Ruin

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “Alright.” Randy held out his hand, and the doctor shook it. “Thank you, thank you for everything.”

  “It was my pleasure.” The doctor nodded to us and walked off.

  I couldn’t see through my tears.

  Gabe’s body shook against mine. I thought he was crying and then I looked up. He was laughing so hard I thought he was doing to pass out.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I pushed against him.

  “That bastard made me promise to be his best man.” Gabe laughed even louder. “He would live—” Gabe wiped his eyes. “—just to see me in a tux.”

  I joined in the laughter. Lisa rose from her chair and grabbed my hand in hers. Relief, that’s all I felt, relief that he was going to be okay, that we were going to be together. I had to keep myself from running into that operating room and throwing my body against his.

  He was alive.

  The love of my life was waiting for me.

  Holy crap. I was getting married in a year.

  Now it was my turn to laugh.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  I dreamt of Kiersten in a wedding dress. I was at the end of the aisle and she was walking toward me. Then my brain fast-forwarded to us holding hands and watching our kids play in the yard. And then, even further, I watched our wrinkled hands touch as we were witness to another great-grandchild being brought into the world. My life — my future. It was all her.

  Weston

  The first thing I saw when I woke up was my dad. He was hovering over my bed with a look of pure awe on his face. The minute I’d seen my mom’s wedding ring on Angela’s finger, I’d known I was going to be okay. I knew with certainty that I really was just going to take a nap and then wake up and start my life — a new beginning.

  Dad’s face faded in and out as well as Kiersten’s. I had no idea how long I slept. One day, my eyes stayed open. I tried focusing on something — anything. Finally, I was able to see another face. My dad’s smile made my chest hurt, either that or my chest just hurt from the surgery, I couldn’t tell if it was physical or emotional — nor did I care. It hurt — pain meant that I was living.

  “How do you feel?” my dad asked.

  “Like a quarterback.” My voice was still hoarse from having the tube thrust down it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to talk. Talking meant I wasn’t dreaming everything up. Every damn breath hurt like hell, but I kept breathing too. I told myself it would be a privilege to breathe through pain like that for the rest of my life — just knowing each breath was a gift..

  Dad laughed. “Good, you think Coach will let you play in that bowl game?”

  “When we get that bowl game,” I corrected as I tried to clear my throat and get my voice to sound more normal. “Coach promised me he’d let me play.” I winked. “Where is everyone?”

  “I wanted a moment…” Dad cleared his throat. “Just to talk to my son. Alone. To make sure it was real. That you were really here and not still in that operating room. Did the doctors tell you what they discovered?”

  I nodded. “The tumor shrank.”

  “Son, the tumor shrank to a quarter of its size, all within four days.”

  I couldn’t trust myself to speak. One nurse called it a miracle while the doctor gave all the credit to the medicine. I guess I’d never know, and maybe it didn’t matter how I was spared, just that I was.

  “Incredible, right?” I said.

  “A miracle.” Dad patted my hand, “I love you, Wes.”

  “Love you too, Dad.”

  He got up, then paused in the doorway. “You really getting married in a year?”

  “Yup.” I couldn’t hold back my grin, I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat.

  He shook his head and laughed. “Alright then, guess I better get to know that girl’s family.”

  Seconds later Kiersten came rushing into the room. She was like a hot blur of red as she bounced onto my bed, careful not to touch my chest, I mean, I did just have major surgery. She pressed her lips against my mouth and kissed me for a few minutes before pulling back.

  “Way ta fight, Wes.”

  “Some things…” I tucked her red hair behind her ear, “…are worth fighting for.”

  A nurse walked in and checked my clipboard.

  “Where’s Angela?” I asked.

  The nurse gave me a weird look. “Angela?”

  “Yeah, the other nurse that was helping me. She had blond hair, pretty face…”

  “Hmm.” The nurse put down her clipboard and smiled. “We don’t have a nurse named Angela who works anywhere in this unit, at least that I know of. By the looks of your chart you were on some pretty heavy medication. Hallucinations are completely normal when you have that amount of drugs in your system, Weston. I’ll be sure to notify the doctor of the side effects so he can take note of them.” She gave me a kind smile and walked out of the room.

  “Angela? Who is that?” Kiersten asked.

  “I don’t think I hallucinated anything. I mean, I did tell you I was going to marry you, right?”

  She nodded.

  “And you promised to wear a wedding dress?”

  Another nod.

  “And nakedness, I could have sworn there was nakedness.”

  Kiersten rolled her eyes. “Yes, lots of nakedness.”

  “But you don’t remember Angela either?” I asked.

  “Not at all.” She shrugged. “Maybe it was your imagination, or maybe you just had a guardian angel.”

  We kissed and then heard a knock on the door. A male nurse brought in a tray of food, behind him, I saw a familiar smile, followed by blond hair.

  “Is that her?” Kiersten pointed.

  Angela gave us a small wave, walked away from the room, and got right on the elevator. Just as the door began to close, she winked at me.

  “Holy shit.”

  Kiersten tapped me on the shoulder. “Who was that?”

  I sighed and silently thanked God for miracles of all sizes. “Let me tell you about my mom.”

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Two months later

  Shit, I was nervous as hell. The doctor had said I could play in limited capacity, but he didn’t think I’d be able to last a whole game. I mean, who plays after having their chest cracked open? Yet I felt healthy as a horse. I’d started working out two weeks after my surgery, slowly and surely, I felt healthy again. No more nausea, no more anything. I was alive, and God, was I thankful.

  I waved at Kiersten. She was sitting in the stands with her aunt and uncle. My dad and Jobob had gotten crazy close over the last few months. Crazy, but it seemed that grief on both Kiersten’s and my sides brought the men close to one another. It only took about a week for Jobob to get over his star-struck attitude. Within two weeks he was pulling pranks on my dad that had all of us in stitches. It was good to laugh. It was even better to see my dad laugh.

  Dad waved from the sidelines too and pointed at Gabe, who was sitting next to Lisa with a giant sign that read, Go Wes! In Red letters. They drew a giant heart around it.

  News of my surgery and cancer struggle got out as we all assumed it would. After numerous Skype interviews with Good Morning America and Anderson Cooper, not to mention ESPN, I’d barely had any time to even think about the bowl game and about what I was going to do during halftime.

  We were playing Oregon. Again. Of all the luck in the world. The Ducks were good, but we were better. I threw the football again and stretched my arms above my head. It was the BCS championship. I should have been thinking about the plays, about not getting hit, about winning — but all I could think about was her.

  “Ready for this?” Tony asked, throwing the ball one last time.

  “Of course.” I laughed. “Are you?”

  “We’re having duck for dinner.” He pointed two fingers at me and then threw his head back and howled. People in the stands were shouting green and yellow. I knew Gabe would be pissed. Poor guy,
nobody hated the Ducks more than him, though he wouldn’t tell any of us the exact reason.

  The announcer came on the loud speaker. Funny, how last time I was on the field, I’d thought my life might be over.

  And honestly — it had just begun.

  The first two quarters went by in a blur. The score was tied and I was officially exhausted. Coach tried to take me out a few times, but I wouldn’t let him. I was doing a damn good job and I wanted to carry my team. I couldn’t fail them, not now.

  “You sure you’re up for this?” Dad asked once the buzzer for halftime went off.

  “Yup.” I licked my lips. “I’ve been waiting all my life for this.”

  He dug into his pocket and handed me the box. “Go get ‘em.”

  “If everyone could have a seat, we have a special announcement.” The man called over the loud speaker. I walked to the middle of the field amidst shouts and cheers from all over the stands, even the Duck fans were on their feet.

  The minute I turned, I realized why. Every single person on my side of the crowd were flashing shirts that said I heart Wes Michels. I was too shocked to say anything. The yells grew louder. I gave a bow and took off my helmet. Nervous, I cleared my throat before speaking into the microphone.

  “Thank you,” I said in a hoarse voice. “You have no idea how much your support means to me, my family, my team.” I cleared my throat again. “I love you guys. All of you, but there’s someone… someone special that I really need to talk to right now. Kiersten?” The crowd cheered louder. “Kiersten, can you come down here?”

  Amidsts screams and hollers, my girl made her way from the stands and across the fields.

  “Damn,” I said into the microphone. “You’re just as beautiful as the first day I saw you.”

  Her red hair matched her face as she made the final few steps to the middle of the field.

  “Lamb,” I began. She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was happy. I fought against the nerves and excitement I felt at finally being able to claim her as my own. “My heart was literally breaking when I met you.” The crowd fell silent. “It was getting slowly poisoned by something beyond my control — some think it is a miracle that I’m standing here, others say it was the drugs.” I gripped her hands. “But I know the truth.”

  Kiersten’s brow furrowed.

  “When I met you — somehow you healed me. From the inside out, the outside in. We conquered fears together, we learned, we laughed, and we loved. I swear, you caused my heart to soar more in the past few months than it has in my entire existence. My heart is whole because you chose to share yours with me, and it’s for that reason that I get down on not one, but both knees…” I knelt in front of her and gripped her hand. “And say thank you. Thank you for saving my life, thank you for loving me enough to treasure your own, and thank you for being my strength when I had none. I’d like to think our hearts are joined — forever entwined — but considering that’s not technically a legal joining, I have a question for you.”

  Gasps were heard throughout the stadium.

  “Marry me? Make me the happiest man alive.” I opened the box revealing my mom’s ring. The same one I saw when I’d closed my eyes before my surgery. It was a three carat antique-cut diamond solitaire, with the words My heart for yours engraved on the inside. Dad said when he engraved it, he had only thought of his love for Mom. Never once did he suspect that it would have a deeper meaning for all of us.

  Maybe, just maybe, everything did happen for a reason. Maybe there was no such thing as a coincidence. I gulped, waiting for Kiersten’s answer.

  With a shout, she threw her arms around my neck knocking me to my back. Her mouth found mine.

  I tasted her lips and growled against them. “That a yes?”

  “That’s a what the heck took you so long?” She smacked me on the chest and then looked away as tears streamed down her face. “I love you Wes Michels.”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  She grinned and pointed to her shirt. “You like?”

  “I love.”

  “I heart Wes Michels,” she whispered and kissed my mouth again. “I would have given you mine, you know…”

  “What?” I asked confused, still holding her.

  “My heart…” Her lower lip trembled. “I would have given it to you — to save you. I would have done anything.”

  “I’ll still take it.”

  “What?”

  “Your heart,” I whispered. “I’ll still take it, if the offer stands. I want all of it, even the broken pieces, the shredded ones that no longer fit. I want all of them — all of you. I need it all.”

  “You have it.” She tightened her grip around my neck as she jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist.

  Camera crews were going crazy, trying to get every angle of our bodies, and then, exactly as I’d planned it, the fireworks went off in perfect tune with the song Beneath Your Beautiful.

  “Wow.” She breathed, letting her head fall back as she looked at the sky. ”You do things big, don’t you?”

  “I am a Michels.” I winked. “Now, let’s go win that game.”

  We could have lost and I would have still been happy. Luckily, we didn’t. The green and yellow were no more. Gabe looked ready to cry tears of joy, and then he started trash talking, so we escorted him away from other fans.

  “I grabbed Kiersten’s hand and kissed it.”

  “I just wanted to get her home.”

  Being named MVP? Meant nothing. NFL scouts? Nothing. But Kiersten? Hell, yeah. She was everything. I left early. I said goodbye to the cameras, the lights, the fame — I just wanted her. And in that dark tunnel as we walked out of the stadium, feeling my mom’s ring against her finger, I knew I was starting the rest of my life.

  Dedication

  Uncle JoBob, when I think of you, when I hear your name, the word that comes to mind is brave. The next word? Hero. The next one after that? Peace. You are walking peace, you are a fighter, and you are a walking example of what I hope to be in my everyday life. I admire your courage so much. You don’t let cancer get you down; rather than allowing it to get you down, you use it as a way to lift others up. Words can’t express the impact you have made on my life.

  To my dear mother-in-law who fought breast cancer, stared it in the face and didn’t back down — I love you.

  To Monica — girl, you’ve got this. You’re going to beat this, and then you’re going to have a glass of wine and read a book.

  To everyone who’s lost someone to cancer, to anyone fighting the war against it — to the doctors, to the families, to the loved ones who buried their soul mates.

  My heart is with you.

  This book —

  This is for you.

  Acknowledgements

  First and foremost I have to thank God. This story wouldn’t be possible without his constant blessings in my life. It’s because of Him that I’m able to do what I do every day.

  As many of you know, my Uncle Jobob has terminal cancer. I wrote this book as a dedication to him and to anyone whose life have been affected by this disease. I hope that, if this is something you are going through with your friends and family, that this book helps you deal with the grief and helps you heal if only in a small way.

  Thank you so much to Grand Central Publishing for not only allowing me to write this in between my other releases with them, but for supporting me the entire way. Lauren Plude, you are an incredible editor, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, it’s a privilege to work with you as well as the rest of the GCP team.

  Laura Heritage, thank you so much for putting in crazy editing hours WHILE pregnant to help me pull this off. I mean seriously? You’re a rock star. Such an honor to call you my friend.

  My street team and beta readers! I love you guys! You were the first to see this. I don’t know what I would do without all of your constant support and encouragement on Facebook! You’re all li
ke a second family to me.

  As always, if you loved the book or hated it — still leave a review. Every little bit helps. The first TWO WEEKS’ sales of this book will be going towards my uncle’s medical bills. Later on I’ll be making donations to Make-A-Wish. Please spread the word about this book to friends and family. If you liked it, talk about it. If you didn’t like it but know it could help someone, then please pass it on.

  Thank you for reading!

  You can get updates by following me on Twitter @RachVD, Facebook: Rachel Van Dyken Author, or my website: www.rachelvandykenauthor.com.

  If you have any other inquiries regarding foreign rights or movie rights, please contact my agent Erica Silverman at esilverman@tridentmediagroup.com.

  If you liked this, check out these other titles by Rachel Van Dyken

  from Forever Romance:

  #1 New York Times Betseller

  The Bet

  The Wager — releasing Oct 1, 2013

  Elite

  Elect — releasing December 10, 2013

  Also by Rachel Van Dyken

  Every Girl Does It

  Compromising Kessen

  Savage Winter