Complete Works of L. Frank Baum

by L. Frank Baum

  At opening a chorus of nymphs arise from the pool and dance underneath the rainbow. They are joined by the Golden Girls, guard- ians of the Radiant Valley, who appear from rocky nooks. The ballet scene here should be rich and of a distinguished splendor.

  Enter Itla, leading Wainright by the hand. She introduces him to her possessions, and tells him that they will here be happy ever after. Itla explains to Wainright that should a profane hand touch the gold in this valley, it will at once be transmuted into lead, and all the splendor of the precious stones will vanish. She explains that only under the touch of true love can the quality of the Radiant Valley endure. Enter now the others of the cast in turn. Morgenstern at once falls upon the nuggets of gold. As he does so, a bolt of light- ning, by electrical device, controlled by this production, strikes him upon the head and he falls prostrate. Goo-Goo attempts the same profane act and is also struck by lightning several times. He explains that he is so full of rubber that he cannot be called a cheap street-car employe, but is strictly a non-conductor; all the lightning can do to him is to give him a headache, and he has that already.

  He lights a cigarette on the lightning, carelessly.

  Augusta Eckerstrom, faithful to her employer, Sir Isaac, now puts liniment upon his head and revives him. The lights now quick- change, and at this time the scene shows in leaden hue, although the luminous rainbow remains, with Itla and Wainright standing close at its foot. At this moment of disappointment, Lady Sophie declares her intention of joining the chorus. “Unmarried forever, She’ll Always Endeavor”, etc.

  At this moment, the kettle, borne by two servants, is violently agitated. There emerges from it Willie Cook, who bows and declares he is none other than Sherlock Holmes, and has not been dead at all.

  The Inca Widow falls upon the Missionary’s neck; the kids group about his legs, calling “Papa! Papa!” Ardenta and Buljose are now united and declare their intention of sailing the Spanish Main. King Goo-Goo, who is feeling better since he has been struck by lightning, now announces his intention of laying suit for the hand of the Lady Sophie Morgenstern, member of the chorus. Wainright and Itla now join hands. Unconsciously they stoop and touch the golden nuggets.

  At once up-lights, and the full illumination shows the Golden Valley in its original splendor; the transformation at the touch of true love.

  Finale, “The Rainbow’s End.”

  THE PIPES O’ PAN

  A MUSICAL COMEDY IN THREE ACTS.

  Written in 1909, this show was never produced and survives only in fragmentary form, containing what appears to be the majority of the first Act. It is based on the Greek myth of King Midas, who judges a music contest between Apollo and Pan, ultimately preferring the latter.

  CONTENTS

  CHARACTERS IN ACT I.

  MUSICAL SELECTIONS

  ACT I.

  CHARACTERS IN ACT I.

  (As they appear)

  WOOD SPRITE CHORUS

  SPLINTER, A Woodsman. Becoming an eaves-dropper he overhears an important secret which forces him to become the barber and body-servant of King Midas.

  RAMONA, A Gypsy Girl. Poor, but ambitious; ready of wit; pretty and winning. About 18 years of age; brunette type; vivacious.

  PAN, The God of Mischief. An amateur musician, inventor of the Pipes, and who makes mortals his sport.

  THE SATYRS.

  APOLLO, The God of Music. Inventor of the Lyre; a firm defender of classical compositions; somewhat conceited; prone to anger.

  THE NYMPHS.

  MIDAS, King of Phrygia. A youthful, irresponsible but merry monarch, under the influence of his tutor, Silenus, and nagged by his mother-in-law, Raspina. Midas is rash, impetuous, but loveable.

  SILENUS, The Aged Tutor of Midas. A man of wisdom, but a disciple of Bacchus, and usually under his influence.

  MUSICAL SELECTIONS

  1. — CHORUS — The Sprites: “The Wood Sprites.”

  2. — SONG-- Splinter: “The Heart of the Ancient Wood.”

  3. — SONG-- Ramona: “The Army of Broken Hearts.”

  4. — CONCERTED NUMBER-- Pan, Apollo, Nymphs and Satyrs: “A Mortal Shall Decide.”

  5. — DRINKING SONG-- Midas and Silenus: “I’ve Never Had Enough.”

  6. — DUET-- Midas and Ramona: “The Little Gypsy Girl.”

  7. — MUSICAL DIVERSION:

  (a) — ”The Lyre of Apollo, “Dance of the Nymphs.

  (b) — ”The Pipes o’ Pan, “Dance of the Satyrs.

  (c) — SOLO-- Midas:” Music That’s Music.”

  8. — FINALE-- Apollo, Pan, Ramona, Nymphs and Satyrs: “Ramona.”

  ACT I.

  Scene: A Woodland Glade in the Forests of Phrygia.

  Set trees, garlanded with flowers, opposite R and LI, 2 and 3E. Mossy banks placed irregularly, converge and form a glade with Exit at C. Several small stumps; one large stump opposite R 3 E; log of wood on ground opposite large stump; chopped wood and chips in vicinity of large stump.

  DISCOVERED: CHORUS of Wood Sprites distributed throughout the stage; some are seated on the ground; some standing against trees; some lying at length; some perched on rocks; several standing watching SPLINTER, the Woodsman, who is engaged in chopping on the log, oblivious of the presence of the Sprites. He does not hear their Chorus song, in which all join.

  “THE WOOD SPRITES”

  SPRITES: (Singing)

  We are the children of the dell,

  Where shade with sunbeam fights:

  The fairy babes of Nature,

  The woodland’s dainty sprites.

  Companions of the katydid

  And scolding locust, too,

  Of butter-fly and humming bee,

  That sips the honey dew.

  While daylight holds the curtain back

  We haunt the mossy glade,

  And listen to the music of

  Canary serenade.

  When twilight laughs at fleeting day

  And gloom begins to creep

  We join the cricket chorus, then,

  And put the birds to sleep.

  To sleep, to sleep —

  And put the birds to sleep.

  At the conclusion of the Chrous song, Splinter ceases chopping. The manner in which he has been laboriously swinging the axe and letting it fall indicates that he is sore and stiff. He puts his hand to his hip and grimaces.

  SPLIN: (Grimacing) Oh — that rheumatism!

  The sound of Splinter’s voice frightens the Sprites, and instantly they disappear in silence through the various EXITS.

  A WOODPECKER appears on the tree opposite L 1 E, and begins industriously to peck. Another Woodpecker appears on the tree opposite R 1 E and begins to peck. Splinter hums the air of the curtain-raiser and leans his axe against the stump, sits on the log and sings:

  THE HEART OF THE ANCIENT WOOD

  (Singing)

  A woodsman’s life is the life for me;

  I hew my bread from the sturdy tree

  And revel in solitudes wild and free

  As a merry woodsman should.

  The breezes whisper amid the leaves;

  The sunlight glints on the axe that cleaves

  Its dogged way through the rugged sheathes

  To the heart of the ancient wood.

  Chorus:

  Chop, chop, chop, chop!

  From morning until night;

  The axe bites deep,

  The big chips leap

  To prove my stroke is right.

  The woodpecker pecks at his tree all day--

  A right good woodsman is he, I say!--

  For the woodpecker, too,

  His bread must hew

  And chop, chop, chop!

  Splinter begins to whistle the tune of the Chorus, and his whistle is instantly joined in by the WOODPECKER CHORUS.

  NOTE: The Woodpeckers appear on the various set trees, as cuckoos do from cuckoo clocks, and by mechanically pecking upon xylophone bars concealed just back of the trees, they play the air
accompanying the whistle. These mechanical birds are all connected by electric wires, so that the air may be played by a person in the wings who presses electric buttons on a key-board. Splinter, as he begins to whistle the Chorus, rises, lifts his axe and prepares to resume his chopping. His surprise is very great when his whistling is joined in by the Woodpecker Xylophone Chorus. He pauses in wonderment, his axe uplifted, and is very puzzled and frightened. He moves cautiously about the stage, carrying his axe and searches for the disturbers. Finding nothing, he pauses in the centre of the stage and scratches his head.

  SPLIN: (Ejaculation) It must have been some of the Gods from Olympus. (He peers about again, and reassured, begins to sing the Second Verse:

  (Singing)

  The forest kingdom is my domain

  And a livelihood from its trees I gain;

  Full many a giant grim I’ve slain

  That in my pathway stood.

  As my keen axe swings with joyous strokes

  The woodland echoes its song invokes

  While I vanquish the maples, the elms and oaks,

  In the heart of the ancient wood.

  Chorus:

  Chop, chop, chop, chop!

  From morning until night;

  Then a couch of ease,

  ‘Neath spreading trees

  With star-eyes watching bright.

  At dawn’s first light the woodpecker’s flight

  Is straight to the trees, where they peck with might,

  For they never shirk

  Their daily work,

  But chop, chop, chop!

  Again Splinter begins to whistle the refrain, which is at once joined in the Woodpecker Xylophone chorus. Splinter stops whistling instantly. Again he is very frightened and moves cautiously about searching for the cause of the Chorus. He discovers nothing. He tiptoes to the stump and secures his coat and cautiously puts it on and shows preparation for flight. As the Chorus ceases he puts on a bolder front, and with assumed courage, faces L 2 E:

  SPLIN: (Speaking off-stage L 2 E) I see you behind that tree! Come out! (he vainly waits for a response) Huh! Come in, then! (No response, and he becomes frightened again.) Splinter, (speaking to himself) You’d better avaunt.

  A WOODPECKER appears on the tree opposite R 2 E, and speaks in a grave and parrot-like voice.

  WOOD: Avaunt, Splinter! At the sound of the Woodpecker’s voice coming from an unknown quarter, Splinter becomes too terrified to run. He grasps his axe and holds it firmly as a defensive weapon.

  NOTE: During the dialogue which ensues between Splinter and the Woodpecker, the birds appear on the trees and move mechanically. Persons in the wings, imitating parrot-tones speak their lines. Invariably, the Woodpeckers appear immediately before, and disappear immediately after speaking. Splinter never discovers the birds, though his search for them continues throughout the ACT. No person or character on the stage, other than Splinter, ever hears the Woodpeckers or pays any attention to them.

  WOOD’S: (On various set trees) Hello, Splinter!

  SPLIN: (Thoroughly terrified, begins to retreat, moving backward) He--hello--(he trips on the log and falls heavily on his back)--o! — (he hastily scrambles to his feet and almost falls a second time.

  WOOD: (On tree opposite R 2 E) Don’t step on yourself!

  SPLIN: (Trying to be brave) Good — good-morning — it’s a nice plump day —

  WOOD’S: Haw! Haw! (Splinter is now thoroughly frightened and drops to his knees in a beseeching attitude.)

  SPLIN: (Beseechingly) If you are a god, I pray you not to harm me —

  WOOD’S: Haw! Haw!

  SPLIN: — And — and — (grasping his axe firmly) if — if you are the Devil — you — you’d better not try!

  WOOD: (On tree L 2 E) Splinter’s afraid!

  SPLIN: I — I’m not afraid! I’m — I’m not afraid of anything that walks —

  WOOD’S: Haw! Haw!

  SPLIN: Why — I’m not even afraid of--of — my wife!

  WOOD’S: Splinter’s afraid of his wife!

  SPLIN: I’m not! (searching vainly for his tormentors) Your-- your voice sounds familiar — but I — I--don’t just catch — your face —

  WOOD: (On tree R 2 E) Knock the spider off your nose! (Splinter starts backward and violently strikes at an imaginary spider on his nose several times, almost falling in his efforts)

  WOOD: (On tree L 2 E) Look out for the snake! (Splinter terrified jumps aside and makes ready to strike at the snake, which he supposes to be on the ground at his feet, with the axe. )

  WOOD’S: Haw! Haw!

  SPLIN: (Chagrined) Don’t laugh at me that way!

  WOOD: (On tree R 2 E) Here comes your wife! (Splinter jumps violently, turns and assumes a cringing attitude).

  WOOD’S: Haw! Haw! Haw!

  WOOD: (On tree L 2 E) Splinter, you’re nutty!

  SPLIN: (Angry) Who says I’m nutty?

  WOOD’S: Everybody! Haw! Haw!

  SPLIN: (Aggrieved) — Well, I’m not going to stay here and be abused! (Prepared to depart)

  WOOD: (On tree R 2 E) Dance, Splinter!

  SPLIN: Dance? I can’t dance — I’ve got the rheumatism.

  WOOD: (On tree L 2 E) Dance, or the Devil will get you!

  SPLIN: (Frightened) Oh — ow--oh! (Begins to dance; his movements are ludicrous on account of his rheumatism, but he dances with all his might!

  NOTE: This ejaculation is Splinter’s stock fright phrase. Its comedy value will depend entirely upon its accent and emphasis.

  ENTER RAMONA, the Gypsy Girl, through the glade at C. She sees Splinter’s grotesque dancing and laughs merrily.

  RAM: — (Coming down) What’s the matter with the funny old man?

  He must be fighting bees. (She comes up behind Splinter)

  Good-morning — (Splinter jumps aside, terrified and ceases dancing abruptly. He brandishes his axe, but when he sees that it is only a girl he lowers the axe, very relieved).

  SPLIN: (Astonished) It--it’s a woman — oh! (angry) You are the one who has been playing pranks on me, and I thought it was the gods —

  RAM: — (In wonderment) I haven’t done anything —

  SPLIN: (unbelieving) Didn’t you say I was nutty?

  RAM: — (Shaking her head) No. (inquiring) Are you?

  SPLIN: (Disgusted) Am I? No! No! No!! (Ramona laughs merrily. Splinter, struck with an idea, suddenly points to the ground at her feet). Look out for the snake!

  RAM: — (Frightened) Oh! oh! (she jumps quickly and retreats, looking at the ground where Splinter points. He laughs hilariously)

  SPLIN: Caught with your own joke! Ha! Ha!

  WOOD’S: Haw! Haw! Haw! (Splinter is dumbfounded)

  SPLIN: Oh — ow--oh!! (moves toward Ramona for protection)

  RAM: — (Not hearing Woodpeckers) What’s the matter?

  SPLIN: Didn’t you hear it?

  RAM: — No — I heard nothing.

  SPLIN: That--(imitating)--haw, haw?

  RAM: — I don’t know what you are talking about. I haven’t heard anything, and I never saw you before, and I haven’t been playing any pranks on you.

  SPLIN: (Fearfully) Are you a goddess or a mortal?

  RAM: — I am a gypsy —

  SPLIN: Huh!

  RAM: And I’ll tell your fortune if you’ll cross my palm with a coin —

  SPLIN: (Disgusted) Do you think I’d be out here chopping wood where those (imitating) haw-haws are if I had any money?

  RAM: Just a small coin —

  SPLIN: No. I don’t believe you are a gypsy, anyhow. I think you are one of those princesses who are coming before

  King Midas today — you are just disguised as a gypsy —

  RAM: — (Interested) Midas — Midas — tell me about him! Oh, he is the finest man in the world!

  SPLIN: If that’s so, there’s nothing much to tell then except that he’s going to select a wife today —

  RAM: — (Pained) Oh--you don’t mean that?

  SPLIN: Yes —
he has invited all the unmarried princesses of the neighboring kingdoms to come to his Palace and display their charms so that he may make a choice —

  RAM: — Oh — if--if I could only go, too, and appear before him!

  SPLIN: You? They wouldn’t even let a gypsy fortune teller in the palace grounds —

  RAM: — But Midas would see me if he only knew I was there. Oh, he has seen me before. He passed me in his chariot one day and tossed me a coin and some kisses, and I’ve never forgotten them — and — and I’ll wager he hasn’t forgotten the smiles I gave him in return. He wanted to stop his chariot then and come back to me, but an old man forced him to go on.

  SPLIN: (Chuckling) That was old Silenus, his tutor.

  RAM: — (Determined) But I will go to the Palace--I will! (Splinter laughs and shakes his head)

  SPLIN: It’s no use, gypsy —

  RAM: — But I have as much right to appear before the king as any princess — for I am a princess of Romany —

  SPLING Perhaps--but that’s a check you can’t cash — . And I doubt if any of the princesses could hold a candle to you when you get the joy raiment on-- but Midas isn’t marrying for beauty. He’s marrying for the same reason that I chop wood and you gypsies tell fortunes-- he needs the money.

  RAM: (Positive) But Midas won’t marry for money--he’ll marry only for love —

  SPLIN: He might if he had his way, but he owes heavy debts to the King of Sparta who threatens war unless he is paid at once — and Midas’ only chance to pay is to marry a princess with a large dowry.

  RAM: — (Determined) But he shan’t do it! He shan’t do it! I love him with all my heart, and I’m not going to keep silent and let him marry another woman! I’m not going to join the army of broken hearts if I can prevent it!

  “THE ARMY OF BROKEN HEARTS”

  (Singing)

  A boy and a girl from their childhood had played

  Together as comrades so true:

  She crowned him as king in her innocent heart,

  A fact which the boy never knew.

  The years galloped on--the boy was a man;

  Another love drew him away:

  Though, true to the dream of her youth, the girl

  Made Hope fight Despair every day.