She came running to me that day, furious. Her father had said something to upset her and she needed to get out of the house. My mom hadn’t been out of bed for months and I needed to get out of the house too.
Neither of us said anything when we first got to the rocks. She looked pretty. I wanted to tell her that, but I thought I shouldn’t, so I stayed quiet. We started to climb up and I always let her go first. Her foot slipped and my hands were there to make sure she didn’t fall. Right on her backside. I flushed and cleared my throat.
“Er, sorry.”
“You saved my life.” She giggled.
When we reached the top, we sat side by side, shoulders brushing. I remember wishing I could just inch my fingers a little closer, so they’d touch hers too, but I kept thinking about something my mother said every time I came in from being with Mara or Luka.
“You’re not like them, Elias. You need to be careful, thinking you’re one of them. You’ll never be. And that girl…she’s a spiteful little minx. You be extra careful around that one. She’s the last person you need to fall for, trust me on this. She’ll break your heart and eat it for supper.”
That always shook me. Eat my heart for supper after breaking it? It made me shudder every time, but I didn’t really get what she meant either. I just knew it made me both respect and fear Mara Catano.
Mara had a temper. I’d seen it firsthand when she got upset and came stomping to me to talk about it. But she never turned it toward me or her brother. She got fiery about the girls at school who snubbed her and ended up getting tutors to avoid interacting with them at all. And her parents…I could see why they made her angry. They were gone most of the time, leaving Mara and Luka to fend for themselves with the mean nanny, so it was hard for her to abide by all their rules when they decided to show up.
I didn’t understand what my mother meant, but I cared about what she thought.
My mother had very few days when she got out of bed or smiled. My father worked a ton and sometimes I wondered if he remembered he had a family. He’d be gone from sunrise until late at night, long after we’d gone to bed. Sometimes I’d stay up just to see if he ever really came home.
He’d clear his throat and say, “Late night for you, son. Better get some sleep."
And that was the extent of our conversations.
I never really knew what was wrong with my mother either. She just didn’t have the strength. Later, I realized that she was deeply depressed. She had migraines a lot and maybe it was the pain that sent her to bed some days, but I think it was mostly sadness. And I always knew that if I couldn’t keep my own mother happy, what made me think I could ever keep anyone else happy?
Winthrop, our family butler, would sneak a box of chocolates in to me on those nights when I felt most alone. Or a toy that, looking back now, probably cost very little, but to me meant everything. I loved it most when he brought books. A stodgy old man with little expression, he showed me more kindness than my parents put together.
My friendships were surface at best, with the exception of Winthrop, Mara, and Luka, who always dug a little deeper with me. I loved them wholeheartedly, but I kept them at a distance too, never letting them see all of me.
It was safer that way.
* * *
I get out of the Catano estate before I have another confrontation with Mara. She makes me feel too much. Always.
Deflect and depart. A motto that has always worked for me.
Chapter Six
Mara
I walk away from Elias before he can lecture me any more about being rude to Brienne. I can’t stop thinking about him gazing down at me with lust as I laid on the bed waiting for him to finish what he started, and now he’s looking at Brienne like she’s his latest piece of fresh meat? What is wrong with him?
I squeeze my fists together, denying myself any other outward sign of emotion. Crying with Elias was a weakness I don’t normally indulge in and I won’t start now.
Tears are for the weak and I am not weak.
My father used to make me repeat that over and over again when I was little. Anytime I cried or even felt my eyes welling with tears, he’d tilt his head and say, “Remember what we say, Mara? Tears are for the weak and I am not weak.”
I’d repeat it back in my little girl gremlin voice and only then would he grant me a hug. Sometimes a few tears would fall when he was hugging me, but I don’t think he ever noticed. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being able to cry. That’s why my little episode of tears is so troubling. I can’t start acting like Eden. God help me.
Especially over a man…even if it’s Elias…
If I didn’t think he was worth it, I’d force myself to get over him in a heartbeat, but I do, I think he’s worth it. I know in my heart of hearts that he just needs to wake up. He’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Maybe Brienne’s polished up purity act is getting to him…but no, that can’t be right. He’s never gone for that type before. He did seem pretty mad about Alex being here. Maybe he’s trying to get back at me for being with him…
I’m not looking where I’m going and run into a solid chest, getting knocked in the eye with an elbow in the process. I hold my eye and groan.
“Sorry, Mara. Didn’t know you were home.” Luka leans back and looks at my eye. “I got you good, I’m so sorry. You okay?”
“No, I am not okay,” I practically spit the words.
He holds both hands up and walks away, glancing at me over his shoulder. “You need to let the hostility go. It’s making it uncomfortable for everyone.”
“That’s not my fault,” I yell. “And Mother agrees with me.”
“She’s playing a dangerous game.”
I narrow my eyes and move toward him. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Ask her.”
I throw my hands up in the air when he leaves the room with that nonsense. I march to my mother’s quarters and pound on her door.
She opens it, frowning. “What’s all this racket?”
“Is there something I should know?” I demand.
Her eyebrows come together in the center, forehead creasing. “What is this about?”
“I’d like to know if there’s something you’re hiding…about Father maybe? Luka said you’re playing a dangerous game and I want the details. I feel like I’m missing something important and now is not the time to be in the dark.”
She shakes her head and opens the door wider. I step inside and she puts her hand on my arm, turning me toward her.
“Men have always lost their mind when it comes to power. That’s what is happening here. Our Luka has aligned with Eden Safrin and gotten a taste of power. I’m worried he’ll do anything to destroy your father.”
I swallow hard, my heart beating faster. “For all of Luka’s faults, I don’t think he’s power-hungry. As angry as I am with him, I think he truly believes he’s right about Father. We just need to prove him wrong.”
“And we will,” she says, soothingly. “Alidonia is responsible for this and it’s only a matter of time until we can prove it. I’m working on it and it would help if you’d not go unhinged in the process.”
I wince at her dig. “I’m trying, Mother. You haven’t seen anything negative in the press about me since Father was arrested. Right?”
She smiles and I take a deep breath, already feeling a tiny bit better.
“I’ve noticed. Let’s keep it that way, okay? Your father will be out soon and we can get our family back on track.”
I hope she’s right. If we can prove to Luka that Father is innocent, everything will go back to normal. I nod and smooth back a strand of hair that has fallen in my eye.
“What’s going on with you and Alex?” Mother’s eyes are like a microscope always peering into the depths of my soul, like she already knows the answer, but she’s waiting for me to ‘fess up.
“Oh, just a little bait for Elias. Can’t let him think I’m just waiting around for him.”
> “Better yet would be to not wait around for him at all.”
I roll my eyes. “You know I can’t give up on him. He’s in here.” I tap my heart. “And he came this close to giving in to me.” I lean in closer to her and whisper, “But we need to get rid of that cow that guards Eden…the blond girl.”
“You mean the lovely willowy girl, Brienne? I don’t know how she’s really capable of guarding anyone, not having much muscle, but I’ve heard she’s good with a sword. She must be skilled in other areas of defense to be qualified for the job.”
I scowl at my mother and she frowns back.
“What?”
“I just said we need to get rid of her, not that you need to go on about all of her virtues.”
“What is your issue with her? Tell me and I’ll see what I can do.”
“She has her sights on Elias.”
“Ahhh, Elias. It always goes back to Elias, doesn’t it? Tell me, is Elias encouraging this attention from her?”
I huff and turn around where she can’t read me so easily. “I think he’s just being nice,” I lie. Maybe if I speak what I want to happen enough, it will. Mind over matter, right?
“Hmm. Well, if he would even slightly entertain the thought of being with a person of her caliber…he’s not the man for you, is he?”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from biting her head off. I don’t know how many times I have to say it—Elias belongs with me. He is mine.
“I’ll see you at dinner. Our normal time?” I’m not opposed to changing the subject when it gets too heavy.
“Why don’t we start eating with the others…it’s time we make our presence known around here again.”
“I don’t want to fight with Luka.” I turn and face her and she looks startled by my expression. Damn emotion is wreaking havoc. What is happening to me?
“Luka will come around. If we act like we’re hiding from him, nothing will ever be resolved.”
I shrug. My heart feels desolate with one too many heartbreaks today. Mother puts her arm around my shoulder and walks me to the door.
“Chin up. It’s going to be all right. You’ll see. Find something pretty to wear for dinner tonight and we’ll be on our best behavior. Make Luka think we’re calming down and we will ease our way back into his good graces. I have to call your Father now. He’ll be home before we know it, trust me.”
I study her face, trying to latch onto the confidence she holds regarding our family and take a deep breath, steadying myself against her for a few moments.
“That’s my girl,” she says. “Made of steel.”
More like dust, I want to argue back. I don’t feel very strong right now. I step out and lean against the door when she closes it, catching my breath. A jolt of fear washes over me and I want to step back inside her room and hear her soothing words again.
Everything has turned upside down. My mother has never been one for positive thinking, yet that’s exactly what she just fed me. Something isn’t sitting right. I need to get to the bottom of all of this for myself.
* * *
The plan comes to me during dinner. It’s an awkward affair. I immediately regret listening to my mother and wish I’d avoided the whole thing. When Brienne and Eden walk in smiling and sit down next to Luka, it’s all I can do to not leave right then. But I pick at my food and drink my wine and it all comes to me then, the plan.
Once my plate has been cleared, I go back to my room to freshen up and leave, driving myself over to Elias’s house. His car is out front, its sleek lines perfect for him. I smile, thinking of the first time I saw him driving it, never fails to get me hot. I check my lipstick in my rearview mirror before I step out of the car and walk slowly to the door, my stilettos clicking on the stone walk.
Winthrop, his butler, answers the door and sniffs when he sees me. “Do come in. I don’t believe Mr. Lancaster was expecting you.”
Elias walks by and stops when he sees me, then quickly steps toward the door. “Come in. What are you doing here?” His eyes slowly sweep down the length of me, stalling on my legs and heels. His tongue reaches out to lick his bottom lip before his eyes reach mine again and I watch, entranced.
“I was hoping I might ask you a few questions.”
“Of course.” He nods at Winthrop, who closes the door.
“Tea?” Winthrop asks.
“That would be perfect, thank you.”
“Thank you, Winthrop.” Elias looks at the man with far more warmth than he does me.
Winthrop nods and scurries off to the kitchen.
Elias stretches out his hand, directing me down the hall. “Let’s go to my office.”
The thought of seeing the space where Elias works excites me. I’ve been to his home many times, but I’ve never been in his office. He leads the way and when he opens the door, I’m rewarded by the smell of leather, books, and Elias’s cologne that smells a bit like vanilla and tobacco. I close my eyes and inhale, feeling like I could be happy in this cozy room with him forever.
“What can I help you with, Mara?” His voice behind me makes me jump and I put my hand to my throat, laughing. “I apologize for startling you.” He walks around his desk and motions for me to sit across from him.
I wish he wasn’t being so formal and that I could go climb into his lap where I belong, but I sit down where he tells me to and take a long look at him. He looks tired but so handsome in his dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. His hair is messier than usual and I want to get my hands in it and mess it up more. I clear my throat. Enough of this formality.
“I would really like some answers. You know I love Luka and I have always trusted his judgment, but now, with Eden’s influence…I’m not certain of anything anymore. I know you had great respect for my father. What do you know that I don’t?”
Elias rubs the scruff on his chin and stares at me. In shock? Or fear…I’m not sure which. He runs his hand through his hair and then leans his forearms on the desk.
“I saw transcripts of his conversations with Juan and one other person about their plan to bring down Neil Safrin. It was all there, no hiding it. I also heard his voice on one of the phone calls, which is what confirmed it for me. Luka has the recording. It was all given to the police and they had enough there to convict him. Haven’t you heard about this?”
I shake my head, pressing my lips together as I grip the chair. “No. My mother has said I needed to remain loyal and that nothing they had was firm evidence.”
Elias tilts his head and what I see in his eyes now breaks me. Pity. I lower my head, clutching my hands together.
“Do you think I could hear it for myself?” I whisper. “I don’t want to believe it’s true. I have to…hear it for myself.”
“I will make sure you do. Your loyalty is admirable, Mara.” He stands up and walks around the desk, sitting on the edge in front of me.
I laugh shakily and roll my eyes. “I’m not crying again. Will not cry,” I repeat softly. “My father would disown me if he knew I’ve cried over him…or anyone.”
Elias grabs my hands and pulls me to him. “You’re the strongest person I know and the best daughter there is. A few tears would never change that. It’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to believe the worst.”
“What about Alidonia? Where do they fit in all of this?”
“You should be asking Luka about that, but I believe they played a part in it too. Unfortunately, we have proof of your father’s involvement, and I don’t know that there’s solid proof yet about Alidonia.”
He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight against him. I stand there soaking it in, feeling safe again, despite all he’s just told me. Maybe deep down, I knew. I shake that thought and bury my head in his chest. I will wait and listen for myself, I repeat in my head. And in the meantime, I’ll enjoy every moment I’m in Elias’s arms.
A light tap on the door breaks the moment and Winthrop walks in with a full tea service. The last thing I want is tea right n
ow, but I step away from Elias and smile at Winthrop. We both thank him and he backs out of the room, giving me a rare ghost of a smile before he closes the door again.
“I think you’re the only one who can make Winthrop smile,” Elias says with a laugh. He passes the bowl of sugar cubes to me first, knowing I can’t handle tea without three cubes. “He’s always had a weakness for that smile of yours.”
I tilt my head and stir the tea, loving the feel of Elias’s eyes on me. His warmth right now is like a torch setting my heart alight. I could conquer anything if he would always look at me just like this.
“If only it worked on you.” I take a sip of tea and watch Elias’s eyes heat with my words.
He laughs and the dimples, god, the dimples.
“You’re fully aware that everything about you works—” He leaves the sentence hanging.
I set the tea down and lean forward. “On you?”
His smile drops and the intensity in his eyes builds. The temperature in the room heats and for a moment, I think I see the future in his eyes. It’s all there. The love, the heat, the passion.
“Especially on me,” he whispers.
It takes everything in me to leave before I’m ready. I stand up, seeing his mouth drop slightly as I advance toward him. When my cleavage is eye level to him, I lean down to kiss his cheek. He turns at the last minute and gives me a kiss that is light but the furthest thing from chaste. I want to stay there and explore his mouth all night long, but I force myself to walk away while his guard is down, so I don’t have to see him put the walls back up.
* * *
Brienne is the last person I want to see when I get home.
“Good evening,” she says, her voice stiff.
“You’re up late tonight.”
“So are you.”
“I just left Elias’s house.” It’s nonchalant the way I say it, like a shrug or an afterthought, but there’s no hiding the excitement in my voice. Where Elias is concerned, I can’t seem to play it cool, which is really unfortunate.
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