I walk away before he can, with as much dignity as I can muster being in a wet bikini. At least I know he enjoys the view as I walk away. I can feel the heat from his eyes on every inch of my skin.
Apparently hate doesn’t dull the senses.
* * *
A few hours later, I’ve licked my wounds long enough and venture out to the dining room. I hate feeling this way in my own home. It was bad enough having Eden around nonstop, but now this with Brienne…and Elias—I’m just not up to my usual craving for a fight.
I never realized how exhausting it is to be this bitter. The partying I did before Father was thrown in jail must have helped fuel my fire and dull the pain. Now that I’m trying to toe the line, I feel everything. And I hate it. I’m sick of wasting time.
“Mara Catano, how are you?”
My hand pauses above the fruit basket and I turn, a smile splitting my face so hard it hurts.
“Jadon! What a nice surprise!” I don’t bother with the fruit, walking toward him, arms out.
He hugs me and then steps back, always the proper gentleman.
“I just arrived. Grabbing a few snacks before getting locked away with Luka.”
“Chelsea would be happy to bring you a tray of much more than this fruit.”
He waves his hand like it’s no bother and grabs a shiny mander, the bright green fruit looking especially vivid against his black jacket.
“Eden’s been sending us these—I’ve gotten addicted.”
“You don’t have manders? Oh wow, here, take all of them.” I start grabbing them and pile them high in his arms. He laughs and almost drops one, but I grab it right before it falls. “What are you doing here? Nothing serious, I hope…”
The light in his eyes dims, but he attempts a smile. I feel a sharp nick of fear and put my hand on his arm.
“Nothing to worry about yet,” he says.
“Why do I feel you wouldn’t tell me if it were?”
“Because I wouldn’t.” His grin is full-on now and it’s intoxicating. I could stare at him forever. He doesn’t make my heart pitter-patter like Elias, but he sure is hot.
When his words register, I roll my eyes. “You know, if someone would clue me in once in a while, we could probably get a lot more done.”
“From what I hear, you’ve not been interested in knowing the facts.” Jadon’s tone is suddenly glacial.
Guilt floods me and I feel the flush start in my chest and rise up my face. “It’s complicated,” I whisper.
He nods. “I understand…but Luka could use your help. If you could work with him instead of against him…that will only make your country stronger.”
My temper gets the best of me again. Dammit. “You think my opinion means anything? I lost all power when he was born…just because he has a dick.”
He leans forward, comical with the manders still firmly in his grip. “All the more reason to make your voice be heard.” His head tilts up. “I know this act you put on is just that…under all the bravado and anger, there’s a force in you that only needs to be redirected. Once it is,” he shrugs and shakes his head, “you will be unstoppable, Mara.”
I narrow my eyes and pinch my lips together, speechless.
He grins and the blue in his eyes makes me want to dive in and hear what else he thinks. “I better go try to save the world. Think about what I’ve said. We need you on board.”
“Tell me what to be on board about!” I shake my head. “Is our country still at risk? Is yours? I’m so tired of everyone talking in circles.”
“You don’t even have faith in your brother’s choice to expose your father. You really think hiding from the truth will benefit anyone? Yes, our countries are both still at risk. We’re on a shaky time bomb; it’s only a matter of time before there’s a war if we don’t work together and figure out a way around Alidonia’s power.”
A throat is cleared and I look behind me. Luka stands there with his arms folded across his chest.
“Is this true?” I ask Luka.
“Father still has allies. Even in prison, he’s plotting against me. I think the Farthings are helping him. It’s only a matter of time before he gets out.”
When Mother has said that, it’s made me hopeful, but when Luka says those words, my blood runs cold.
My stomach churns and I wait for him to say more, but they both stare at me, waiting to see what I’ll say.
I want to do something noble, something brave…but after a lifetime of conditioning, I revert to what I’ve always known. It’s been my training: I let the others do the heavy lifting because trouble seems to follow me. I’m the embarrassing Catano and no one takes me seriously. Period.
There’s nothing I could do to help anyway.
That’s what I tell myself the rest of the night while Luka and Jadon most likely hash over important national topics and I hide in my room feeling like I’m going to suffocate from shame.
Chapter Fourteen
Elias
After the train wreck with Mara, I go home and start drinking, my head thumping a dull thud-thud-thud on loop as I sit in my office. The bills are piled high. With my latest loss at the casino, I’d say the chances that I’m going to lose this house are about a million to one. No one knows I’ve lost a fortune—except the owners of the casino, and they love having my balls in a vise. I’ve enjoyed blaming Mara for all of my problems in my adult life, but losing this house and all the money I’ve spent chasing wealth is not on her.
My father worked himself to death to keep this house going and my mother died in it. What kind of failure would I be to lose it all?
I take a swig straight out of the bottle and the more I drink, the more I decide how right it is for me to go fight tonight. I’m ready.
I’m melancholy and full of rage…there will never be a time when I’m more on fire.
My phone buzzes with a call from Luka and I ignore it. I’m too drunk to talk to him right now. I think it’s the first time I’ve ignored a call from him since he became king, but I need a night. Just one fucking night to destruct.
I call a driver and he picks me up within ten minutes. When I get to the warehouse, it’s crowded and I’m glad for the buzz I came in with…it helps dull the air around me. Tito sees me and lights up. I wave him off.
“Not tonight.”
“No bets? What’s wrong with you? You fighting?”
“Yeah, I need to fight. Get me in there.”
“You up for Bushnell?”
I think of the way he took Ducanti down and grin. “Fuck yeah. I owe that son of a bitch a good beating.”
Tito laughs and shakes his head skeptically. “You’re good, but Bushnell…he’s got some moves too. Don’t get too cocky before you’ve gotten in the ring with him.”
I have another shot before I go out. What’s one more drink? I slam my hand against the wall as I walk in the dark hallway toward the ring, feeling my adrenaline pumping.
Bushnell is shorter than me, but his arms and legs are meaty. He bares his teeth when he sees me coming and I grin, ready to mix it up. I need to fight like I need to breathe. The anger in me has been raging for a long time. I thought it would feel better to tell Mara the truth, but now I just feel more unsettled.
When the bell sounds, I charge forward and clock him in the chin. He looks surprised but quickly recovers, jumping to the side and knocking me in the shoulder. I don’t pause, pummeling his chest and again giving him a strong hit to the chin. He goes down but gets right back up. And then it’s like everything goes hazy. He gets some kind of rush when he comes back for me and nails me in the nose, another quick hit to my left eye, and his leg latches around mine and sends me to my back. I blink, holding my nose. Shit, I think it might be broken. The room spins around me and I stagger to my feet.
I sober up just enough to know that I should’ve stayed down. Never one to give up in a fight, though, I give it my best effort. My arms feel waterlogged and it’s like a dream where I can’t move as quickly
as I want to. He gives me a final blow in the right eye and I go down.
Through blood and already swelling eyes, I watch as the crowd cheers and boos around me and the bell goes off.
I can’t believe I fucking lost. It’s a first and it hurts. My body and my pride. I get up and clasp hands with Bushnell.
“Next time, I’ll fight you sober.”
“It won’t make a difference, you’ll still go down.” He laughs and I get small satisfaction in seeing the blood in his mouth.
I growl and stalk out of the ring. So much for winning money tonight. I head out the side door and feel the punch in my gut without seeing a thing. I drop and get a swift kick in the head. I cover my head with my arms and get another kick in the stomach.
“You need to pay up soon or you’ll get more of these little visits. Are we clear, Lancaster?”
I grumble back, but I’m too wasted to get up and fight. Everything slowly fades to darkness.
* * *
I come to with Tito shaking my shoulders. “Hey, man. You okay? What happened?”
“Just a bit of unsettled business.” I try to sit up and hold my head. It feels like it’s moving separately from the rest of my body. “Shit.”
“You got fucked up good.”
“You think?” I groan as he helps me stand and I lean against the wall. It’s late, the parking lot is empty. I wonder how many people stepped over me and left me here to bleed.
“Let me get you home. We can look at the surveillance later to see who did this…unless you already know.”
“Yeah, that won’t be necessary.”
He shakes his head and leads me to his car. “I don’t know what you’re messed up in, but it doesn’t look good on you.” He pounds me on the back and I push him away, getting in his car. He laughs when I glare at him. “Hey, someone has to give you a dose of reality. You’re Elias Lancaster, the winner, the pro…the one the gods smile upon. Don’t rain on my parade, man.”
“Shut up, Tito.”
That just makes him laugh harder and I hold my side while he drives me home. This is right up there with one of the most humiliating nights of my life.
“Do you have someone I can call to check on you later?”
“I’ve got it,” I tell him.
I think about Mara and the way I’ve probably ruined all chances of ever getting her to look at me again, let alone speak to me, not just from our conversation earlier, but this: the wreck I’ve become.
It’s what you wanted, right? You wanted her to hate you as much as you hate her, as much as you hate yourself. I groan and try to shut my thoughts off. Mara has had her way in my head for far too long.
I stumble into the house and cringe when I see myself in the hallway mirror. I keep on walking and fall into bed, too tired to bother cleaning up my wounds.
I wake up aching sometime in the night, pop a few painkillers, and crawl back into bed. When I wake up the next time, the light is shining on my face and I groan. I sit up suddenly, remembering I’m supposed to see Luka this morning. Fuck. I never checked to see why he was calling last night. I should’ve tried to get out of this meeting, but it’s too late. I look at the clock. Fuck me. I’ll be late if I don’t move right now.
The face in the mirror is a shock and I hold my nose, hoping the swollen, crooked look is temporary. My eyes are both black and blue, my jaw a nice purplish hue, and the nose…well, it makes a statement, I guess. One that says I got my ass kicked.
I shower and take more meds, tucking my pride in with my shirt as I get ready. I drive over to the estate, checking the grounds and making sure no one is in sight as I walk to the door. The last thing I need is to see Mara right now. Brienne either, for that matter. Neither will let me go without an explanation.
Basile answers the door and looks at me drolly. His typical expression.
“Rough night?” is all he says.
“You could say that.”
“Well, hopefully nothing that a little wine can’t cure. Shall I pour you a glass?”
“Since it’s only nine o’clock, I think I’m good for now.”
“Suit yourself.” He shrugs. “I’ve never particularly thought the time of day should matter. If you want a drink, have a drink. I just happen to want a drink all the time.” He chuckles and I do too.
If he’s an alcoholic, he’s a completely functional one. I’ve never seen him so much as slur over a word, but the man sure likes his wine.
“I’m tempted, believe me. But I better get to Luka. I’m already a bit late.”
“He’s in his office, have at it. And Elias?” He looks over his shoulder.
“Yeah?”
“You’d let me know if you were in trouble, right?”
Since my dad died, Titus and Basile have tried to step into his role. It was a role lacking to begin with, so I haven’t needed much, but I’ve known I could count on them. Titus usually more than Basile since we worked together the most, but that all went down the toilet when I stood by Luka when Titus was arrested. I nod, unable to look at him. “Thank you. I-I’m still hoping to get things figured out.”
“You’re not alone. I hope you’d know that by now.”
“It’s kind of hard to remember at times. That house is awfully big and, for the most part, empty.”
“Time for another of your historic parties. I always enjoy those.”
I grin and flinch. It hurts to smile. “Noted. I’ll get to work on that.”
“Or, you know…it wouldn’t be the worst thing to get rid of that house, would it? There’s bound to be too many memories in there to escape at times.”
I stare at him. That’s honestly never crossed my mind. Trying to get rid of the house. I’ve always been so desperate to hold onto it.
He turns and walks toward the kitchen and I hear Chelsea yelp like he’s startled her, which makes him cackle. I shake my head and walk to the office, knocking once.
“Come in.” Luka is behind his desk, looking over paperwork. He does a doubletake when he sees me, standing up and walking toward me. “What the hell happened to you?”
“Not worth talking about.” I sit down and he stands over me, even taking my chin to turn it so he can see my eyes better.
“What’s going on with you, Elias? I’ve let you avoid the conversation for long enough. Last night you didn’t even return my calls. What kind of trouble are you in?”
“I’ve been doing some fighting at the warehouse. Remember Tito that worked at the gym for so long? He has a legit thing going. Not a big deal. Typically I win, but last night I decided to fight intoxicated. I think I made a dent in the guy, but…his fists made a bigger one.”
He turns and sits across from me, shaking his head. “And you enjoy that?”
I need all the money I can get. “It’s a release.” I shrug and then remind myself not to do that again until I’ve healed.
“That’s what sex is for.”
I laugh. “Yeah. That would help.”
“Speaking of fighting, are you going to let Alex move in on my sister without a fight?”
I roll my eyes. “Subtle.”
“Someone has to speak the obvious. Why are the two of you wasting time? You belong together and we all know it. I’m so sick of the both of you, I don’t know what to do.” He has the nerve to point at me. “Have sex already and make it tolerable for the rest of us to be around you. Make your move. Marry her! You know she’s the one you want.” He shuffles a stack of papers and sets it down, pausing before his next words. “I’m worried about you. You’re my brother and I want you back. You’ve been missing for years now.”
I went missing when your sister broke my heart. I want to say it, but of course I don’t. He doesn’t need to know the emotional side of me. That died a long time ago.
“How are you so much younger than me, yet the one with the adult brain?” I laugh, but he barely cracks a smile. I go back to what I do best, deflecting. “I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, but I’ve been seeing Bri
enne. I like her. She’s much less complicated than your sister. I could see us becoming more.” A big lie after this past week, but maybe it’ll get him off my back.
He stares at me and his jaw ticks as he fiddles with a pen. “Backing down on a challenge…I’m not sure where your backbone has gone, but I suggest you find it.” He points at my face. “If you hurt Brienne, I’ll bloody you up myself.” He leans forward and places both hands on his desk. “And the longer you keep hurting Mara…the harder it is to recognize you. You would’ve killed anyone who hurt her before, myself included. And since when have you wanted uncomplicated? Give me Elias back. You used to be the fun one and the smart one, not to mention the kindest of us all.”
“I’m still here.”
“If you say so. Prove it.”
A knock on the door interrupts us.
“Come in,” Luka calls out.
Jadon Safrin walks in and I feel the anxiety grow.
He nods at me and we shake hands.
“I’m scared to ask why you’re here.”
He grimaces. “Yeah, it’s not good.” He gets a closer look at me. “I’m scared to ask what happened to you.”
“Yeah, don’t bother. It’s not worth it.”
“Sorry, man. That looks painful. I’ll be leaving for Alidonia soon…without an invitation from the Farthings.”
“How soon?”
“It depends. Things have been quiet this week, but I’m getting more worried about the situation…daily. Caulder Farthing is gaining far more control than he needs to and he can’t be trusted. I want to know why the nephew of the king thinks he has any business acting on the king’s behalf—he’s a wild card. He sent scouts to Farrow recently and I just happened to catch them before they could cause too much damage. I think he’s trying to cut off our shipments and make us rely more heavily on you…cut us both off, so to speak. I need to speak to Vance, see for myself if he’s just a puppet at this point. And Delilah—she’s gone silent. I thought I had an arrangement with her to meet, but once her father got worse, she’s been quiet and Caulder has taken over. He’s acting more rash than the king on his worst days and I’m itchy. I don’t like it. I feel like things are about to blow.”
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