Mail Order Motherhood (Brides of Beckham)

by Kirsten Osbourne

  Albert nodded before making his first trip out to the sleigh with their purchases. He put it on the floor at the back of the sleigh knowing the children would be able to deal with less leg room better than he and Clara could. Clarence showed up right behind him with a crate to put in as well. The look on his face gave Albert pause.

  “What’s wrong, Clarence?” Albert had never seen the boy anything but jovial. Had someone said something to him as well?

  Clarence shrugged. “Nothing.”

  “I know something’s wrong. Tell me what it is.”

  “A man in the store asked me if you were my pa. I didn’t know how to answer that.”

  Albert smiled, happy it was something so simple. He put his arm around the boy’s shoulders and led him back into the store to get the girls and little Robert who he’d set Natalie to minding. Clara didn’t get to shop enough, and he knew women liked to buy new things. “I’m your pa. As soon as your ma married me, I became your pa. I don’t care what other people say or think.”

  Clarence’s eyes brightened. “Can I start to call you ‘Pa’ then?”

  Albert nodded. It was only then that he realized the boy had never called him ‘Pa’ but he didn’t call him ‘Albert’ either. He was always just called ‘sir.’ He should have realized there was a problem months ago. “I’d be honored if you called me ‘Pa.’”

  After they’d carried the last of their purchases to the sleigh, Albert went back inside to get Clara. “Time to go.” As soon as he looked at her, he couldn’t help but think about what the ranchers in the store had said. Had he really replaced Sally too quickly? Yes, his children needed good food, but he could have managed a bit longer. Couldn’t he?

  He helped Clara and Robert into the sleigh before climbing up beside Robert. “Do you want to eat before we leave or stop on the way?”

  Clara was fighting back the tears from what the women had said. She’d needed to be strong in their presence, but now she needed to be alone so she could cry for a moment. She didn’t want to show weakness before her husband or children. “I’d like to get out of town first. Even go all the way home. It’s not that late.”

  Albert looked at her for a moment before clicking to the horses. She was upset, just as he was. They needed to stay out of town and away from people who would upset them.

  He drove straight to the house. While he and Clarence unloaded the sleigh, Clara started a fire while the girls got Robert out of his winter gear and set the table. She took the now cold potatoes and put them in the oven for a few minutes to warm them while she set out butter to go with them. She poured milk for the children and heated up the coffee from the morning for herself and Albert.

  While they ate, Albert kept looking at her as if he were just realizing she didn’t belong in his house. Clara could barely control the tears. She knew she needed to wait until the girls were doing the dishes to cry, but she wasn’t certain she could hold out that long. She couldn’t let the children see her cry.

  Albert watched Clara while they ate, wondering what had been said to hurt her so much at the store. Why couldn’t people just accept that they’d done what they needed to do and let two lonely people find happiness together?

  Clara escaped to her room soon after lunch. Albert and Clarence had gone onto the range to take more hay to the cows, Robert was napping, and the girls were washing dishes. She lay down on the bed for a moment and cried her eyes out. She knew she wasn’t as pretty as his first wife. She knew that every time she spotted the other woman’s photograph, which was still on the dresser. She was doing her best to be a good wife and mother, though. Did that count for nothing?

  She took ten minutes wallowing in her anguish, and then realized there was nothing she could do but work harder and try to please him more. She knew he enjoyed their time alone together while the children were in bed at night. That was something. Eventually maybe he’d have some affection for her. Right now, affection seemed to be too much to ask.

  She hurried into the main room, still feeling chilled from her time in the sleigh. She made a thick stew for supper filled with carrots and potatoes and some of their own beef.

  By the time Albert got into the house, she was in a surly mood, angered that he hadn’t known anything was wrong. The table was set and they were ready to eat. Everyone ate in silence, her anger filling the air, and he seemed to be angry as well. She had no idea what was wrong with him, though. What did he have to be angry about? She did everything for him and his children.

  After tucking the children into bed, she walked down the stairs, thinking she’d just get her nightgown and sleep upstairs with Natalie. She didn’t have much of a desire to be around her husband. She certainly had no desire to sleep beside him through the night.

  When he saw her go into their bedroom, he stood and followed. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting my nightgown. I’m going to sleep in Natalie’s room with her tonight.”

  “What is your problem? When we left town, you seemed upset and now you seem angry enough to hurt someone. Why?” The look on his face told her he didn’t want to put up with her mood.

  She brushed past him without answering. He grabbed her arm. “What have I done to make you so angry?”

  She spun on him, wanting to lash out at him for everything that had been said about her in town. Everything that had ever been said about her or her children. For every time she felt inadequate. She knew she was being unfair, though, and tears sprang to her eyes again. “Nothing.”

  “You’re angry with me for no reason then?”

  She nodded, walking up to him and burying her face against his chest, relieved when his arms folded around her. “I can’t explain it. I’m never this emotional!”

  He held her close, rocking her in his arms. “It’s a hard life here.”

  She nodded, knowing that wasn’t it either. She would love her life there if she wasn’t so unsure of him. “I just wish I didn’t always feel so inferior.”

  He pulled away from her, staring at her in shock. “Inferior? You really feel inferior? Why?”

  She shrugged. “I feel like I don’t cook well enough. Like I don’t sew well enough. I’m not a good enough mother. Your children deserve their real mother, who did things the way she did them. They shouldn’t have to put up with me.”

  He shook his head in disbelief. “You are a wonderful cook. There’s never anything left when you cook. How could you not think that you’re good enough?” He sighed. “Robert barely remembers his mother at all. She was sick for most of his life, and the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Even when she was well, she wasn’t the kind of cook and mother you are. You have everything perfect around the house all the time. She never did.”

  Clara stared at him. “I never have anything perfect. I have two girls who work beside me all day to make the house as presentable as it is!”

  “I guess we all see our own shortcomings. I don’t see you as having any. I think you’re a fabulous wife and mother.”

  She bit her lip against the words she truly wanted to say. She wanted to ask why he didn’t love her if she was a good wife and mother, but she knew that was completely inappropriate. He was still mourning Sally. She walked to the dresser and put her nightgown on top of it, knowing she’d wear it that night. Walking back into the main room, she got her crochet hook and yarn and sat at the table. “Tell me about Sally. How did you meet her?”

  He sat down with his whittling, a new block of wood in his hands. “We were neighbors growing up. We both lived in a small Texas town. It was my dream to be a rancher, so I saved up every dime I could, and remained living at home with my parents until I had enough to buy a small piece of land and some cattle. My father was the barber in our town, and I was an only child.” He carefully made a long slice through the wood. “Sally waited for me. She was five years younger than me, but I was thirty before I felt like I was ready to marry and start our lives together. We married on her twenty-fifth birthday.”

/>   Clara was startled a woman would wait for a man so long. That never happened in the east that she’d seen. “Did you move up here right away?”

  He nodded. “We got married and started our journey the next day. We got our land here, and our cattle, and began our lives together. She was happy here for the first few years. We had Gertie three years after we married and then Robert. She was so sickly after Robert was born. I kept begging her to go to the doctor in town, but she kept saying that it was just that she needed time to recover from childbirth. By the time we got her to the doctor, he said it was too late. If I’d taken her sooner, he might have been able to do something, but I didn’t.”

  Clara squeezed his hand. “You can’t blame yourself for her death.”

  “I can’t not blame myself for her death. She was a good woman, and I loved her, and I let her die.” He shook his head, his eyes dark and sad. “How did your husband die?”

  “He had a heart attack while working one day. Finances had been tight, and the doctor said he just worried himself to death.”

  “And you tried to farm after his death?”

  She nodded. “I couldn’t see remarrying so quickly, although I had a couple of offers. When the bank told me they were foreclosing, I felt like I had to get out of town. I had to figure out a way to raise my children without the constant worry that I was feeling.”

  “And you answered my letter. I’m glad you did.”

  “You are?” She was truly astonished by that fact. She thought he resented her.

  He nodded. “You’re a good wife to me and a good mother for my children. How could I not be glad it was you who came to marry me?”

  She was pleased by his statement but not sure if she really believed him. He’d obviously truly loved his wife. She would always be second best.

  Chapter Six

  It was late the following afternoon, when she’d just sat down after baking six fresh loaves of bread and a cake, and had dinner in the oven staying warm for when Albert and Clarence got back that she heard a knock on the door. In the months she’d been there, they’d never had a visitor.

  Clara jumped to her feet and rushed to the door. She blinked twice at the woman in front of her. She was a carbon copy of Sally. She knew because she’d looked at the other woman’s photo enough, hoping she could be more like her.

  “May I help you?” she asked softly.

  “I’m Mary. My brother-in-law lives here. At least I think he does. Is this Albert Hanson’s house?” Mary acted as if she had every right in the world to be there, and Clara had no thought of turning her away.

  Clara nodded. “Yes, of course it is. Come in.”

  Mary waved to the driver of the sleigh, and he drove off. It was only then that she realized Mary had a carpet bag. “Thank goodness. I thought I was lost.” The pretty woman in front of her had blond hair and green eyes. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold. She picked up her bag and hurried into the house, warming herself in front of the fire. “My husband died last month, so I came here to keep house for Albert. Where is my brother-in-law anyway?”

  Clara was stunned to hear the question. Did she not know Albert at all? “It’s the middle of the day. He’s out on the range working.”

  Mary nodded. “Okay. Well, where’s my room?”

  Clara studied the older woman, trying to figure out what to do with her. “Well, we really don’t have any empty rooms.” Her gaze settled on the girls sitting at the table doing their schoolwork. “Would you two be willing to share so Aunt Mary can have a room to herself?”

  Natalie and Gertie exchanged looks. “Yes, ma’am,” they said in unison.

  Clara smiled, happy that was resolved. “Okay, girls, run upstairs and move all Gertie’s things into Natalie’s room.” She looked at Mary. “I’ll change the sheets in Gertie’s room when they’re done.” She walked to the stove and started the coffee pot. “Are you hungry? I made a cake that’s still cooling.” She’d planned to serve it for supper, but she could whip up a pie while she waited for the coffee to heat up.

  Mary shook her head. “Oh, no. I don’t eat cake. I’m watching my figure.”

  Clara smiled, looking at how slender Mary was. What was she going to do with her? “I understand.” She sat at the table. “Have a seat. I’m Clara by the way. Albert and I married in September.”

  “Oh. I had no idea Albert had already remarried.” Mary frowned. “I guess he doesn’t need a housekeeper after all.” The look on her face told Clara she was very upset that Albert had married without first discussing things with her.

  “You can stay with us for a while. We have plenty of room.” Clara hoped the other woman would be gone as soon as possible though. She didn’t want to have to feel like she was in the shadow of her husband’s late wife for the rest of her life. She already felt that way a great deal of the time. Having someone who looked just like her in her home would only make things worse.

  “Oh, wonderful! I’ll help however I can around the house. I can see you’re having a hard time of it.” She walked to a window sill and wiped her finger along it as if to say Clara’s home wasn’t clean enough.

  Clara bristled. Everything in her home was kept just the way she wanted it to be, and she spent hours scrubbing every day. “That will be nice. I’m sure there are some special dishes you know how to make that you could teach me.” She’d be as polite as she could be during the other woman’s time there. Maybe Albert knew of a single man they could marry her off to. Quickly.

  “I’m sure I do. Albert loved my sister’s cooking. I could teach you to make everything she used to make for him.”

  Clara smiled, knowing the other woman wouldn’t realize how strained the smile was. “Thank you. I’d like that.”

  Robert came down the stairs then, rubbing his eyes from sleep. He looked at Mary for a moment before hurrying into Clara’s arms. He was obviously nervous around the stranger. “How long has it been since you’ve seen the children?” Clara asked as she held Robert in her lap.

  “Oh, I’ve never seen the children. I haven’t seen Albert since the day he married my sister.” Mary walked over to sit across from Clara. “I’m your Aunt Mary,” she said to Robert, trying to take him from Clara’s arms.

  Robert looked at her out of the corner of his eye, obviously wanting to stay where he was. “He’s shy when he first wakes up,” Clara explained quickly. She didn’t know if that was true or not, but she didn’t want the other woman’s feelings to be hurt that he wouldn’t go to her.

  “Nonsense. He wants to be held by his Auntie Mary, don’t you, boy?”

  Boy? Didn’t she know his name? “Robert, Aunt Mary would like to hold you.”

  Robert shook his head and buried his face in the crook of Clara’s neck. “I want you, Mama.”

  Clara shrugged. “I’m not going to force him.”

  “Why not? You’re spoiling my nephew. Sally would hate that!”

  “Sally’s not here to hate it.” Clara cuddled the boy close, knowing he was upset by the argument going on around him. What was wrong with Mary to upset her nephew this way? She hoped that Albert told the woman to leave. She didn’t think he would, but she could always hope.

  Clara pulled dinner out of the oven and set it on the table. She made gravy with the drippings in the bottom of the roast pan and then set the table. The girls were still moving rooms, so she couldn’t ask them. She was surprised that Mary, with all her talk to being a housekeeper for the family, didn’t get up and do it, but she seemed content to watch Clara work.

  Albert stepped into the house, stomping on the rug just inside the door, taking off his coat and hanging his hat on the peg by the door. He moved out of the way while Clarence did the same. He walked straight to Clara and leaned down to kiss her. “Dinner smells wonderful.”

  Clara smiled up at him, pleased the first thing he did with Mary there was show her affection. “We have a guest,” she said, using her thumb to indicate the table. Robert usually sat at the table while she fin
ished preparing a meal, but instead, he was clinging to her skirts.

  Albert reached down to lift his son into his arms before turning to the table. He did a double take. “Mary?” he asked, his voice obviously shocked. He didn’t move over to her, but instead stood with Robert right beside Clara. “What are you doing here?”

  Mary walked across the room and pulled Albert down into a hug, squeezing Robert in the process. “My husband died, so I had to decide what to do. I thought with Sally gone, you could use a housekeeper.” She looked at Clara with a disgusted look. “Looks like you’ve already replaced her though.”

  Clara froze with surprise. Did Mary really just say that to Albert? What is wrong with that woman?

  Albert’s voice was stiff. “I found a new wife. When Sally was dying, she told me that she didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life alone.” His gaze met his sister-in-law’s evenly.

  “You could have waited a respectable amount of time.”

  “I’m through discussing this, Mary. Why are you here, and how long will you stay?”

  “I came to help you. I already told you that. I don’t know how long I’ll stay. I actually hoped that things might work out between us…”

  “You can stay as long as you’re not a burden. You’ll help Clara with chores and do your part. As soon as you stop, I’ll put you on a train straight back to Texas.” Robert obviously felt no love for the woman, despite her resemblance to his first wife.

  Clara breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she wouldn’t stay for long after all.

  “What would I do in Texas? Mama and Papa are gone.”

  Albert shrugged. “I’m sorry about the death of your family. I have some friends in the area who are looking for a wife.” Albert thought of the two men from the mercantile the day before. He’d love to see one of them marry his sister-in-law. All they cared about was getting a pretty wife. Mary was pretty all right.

  “You wouldn’t mind seeing me married to one of your friends?”