I don’t want to wash her off. I want to leave her on my skin to remember.
Torture myself a little bit longer.
Mara has always been a part of me. I won’t ever be able to let her go. Especially now that I’ve had a taste of her.
* * *
I watch the sun set off of the terrace that overlooks the pool I put in a few years ago. The ocean waves crash just past the pool, and I can’t even enjoy the view. I’ve made use of the pool, swimming in the mornings before most people are awake. It seems I’m becoming the carbon copy of my father in all the ways I hated most: workaholic, non-committal, and in debt. I’ve got it all covered, along with the top-of-the-line three-piece suits. I take a sip of the whiskey sitting next to me and set it down on top of the glass table. The clang sets my skin on edge and the antsy feeling that has suffocated me since I left Mara becomes unbearable.
I strip down to my briefs and hit the punching bag I keep in the pool house until my muscles scream. It’s too soon after the fight to be working my body like this, but I relish it. I debate going back in to fight again tonight to punish myself further. The piles of bills nagging make that thought pulse like a bass drum—or is that my head pounding? Do it, do it, do it. I take one more swig of the whiskey.
Turns out all that work my father was doing wasn’t on the up and up. Son of a bitch left me with a hearty dose of debt and for some reason, his collectors have chosen now to get demanding. I don’t even want to know what all he was involved in—when I realized he was skimming from the company he claimed he owed everything to, that was enough for me. Whoever that person was that left me bleeding at the warehouse last night seems like another level of trouble that I don’t need.
I walk into the house and it’s quiet. Winthrop is usually standing at the ready whenever I come inside and I didn’t see him when I got home earlier either.
“Winthrop?” I look in the kitchen and it’s empty.
I get dressed and then look for Winthrop again. He’s not in the living room and I check upstairs, calling his name. I feel a prick of fear run through me and jog down the stairs, saying his name louder. I go through the kitchen and out that door, looking in the side garden and then out front. He’s never out by the beach at this time of day, but I go out there anyway and hear two voices talking quietly by the large boulders. My shoulders sag in relief for about one second and then tense with annoyance when I see Winthrop and Mara huddled together near the rock.
Her head is lowered and his arm is around her. I watch them for several long beats as she leans into his neck and he seems to comfort her. The shame threatens to bring me to my knees. I swallow hard and then stalk over there, my blood churning in my body.
“Are you okay?” My voice comes out rougher than I intend and they both look up, startled.
Mara hurriedly adopts a cold expression. Winthrop glares at me and I wonder if she’s told him everything. Somehow, I think he knows whether she told him or not. He always knows.
“I’m fine.” Her voice is hollow and I hate that I’ve caused that.
I put my hands in my pockets and look down at the sand. Winthrop clears his throat and pats Mara on the shoulder.
“It’s time you two work things out,” he says sternly. “The history between the two of you is too precious to throw it all away over a few mistakes.” He steps closer to me and growls under his breath.
I step back, bumping into the rock and his eyes soften the smallest bit.
He walks up to the house and leaves me with Mara. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye and she puts her arms around herself, leaning on the rock.
“I should head back,” she says.
“Wait.”
She looks at me then, the softness in her eyes at war with the stiffness in her shoulders.
“I’m sorry. For earlier. I’ve imagined that happening at least five thousand times in my life and I never once saw it happening like that.”
Her shoulder lifts with a shrug and she looks out at the water. “You didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. But the way you left…” She turns so I can’t see her face and lets out a shaky breath. “That made me feel like I mean nothing to you.”
I step forward and touch her arm, and she turns to look at me. “You know that’s the furthest thing from the truth.”
“I don’t know anything anymore, Elias.” She looks at the water again and the emptiness I feel is threatening to swallow me whole.
I step in front of her and put my hands on her face. Her eyes widen and she pulls her lower lip between her teeth to stop it from trembling. I don’t stop to think about it. I lean down and kiss her with all the feeling I should’ve kissed her with before. It begins tentatively and then her hands wind through my hair, tugging me closer. I deepen the kiss and she moans, which sets everything on fire inside me. It’s everything, yet not enough.
We kiss with the fury of a storm, lightning zipping through and sparking every nerve. I lift her legs and wrap them around my waist, never letting her go. Raindrops startle us as they plop hard on our heads and we break away, my arms still firmly on her backside.
“Let me show you how I’ve always wanted to do this…” I say against her lips as the water runs down our faces and our clothes stick to our bodies.
She doesn’t protest but doesn’t agree, so I start walking toward the house. I go in through my office, hoping to avoid running into Winthrop. He’s not in the halls as I carry her to my bedroom and I send a word of thanks to the heavens that he’s out of sight.
I place her gently on the bed and then stare at her. She’s drenched from the rain and the way she’s staring up at me, I know she’s drenched in all the right places. I reach out to touch the strap on her shoulder and she surprises me by sitting up and leading me to the zipper on the back of her dress. I slowly unzip it and move her straps down one at a time. She’s wearing a deep blue lacy bra that is so hot, I have to lean down and take a little bite of her nipple showing through the lace. She arches into my mouth and I stay there a while, teasing her through the material. She gets impatient and reaches behind and undoes the clasp, and when it drops, I groan into her skin.
I stand up, taking off my pants and she pulls her dress the rest of the way down. When it’s off, she lays back on the pillow and stares up at me. I don’t know where to look first. Everything about her is perfect. Her full tits begging for me to touch them. Her flat stomach and the swell of her hips…the way the light hits her satiny skin just so.
She looks like my favorite sin.
“This…this is how I’ve imagined it. That look on your face. Your body looking like perfection before me. The desire in your eyes. I’ve pictured you here since the time I was old enough to think about sex.”
She doesn’t say anything, but her lips lift as she shyly looks up at me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I have a moment of doubt when she doesn’t speak right away.
“Elias, I’m going to die if you don’t come over here right now. Please.” She leans up on her elbows. “You are all I’ve ever wanted.”
I swallow hard and a flash of dread comes over me when I realize we can’t really do this, not more than this one last time…it just won’t work. We’re too different, I can’t bring her into my trouble, and she can’t settle for less than the best. But I’m determined to redo our last time.
“Take off your panties.” My voice is low and husky and she bites that lower lip again, making me even harder. I take my briefs off and her eyes widen as she stares at me. “Tell me how you want this to go.”
“I want you to make love to me slow and then fuck me like you’ll never let me go.”
I lean over her, one knee on the bed and reach between her legs to see if she’s as wet as I hoped. She is. My eyes close and I shake my head, reminding myself she wants to go slowly. I rub my fingers over her and she moans. I open my eyes and groan at how good she looks in my bed. I dip inside of her and slowly work her into a frenzy
, taking my time to tease her just right. When I lower my mouth to her and work my tongue and fingers at the same time, she screams my name and it takes everything in me not to lose my shit right there.
“Please, please,” she begs. “I need you.”
“I’m going to make sure you feel me for days, don’t you worry, sweetness. You taste so good.” I kiss up her body and she puts her hands on my ass and pulls me to her. I grin and rub my nose against hers. “I’m going to memorize the way you feel. Every inch of you stretching to kiss every inch of me.”
I reach for a condom and she puts her hand on my wrist, shaking her head.
“I’m on the pill,” she whispers.
I don’t hesitate. I drive into her with a single thrust, balls deep. She arches into me. We go as still as we were manic earlier in the day and her pussy clenches around me.
“Mara,” I groan. “How can you feel this good?”
“I feel like you’re finally exposed to me when we’re like this. Open. Not shutting me out like you do the rest of the time. Please…” Her hands grasp my face and her eyes drill holes into mine. “Stay with me.”
I am the world’s biggest asshole. I am my father’s son. But I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I want to stay with her. God knows how badly I want that. More than my next breath. But I know that can’t happen.
I start moving in her, pulling out slowly and then back in, our rhythm increasing with every thrust. She feels like life and breath and hope and dreams coming true. I put every ounce of my heart into filling her up and making her feel good. This much I can give her.
When I pull back slowly one more time and she tugs me back in like she can’t stand to be apart one more second, she clenches around my cock and I see stars. I explode, hating that I couldn’t last for hours but feeling so drunk with this euphoria that it overrides everything else.
Her hands clutch my shoulders and she thrashes her head side to side against the pillow. I drink in the sight of her in my haze. When she stills, I lean down and kiss her once on her cheek. Anything else and I’ll never leave this bed.
She turns and kisses my mouth, so sweetly I want to die here while I’m a happy man.
“We’re good together. I always knew we would be,” she whispers. “Not just good…”
“Explosive,” I finish for her.
She looks up at me and I see the fear returning there. I pull out of her and get up to clear my head and create some distance. When I come back, she’s lying there, her blond hair splayed out against my dark pillowcases. A fucking vision.
“You’re not getting rid of me so easily. Just throwing that out there.”
I chew the inside of my cheek and run my hands through my hair then slip a pair of sweatpants on. I don’t look at her as I say my next words.
“This has been amazing, but I need you to go now.”
“Elias—”
I shake my head. “No, Mara. This is it. I want us to continue caring for one another, not hating each other, which is what would happen if we kept this up. Go, please.”
She starts grabbing her things and shakily puts them on. I stand with my arms folded and look out the window like the coldhearted bastard I’m trying to be.
“I’ll make it easier for you. As of today, I hate you,” she whispers.
She puts her shoes on and I hear her step to the door. I have a moment where I can’t stand to not look at her one more time and I turn…just in time to see the love of my life leave me for good.
Chapter Eighteen
Mara
I hate him.
I hate him.
I hate him with the hatred of a thousand deaths. Ten thousand gruesome deaths.
I hate him with every fiber of my being.
Every ounce that is in me is screaming out with his fullness still lingering inside, the ache so sweet, and reminding me that he can love me so well, but he refuses to.
Not just the sex. I always knew it would be magical between us, but the emotion he pours into me when we’re together. Even earlier, when it was manic and rushed, I felt all of his love pouring into me. And just now, that was…well, I’ll never forget it, but I’m going to do everything in my power to try.
I love him.
I love him.
I love him like the love of a thousand sunrises. Ten thousand glorious sunrises.
I love him with every fiber of my being.
Every ounce that is in me is screaming out with the way he filled me up so completely, like he was made for me, my counterpart.
He could love me so well, if only he would.
I can’t make him love me. That thought echoes in my head with every step I take away from him.
I walk back down the beach, taking the same path that is worn from all the years I went to see Elias. My love, my protector, my enemy.
I can’t believe he was willing to let me go after we shook the earth together.
He will pay. I won’t let him get away with betraying me like this. He said I’d feel him long afterward; I’ll make sure he feels me raging in his bones every second from here on.
When I reach the house, there is a commotion from Luka’s office. I close the front door behind me and hear Mother yelling at him, and a few seconds later, Luka cuts her off and yells back.
“It’s not like that and you know it! When are you going to stop lying for him, lying to yourself? You’re an accomplice the longer this continues, Mother. You know that, right? The guilt rests just as squarely on you, and because I keep hoping you’ll do the right thing, I keep letting it go.”
I step closer to the office and listen. It’s not hard to hear every word—the door is open and their voices are still raised. The staff must also be listening to every word.
“The only crime I’m guilty of is loving your father and remaining loyal to him.”
Luka laughs bitterly. “So loyal you’ve slept with at least four men young enough to be your sons in the past year. Yeah, you’re loyal, all right.”
I hear her shuffle across the room and something slams against his desk or maybe the wall.
“You show me some respect. You may be king, but I am still your mother.”
“You’re right. I’m grateful you gave me life, but beyond that, I am utterly ashamed of both of my parents right now. I just got word that Father has been accepting phone calls from Vance Farthing. It appears that on his deathbed, King Farthing chooses to speak to Father. What do you suppose that’s about?”
There’s a long silence and I take the moment to walk to the doorway and let them know I’ve been listening.
“What is that about, Mother?”
She waves a hand, but she looks shaken. And guilty. I give her a long, hard look and realize just how much I’ve wanted to believe in my parents. I’ve wanted to believe the best in them, even though they’ve nearly always done the very opposite to show me they’re worthy of my trust. It makes me think of Elias and how it hurts that I’ve done the same with him too.
I’m a fool.
Luka clears his throat and stares at me, his Adam’s apple bobbing with his unspoken words. “Mara, it’s time you face the truth. Our parents are sleeping with the enemy. I just need to know this: where do you stand? Are you with me or are you with them?”
I put my fist to my mouth, shaken by the disaster that is this day. This endless, horrific day! And when I lower it to put my hand on my hip, I stare him boldly in the eye.
“I’m with you. And I owe you a lifetime of apologies for ever doubting you. You are the one person in my life who has never turned your back on me, no matter how I’ve acted, not really. I should’ve trusted you and not let my feelings about Eden cloud my judgment.”
“I accept your apology.”
Mother sputters and turns to me with rage on her face. “You spoiled, weak child. You are no more capable of a sound decision than the picture on that wall. You’re nothing but trouble, always have been.” She points at me wildly, her finger trembling as she lowers it
. “You’re dead to me and I’ll make sure you don’t get an ounce of your inheritance.”
Luka picks up his phone and taps a quick text before saying his next words with a deadly calm. “A guard will be coming shortly to escort you out, Mother. I’ve already secured Mara’s future. As far as finances, you are the one who won’t live quite as lavishly as you’ve always lived. You’ll be given five thousand shartrovs a month, no more, no less.”
She gasps and immediately the tears start. It’s funny. Her tears have always made me bend over backward to please her; now I see them for the manipulation they are. “That’s pennies. You can’t do this to me! Your father will be out of prison soon and he will make you pay. You have never been the man he is.”
“And I hope to never be,” he says quietly. “Mara and I had to raise ourselves; it’s a wonder we’re even close to functional with the two of you as parents.”
“God, isn’t that the truth,” I mutter under my breath. All the while I’m questioning whether I truly am functional. Sometimes I wonder.
Luka’s guard, Franco, comes into the room then and puts his hand on Mother’s elbow. She shrieks.
“Get your hands off of me. I’m not going anywhere.” She rushes to Luka, staring up at him, and I swear that I see the devil in her gaze. “Please don’t do this.” She reaches up and touches his hair as tears drip down her cheeks. “It’s not like you to be so cold.”
Luka steps away from her and I see his shoulders falter. It hits me how hard this must be for him. I go and stand by his side, taking his hand in mine.
“Leave with some dignity, Mother.” I stare her down and even though my heart is breaking in so many tiny pieces, I know I’m doing the right thing by standing up to her.
She sniffs and squares her shoulders, her eyes gleaming with malice. “You just wait. This isn’t over.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way—it never had to be this way.” That’s all Luka says before Franco takes our mother by the arm and leads her out of the room.
We both stand at the window and watch an hour later as she carries a suitcase with her things and is escorted sto the car.
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