When she stops trembling, I lower my head to her again and she pulls my face away. “Please. I need to feel you.”
“I haven’t been with anyone since you,” I tell her and I see the surprise as I lean over her.
“Neither have I.”
It’s my turn to be surprised.
She puts her hands on my back and pulls me down, so I’m lying flush against her. We’re both still, though everything in us is on high alert.
A steady heartbeat of desire.
I crave her and I always will.
“I love you, Mara,” I whisper.
“I love you too,” she whispers back.
It’s crushing that this is the first time we’ve uttered those words to each other, the night we’re saying goodbye. So I lock it into a compartment that I’ll revisit later, when I’m reliving this night in my memories over and over again.
Soon the need for her is overwhelming and I sink into her slowly, my eyes practically rolling back in my head.
“So fucking good,” I groan.
She picks up the pace, chasing another release, and we both get swept away.
The next time, we savor, going painfully slow, while the sweat on our bodies makes us slick with each movement. We both fall asleep afterward and I wake up with my hand between her legs, her squirming against me. We take a shower after that and I cover the painting of a man’s face in the bathroom with a towel while I fuck her against the counter.
When we’re done, she laughs and steps back in the shower to clean up again. I step in behind her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her back against my chest. There’s so much I want to say. So much I want to apologize for. Most of all, for wrecking my own life, for living a life with someone always hounding me for debts owed, for ever listening to her father, for not forgiving her for sleeping with Alex when I never gave her reason to believe she should wait for me…too many things to apologize for. Neither of us say anything. And for some reason, I think maybe a part of her knows and is forgiving me.
When we crawl into bed, she lays her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her.
“I don’t want to fall asleep,” she says against my skin. “This won’t feel real anymore when we wake up.”
“We’ve only ever been real.”
“Yeah, I always thought so. It helps to know you’ve felt that way too.”
She sighs and the regret is so thick in the room, it’s suffocating. Just when I think she might be falling asleep, her head pops up and she grins. The light from the moon shines against her face and the sound of the ocean is the perfect soundtrack showcasing her beauty. She lowers herself and when she blows across my dick, I lose all track of time and sound and space.
At dawn, I wake up craving her and wake her up with my fingers, my dick straining against her backside. When she whimpers, I nudge the tip in and she sinks back against me, so I’m in as deep as I can possibly get.
I want to beg her to never leave this room. Never leave me. Never let me go. I say it with my body, in every dip inside of her; every thrust we make is hanging on for dear life.
“I need to see you.” I pull out and she turns over, climbing on top of me, her hair covering her breasts. I move it back so I can see all of her and she sinks onto me.
She closes her eyes and starts moving and she’s a sight to behold. I want to die remembering exactly how she looks right now.
“God, I love you. I love you. I love you,” I whisper like a prayer. A single tear drips onto my chest from her, but it’s gone so fast, I wonder if I’ve imagined it.
She doesn’t say a word.
When I wake up the next time, the sun is streaming into the windows and Mara’s arm is slung across my chest, her silky hair covering half of her face. I stare at her for a long time, like a sick fool that has lost his mind. When she stirs and turns over, settling into a deeper sleep, I decide to go.
It’s time to stop prolonging the agony.
I gather my clothes and put them on in the bathroom, avoiding my eyes in the mirror. If I see even a glimmer of hope, I will cave, and I know I’m doing the right thing for her by letting her go.
I hate myself for what I’ve become.
When I open the bathroom door, I find my shoes and give her one last look before walking out, leaving my heart ripped wide open.
Chapter Thirty
Mara
My night with Elias sets me back a few days. Longer, if I’m honest with myself.
I mope. A lot.
I think about him nonstop, replaying our night like a steamy love story I can’t get enough of. I stay in a constant state of arousal, only to be doused in the next moment when I realize he’s gone. I’m not going to be with Elias Lancaster. Ever.
There is no more one day to dream about. One day Elias and I will be married. One day he’ll wake up. One day he’ll realize he wants me as much as I want him. All of the one days have been spent and discarded like yesterday’s trash.
It’s over.
And the most confusing part is how much he wants me. He proved that to me more than I ever imagined he could…and it’s still not enough for him to be with me.
In one of my productive moments, I make sure Kalvin pays off both Elias’s and Brienne’s opponents to buy a little more time until I can do more.
On the day of the meeting with Alex’s aunt, I wake up excited, nervous, and ready to take charge of my life.
I don’t need a prince or a king or an advisor to the king to get my life in order.
I am going to take control of my life and also put Elias’s life straight so he can have a fighting chance to be the man he wants to be.
And then I will be free.
I do yoga on the private beach off of the inn. There have been a few guests staying and when they arrive and depart, Marjorie lets me know so I’m able to leave the room freely. I’ve developed the beginning of a friendship with Marjorie and Maclock that I hope continues after I leave the inn. I’ve needed down to earth people in my life. Friends besides Elias and my brother. I had no idea.
I take my time getting ready, and when the time comes, I call Wells and he takes me to the airport. I board Alex’s family jet, and from start to finish, the whole trip takes an hour.
The time on the plane helps me collect my thoughts and I think about my plans for the trip. My first meeting of the day is with a designer I’ve loved for years. Zsa Ling has designed several pieces for me before and we’ve often talked about collaborating on a project together. He messaged me after pictures of my dress for last year’s holiday ball came out and I should’ve pursued it then. I contacted him when I knew I was meeting Constrid and told him I was ready to move forward with something—anything really, as long as I could work with him. I’m hoping today’s conversation will get something in the works. I will go from there to the interview, and then the last meeting of the day is what has my stomach in knots. Nadia.
One thing at a time.
Zsa is in his studio, and when I enter, the place is buzzing with activity. Models are everywhere, and the colors and fabrics and walls of thread are enough to send my little fashion-loving heart into overdrive.
Zsa kisses me on both cheeks and holds his hands out, taking me in. “You are a vision as always.”
“So are you. I’ve missed visiting—it’s been too long!”
“We have a lot of time to make up for,” he says, looping his arm through mine.
It doesn’t even take half an hour to propose my ideas. He loves them, adds ideas of his own, and the preliminary stages of a new fashion line take root. I don’t know why I didn’t jump on this a long time ago. I’m embarrassed by the way I’ve been willing to just accept handouts—albeit fabulous handouts—instead of making my own way.
I wish feelings weren’t strained between my brother and me, but at the same time, it feels great to accomplish something without his help.
Zsa and I set up a time to meet again before I leave in a few days and I have a buzz lingeri
ng in my chest when I say my goodbyes.
The interview with Constrid is at a restaurant overlooking the bluffs. It’s closed for us, and the team of photographers and cameramen are already hard at work making the space look effortless when I arrive. Constrid’s face barely cracks when she sees me. She’s stiff with all the plastic surgery, but I think she’s happy I’m here. She hugs me and takes me aside to prep for the interview.
“Is anything off-limits?”
“I just got ripped up in court, all my sins exposed to the world…I don’t know that I have any left. So no, nothing is off-limits.”
She slides her hands together in glee, and I think she’s smiling.
“I’ve always wished you and Alex would settle down for good. Is that ever going to happen?”
“He’s been a good friend to me and we’re meant to stay that way.”
“Too bad. It’d be nice to see you in Yuman more often. I know Nadia misses you.”
“Does she? I miss her too…I’m seeing her after this.”
“She usually watches the show. She should’ve come with you!”
I don’t tell her we haven’t spoken in a long time.
An hour later, we’re sitting at a table with an elaborate spread. I don’t really want to eat on camera, but you don’t argue with Constrid Whitfield.
As they do the countdown, I wipe my sweaty palms on the napkin in my lap and smile.
We have a polite conversation at first, general small talk about how I’ve been, about life in Niaps…and then she gets to the heavy-hitting questions.
“You recently testified against your brother and on behalf of your father. He was then sentenced to a life sentence with no parole. How did that make you feel?”
“Honestly, like he’s where he belongs. Being in that courtroom, I learned things about the case that I didn’t know before—I hadn’t wanted to face the truth.” I lean in closer and lower my voice. “I was also being blackmailed by both my parents to make him sound as innocent as possible.”
Her eyes widen. I’ve surprised the non-emotive Constrid, a record.
“Blackmail—that’s a strong word. What does this mean now for you?”
“It means I honor my brother from here on out.” I smile and Constrid waits for me to say more. When I don’t, she digs further.
“That had to be difficult for you and King Luka, since you went directly against him to defend your father.”
“I hope he’ll forgive me for it. I did what I felt I had to do, but I realize it put him in a horrible position…one that could’ve been prevented if I’d reached out to him for help instead.”
“You’re often painted as the party girl…would you say that’s an accurate portrayal?”
“I’ve had some growing up to do, and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’d like to think I’m coming into my own now. I hope people will allow me to be a new me, without constantly reminding me of who I was.”
She reaches out and touches my hand. “That’s profound, dear. I think we all deserve that chance. To be new. Any words out there for the young girls who have looked to you for inspiration?”
“I will try to be more worthy of your respect. I’m not perfect and never will be, but I’m trying to find my way just like everyone else. The difference is I’m on display and all my mistakes are aired over the tabloids and the news before I even digest what I’ve done myself. I ask that you bear with me while I get there.”
“I’d say you’re growing into a fine young woman, Princess Mara of Niaps. We’ve always felt like you’re one of our own, with our countries in such close proximity. If you ever need a place to rest and rejuvenate, I hope you will consider Yuman your home away from home.”
“Thank you, Constrid. I’m truly grateful for your kindness. Yuman will be a second home for sure. Just today, I began a collaboration with Zsa Ling and will be spending more time here as we get our new business underway. I’m very excited about it.”
Constrid looks at the camera and turns up the charm. “In a few minutes, Princess Mara and I will be in the kitchen trying our hand at cooking the Yuman dish bolgovan.” She turns to me. “Have you ever had bolgovan?”
“Uh, I don’t believe so.”
“This should be interesting.” Constrid laughs and turns to me, motioning for me to follow. The kitchen is prepared for us. She’d told me a little bit about what we were doing but not enough for me to have a clue.
“I’m hopeless in the kitchen,” I remind her.
“All the better. This makes for good television.” She laughs again and I’m regretting this bright idea.
We go through the steps and magically pull out the completed dish once we’ve mixed everything together. I feign surprise and excitement and we sit down at the bar to eat what we’ve “cooked.” The camera breaks away while we’re taking our first bite and exclaiming how good it is.
“It’s a wrap. You were excellent, darling.”
“Thanks for having me.”
“You’re going to have hell to pay for this one. You do know that, right?”
I shrug. “My mother will have a fit, but I did it for my brother…so he knows publicly that I’m sorry, and to come clean about my father.”
“You won’t get in trouble for your part in the duplicity, will you?”
“If I do, so be it. I shouldn’t have lied.”
“Who are you and what did you do with Mara?”
We laugh and I hug her goodbye, thanking her again for going easy on me.
* * *
I check into another quaint hotel not far from the Forbrush estate—again, not something I would’ve stepped near before, but I’ve had such a nice stay with Marjorie and Maclock, I’m willing to try another. I can tell right away that it’s not the same at all. This place is busier, not as private, and the staff behind the counter aren’t very accommodating. I’m tempted to leave and go somewhere else because the general vibes aren’t putting me at ease, but in my effort to not be such a snot, I stay.
I feel eyes on me from everywhere and when I glance up, there are no friendly, welcoming smiles. I quietly check in and go to my room, looking over my shoulder as I go.
Before I go to see Nadia, I call Luka.
He picks up on the third ring, not bothering to hide his surprise.
“Mara. Hey.”
“I should’ve called you before now. I’m so sorry, Luka. I hope you’ll forgive me. I had my reasons…”
“I saw the interview. Nadia messaged me while you were on.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to you.”
“Yeah, I wish you had…instead of going national with it.”
“I’m tired of our parents hiding their sins behind their fake smiles and wealth.”
“I agree. I am too. But I’m worried, Mara. Please come home so I can make sure you’re protected. What were you talking about—the blackmail?”
“I’ll explain when I’m home. I’m going to see Nadia tonight—did she tell you that?”
“Yes. But Mara…tell me. What’s going on? No more secrets.”
“I need you to do something for me.”
“I’ll do my best.”
When I finish telling him what I need, he hesitates for a few moments and I think he will say no.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“I’m positive.”
* * *
Alex opens the door to the Forbrush estate and Nadia is standing right behind him. He stands aside and Nadia and I stare at each other. I reach out my hand to her and her eyes fill with tears as she clasps it.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I wanted to tell you. I just couldn’t take a chance on blowing everything. Luka was afraid your father would kill someone else if he found out what we knew…”
“I know. I’m sorry I haven’t come before now. Do you forgive me?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me. I’m just glad you’re here…” She loops her arm through mine. “
Now, fill me in on everything that’s happened since we last spoke.”
“So much has happened.”
“How’s Elias?”
I groan and she laughs.
“So, nothing’s changed that much then.”
“Are you okay? Really okay? About Luka…” I add.
She waves her hand and puckers her lips. “Oh yeah. He had it so bad for Eden but was in such denial, even when we were at school. You know when he came to be with me after their honeymoon, he was so drunk most of the time, I don’t think he remembered anything I did to get him in bed with me. Pathetic of me to force it, I know, but I thought I wanted him.” She shrugs. “He was running from your father then—when he was drunk, he’d talk like he thought your father might kill him. I don’t know if there was any merit to that or if he just felt the underlying darkness coming from your dad.”
“He never said anything,” I whisper.
“You know his lack of communication skills—can you say you’re surprised?”
I laugh and shake my head. “He’s gotten a lot better, if you can believe it.”
“Yeah, I thought so even when he came back the last time. Eden’s good for him, Mara.”
I nod and can’t believe how calm I feel about it. “I think she might be.”
“I had moved on but saw Luka and he was acting so weird. He asked me to an event and didn’t look at me the whole night. I still thought I should give him one more chance. It was awful. But Titus bought it all, so the lie grew.” She leans closer. “I got tired of waiting for him to touch me and forced the issue. He couldn’t even finish with me. I screamed at him to tell me what was going and I’ve never seen anyone more afraid. There were recording devices in our room—I had no idea. He got me out of there and we had to lose three cars tracking us before he took me to a hotel. That’s when he told me everything and made me afraid of even breathing the wrong word to anyone. He offered me ten million shartrovs.” She sighs and I wonder if she still misses him despite all she’s saying. “I couldn’t take it. He was not only trying to save Eden by staying away, but he was paving the way for a lasting alliance with my father. It’s all come full circle now. And I’m happy. I’m in love. We’re going slow, but it’s good.” She grins and puts her arm around my shoulder as she leads me outside to the patio. “I saw the proof that your father did it, Mara. You need to be careful. After today’s interview, I’m afraid he’ll come after you.”
Exposed Page 18