A Cowboy Under the Mistletoe

by Jessica Clare

  Jason

  PS—Here’s my number. Text me the details of the party and when I should pick you up for our date.

  He read the note twice, then headed out to the barn to feed her two old cattle. It was deathly quiet in the early morning predawn, the only sound that of Lucy’s and Ethel’s hooves. He put feed in their buckets and fresh water down like she’d shown him, and even though he was familiar with the barn, the hairs on the back of his neck pricked like they did when he went on alert. It would be so easy for someone to sneak up on him . . .

  But no. Sage had sworn to him that this was a safe place. That no one would trespass.

  Then again, they’d sworn they were safe at the outpost in Afghanistan, and he ended up with five bullets in him. His bad leg throbbed, and even though he needed to get on the road and head out for his first day on the job, he went to the far end of the barn and checked the first stall.

  And then the next one.

  And the next. Because he had to. Because Sage was sleeping innocently up in her house, and he couldn’t leave unless he knew she was safe.

  An hour later, he finally got into his truck and headed toward the Price Ranch, that pit of dread in his stomach growing by the moment. It was just nerves, he told himself even as his hands sweat on the steering wheel. Nerves about being new to a job.

  It had nothing to do with Afghanistan.

  Nothing at all.

  Nothing.

  If he kept telling himself that, maybe he’d even start to believe it.

  He didn’t want to disappoint Sage, though. Not when she’d worked so hard all weekend to give him a crash course on what she knew. So for her, he kept driving toward his destination even when he wanted to turn around and head right back to North Carolina, where his family was. Sage had been a real trooper all day and all night, never taking a break, never losing her patience with him and his constant need to survey the area or his ignorance when it came to the basics. She was calm, sweet, and funny. He’d never met someone so generous with their time. Who else would take a stranger off the street and spend the entire weekend with him—or her—just to try to help with a new job? Very few people, but Sage seemed to genuinely want to help him. He felt like he’d made a real friend this weekend, and he couldn’t put into words just how much he appreciated her.

  So he’d just have to do his best at the job today. If he didn’t get fired by sunset, it’d be a win.

  As he drove, he tried to remind himself of everything she’d gone over with him. Instead, he just kept picturing her dimples and the way her entire face lit up when she thought something was funny. She radiated happiness . . . and yet she was lonely.

  If he wasn’t such a mess, he’d have asked her out. But she didn’t deserve to be stuck with a disaster like him. She was just being nice, anyhow. Her heart was set on that idiot that was getting married. Just as well. The timing wasn’t right for him, either.

  The sun was coming up, and since it was winter, that meant he was late. Jason pulled up to the Price Ranch house and parked his truck. The front door immediately opened, two dogs racing out toward him as he got out and grabbed his bag. A man stood in the doorway and raised a hand in greeting. It was a different cowboy, he noticed as he walked toward the door. “You must be Jason. I’m Dustin. Come on in.”

  There was an enormous, dark-haired dog at his side, tail wagging, and for a heartbreaking moment, it looked like Truck. But as he got into the house and the lighting changed, he saw this one was shaggier, the coloring slightly different. Not a German shepherd.

  Not Truck.

  He forced himself to stop staring at the dog and nodded at Dustin. “Nice to meet you.”

  Dustin gave him a friendly smile and slapped his leg. “Don’t let Moose bother you. He’s big but he’s a marshmallow.” The dog trotted over to him, pushing his face against Dustin’s hand in a way that reminded Jason of Truck once more, and that sense of isolation hit him even harder than before.

  Think of Sage, he reminded himself. She’d want you to do good today. And he thought of her dimples. Those dimples were going to be a good luck charm for him, he decided. He stuck his hand out to Dustin, and the cowboy shook it. “Jason.”

  “Everyone’s eating. You’re welcome to join us.”

  “I’m fine,” he told him. He couldn’t eat a damn thing anyhow. His stomach was full of acid. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “Not at all.”

  In the kitchen, a baby cried, and then Eli came out a moment later with his infant son in his arms. He paused and gave Jason a hard look. “You ready to start work now? Or you got somewhere else you need to be?”

  He bristled at Eli’s flat tone, but he reminded himself of what Sage had told him. That Eli was brusque but fair. He took his job seriously and expected everyone else to. He’d give Jason a hard time at first. For all her dimpled smiles, Sage was good at reading people. So he didn’t rise to the bait. “Everything’s taken care of,” he said boldly, as if what he’d done in town was extra important. “I just need to set my bag down.”

  Dustin waved him in. “You remember where your room was? Eli’s gonna be a moment changing that dirty diaper anyhow.” He grinned. “Come on, it’s this way.”

  Jason let Dustin lead him in, trying to be as cool and calm as anyone would expect from an ex-military man. As they passed each closed door, though, his senses pinged.

  Not today, he told himself. I don’t need this bullshit today. Focus on the job at hand.

  He managed to remain calm as he set his bag down. Dustin was saying something, but he couldn’t hear it over the roar of blood in his ears. When he turned around, the cowboy was looking at him expectantly. Had he been asked a question? He honestly didn’t know. He licked dry lips and decided to go with the stalling tactic he and Sage had come up with yesterday. “I know it’s my first day,” he began. “But every ranch is different, and I’d be a lot more comfortable if we could do a tour of the ranch first. I’d like to get a sense of how things are laid out, see all the buildings, the land boundaries, see the herd, get a feel for everything before I get my hands dirty.”

  It sounded like an excuse to him, but Dustin only nodded and clapped him on the shoulder. “We can do that. I’ll take you out in the Gator while Eli saddles up. We can meet up with him later. Sound good to you, Eli?” He yelled through the house.

  “Go,” Eli called back.

  Dustin grinned at him, clapped his shoulder again, and told him, “Lemme kiss my wife and we’ll be on our way. You can change if you need to.”

  Jason glanced down at his clothes. He wore a long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans and sneakers. Not typical cowboy gear, but the cows wouldn’t care, would they? Maybe Dustin was referring to the weather. After a moment’s hesitation, he grabbed his favorite baseball cap and threw on a light jacket, then went to head outside.

  Or he tried to. He paused in the hallway, at the line of closed doors, and his heart hammered in his chest. They’re just doors, he reminded himself. Bedrooms.

  It doesn’t mean that someone’s waiting to ambush you.

  They’re just doors.

  Tension surging through his body, he forced himself to walk slowly down the hall as if he were a normal person. As if doors didn’t make him break out into a cold sweat.

  At the end of the hallway, a small, white dog with a flat snout sat and watched him. As Jason approached, the dog tilted his head, dark eyes curious, and he looked so out of place in contrast to the rest of the ranch dogs that Jason immediately relaxed at the sight of him. He found himself smiling at the little fella. For some reason, he felt safe at the sight of what was obviously a pet. There were babies here, he reminded himself. They wouldn’t put them in danger.

  There was no ambush waiting around every corner. There wasn’t. It was all in his head, and sometimes his head was still stuck back in Afghanistan.

 
He thought of Sage’s encouraging smile as she’d worked with him all weekend, and he somehow managed. She was counting on him, he felt. Not because she had a stake in his success today, but because he needed to make her proud. So he would.

  Jason somehow managed to keep his cool all morning long. Dustin took him out in a ranch vehicle called a Gator, which was like a rugged golf cart with a flatbed in the back for hauling things. To Jason’s dismay, three of the dogs had piled in the back and gone with them, but he found that he could tune them out. Mostly. He was too focused on his surroundings to pay much attention to the dogs. Dustin drove the Gator all along the property lines, telling him that the ranch covered thousands of acres. He pointed out the split-rail fencing that divided their property from the Swinging C, their “neighbor” up the mountain. But mostly, it was wide-open space, and the farther they got from the ranch house, the more Jason began to sweat.

  It was just a tour of the area. It was remote. There were no inhabitants but the cattle that wandered in the snow, pawing their hooves at the occasional clump of grass and skittering away when the Gator got too near. Dustin whistled as he drove and kept up a steady stream of conversation, and if he noticed Jason’s silence, he didn’t say anything. Eventually, the Gator headed back toward the ranch, and then Dustin gave him a tour of the barn, which was much fuller than Sage’s. It was brimming with livestock, from sick cattle to horses to a few more dogs that were lounging in the barn. There were even chickens in an outdoor pen. Next to the barn was another large building, this one exclusively for housing the rolls of baled hay that would feed the cattle, along with the “cake” supplements that they were given. According to Sage, you “caked” cattle more in the winter because it helped them thermoregulate. That was something he knew now, at least.

  Eli was in the barn. He wore one of his ever-present cowboy hats and was mucking a stall, pitchfork in hand. The sight of it made the hairs on Jason’s neck rise, and a shiver went down his arms.

  It’s not a weapon, he reminded himself. It’s not. This isn’t a war zone.

  Eli gave him a dismissive look and cocked his head at Jason. “You ready to work or you going to stall for time again?”

  For some reason, that brought him back to ground. He found himself breathing easier. “I’m done stalling, thanks.”

  Dustin laughed.

  Eli just snorted. He rested the pitchfork against the wall and gestured at the stalls across from him, where the horses whickered and ate with gusto. “Saddle up, then. Let’s go fix the rails in the south pasture. Looks like they took a beating overnight.”

  “All right.” Jason knew this was a test. Eli didn’t move to show him where the saddles were, or how to saddle a horse. He knew he wouldn’t. This was supposed to be rudimentary rancher stuff, but Jason had only ever saddled a stupid stall divider in the barn.

  But he thought of Sage’s dimples and how they would appear with pride as she smiled when he got through today. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. It was just a barn. He was in a safe place.

  He walked forward and looked for the tack room.

  * * *

  • • •

  Somehow, Jason made it through the day.

  It might have been one of the longest days of his life, though. He’d managed to saddle a horse, and he’d even ridden the damn thing based off of Sage’s instructions. Not well, of course, but he’d ridden it. He’d done everything Eli had asked him to do. He’d unspooled hay on the spooler and spread it in the pasture. He’d helped repair fence posts. He’d mucked stalls and managed not to get kicked.

  And with every moment that passed, his mind had screamed at him more and more. That he wasn’t safe. That every time he turned around, he’d see someone waiting to ambush them. He knew it was just his PTSD, but that didn’t mean it didn’t wear at him.

  By the time they called it a day, the sun was down and it was getting late. He didn’t want to be the first one in, though. He had to be the last one in or they’d think he was lazy. Eli watched him like a hawk, and he could tell from the look in the other man’s eyes that he didn’t trust Jason. Jason didn’t give up, though. He just worked harder, and whatever they put in front of him, he did.

  He was glad to be done with the day. He followed the other two as they trooped into the mudroom and stripped off their layers. His sneakers were soaked from all the snow he’d walked through, and he needed to get those boots like Sage had suggested.

  Sage.

  The moment she entered his mind, he wanted to see her, desperately. He needed to talk to someone that would look at him with approval, someone that would tell him that he’d done a good job. Someone that would know how hard it was for him to get through this day.

  So he didn’t take his shoes off. He hesitated in the mudroom, thinking.

  “Smells like chili,” Dustin said cheerily. “My favorite.” He looked over at Jason. “Hope you’ve worked up an appetite.”

  “Actually, I think I’m gonna skip dinner,” Jason said.

  Both Eli and Dustin turned to look at him. “You get meals and board, you know,” Dustin said. Eli just glared.

  “I know. I just have a friend in town I want to go visit.”

  “Who?” Eli asked.

  Did it matter? But he knew they knew Sage, and it sounded like she was on good terms with them and everyone else around Painted Barrel, so it couldn’t hurt to drop her name. “Sage Cooper.”

  Dustin looked surprised. “I didn’t know you knew Sage.”

  “Yeah, met her a couple of days ago.” They didn’t have to know that he’d spent all weekend with her learning ranching basics. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to see her, too. He needed to get away from this place and the feeling that he was somehow messing things up even when he was trying his damndest to do things right.

  A woman popped her head through the door to the mudroom. “Did I hear you say you were heading to town to visit Sage?” Cass asked. “I made Christmas cookies and ended up making too many. Can you take some to her since you’re on your way?”

  “Sure.” In a way, Jason was relieved. Now he had an excuse to leave, and Eli couldn’t say anything about it. “I’ll be back before it’s too late at night,” he told them.

  “We start at five in the morning,” Eli said. “Don’t stay out all night.”

  Dustin just looked at Eli oddly. “He’s visiting Sage, not barhopping. She won’t let him stay out too late.”

  Eli grunted agreement.

  Jason shrugged his jacket back on, and a moment later, Cass was there with a plastic-wrapped paper plate loaded down with colorful cookies. “I appreciate it,” she told Jason with a smile. “She always makes us cookies, and I thought I’d return the favor this year.”

  “Thanks.” He took the plate, managed a smile, and then headed back out of the mudroom before anyone else could say anything.

  Once he was outside, the crushing sensation in his lungs eased a bit . . . only to be replaced by the same jittery nerves at the quiet. He hated his brain. He hated that no matter the scenario, he couldn’t relax. With a groan, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, steeling himself like so many years of therapy had taught him. Years of therapy didn’t matter when your brain wouldn’t shut up, though.

  He opened his eyes again and looked around. Everything in the darkness seemed normal, and there was fresh, powdery snow falling on the ground. It was calm. Quiet.

  Unlike his mind.

  * * *

  • • •

  Eli kissed his wife as she handed him a bowl of chili, and he sat down in his usual chair. Travis was in his high chair, waving his arms with excitement, and Eli couldn’t help but grin at his boy. Seeing the slobbery, toothless smile brightened his mood after such a long day.

  “Well?” Cass asked as she sat down with him at the table. Dustin grabbed a bowl for
himself and headed to the living room, where his wife was nursing their baby. Cass looked at Eli eagerly, her eyes full of hope. “How did it go?”

  “He’s a total greenhorn,” Eli said in a flat voice. “Rode the horse like he had a pole up his you know what.”

  Her expression fell. “Oh no. Really?”

  “Really. It’s the strangest thing. He knows the mechanics of how things work, but it’s clear he has no experience. He put the saddle on Buster, and when the horse pranced sideways, I thought Jason was going to fall over in surprise.” He shook his head. “Either he lied to Jordy, or Jordy lied to us. I’ve been around enough men that know ranching, and I can tell you right now, that man does not know ranching. Plus, he’s odd.”

  “Odd like how?” His wife propped her chin up on a fist and leaned forward, her disappointment evident. She wanted him to have help around the ranch, he knew, so he wouldn’t have to work so hard. She missed him when he was out from dark to dark. Truth be told, he missed her, too. This would be a disappointment for everyone.

  Eli gave her a disgusted look. “Well, for starters, he wore sneakers on a damn horse.”

  She giggled. “Okay, that’s definitely a greenhorn move.”

  “I know. I almost wished Buster would have nipped him in the ankle. He’d have boots lickety-split.” He took a heaping mouthful of the chili and ate. Cass still wasn’t a great cook, but one thing she did extremely well was chili, and tonight’s was tasty. He shot her a pleased look and a wink of approval that made her blush. He liked that he could still make her blush, even though they were no longer newlyweds. “And he was sweating.”

  “He was sweating?” she echoed, confused. “Because it was hard work?”

  “I don’t know if that was it.” Eli shook his head and shoved another bite into his mouth before answering. “He was a hard worker; don’t get me wrong. Anything we showed him, he did. Never complained, never had to tell him anything twice. But he twitched and was sweating and looked nervous as hell all day long.” He sighed. “I really don’t know what to think.”