Complete Works of L. Frank Baum

by L. Frank Baum

  The wax lady’s immature mind had reasoned that, since she had come to life, her evident duty was to mix with the world and do whatever other folks did. She could not realize how different she was from people of flesh and blood; nor did she know she was the first dummy that had ever lived, or that she owed her unique experience to Tanko-Mankie’s love of mischief. So ignorance gave her a confidence in herself that she was not justly entitled to.

  It was yet early in the day, and the few people she met were hurrying along the streets. Many of them turned into restaurants and eating houses, and following their example the wax lady also entered one and sat upon a stool before a lunch counter.

  “Coffee ‘n’ rolls!” said a shop girl on the next stool.

  “Coffee ‘n’ rolls!” repeated the dummy, and soon the waiter placed them before her. Of course she had no appetite, as her constitution, being mostly wood, did not require food; but she watched the shop girl, and saw her put the coffee to her mouth and drink it. Therefore the wax lady did the same, and the next instant was surprised to feel the hot liquid trickling out between her wooden ribs. The coffee also blistered her wax lips, and so disagreeable was the experience that she arose and left the restaurant, paying no attention to the demands of the waiter for “20 cents, mum.” Not that she intended to defraud him, but the poor creature had no idea what he meant by “20 cents, mum.”

  As she came out she met the window trimmer at Floman’s store. The man was rather near-sighted, but seeing something familiar in the lady’s features he politely raised his hat. The wax lady also raised her hat, thinking it the proper thing to do, and the man hurried away with a horrified face.

  Then a woman touched her arm and said:

  “Beg pardon, ma’am; but there’s a price-mark hanging on your dress behind.”

  “Yes, I know,” replied the wax lady, stiffly; “it was originally $20, but it’s been reduced to $19.98.”

  The woman looked surprised at such indifference and walked on. Some carriages were standing at the edge of the sidewalk, and seeing the dummy hesitate a driver approached her and touched his cap.

  “Cab, ma’am?” he asked.

  “No,” said she, misunderstanding him; “I’m wax.”

  “Oh!” he exclaimed, and looked after her wonderingly.

  “Here’s yer mornin’ paper!” yelled a newsboy.

  “Mine, did you say?” she asked.

  “Sure! Chronicle, ‘Quirer, R’public ‘n’ ‘Spatch! Wot’ll ye ‘ave?”

  “What are they for?” inquired the wax lady, simply.

  “W’y, ter read, o’ course. All the news, you know.”

  She shook her head and glanced at a paper.

  “It looks all speckled and mixed up,” she said. “I’m afraid I can’t read.”

  “Ever ben to school?” asked the boy, becoming interested.

  “No; what’s school?” she inquired.

  The boy gave her an indignant look.

  “Say!” he cried, “ye’r just a dummy, that’s wot ye are!” and ran away to seek a more promising customer.

  “I wonder that he means,” thought the poor lady. “Am I really different in some way from all the others? I look like them, certainly; and I try to act like them; yet that boy called me a dummy and seemed to think I acted queerly.”

  This idea worried her a little, but she walked on to the corner, where she noticed a street car stop to let some people on. The wax lady, still determined to do as others did, also boarded the car and sat down quietly in a corner.

  After riding a few blocks the conductor approached her and said:

  “Fare, please!”

  “What’s that?” she inquired, innocently.

  “Your fare!” said the man, impatiently.

  She stared at him stupidly, trying to think what he meant.

  “Come, come!” growled the conductor, “either pay up or get off!”

  Still she did not understand, and he grabbed her rudely by the arm and lifted her to her feet. But when his hand came in contact with the hard wood of which her arm was made the fellow was filled with surprise. He stooped down and peered into her face, and, seeing it was wax instead of flesh, he gave a yell of fear and jumped from the car, running as if he had seen a ghost.

  At this the other passengers also yelled and sprang from the car, fearing a collision; and the motorman, knowing something was wrong, followed suit. The wax lady, seeing the others run, jumped from the car last of all, and stepped in front of another car coming at full speed from the opposite direction.

  She heard cries of fear and of warning on all sides, but before she understood her danger she was knocked down and dragged for half a block.

  When the car was brought to a stop a policeman reached down and pulled her from under the wheels. Her dress was badly torn and soiled. Her left ear was entirely gone, and the left side of her head was caved in; but she quickly scrambled to her feet and asked for her hat. This a gentleman had already picked up, and when the policeman handed it to her and noticed the great hole in her head and the hollow place it disclosed, the poor fellow trembled so frightfully that his knees actually knocked together.

  “Why — why, ma’am, you’re killed!” he gasped.

  “What does it mean to be killed?” asked the wax lady.

  The policeman shuddered and wiped the perspiration from his forehead.

  “You’re it!” he answered, with a groan.

  The crowd that had collected were looking upon the lady wonderingly, and a middle-aged gentleman now exclaimed:

  “Why, she’s wax!”

  “Wax!” echoed the policeman.

  “Certainly. She’s one of those dummies they put in the windows,” declared the middle-aged man.

  The people who had collected shouted: “You’re right!” “That’s what she is!” “She’s a dummy!”

  “Are you?” inquired the policeman, sternly.

  The wax lady did not reply. She began to fear she was getting into trouble, and the staring crowd seemed to embarrass her.

  Suddenly a bootblack attempted to solve the problem by saying: “You guys is all wrong! Can a dummy talk? Can a dummy walk? Can a dummy live?”

  “Hush!” murmured the policeman. “Look here!” and he pointed to the hold in the lady’s head. The newsboy looked, turned pale and whistled to keep himself from shivering.

  A second policeman now arrived, and after a brief conference it was decided to take the strange creature to headquarters. So they called a hurry-up wagon, and the damaged wax lady was helped inside and driven to the police station. There the policeman locked her in a cell and hastened to tell Inspector Mugg their wonderful story.

  Inspector Mugg had just eaten a poor breakfast, and was not in a pleasant mood; so he roared and stormed at the unlucky policemen, saying they were themselves dummies to bring such a fairy tale to a man of sense. He also hinted that they had been guilty of intemperance.

  The policemen tried to explain, but Inspector Mugg would not listen; and while they were still disputing in rushed Mr. Floman, the owner of the department store.

  “I want a dozen detectives, at once, inspector!” he cried.

  “What for?” demanded Mugg.

  “One of the wax ladies has escaped from my store and eloped with a $19.98 costume, a $4.23 hat, a $2.19 parasol and a 76-cent pair of gloves, and I want her arrested!”

  While he paused for breath the inspector glared at him in amazement.

  “Is everybody going crazy at the same time?” he inquired, sarcastically. “How could a wax dummy run away?”

  “I don’t know; but she did. When my janitor opened the door this morning he saw her run out.”

  “Why didn’t he stop her?” asked Mugg.

  “He was too frightened. But she’s stolen my property, your honor, and I want her arrested!” declared the storekeeper.

  The inspector thought for a moment.

  “You wouldn’t be able to prosecute her,” he said, “for there’s no law
against dummies stealing.”

  Mr. Floman sighed bitterly.

  “Am I to lose that $19.98 costume and the $4.25 hat and — “

  “By no means,” interrupted Inspector Mugg. “The police of this city are ever prompt to act in defense of our worthy citizens. We have already arrested the wax lady, and she is locked up in cell No. 16. You may go there and recover your property, if you wish, but before you prosecute her for stealing you’d better hunt up a law that applies to dummies.”

  “All I want,” said Mr. Floman, “is that $19.98 costume and — “

  “Come along!” interrupted the policeman. “I’ll take you to the cell.”

  But when they entered No. 16 they found only a lifeless dummy lying prone upon the floor. Its wax was cracked and blistered, its head was badly damaged, and the bargain costume was dusty, soiled and much bedraggled. For the mischief-loving Tanko-Mankie had flown by and breathed once more upon the poor wax lady, and in that instant her brief life ended.

  “It’s just as I thought,” said Inspector Mugg, leaning back in his chair contentedly. “I knew all the time the thing was a fake. It seems sometimes as though the whole world would go crazy if there wasn’t some level-headed man around to bring ‘em to their senses. Dummies are wood an’ wax, an’ that’s all there is of ‘em.”

  “That may be the rule,” whispered the policeman to himself, “but this one were a dummy as lived!”

  THE KING OF THE POLAR BEARS

  The King of the Polar Bears lived among the icebergs in the far north country. He was old and monstrous big; he was wise and friendly to all who knew him. His body was thickly covered with long, white hair that glistened like silver under the rays of the midnight sun. His claws were strong and sharp, that he might walk safely over the smooth ice or grasp and tear the fishes and seals upon which he fed.

  The seals were afraid when he drew near, and tried to avoid him; but the gulls, both white and gray, loved him because he left the remnants of his feasts for them to devour.

  Often his subjects, the polar bears, came to him for advice when ill or in trouble; but they wisely kept away from his hunting grounds, lest they might interfere with his sport and arouse his anger.

  The wolves, who sometimes came as far north as the icebergs, whispered among themselves that the King of the Polar Bears was either a magician or under the protection of a powerful fairy. For no earthly thing seemed able to harm him; he never failed to secure plenty of food, and he grew bigger and stronger day by day and year by year.

  Yet the time came when this monarch of the north met man, and his wisdom failed him.

  He came out of his cave among the icebergs one day and saw a boat moving through the strip of water which had been uncovered by the shifting of the summer ice. In the boat were men.

  The great bear had never seen such creatures before, and therefore advanced toward the boat, sniffing the strange scent with aroused curiosity and wondering whether he might take them for friends or foes, food or carrion.

  When the king came near the water’s edge a man stood up in the boat and with a queer instrument made a loud “bang!” The polar bear felt a shock; his brain became numb; his thoughts deserted him; his great limbs shook and gave way beneath him and his body fell heavily upon the hard ice.

  That was all he remembered for a time.

  When he awoke he was smarting with pain on every inch of his huge bulk, for the men had cut away his hide with its glorious white hair and carried it with them to a distant ship.

  Above him circled thousands of his friends the gulls, wondering if their benefactor were really dead and it was proper to eat him. But when they saw him raise his head and groan and tremble they knew he still lived, and one of them said to his comrades:

  “The wolves were right. The king is a great magician, for even men cannot kill him. But he suffers for lack of covering. Let us repay his kindness to us by each giving him as many feathers as we can spare.”

  This idea pleased the gulls. One after another they plucked with their beaks the softest feathers from under their wings, and, flying down, dropped then gently upon the body of the King of the Polar Bears.

  Then they called to him in a chorus:

  “Courage, friend! Our feathers are as soft and beautiful as your own shaggy hair. They will guard you from the cold winds and warm you while you sleep. Have courage, then, and live!”

  And the King of the Polar Bears had courage to bear his pain and lived and was strong again.

  The feathers grew as they had grown upon the bodies of the birds and covered him as his own hair had done. Mostly they were pure white in color, but some from the gray gulls gave his majesty a slight mottled appearance.

  The rest of that summer and all through the six months of night the king left his icy cavern only to fish or catch seals for food. He felt no shame at his feathery covering, but it was still strange to him, and he avoided meeting any of his brother bears.

  During this period of retirement he thought much of the men who had harmed him, and remembered the way they had made the great “bang!” And he decided it was best to keep away from such fierce creatures. Thus he added to his store of wisdom.

  When the moon fell away from the sky and the sun came to make the icebergs glitter with the gorgeous tintings of the rainbow, two of the polar bears arrived at the king’s cavern to ask his advice about the hunting season. But when they saw his great body covered with feathers instead of hair they began to laugh, and one said:

  “Our mighty king has become a bird! Who ever before heard of a feathered polar bear?”

  Then the king gave way to wrath. He advanced upon them with deep growls and stately tread and with one blow of his monstrous paw stretched the mocker lifeless at his feet.

  The other ran away to his fellows and carried the news of the king’s strange appearance. The result was a meeting of all the polar bears upon a broad field of ice, where they talked gravely of the remarkable change that had come upon their monarch.

  “He is, in reality, no longer a bear,” said one; “nor can he justly be called a bird. But he is half bird and half bear, and so unfitted to remain our king.”

  “Then who shall take his place?” asked another.

  “He who can fight the bird-bear and overcome him,” answered an aged member of the group. “Only the strongest is fit to rule our race.”

  There was silence for a time, but at length a great bear moved to the front and said:

  “I will fight him; I — Woof — the strongest of our race! And I will be King of the Polar Bears.”

  The others nodded assent, and dispatched a messenger to the king to say he must fight the great Woof and master him or resign his sovereignty.

  “For a bear with feathers,” added the messenger, “is no bear at all, and the king we obey must resemble the rest of us.”

  “I wear feathers because it pleases me,” growled the king. “Am I not a great magician? But I will fight, nevertheless, and if Woof masters me he shall be king in my stead.”

  Then he visited his friends, the gulls, who were even then feasting upon the dead bear, and told them of the coming battle.

  “I shall conquer,” he said, proudly. “Yet my people are in the right, for only a hairy one like themselves can hope to command their obedience.”

  The queen gull said:

  “I met an eagle yesterday, which had made its escape from a big city of men. And the eagle told me he had seen a monstrous polar bear skin thrown over the back of a carriage that rolled along the street. That skin must have been yours, oh king, and if you wish I will sent an hundred of my gulls to the city to bring it back to you.”

  “Let them go!” said the king, gruffly. And the hundred gulls were soon flying rapidly southward.

  For three days they flew straight as an arrow, until they came to scattered houses, to villages, and to cities. Then their search began.

  The gulls were brave, and cunning, and wise. Upon the fourth day they reached the grea
t metropolis, and hovered over the streets until a carriage rolled along with a great white bear robe thrown over the back seat. Then the birds swooped down — the whole hundred of them — and seizing the skin in their beaks flew quickly away.

  They were late. The king’s great battle was upon the seventh day, and they must fly swiftly to reach the Polar regions by that time.

  Meanwhile the bird-bear was preparing for his fight. He sharpened his claws in the small crevasses of the ice. He caught a seal and tested his big yellow teeth by crunching its bones between them. And the queen gull set her band to pluming the king bear’s feathers until they lay smoothly upon his body.

  But every day they cast anxious glances into the southern sky, watching for the hundred gulls to bring back the king’s own skin.

  The seventh day came, and all the Polar bears in that region gathered around the king’s cavern. Among them was Woof, strong and confident of his success.

  “The bird-bear’s feathers will fly fast enough when I get my claws upon him!” he boasted; and the others laughed and encouraged him.

  The king was disappointed at not having recovered his skin, but he resolved to fight bravely without it. He advanced from the opening of his cavern with a proud and kingly bearing, and when he faced his enemy he gave so terrible a growl that Woof’s heart stopped beating for a moment, and he began to realize that a fight with the wise and mighty king of his race was no laughing matter.

  After exchanging one or two heavy blows with his foe Woof’s courage returned, and he determined to dishearten his adversary by bluster.

  “Come nearer, bird-bear!” he cried. “Come nearer, that I may pluck your plumage!”

  The defiance filled the king with rage. He ruffled his feathers as a bird does, till he appeared to be twice his actual size, and then he strode forward and struck Woof so powerful a blow that his skull crackled like an egg-shell and he fell prone upon the ground.

  While the assembled bears stood looking with fear and wonder at their fallen champion the sky became darkened.

  An hundred gulls flew down from above and dripped upon the king’s body a skin covered with pure white hair that glittered in the sun like silver.