Maybe this will be easier than I thought.
I look at him one more time and my stomach starts to ache as I see him glance at Brienne and smile at her.
The plates are served and we dig in, Luka beginning the conversation.
“I appreciate you all coming for these meetings, but tonight no business, strictly fun.” He raises his glass and everyone lifts theirs too. “To smooth negotiations.”
Everyone repeats after him and clinks their glasses together. When the noise dies down, Luka looks at Alex.
“I didn’t realize you’d be joining us this evening, Alex. How is everything in Yuman?”
“Things are well. You know I can’t stay away from your sister for too long.” He smirks at me, and I smile at him with my eyelashes lowered.
I try to subtly look at Elias again and see that this time, he is studying his plate with extreme focus.
Luka looks at Elias then. “Elias, you haven’t had a party at your place lately. When is the next bash?”
“Haven’t had much time to party with all of your celebrations,” Elias mutters. He seems to recognize his tone and sits up straighter. “Hard to compete with that.” He smiles and lifts his wine glass to his lips. “As soon as we all recover after the coronation, I’ll do something—if nothing else to celebrate that we survived.”
The advisors laugh, Luka and Basile included, and Elias’s shoulders relax a bit. He goes back to staring at his plate and I wonder if he’s not as happy about Luka taking over…or if it’s the way Alex is eyeing me like he wants to devour me. I ignore him, digging into my food like I’m starving. Eventually, I take a long swig of wine and set it down, along with my fork.
“Let us know if you’d like any help planning,” I say to Elias. “Alex and I would be glad to help.”
“I didn’t realize the two of you were such close buddies…again,” Elias says, setting his glass down with a thud.
“Oh, we’ve always been close, haven’t we?” I beam at Alex and he leans over and tweaks my nose, making me laugh.
Elias looks as if he wants to commit murder right at the table and Luka has to go and shut it down.
“Eden and I have an announcement.”
The whole table goes silent then and we turn as one to Luka.
“No, we’re not having a baby…not yet.” Eden laughs. “That was a bit dramatic, even for you,” she says to Luka.
“My apologies.” Luka ducks his head. “A baby never crossed my mind…maybe it should.” He grins and it’s Eden’s turn to flush. He waves his hand and clears his throat, his lips jutting to the side as they do when he’s teasing Eden. “Nothing that grand, but we are donating a large sum of capital to the country of Farrow as a way of increasing our good faith with them after the awful things my father did. Money cannot fix what he did, but I hope that it will show that we have every intention of doing right by them in the future.”
I can’t believe this. I stand up and point at Eden, hands shaking. “What did you have to do to bribe that out of him? Do you have no shame? You’ve already ruined my family and now you’re taking more of our money too? And we’re supposed to celebrate this?”
Luka stands up and walks over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I jerk away, feeling my skin heat as I fight back the tears.
“I hate you,” I whisper. “I have officially lost all respect for you.”
I storm out of the room and rush down the hall.
Eden has destroyed everything important to me.
I refuse to let her steal my family.
* * *
“Mara?” Elias knocks once, twice, then opens the door.
I look at him and then turn away, walking to the window. He moves behind me and I lean back into his chest, his arms going around the front of me and holding me close. I try to keep the tears from falling; once they start, I’m afraid they won’t stop. A tear escapes and drops on Elias’s hand.
Elias’s lips touch my ear as he whispers. “Please don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart. You never cry. Mara, please…”
He turns me then, pulling my head against his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and he does the same, holding me as close as he can. It is the closest to secure that I’ve felt since my father was arrested. My father is the rightful king. I thought nothing could get to him. The thought of him holed up in a dank prison cell day in and day out—it’s too painful to think about. I don’t understand how Luka could do this.
“Do you believe my father murdered Safrin?” My voice comes out shakily and I clear my throat. I look up at Elias and he smooths my hair back.
“I’ve seen the proof, Mara. I didn’t want to believe it. But you know Luka is a just man—he wouldn’t go this far unless there was no doubt in his mind.”
I push Elias’s arms off of me. “You were his trusted advisor. How quickly you turn…”
He steps forward and I hold my hand up, keeping the space between us.
“He isn’t the easiest man to get along with—you know that—but there was a time when he was like a father to me too. You should know how much this is killing me too.”
“Not enough to defend him.”
“Would you want him to get away with murder?” Elias stares at me, his pupils dilating as he doesn’t blink.
I swallow hard and turn away from him. “I think he was set up. Until it’s proven without a doubt to me, that’s what I will believe.”
“I wish you were right. I’d love nothing more than to be wrong about this.”
He steps closer behind me and my eyes close. This is what I wanted tonight—him here, in my room, wanting to hold me…but not like this. His words repeat back to me and I want to cry all over again: You don’t know what you want.
Maybe he’s right.
But then his hand is on my shoulder and he’s turning me around again. His eyes have softened and he looks at me with genuine concern. When I look up at him, he reaches out and his finger traces down my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his touch. His fingers trace my lips and a sigh escapes. My eyes flutter open and he’s staring at me with such want, I lean up and kiss him. It starts out tentatively, but when the tip of his tongue brushes against mine, it awakens both of us and we collide into one another. His hands are everywhere all at once. In that moment, I forget everything but how perfect he has always felt to me. Kissing him awakens a part of me that lies dormant every moment I’m not with him. He makes me feel alive.
I get lost in his kiss and when he picks me up and carries me to the bed, I stare up at him in anticipation. Finally, my heart says with every beat.
He looks at me for a few moments and when I stretch my hand out to him, he seems to come out of a stupor. He looks away and pulls the blanket over me before taking a step back.
“Elias?” I sit up, already shifting my feet to the floor to get closer to him.
He runs his hands through his hair. “I always seem to lose my head with you.”
“Is that how you really feel? Because I feel the opposite. I find myself when I’m with you.”
He wraps his hand around the back of his neck and sighs. “Alex is out there, Mara. Seems like a dick move to be doing this when he came all this way to be with you tonight.”
“Where is Alex right now?” I stand up and put my hands on his chest.
He smirks and I relax, a smile breaking out on my face in triumph. This night is going even better than I planned. I start to remove his suit jacket and he stops me, his hand resting over mine.
“This is not the time or place,” he whispers. Despite his words, his eyes are full of promise. He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my palm. “It’s always lovely to see you, Mara.”
And with those words, I feel a chill as he steps away and moves to the door. Elias, always erecting walls between us, always taking two steps forward and three steps back. My shoulders fall as he walks out of my room, taking my heart with him.
* * *
After another restless night, I wake up
crankier than ever. Alex barraged my phone with texts during the night, not too happy with the way I left him at dinner. He’ll get over it. He knew the role he was supposed to play last night.
The way Elias left though…it’s eating at me. I don’t like that he seems so drawn to me one minute and is able to just turn it off the next. What’s wrong with him? I know he was going to give in to his feelings last night. I could see it in the way he looked at me, feel it in the way he kissed me without abandon. When he laid me on the bed and stared at me for so long, I felt the heat all the way to the tips of my toes. There’s no way he doesn’t want me. What’s it going to take to push him over the edge?
It’s noon before I leave my room, ready for lunch but not really in the mood to see anyone. I decide to give it a half hour before I go to the dining room, to ensure I’ll avoid my brother. If he’s home, he eats at noon on the dot. I walk outside, taking my time through the gardens and when I come back toward the house, I hear the sounds of laughter nearby. I follow the sound, my heart clenching when I recognize Elias’s voice. I don’t recognize the girl’s laugh and by the time I reach them, I am in quite a state. I feel the heat on my face and my hands are shaking when I go through the clearing of trees.
Elias and Brienne are laughing at something he has just said under his breath. She’s holding a sword—the hell is that about?—and he has his hands on her waist. I lose my breath for a moment, feeling like the wind is knocked out of me. They look so striking together. Their tall, lean bodies like a matched set. Her blond hair and pale features, wide, blue eyes bright against her skin and her red lips full and smiling wide…she looks beautiful and I hate her for it. He leans into her and holds his hand out, she hands him the sword, laughing, and he mimics a move for her to try.
Both of them are oblivious to me and I hate both of them for it.
“What’s going on here?” My voice sounds more hateful than I intended, my feelings pouring out in my tone a dead giveaway for how I feel about the two of them together.
Their eyes jerk to me and Elias’s smile drops. Brienne looks at him to see his reaction and I put my hand on my hip, waiting.
“I just found out today that Brienne is exceptional with a sword.” He smiles warmly at Brienne and I want to grab the sword and drive it into her leg, anything to take his attention off of her. It would surely backfire on me.
Her face flushes and I glare at her.
“I’m sure she is.” I snap and then bite the inside of my cheek. As much as I loathe that they’re having fun with each other, I don’t want to look like a fool either, which is what I’ll do if I stick around much longer. I turn around and start walking away.
“Mara, wait,” Elias calls, jogging after me. “Are you okay?”
I lean up on my tiptoes, for the first time in my life wishing I were taller. Brienne looks like a willowy goddess without even trying. I reach his ear and whisper, “Don’t pretend to care, Elias.”
When I step back, he looks hurt and confused. That makes two of us, I think, and I want to run back to the house. His hand reaches out to touch my face and the way he stares at my mouth, I think he might kiss me, but the moment passes.
I need to stop caring.
Dear Elias,
I’ve nearly given you the letters SO MANY TIMES, but now there are so many, I wouldn’t know where to start. They already fill a big box.
I just haven’t been able to go through with it…but today, I’m really tempted.
My heart is dying. I think it’s cracked.
Every day I go to see you…sometimes Luka goes with me, but usually you and I have time to ourselves too. It’s a tradition to meet by the big rock, two years and counting—can we call this our anniversary? I think we should—unless you’re grounded or I can’t sneak away. On those days, I try my best to send ESP to your brain to tell you I can’t come. And you say you hear me when I tell you about it later, but I don’t know if I believe it because you said you’ve done ESP back to me. Well, I’ve tried, but I can’t hear anything when you’re sending me mind messages telling me not to come because you’re grounded.
When I got to your house today, I heard your mother yelling at you.
She’s so mean.
I hate it when she yells at you.
And one of the biggest reasons I will probably never give you these letters is because of what I write about her in a lot of them.
I hate her actually.
I think she hates me too.
Today, I heard her say, “I told you to clean this kitchen. You spend all your time with that spoiled brat (that’s me) and forget you have a mother who needs your help. You’re grounded for two weeks, maybe longer.”
I hate it when you’re grounded.
I left a rock by your window to let you know I was there. I hope you find it.
And I’m coming back tomorrow just in case you find a way to sneak out. If you can’t, I’ll find a way to sneak in.
Love,
Mara
Chapter Five
Elias
I hadn’t planned on spending the morning with Brienne. After I left the estate last night, practically running from Mara with my tail between my legs, I dreaded this morning’s meeting with Luka. Running into Brienne practicing with a sword was a nice surprise.
“What other secret talents do you possess, Brienne Jarvis?”
“What’s going on here?” Mara’s voice cuts in and it startles me. I didn’t even hear her coming. She looks angry and I sigh. She’s like a livid fairy, beautiful and tiny and fiery. She runs off after being spiteful to Brienne and I jog after her, which ends up being a mistake.
I head back to Brienne and exhale a long breath. “So, back to sparring. Next time, I’m bringing my sword. You practice daily?”
“No, just on the rare day off.”
“Well, we need to get you more time off then. Need me to talk to Luka?”
“No.” She shakes her head, wide-eyed. “You wouldn’t, right?”
“I’m tempted to. How about tomorrow morning, eight o’clock?”
She nods, still in shock. “I think that works.”
I grin wide, her eyes falling to my dimples, and I have to steady her; she looks faint. “You okay?” She nods. “Okay, I better run, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
* * *
The next morning, I show up ready to spar. I practice a few moves and feel eyes on me. When I turn and see Brienne standing there, I slowly bow.
“Good morning,” she says.
“I’ve been looking forward to this since I saw you yesterday.”
“Me too.” She grins and gets into place in front of me.
“Do you need a helmet?” I ask.
“Never.”
I smirk. “Let’s hope you’re right.”
When we start moving, our swords clanking into each other, it’s like a slow dance. We go through a long exchange of parrying and dodging, the sound of our swords tinging across the warm morning air. I’m more experienced than her, but she is matching me in every way. The effect is exhilarating. I lose track of time as all of my focus is on her and the sword. My face gives nothing away, but when we finally stop after a solid round of constant movement, I shake my fist in the air and yell.
“That was incredible. Where did you learn to do that?”
“A friend of my mother’s.” She beams at me.
I take off my shirt and wipe my face with it as she stares at me in shock. I give her a moment to get her fill. My looks are the only thing I have going for me at the moment. “Like what you see?” I grin.
She rolls her eyes and turns away, laughing. “You’re not suffering a lack of ego, that’s for sure.”
I laugh. “I’m ready to jump in the pool after that. Join me?”
“I should, uh…I should probably get ready for the day. It’s tempting though,” she adds when my face drops.
“No, you’re right. I need a shower before meeting the king.”
“Does it feel wei
rd to call him that now, after growing up with him and serving his father?”
“You have no idea.”
She struggles not to stare at my abs.
“Same time tomorrow?” I grab another shirt out of my bag.
“Sure. See you tomorrow.” She starts gathering her things.
I sling my bag over my shoulder.
“Are you kidding me—it’s like you’re everywhere I turn.” Mara is in front of me, her hands in fists at her hips. She looks around me to Brienne and glares at her too. Tiny livid fairy. “Are you two BFFs or something?”
I swallow down a laugh. “If she’ll have me,” I say, smiling at Brienne.
“Eden is looking for you.” Mara eyes Brienne coolly and nods toward the house.
Brienne waves to me. “It was fun.” She starts walking away.
“Don’t trip on that sword and die in your haste to get to the queen,” Mara calls.
“Enough, Mara!” I grab her arm and she turns to me, her expression one of betrayal.
“You know I didn’t mean—” she starts, but she shakes her head and walks away.
“Wait…Mara, come on.”
She keeps walking.
I’m striking out everywhere I turn.
Time for a long, cold shower.
* * *
Mara was twelve and I was fourteen when I had to take my first cold shower due to her close proximity. Actually, she didn’t even have to be around for me to think of her and need a frigid dousing. One of us was at the other’s house all summer long, or usually somewhere in the middle, where no one could find us. There was a formation of huge rocks that we’d climb and sit on the top of, looking out at the water.
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