. “Since we do have some new people with us, let’s take a quick review of what each of you already knows and what you want to learn. I was thinking that we might talk about meridians today, but let’s find out what you think...”
* * *
Haley had emailed her schedule to her mom, like she always did, so she wasn’t surprised when her phone rang on Wednesday night. It was the one evening they were both off that week.
“Hot date tonight?” her mom asked, just like always.
“No way. I’m thinking bubble bath.” Haley didn’t have to pretend to yawn. She’d slept so little the night before that she was exhausted. “How about you?”
“Same for me.” Her mother laughed and they talked about work in their respective hospitals for a few minutes. Head nurses were always on a power trip, it seemed, doctors were always self-absorbed and patients were alternatively annoying and delightful. Her mom asked her then about her research, and Haley told her about her new massage skills.
“You know,” her mom said and Haley sat straighter. She knew that tone and it was always followed by a suggestion. Usually one she didn’t welcome. “They’re creating a post here for someone to head up a new complementary therapies program. The idea is that the nurse would build a team of health care professionals with skills in various therapies, then liaise with all departments and offer the services of her team as needed. There’d be a lot of education involved, both of patients and their families, and of the other staff. It sounds like it would be perfect for you.”
“Except I live in New York. It would be quite a commute.”
Her mom sighed. “That’s easily changed, isn’t it?”
“I like it here, Mom.”
“Why? It’s not like you have a lot of personal connections, Haley. Your friends from your master’s program have all moved elsewhere.”
“So?”
“You work, a lot, and you could work a lot here but be closer to your family.” Her mom paused and Haley braced herself. “I miss you.”
Haley smiled. “You just think that if I come home I’ll find a nice guy and give you more grandchildren.”
“The idea did occur to me.” Her mom cleared her throat. “There are several very nice new doctors on staff. Single.”
“I like it here, Mom,” Haley repeated, not wanting to wade into that mess.
“I don’t believe it. You’re surviving there. I understood when you went back for the master’s, but you’ve earned that degree. Come home, Haley.”
“This is home.”
“A studio apartment furnished at Goodwill? No, Haley, that’s not home.”
“It’s home for me.” Even as she said the words, Haley looked around the apartment and saw it as a stranger might. It wasn’t a personal space.
She was always ready to go, but she hadn’t gone anywhere in a while.
Maybe it was time to change that.
Her mom ignored her comment. “It’s a great position, Haley. The salary is really good and it’s perfect for you. You’d be the ideal candidate, if you’d just apply.”
“I don’t want to move.”
Her mom paused. “Oh. Are you seeing someone?”
“No,” Haley said because it was true. Having sex with Damon, even if there was a possibility it could happen again, wasn’t what her mom was talking about. “But I have a cat now.” She didn’t know why she said that. It wasn’t true.
“A cat. That’s what counts as family now? A cat and a job? That’s a life?” Her mom made a disapproving sound. “Haley, you know there’s more to life than that. You’re not getting any younger, and I want to see you happy.”
“But I am happy, Mom. I’m just not doing what you think I should be doing. That’s different from being unhappy.”
“Haley!”
Haley knew she’d never convince her mom to understand her view, so she used a familiar argument. “You’re the one who taught me that the right man was worth waiting for.”
Her mom sighed. “Are you meeting anyone?”
“Yes. I went to a gym downtown for a massage class today. I might go back, maybe join.” That wasn’t true, either, but her mom took it as a sign of encouragement. They talked about Haley’s brothers, she had an update on how adorable her nieces and nephew were, and she was warned that there might be a wedding in the spring.
“If there’s a wedding, I’ll come home for it,” she said. “Someone has to fill Tiffany’s luggage with confetti.”
“And think about bringing a date,” her mom added.
Haley rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I can just order one online.”
“Maybe it would be easier if you could.” They joked together about online dating—her older brother Brad had tried a lot of services with bad results, then had met Katie at the grocery store—her mom demanded that she send pictures of the cat, then they ended the call. Haley smiled at the phone, then opened her browser.
She needed to find a cat, STAT.
* * *
“You’re evil,” Amy muttered as she did yet another batch of push-ups at Cassie’s instruction.
“Hold it longer,” Cassie said. “And keep your back straight.”
“Diabolical, maybe.”
Cassie smiled. “Don’t you want to look your best when you’re twenty stories high?”
“I don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” Amy said, sitting up and wiping the perspiration from her face. She was flushed, but her muscles were perfectly pumped. Since coming to F5, she was slimmer and stronger.
Since being with Ty, she’d blossomed.
He was the kind of guy who had that effect on women.
Cassie refused to consider what she’d do to be with a man like Tyler McKay.
He was taken.
“I suspect it was Ty who talked you into it,” Cassie said mildly, beckoning for Amy to stand up. She urged the other woman to turn around and assessed her figure. “Okay, I think you’re ready for the shoot. Quick shower, then that black leotard, please.”
In the Midnight Hour Page 11