A Mother's Choice

by Val Wood

  ‘You must wait until Robin has finished eating,’ Peggy told them, but Jenny interrupted.

  ‘I want to ask Robin something too, when he’s finished.’

  ‘So can we go and play for a bit while you’re talking?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Go on then,’ Peggy said. ‘You too, Louisa.’ Robin glanced cautiously at Jenny and then Peggy and put his knife and fork together.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I’ve finished now. It was very nice.’

  ‘It’s all right, Robin,’ Jenny assured him after the girls had disappeared into the parlour. ‘You don’t need to be apprehensive. I want to suggest a treat for you.’

  She sat at the table with him and her mother sat opposite, her arms folded across her chest. ‘What sort of treat?’ Peggy asked.

  ‘I wondered if Robin would like to come on a little trip with me tomorrow. It will be a sort of Christmas present.’

  Peggy looked at her, and Robin beamed. ‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Thank you. Will I like it?’

  ‘I’m fairly sure that you will. We’ll be taking the train into Hull and you’ll get your present there.’

  He glanced at Peggy, who was looking baffled, and then back at Jenny. ‘Will I be coming back?’

  ‘Of course!’ she said. ‘You’ll want to come back, won’t you? It’s just that there’s something I want you to see, a special kind of something.’

  He glanced again at Peggy, but she shook her head and shrugged. ‘I’ve no idea,’ she said. ‘None at all. First I’ve heard of it.’

  ‘Well, it’s a secret,’ Jenny told them. She bent her head towards them and lowered her voice. ‘I’d like to keep it a surprise until we get there.’

  Robin heaved a breath. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Thank you. I feel very excited.’ He didn’t sound excited, she thought, but still rather anxious. He moved his chair back from the table and got to his feet. ‘I’d better see what the girls are up to.’

  ‘What’s this about?’ Peggy asked, when he had left the room.

  Jenny blew out her cheeks. ‘I hope I’m doing right,’ she said, ‘and please, promise that you won’t tell Da or Jack. Not yet anyway.’

  Her mother shrugged. ‘You always were one for intrigue,’ she said. ‘You’d better spit it out and tell me afore the men come in.’

  ‘We’re going into Hull,’ Jenny said carefully and quietly, ‘for Robin to see his mother.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Jenny reassured Robin several times on the train journey that they would be coming back. ‘What’s for supper tonight?’ she’d asked, and, ‘I expect you’ll miss Louisa and the other girls when they move to the other house after Christmas? You’ll still see them at school, of course,’ and so on, all remarks designed to reinforce his confidence that he would be returning to the farm.

  ‘I do like being at the farm,’ he told Jenny. ‘I love Granny Robinson and the girls, especially Louisa. She’s my very best friend.’

  ‘I’m very pleased to hear it,’ she said, and thought that of all the little girls Louisa was her favourite too, though she tried not to be biased. Perhaps it’s because she was my first niece, she pondered, or more likely because I don’t understand Susan’s attitude towards her, nor my brother’s either.

  ‘Here we are,’ she said brightly as the train pulled into the Paragon terminus. ‘Let’s go and find your present.’

  ‘Do I have to close my eyes?’ He reached for her hand and she gave his a gentle squeeze and thought she could become very fond of this young boy.

  ‘Not yet,’ she said practically. ‘You should look around and see the town. We’re not walking far, and we are a bit early, but I’ll tell you when to close your eyes.’

  He looked about him as they walked through the railway station. ‘It isn’t as big as King’s Cross,’ he said. ‘But it has very long platforms.’

  ‘It was built more than thirty years ago,’ she said, ‘and when Queen Victoria, Prince Albert and the royal children visited Hull their train came in to this station.’ She indicated the rear of a building as they turned towards the exit. ‘And they stayed in that very hotel. A special throne room was built for the Queen so that she could receive the notables of the town.’ She could never resist giving children a history lesson; it was the teacher in her. ‘Her Majesty then allowed it to be called the Royal Station Hotel. I’ll show you the front as we pass. It’s a very fine building.’

  She felt very apprehensive as they came out into the street. I hope I’m doing the right thing. Suppose Delia wants to keep him with her when she sees him? He’ll be right back to where he was before, leading a nomadic life; he’ll become a drifter himself, or a wandering actor, never settling down to anything much. I could just take him into one of the shops and buy him a present and then we could go back home again.

  But that would be unfair, she told herself, and I do believe that although he is only a child still, he’s capable of knowing what he wants. The choice should be his, and I hope, I really hope, that he chooses to come back with me to Paull – where he really belongs. She added this defiant thought, justifying herself for interfering.

  The Maritime Hotel was close to the railway station, and as they arrived it began to rain.

  ‘We haven’t brought an umbrella, Auntie Jenny,’ he said, as she pushed open the door. ‘We might get soaked going back.’

  She smiled, instantly cheered by his positivity. ‘We’ll borrow one,’ she said, and opening the door into the foyer she saw Delia sitting by the fire with her back to them. Fortunately there were no other guests there. ‘Close your eyes now,’ she said quickly, and moved in front of him.

  ‘Hello,’ she called out. ‘Close your eyes, I’ve got a surprise for you!’

  Delia turned, saw Jenny and closed her eyes as commanded. ‘You were always such a tease, Jenny. What are you up to?’

  Jenny heard Robin take a sudden breath as he heard Delia’s voice, and as he rushed past her she felt a prickling in her eyes and knew she had done the right thing as the boy charged towards his mother and wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘Mother,’ he sobbed. ‘It’s you. It’s really you!’

  Delia wept. She couldn’t believe that here was her boy, sturdy and rosy-cheeked. Grown too, in the short month since she had left him.

  ‘Do you forgive me?’ she said, hugging him and kissing his cheek as he sat on her knee, something he hadn’t done in many years; now it seemed that he couldn’t get close enough to her.

  ‘For what, Mother?’

  ‘Leaving you behind.’

  ‘Oh, I knew you’d come back eventually,’ he said earnestly. ‘I had every faith in you.’

  Delia heard Jenny give a strangled laugh at his solemn assertion.

  ‘And I’m having such a splendid time with Granny Robinson and Aaron and all the little girls. Aaron calls them bairns,’ he chuckled. ‘Isn’t that such a nice thing to say? Is that what your parents called you?’ he asked in all innocence.

  Brat, more like, she thought, but lied and said yes, glancing at Jenny as she did so.

  Jenny ordered coffee for her and Delia and hot chocolate for Robin, whom Delia kept calling Jack until eventually she said, ‘I understand you’ve changed your name to Robin?’

  He nodded. ‘It wasn’t because I didn’t like the name Jack, it was because it was linked to Robinson and you remember what I’d said about it before?’

  ‘I do,’ she said. ‘And I said that you should change it if you didn’t like it.’

  ‘It’s a good thing I did,’ he went on, ‘because there’s another Jack Robinson living in the house, so it would have been very confusing.’ He frowned. ‘I don’t think he likes me being there, but I don’t think he likes children much anyway; but they’re moving after Christmas,’ he added, ‘so it won’t matter. I’m going to have the girls’ bedroom upstairs after they’ve gone.’ He sounded excited. ‘And you can see the estuary from up there and great big enormous skies.’

  Delia took a deep br
eath, and, unnoticed, so did Jenny. ‘So are you happy to stay there for a little while longer?’ Delia asked cautiously.

  ‘Oh, yes please,’ he said, and glanced at Jenny. ‘Jenny said I could go back.’ He paused. ‘Is – that all right, Mother?’ He bit on his lip. ‘You won’t be too unhappy without me?’ and added without waiting for an answer, ‘And if you’re staying in Hull for now, I’m sure I could travel by train on my own to come and see you.’

  ‘I’ll be staying until the end of February,’ she said. ‘I have a contract until then, but afterwards I might have to move on elsewhere. You know how it is, don’t you?’

  He nodded. ‘I’d like to know where you’ll be going,’ he said earnestly. ‘Perhaps you could write to me?’

  ‘Of course I can.’ She gave a sad smile, and then said, ‘But I want to ask you something. Can you keep it secret about who I am, just for the time being? A secret, maybe, between the three of us?’ She glanced at Jenny for confirmation.

  Jenny shook her head. ‘Four of us,’ she said. ‘I must tell my mother. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise. At the moment all she knows is that I’ve found Robin’s mother and she’s living in Hull.’

  ‘Of course!’ Delia put her hand to her chest. ‘Of course you’re right, Jenny. I’m sorry; your mother is so kind that it would be unfair to take advantage of her generosity. And I must recompense her for Jack’s – Robin’s, I mean – for his care and board, and the new clothes that I see he’s wearing.’

  ‘I’d grown out of my breeches because of all the lovely food,’ Robin told her, ‘and also it’s much colder now than it was when I arrived, so I’ve got new jumpers as well.’

  ‘My mother won’t take any payment, Delia,’ Jenny said firmly. ‘I’ll tell her you’ve offered, but I know she’ll refuse. Besides,’ she said feelingly, ‘she’s had Jack and Susan and their children living with them all these years,’ and she raised her eyebrows so that Delia would understand the unspoken allusion fully. ‘There’s much making up to do, I think.’

  Jenny ordered lunch, and whilst they were waiting for a table Robin went to have a wander around the hotel.

  ‘I can’t thank you enough, Jenny,’ Delia said fervently, and if Jenny had had any reservations about her friend’s having left her son with people who were virtual strangers to him, they were now dispelled. Delia obviously loved him so much that she had felt compelled to take such a drastic step to assure his well-being.

  ‘I ought to buy him a Christmas present,’ Delia murmured. ‘But will it be questioned?’

  ‘There’s no need,’ Jenny responded. ‘You are his Christmas present; I told him that was why we were coming to Hull, to give him a present. He won’t want anything else now that he knows you’re safe and that he’ll see you again. He’s a lovely boy, Delia. I love him to bits and my mother does too, and she will all the more if I tell her that he’s her grandson.’ She paused. ‘The difficulty will be keeping it from my father. But I’ll wait until Jack and all of them move out. Then we’ll have a heart to heart.’

  ‘And Robin?’ Delia said quietly. ‘I don’t want him to know everything; not yet. Not until he’s old enough to understand. I don’t want him to feel hostility at such a young age; not as I’ve known it. And I don’t want him to know about my parents either; people who could be so cruel as to disown their own child.’

  Jenny had asked her father to pick them up in Hedon and he was patiently waiting in the station yard.

  ‘Thanks, Da,’ she said, and kissed his cheek. Now more than ever, she was appreciative of the fact that her father had always cared for her and would have done anything to make her life as perfect as possible, spoiling her with little favours in the way that fathers did with daughters; some fathers, she corrected herself. He would have been appalled if he had known how Davis Deakin had treated his. No one would have known; she hadn’t and she was Delia’s closest friend.

  When they arrived back at the farm, Robin shot out of the trap shouting ‘Thank you, Aaron’ and ran into the house, while Jenny lingered to add her thanks again as her father pulled away towards the barn.

  ‘What’s this, then?’ Peggy had turned away from the range, having given the stew in the pan a stir, and was almost bowled over by Robin, who hurled himself at her and buried his face in her comfy body, his arms around her ample waist.

  ‘I can stay, Granny Peg,’ he said, his voice muffled. ‘I can stay! Tell her, Auntie Jenny.’

  Peggy looked down at the boy whose face was flushed and whose eyes were moist. He looked up at her with elation. Then she glanced at Jenny who was watching from the doorway, smiling broadly.

  Jenny nodded, and then, as the back door clicked again and she heard children’s voices, she said, ‘Robin and I have lots to tell you.’

  ‘Loads and loads,’ he blurted out.

  ‘But we want to tell you later, don’t we, Robin?’ She dropped her voice. ‘Because some of it is secret and we only want to share it with Granny Peg, isn’t that right?’ She put her finger to her lips.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ he breathed. ‘I almost forgot because I was so excited.’

  The girls all tumbled into the room, and he whispered, ‘But I can stay, Granny Peg. I can stay!’

  The youngest girls were tired as they had all been backwards and forwards to Foggit’s farm for most of the day, helping to take some of their own things over and squabbling about who should sleep where. Molly had been helping and was slightly disgruntled that she wouldn’t be going to live there too; Louisa, on the other hand, was delighted with her single room. It had been used as a store room when the Foggits had lived there and smelled rather damp, but Grandpa Aaron had said he would bring wood and coal and light a fire in the grate, and distemper the walls to make it look nice and put up some shelves for her books.

  Robin longed to tell Louisa about his mother, but Auntie Jenny kept giving him a secret wink and tapping her fingers on her lips so that he would remember they shared a secret, and then he began to think that it was rather fun.

  After the girls had gone to bed and Granny Peg had made up his bed on the sofa, he thought that they would be able to talk, but they couldn’t because although Aaron and Jack had gone down to the hostelry Susan was still there, going on about what they needed to do at the other house, and Jenny and Granny Peg were offering suggestions. Robin tried to keep awake in case Susan went to bed early, as she sometimes did, but it wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep, worn out by the excitement of the day.

  ‘Just look at him,’ Susan chided. ‘Onny just gone off to sleep. He’s been trying to keep awake, listening to our conversation.’

  ‘Well, we weren’t talking about anything he shouldn’t hear,’ Peggy pointed out. ‘It’s generally wholesome conversation in this house.’

  ‘I’m not saying it isn’t,’ Susan huffed. ‘I’m onny saying—’

  ‘Shall we have another cuppa?’ Jenny rose to her feet. ‘And then I’ll be off to bed. I’m catching the morning train, Ma. I’ve some work to do on school reports before Monday morning. Then we finish at the end of the week and hurrah, I can have an extra hour in bed in a morning.’

  ‘I’ll make ’tea,’ Susan offered, ‘and I’ll take mine up. I’m ready for my bed. I’m exhausted with all the jobs we’ve done, and there’s still more to do.’

  She brought in a tray of tea and some biscuits and cheese, and then, having made cocoa for herself, said goodnight and took her drink upstairs.

  ‘Getting into practice?’ Jenny murmured, her lips against the cup. ‘Or was it something I said?’

  ‘I think she finds you rather forbidding.’ Her mother gave a wry smile.

  ‘Me!’ Jenny said in mock astonishment. ‘Never. I’m such a soft touch.’

  ‘I think not,’ Peggy said. ‘But don’t prevaricate with me, young woman; you forget I brought you up. I know just what you’re like, so come on, let’s hear how you and young Robin got on in Hull and why he’s so sure he can stop with us.’

  ‘W
ell,’ Jenny recognized that this was the ultimate challenge, ‘if you say he can’t, then that’s an end to it, but he really wants to.’

  ‘You know what I mean, so tell me,’ Peggy said quietly, ‘and also tell me why it’s a secret. I don’t keep secrets from your father.’

  ‘I realize that, Ma,’ Jenny said softly. ‘But there are other people who shouldn’t know, so the fewer people who are told the better, for the time being anyway.’

  ‘Go on then, get on with it,’ her mother urged impatiently. ‘Don’t shilly-shally.’

  So be it. Jenny heaved a big breath. ‘Robin’s mother – is Dorothy Deakin.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  ‘No husband?’ Peggy asked, her forehead creasing in bewilderment.

  Jenny shook her head; ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘Ma, whilst I was away at school and taking my exams, some – lad assaulted her! She didn’t tell anyone and didn’t even know she was pregnant, but her mother guessed and when her father was told he took his belt to her, and I don’t think it was the first time either. They turned her out of the house and told her never to come back. Her father was a tyrant, and I never even guessed; never had an inkling of the kind of life she’d been living since she was a child.’ Jenny’s voice broke. ‘She never once said. She kept everything to herself.’

  They heard the scullery door open and the sound of the men talking and taking off their boots. ‘She doesn’t want them to know where she is or what she’s doing,’ she added swiftly. ‘Seemingly she wrote to them every year, God knows why; but they never replied.’

  She stopped talking as her father and brother came in. ‘Still jawing, then?’ Jack muttered as he unfastened his coat and took off his cap. ‘Beats me what women find to talk about.’

  ‘Men usually,’ Jenny said icily; she could hardly bring herself to look at her brother. ‘And the reasons why some women choose to stay single.’

  ‘Oh-oh!’ Aaron sucked in a breath.

  ‘Not every man, Da,’ she said gently. ‘Not men like you.’