Cowboy Samurai X Badass Android

by KuroKoneko Kamen

  Chapter 4: Teenaged Mutant Ninja Kappa

  Jake exited the Quark’s home to discover that night had already fallen. He looked up to see that a full moon was out and decided this was lucky since it gave everyone plenty of light to see by. Jake and the others began to put operation ‘sneak out of Brooklyn Prime’ into action as soon as the Quarks had returned to their human forms. As Green began to lead the way Jake was able to see the entirety of Brooklyn Prime, which was illuminated by the moonlight. His eye twitched as he realized how complex this community truly was. Hey, hey hey! This is a hell of a lot of illegal construction going on under this bridge! Jake mentally complained.

  Small, humble dwellings made of cement blocks or entirely out of wood, and that had tin roofs were scattered along the riverbank. Jake spotted a building that looked like a church in the process of being constructed. He noticed other small huts that looked like a mini grocery store, a fresh fish market, and even a clothing store. It really was like a tiny fanciful village. Jake realized that these people, err, aliens were living completely off-grid. Jake even spotted solar panels and windmills that were producing the electricity for the tiny homes.

  The group headed towards the Brooklyn Bridge stealthily. However, as they began to pass through some kind of vegetable garden Jake couldn’t help but stop and look around curiously. He was impressed by the expansive garden of vegetables, which probably provided vegetables for the entire community that was living under the bridge. He spotted some pumpkins but realized upon closer inspection that the vegetables were actually gigantic tomatoes. Cool!

  Jake’s eyes bulged. “Whoa. Are those really tomatoes!?” They’re like mutant tomatoes!

  The Green Avenger turned to see that Jake was lagging behind. “Hurry up slowpoke, don’t fall behind. It’s not safe.” Green was looking around the vegetable garden nervously, as if he expected a zombie to pop out at them at any second.

  “Uh, right, sorry.” Jake turned around and continued to follow the Green Avenger, Questa and Quentin, however, a vine suddenly reached out and wrapped itself around Jake’s ankle. Jake looked down quizzically. “What the?” Suddenly the vine yanked Jake back and he fell to the ground where the vine quickly began to drag him backwards.

  “AHHH!” Jake screamed and was a bit embarrassed by how high-pitched his scream had sounded. Jake looked behind him and saw a gigantic plant that resembled a mutant Venus flytrap. The Venus flytrap was large enough to be able to consume a horse if it wanted. Its leaves were neon green and the interior of its mouth was a bright orange color. Jake’s eyes nearly fell out of his head. “AHHH! A man-eating alien plant! I’m going to die! Green Avenger! Help me!” Jake cried as he was pulled up and off the ground until he was dangling over the mouth of the ferocious looking plant that appeared to be drooling purple goo.

  The Green Avenger looked behind him and saw Jake’s predicament. “Shit! Zoe’s plants are at it again! Don’t worry Jake! I - the mighty Green Avenger - will save you!” The Green Avenger charged the man-eating plan bravely.

  However, a vine whipped out, smacked the Green Avenger in the chest and sent him flying back, comically through the air.

  “AHHHHH!” The Green Avenger screamed while in flight.

  Jake’s eye twitched in irritation. Weak! The Green Avenger is super weak!

  The Quarks went to Jake’s aid next. “Jake!” Questa cried as she rushed towards the plant but a vine wrapped around her waist and easily lifted her up into the air ripping a scream from her lips.

  “Questa!” Quentin charged at the plant recklessly next, waving his fist at the plant angrily. “Let go of Questa, you overgrown houseplant!” But the plant quickly captured Quentin too. The vines began to constrict around Questa and Quentin and with a poof! the nervous and afraid couple both turned into their tanuki forms.

  Shit! Jake watched as the vines were constricting around Quentin and Questa’s bodies even more tightly. He could see their expressions shift from fear to pain, and noticed that they appeared to be about to pass out. “Stupid plant! Stop hurting them! I thought that it was me you wanted to eat, dammit! Get off of me!” Jake reached down and yanked at the vines easily managing to rip them off of himself. The plant shrieked in pain and surprise before Jake fell to the ground with a thud. Questa and Quentin were still being held hostage by the plant, however, and Questa let out a loud cry of pain.

  “Questa!” Quentin called out worriedly to his wife.

  Jake was sitting on the ground looking up at the two tanuki aliens in the plant’s grasp. He was afraid, no, absolutely terrified. This was a gigantic, man-eating plant for God’s sake! But…the tanuki couple had saved him. They had been kind to him and Mrs. Quark had even cared for him like a mother…

  I’m so going to die! Jake balled his hands into fists, and looked up at the scary alien plant. I can’t believe I’m about to do this! That plant is frickin scary, dude. I’m so going to die! Jake stood up and letting out a cry as he haphazardly charged the plant, closing his eyes before letting his fist fly forward towards the base of the plant. “AHHHHH!”

  Jake’s fist connected with the plant with a BAM! uprooting the plant and sending it flying backwards as the plant let out an unnerving, piercing shriek. The plant released Questa and Quentin who fell to the ground. The Green Avenger shakily got up and dusted himself off. His eyes bulged upon seeing Jake punch the alien plant and send it flying back across the riverbank. “Cool.” The Green Avenger’s eyes sparkled in admiration.

  Jake looked down at his fist in shock. “I did it…I actually did it…” Jake’s legs were trembling like jelly and he sunk to his knees. “I think I’m going to be sick…” Jake’s face turned green and he put a hand over his mouth.

  The Quarks and the Green Avenger rushed to Jake’s side.

  “Jake! That was amazing!” The Green Avenger began to gush. “You’re really strong! Why didn’t you tell me you were a superhero?!”

  Jake gave the Green Avenger a confused look. “Me? A superhero? Get real…”

  “What the hell is going on here?” Came an irritated, high-pitched female voice.

  Jake looked up and saw a young woman who was obviously an alien. She had yellow-gold skin, emerald green eyes and bright red hair that was tied up into two long pigtails. The alien babe had pointed ears and slanted pupils. She was wearing a bra top that looked like two giant sunflowers and a skirt made entirely of flower petals. She was also wearing a pair of futuristic green boots and matching gloves. She currently had her hands on her hips and was giving Jake and the others a very disapproving look.

  Strike! Jake’s eyes had immediately turned into two large hearts. Another hot alien babe makes her entrance. Jake thought to himself. “You must be from outer space because I see stars in your eyes.” Jake said to her. Why else did Captain Kirk go into outer space if not to screw hot alien women with gold, green or blue skin?

  Zoe raised an eyebrow at Jake. “Who’s this freak?”

  “Zoe!” The Green Avenger burst out nervously as soon as he caught sight of the golden-skinned girl, but then he quickly tried to pull himself together and look cool. He ended up looking slightly constipated. “Your plant tried to eat me again!” He complained.

  Zoe laughed. “Well, it’s your own fault for trespassing into my harmless little vegetable garden. I don’t know why the plants always attack you…they’re perfectly sweet.” Zoe said as she reached her hand out towards the mutant Venus flytrap who reached a vine out towards Zoe and began to stroke her arm lovingly. “You see? Now…how about buying some of my vegetables while you’re here? I’ll give you a discount.” An innocent smile formed on Zoe’s face.

  Jake gave the alien plant girl an incredulous look. She was so not innocent. She reminded him of a mischievous pixie. Well, a hot mischievous pixie anyway. Jake stood up on shaky legs and ran a hand back through his hair as he tried to make himself look presentable. “Hey, Green aren’t you going to introduce me to the hot alien babe?”

&n
bsp; The Green Avenger frowned and looked around the vegetable garden with a serious expression on his face. “Hot alien babe? Where?”

  Zoe swiftly hit the Green Avenger over the back of his head with her fist. “He meant me, dumbass! Geez! At least some guys have good taste…” Zoe gave Jake a scrutinizing stare before skipping over to him. She began to poke his cheek and stared up into his handsome face. “What planet are you from, handsome?”

  “Er, Planet Earth?” Jake said.

  Zoe’s pleased expression faded. “Earth? You mean…you’re an Earthling? A disgusting human?” She instantly backed away from Jake with a repulsed look on her face. She then whirled around to face the others and pinned them with an accusing look. “What is the meaning of this? You let a filthy human into Brookly Prime? What will Mayor Stark do when he finds out? Shit…oh my Goddess…you have to get him out of here before-”

  “Before what, my dear Zoe?” Came a drawling voice.

  Zoe jumped at the sound of the male voice.

  Uh oh. Jake slowly turned around to face the newcomer and gulped. The man standing before them was an intimidating figure. And definitely an alien. He had extremely pale skin, short white hair, pointed ears, and bright, intelligent golden eyes with slanted pupils. He was wearing an all-white suit and a pair of matching shoes. He had a white top hat on his head and a matching cane.

  “Oh crap, it’s the mayor!” The Green Avenger exclaimed loudly.

  “The mayor?” Jake looked at the white-haired man curiously. He appeared to have an almost luminescent glow surrounding his body.

  Mayor Stark coolly ran his eyes over Jake. “Green Avenger would you mind explaining to me who our guest is? What planet is he from?”

  “Er…well…you see…he’s from…” The Green Avenger stammered nervously, his eyes darting around as if seeking an escape route.

  Jake didn’t want the Green Avenger, Questa or Quentin to get into trouble for his sake. “I’m from Planet Earth, Sir. And these people have nothing to do with me. I snuck in here on my own. I was just leaving when they tried to detain me…they were yelling something about my needing to see the mayor. But I guess that’s you, right?” Jake crossed his fingers behind his back and hoped that Mayor Stark would believe his lie.

  “Jake…” Questa gave him a worried look.

  I’m so going to die! Somebody please help me…! Jake inwardly cried while he tried to keep a calm expression on his face so that he wouldn’t worry the others.

  Mayor Stark’s eyes narrowed dangerously at Jake. “A human…and you’ve seen us.” He looked over at Questa and Quentin who were both in their tanuki forms and over at Zoe, who was obviously an alien woman with her glowing gold skin. Mayor Stark held his cane horizontally before him before pulling on one end of it revealing that the cane contained a hidden sword. “Well, it’s nothing personal human but…you’re going to have to die now. No offense meant.” Mayor Stark gave Jake an apologetic look.

  Jake shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets in a casual gesture. “None taken. Rules are rules, right?”

  Mayor Stark pointed his thin but deadly looking sword at Jake. “Indeed. Prepare to die, human.”

  “Hey, wait - huh? Can’t we discuss this for a little while longer?” Jake began to back away nervously from the creepy alien man. Mayor Stark lunged his sword at Jake. “Epp! I’m so going to die!” Jake dodged the attack. Rules are meant to be broken, dude!

  Mayor Stark looked surprised by this. “You actually dodged that, human? I’m impressed. But it was probably just a fluke. A mere human cannot keep up with my alien speed.” A smug expression formed on Mayor Stark’s face.

  [Jake Lonestar VS Mayor Stark] Fight!

  Mayor Stark ran forward and thrust his sword towards Jake in a forward jab. Jake quickly and frantically dove out of the way. As Jake was struggling to his feet Mayor Stark attacked Jake again and Jake was forced to roll out of the way. Jake quickly scrambled to his feet and just in time to sidestep another deadly attack from Mayor Stark. Mayor Stark frowned and decided to increase the speed of his attacks and let loose a series of forward jabs at Jake. Jake didn’t even allow himself to blink as he concentrated on dodging all of those attacks.

  Ack! I’m so going to die! I’m going to die! He’s really trying to kill me! Someone help me! Jake cried in his mind.

  Trembling, Jake successfully ducked and dodged out of the way of Mayor Stark’s sword as he tried to run Jake through mercilessly. Mayor Stark blinked at Jake in surprise. “Impossible…he is no mere human to be able to keep up with my speed.” Mayor Stark lowered his sword and gave Jake a wary look. Is he a Demon Slayer? Or maybe he’s one of Nova Inara’s Nemesis Zeros?

  “That’s right! Jake Lonestar is a superhero!” The Green Avenger declared loudly.

  Mayor Stark arched a white eyebrow at Jake elegantly. “A superhero?” He echoed doubtfully.

  Jake felt a trickle of sweat form on the side of his head at the Green Avenger’s words. “Geez…I’m not a superhero, Green. Why did you have to say that?” Jake put his hand behind his head in a bashful manner.

  “Jake-san!” The Green Avenger blurted. “Take Mayor Stark down. I know you can defeat him. Just go ahead and fight him!”

  “San?” Mayor Stark gave Jake a quizzical look wondering what had made the Green Avenger come to respect Jake enough for him to add ‘san’ to his name, which was the Japanese equivalent to basically saying ‘Sir Jake’.

  Jake gawked at the Green Avenger. “Huh? You can’t be serious! You want me to fight that guy…” Jake looked at Mayor Stark and his thin but deadly looking sword. He swallowed thickly and shook his head frantically. “No way! He’s too strong! He’ll kill me!” Jake argued.

  Mayor Stark gave Jake a disgusted look at his sudden cowardly behavior. It really made no sense. Just moments before Jake had displayed incredible skill and now he was trying to avoid the confrontation altogether and run away. “Are you really such a coward? Even though you obviously possess strength and skill? Human beings like you who don’t appreciate their gifts deserve to die.” Mayor Stark pointed his sword at Jake again and narrowed his golden eyes at him.

  “Epp!” Jake put his hands up before him and tried to look harmless. “Hey, wait, don’t attack me yet.” Damn it…I have to do something, but what? I know, I’ll just run away! It’s what I do best after all and it’s what Mayor Stark said I was intending to do anyways! Jake smiled suddenly before taking out a homemade ninja blinding egg and throwing it at Mayor Stark’s face. It hit his face and exploded n a cloud of flour and pepper.

  “Ack! What the hell is this…? Pepper…oh shit…ah…ah…AH-CHOO!” Mayor Stark sneezed loudly.

  Poof! Suddenly, Mayor Stark transformed into a fluffy, white fox with two tails that was about twice the size of a cat. Jake, who had been about to take off running, turned back around to gawk at the mayor’s true form. “This is what you really look like? You look so…darned cute! Can I pet you?” Jake asked tentatively. “What kind of alien is he, Green?”

  “Mayor Stark is a kitsune or fox alien. Kitsune aliens like tanuki also have the ability to shape shift.” Green quickly explained for Jake’s benefit.

  Mayor Stark stood up on his hind legs and brandished his sword at Jake. “Shut up, human! I can still take you out even in this form!”

  Jake snorted at the sight of the fox wielding a sword and standing on his hind legs. It’s just like Puss in Boots! Jake thought before he burst out laughing. “Hahahahah…it’s Puss in Boots! You’re so…so…cute!”

  Mayor Stark’s eye twitched. “Cute? Cute! Did this human just dare to call me - the great swordsman known as Silver Fox - cute?! The insolent whelp. Oh, he’s dead.” The fox alien charged at Jake with his sword raised.

  Jake was laughing so hard that he was gripping his sides which were beginning to hurt. He was completely distracted and so didn’t even notice that the fox alien was attacking him again.

  “Jake-san! Look out!” The Gr
een Avenger called out a warning.

  Jake looked up just in time to see Mayor Stark lunging at him. The fox had leapt up into the air and was flying towards Jake.

  “Holy crap!” Jake panicked and instinctually batted the sword away from him with his bare hand. Mayor Stark and the others watched mystified as Jake’s hand temporarily became covered in liquid metal which protected Jake’s hand from the move.

  The Green Avenger watched this strange phenomena occur with wide eyes. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. For a second there it had appeared as though Jake’s hand had turned to metal. Naw…

  POW! Mayor Stark and his sword were sent flying backwards through the air-

  And Mayor Stark’s sword broke in half with a loud crack.

  But Jake was not pleased. “Oh shit!” He rushed to the fallen kitsune alien’s side. “Are you alright? I didn’t mean to do that!” Jake cried as he reached out and cradled the small two-tailed fox in his arms gently.

  Mayor Stark’s eyes were all swirly as he looked up at Jake in shock. “Just what are you? You’re not a normal human are you? Are you taking NANO? Are you a cyborg?”

  “No…or at least I don’t think I’m a cyborg. I just have these weird neo-nanomachines in my body that freak out sometimes.” Jake gently set the two-tailed fox down before standing up and offering his hand to Mayor Stark to help him stand.

  Mayor Stark gawked at Jake in disbelief. He had just tried to kill this human and now he was showing him concern while trying to help him up? Mayor Stark batted Jake’s hand away and stood on his own. He gave Jake a curious look. “Jake…I’d like you to tell me your story. After that I’ll decide if you can stay here under the bridge with us. I have a feeling you can’t find it too easy blending in with normal human society either. Am I right?”

  Jake’s heart clenched in his chest painfully at the fox alien’s words. Mayor Stark was absolutely right. He didn’t fit in with normal human society. “Yea…”

  Mayor Stark nodded in understanding. “Come with me. I’ll have you tell me your story but don’t worry I will keep it confidential. As the mayor and protector of this community, however, I feel I have the right to know the truth about you. I also know that the Green Avenger and the Quarks tried to help you. Depending on your story I may have to punish them. It’s funny that they would risk getting thrown out of Brooklyn Prime in order to aid a human. Interesting indeed.” Mayor Stark stroked his furry chin.

  This was how a white fox standing on his hind legs and who was wearing a top hat began to lead Jake down the riverbank. A bemused smile formed on Jake’s face as he looked at the little furry alien walking in front of him. Makes me think of the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. Jake thought. With a poof! Mayor Stark soon returned to his human form. They had reached a small white house with a tin roof. “This is my home. Please come in.” Mayor Stark said kindly as he opened the door and motioned for Jake to follow him inside. Jake entered the small house.

  “Please take a seat. Would you like some coffee or tea?” Mayor Stark offered as he made his way into the open kitchen and over to the stove.

  “Coffee would be great.” Jake said absentmindedly as he took a seat at the only table that Mayor Stark’s house had and looked around the mayor’s house curiously. It was small but extremely neat, tidy and well kept. Jake couldn’t spot a single speck of dust. The décor was art deco and most of the furnishings were white or made of glass.

  Mayor Stark walked over to the stove and put a pot of water to boil before getting out a French Press. He put four scoops of coffee into the glass container and once the water was boiled he added it. Stark waited for three minutes before pressing the lid down that separated the coffee grounds from the coffee. He poured the coffee into two white porcelain coffee cups that he then picked up and carried over to the glass table that Jake was already seated at. He set the coffee cup in front of Jake before still holding his own coffee cup in hand and taking a small sip. Mayor Stark hummed appreciatively at the taste of the coffee. “Mmm, coffee one of the greatest things about Earth. So, tell me Jake Lonestar - are you really human?” Mayor Stark gave Jake a pensive look.

  “Yea…” Jake scratched his chin feeling awkward. He reached out to hold the coffee cup. It had a warm comforting presence between his two hands.

  Mayor Stark frowned and set his coffee cup down on the glass table with a clink. “But you’re not a normal human are you?” He pressed.

  For some reason the kitsune alien’s words stung. “No.” Jake admitted.

  “Why don’t you tell me how that happened, Jake?” Mayor Stark offered as he steepled his fingers in front of him on the table.

  Jake sighed and rubbed his temples. “It’s a long story…” He warned.

  “I’ve got time.” Mayor Stark grinned. “Sugar?” The kitsune alien pushed the sugar jar closer to Jake across the table.

  “Oh, err, thanks.” Jake began to nervously spoon sugar into his coffee.

  No one has ever believed my story but here goes. Jake took a deep breath before telling Mayor Stark EVERYTHING. From his encounter with Nova Inara when he was only ten-years-old, how she ‘changed’ him, how at the age of seventeen his parents were abducted by aliens, how his ‘aunt’ had suddenly appeared and gotten him out of jail. How she was unexpectedly none other than Dr. Valery the CEO of the NeoTech Corporation.

  Mayor Stark listened intently to Jake and only made a few exclamations: “Nova Inara? Dr. Valery the CEO of NeoTech Corporation!”

  Jake finished his story and awaited Mayor Stark’s judgment and for the mayor to call Jake crazy and a liar. And-

  Mayor Stark took a sip of coffee calmly before speaking. “I see. That must have been very hard on you. So Nova Inara injected you with these neo-nanomachines seven years ago. As a result you have superhuman strength you can’t seem to control…you make electrical appliances explode randomly…and have unexplainable bouts of magnetism. Then out of the blue your parents were abducted and Dr. Valery the CEO of the NeoTech Corporation shows up posing as your aunt-”

  “Posing?” Jake interrupted the kitsune alien, “You think Dr. Valery is impersonating being my aunt? But…I don’t get it. For what purpose?” Though that would explain how she certainly doesn’t hesitate to sexually harass me any chance she gets.

  “None of these events which occurred are mere coincidence, Jake. There is no such thing as coincidence in life, only hitsuzen. Inevitability. Fate. There are some things you should probably know if you intend to live here in NYC.

  “Nova Inara did indeed come here seven years ago and is probably the one who ‘leaked’ the A.I. technology over the Internet. She formed a criminal organization called the Noppera-bō Gang. Or Faceless Ghost Gang. She’s currently a well renowned and feared Drug Lord. She manufactures NANO and manages its distribution. She’s a very dangerous individual….

  “She not only controls the trafficking of NANO, but holds illegal, underground, cyborg death matches, sometimes Death Cube matches that people bet on. She also sometimes sponsors car races where people use advanced alien technology. The Noppera-bō Gang is also in charge of loan sharking and technology theft. She has hundreds of cyborgs and robots under her command. The NYPD was having a hell of a time trying to stop her cyborgs from committing crimes until a special police force was created called the Samurai Superheroes Force or SSF for short.

  “Their commander is Dr. Valery CEO of the NeoTech Corporation. She apparently got her hands on some advanced alien technology…what we refer to as E.T. Tech…and that rivals Nova Inara’s although only us aliens know about this. The humans think Dr. Valery came up with the Tech all by herself. This Tech is weapons technology that enables the SSF to be able to face the cyborg criminals that are trying to take over the city.”

  Jake’s head was spinning and his eyes had gone swirly. Jake had unwittingly put six spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee and absentmindedly took a sip. “Gah! That’s sweet! Aunt Val is the Commander of the SSF…? A special
police force that fights cyborg criminals? But…what does any of that have to do with me?” Jake squeaked.

  Mayor Stark took another sip of his coffee slowly before speaking. “She must have wanted to recruit you for the SSF because of your super strength and because of those unusual neo-nanomachines Nova Inara injected you with.”

  “Recruit me? To fight criminal cyborgs?” Jake paused before he burst out laughing as if it were the funniest thing he’d ever heard. “Hahahaha! Me? Fight crime? That’s just crazy! Impossible! I would never be able to do something like that. I…I’m a total coward!”

  “That part I got.” Mayor Stark stroked his chin as he eyed Jake thoughtfully. “But you can’t deny that you are strong.”

  “Pfft.” Jake snorted. “It’s not strength - it’s a curse. I can’t control it. I’m always causing trouble, chaos, and destruction. And I even accidentally hurt people like…how I hurt you.” Jake clenched his fists out of frustration. “Dammit…people can’t even use electrical devices around me because I might blow them up! I’m a walking disaster zone! I’m nothing but a nuisance just like how I’ve caused trouble for the Green Avenger, and Mr. and Mrs. Quark. Even though they were so kind to me I couldn’t help them and I can’t do anything to repay their kindness.” Jake hung his head sadly.

  Mayor Stark frowned. “If you want to help them, then help them. Stop being such a coward.” The mayor sighed. “After hearing your story I’ve decided to let you live here at Brooklyn Prime - that is, if you want.”

  Jake’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’ll let me live here? But…I’m human and everyone else who lives here is an alien. What will they all think about having a human in their midst?” Not to mention I’m pretty sensitive, what if they pick on me or bully me…I don’t think I can really handle that.

  “Hmm that’s a good point but…what they don’t know won’t hurt them.” Mayor Stark walked over to a white dresser and pulled open one of the drawers. He reached inside and pulled something out. He then walked over to Jake and handed him the item. “Here. Put this on.”

  Jake blinked down at a headband that had two antennas and that had glittered green and silver balls attached to the tops of the antenna. His eye twitched. “You can’t be serious…” He can’t seriously want me to wear these TeleTubby antenna things!

  Mayor Stark gave Jake a bland look. “Dead serious.”

  Jake swallowed nervously before putting on the TeleTubby headband. Whatever was left of his male pride crumbled to dust and was blown away by an invisible wind.

  Mayor Stark nodded approvingly. “Alright, good. When you’re here at Brooklyn Prime you’re a Martian and when you’re in the city you’re yourself…got it?”

  Jake nodded. “Yea…” Is this stupid headband really going to be enough to fool the aliens living here into believing I’m one of them? Aliens must be really naïve…

  Mayor Stark stood up from the glass table and made his way towards the door of his small home while motioning for Jake to follow him. “Come. I will arrange a community meeting so that you can be introduced to everyone here. The Green Avenger and the Quarks already know that you’re human and seem to be okay with it so that shouldn’t be a problem. Who I’m worried about is Zoe.” Mr. Stark frowned thoughtfully. “She really hates humans. I guess I’ll just have to personally tell her not to tell anyone. That will be for your own protection, Jake.”

  “Why does she hate humans so much?” Jake asked curiously.

  “Zoe is a plant alien, Jake. I don’t know if you realize this but…currently human beings are doing a bang up job to destroy Mother Earth. 27,000 plant and animal species go extinct every year. That’s at a rate of three per hour. This is attributed to human factors - population growth, chemical use, and over-hunting and trading. The rainforests once covered fourteen percent of the earth’s land surface - now they cover six percent. Experts estimate in less than forty years the remaining rainforests will be consumed. Experts also estimate that the ocean’s fish could disappear by 2050.”

  “Wait…what?” Jake questioned, baffled. “I’ve never heard about any of this.”

  Mr. Stark gave Jake a bland look. “What do they teach human kids in schools these days? Obviously, nothing of import. Humans no longer know how to appreciate the gifts that God has given us in nature. Teenagers today would prefer to buy a plastic and metal phone than discover a plant in the rainforest that can cure a disease. You humans are losing Earth’s greatest biological treasure just as you humans were beginning to appreciate its true value. Experts agree that by leaving the rainforest intact and harvesting its many nuts, fruits, and oil-producing plants and medicinal plants the rainforest has more economic value than if it’s cut down to make grazing land for cattle and for timber.

  “The latest statistics show that rainforest land converted to cattle operations yields the land owner sixty dollars per acre and if timber is harvested the land is worth four hundred dollars per acre. However, if these renewable and sustainable resources are harvested, the land will yield the landowner two thousand four hundred dollars per acre. If managed properly the rainforest can provide the world’s need for these natural resources on a perpetual basis, but human beings seem to be too stupid to realize this fact.”

  “Er, I’m sorry…for being human.” Jake apologized.

  Mayor Stark’s eyes widened at the sincerity in Jake’s voice and he shrugged. “Don’t apologize. Perhaps, if there were more humans like you Jake the world wouldn’t be in its current state.”

  Jake shook his head. “Even if I wanted to help…there’s nothing I can really do.”

  “It’s that kind of thinking that’s going to cause the ocean to be devoid of fish by 2050.” Mayor Stark shot back.

  “Good point.” Jake scratched his head. “Gee, why are humans such morons?”

  “We’ve been trying to figure that out for some time and have yet to come up with an answer.” Mayor Stark grinned in amusement to Jake’s self-deprecating behavior.

  “Thanks for the lesson, Teach. I guess I’ll start with just not eating fish that’s been caught in gillnets.” Jake nodded dumbly as he stood up from his chair and chugged the rest of his coffee before following the fox alien outside.

  “Well, you can start out by not consuming fish that’s becoming endangered because of over-fishing like Bluefin tuna, Red Snapper, Atlantic Cod, Chilean Sea bass, Orange Roughy, and Spiny Lobster.” Mayor Stark informed Jake helpfully.

  It didn’t take long for a large group of aliens to gather before Mayor Stark’s house for the Brooklyn Prime community meeting. Jake watched intrigued as kappa aliens began to emerge from out of the river. They were all green-skinned, had messy mops of black hair on their heads, beak-like mouths, turtle shells on their backs and were all wearing similarly green colored bodysuits.

  They really do look just like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Jake nodded to himself knowingly, but wisely decided to keep this observation to himself.

  Soon after, the other inhabitants of Brooklyn Prime began to emerge from their tiny homes - the kitsune and tanuki aliens were all in their human forms, but Jake noticed that they all had Asian features. Jake supposed this was probably because they had originally lived in Japan and learned to mimic those kinds of facial features first. Jake could see the occasional set of fuzzy ears peeking out from their hair or tail swishing behind them. Apparently, these tanuki and kitsune aliens had a hard time keeping their human transformations in check.

  Jake then caught sight of the golden-skinned alien babe. A wolfish smile formed on his face as he waved over to her goofily. She noticed and glared back at him with a condescending expression on her face before flipping her long red pigtails over her shoulder in a snobby gesture.

  As he was obliviously waving in Zoe’s direction a man passed him by and slammed into Jake’s shoulder on purpose. “Ow!” Jake complained and rubbed his hurt shoulder. “Hey man, that hurt-” Jake was saying before he caught sight of who was passing hi
m. Jake swallowed and laughed nervously. “Nevermind.”

  The man who had bumped into Jake smiled in a feral manner before continuing on his way. The man was definitely an alien and he really stood out. He appeared to be some kind of cross between a tiger and a man. He had orange fur on his face and cat ears. He had an eye patch over his left eye, and was wearing a flashy, long, red and black trench coat. He wore a three-pointed hat on his head that Jake thought looked a lot like a pirate hat. The man was wearing a pair of black combat boots and Jake also noticed a blaster strapped to his side that looked exactly like the gun that the Galaxy Police Officer Astra had used in her fight against Nova Inara.

  “Hey, there’s Jake!” The Green Avenger, Questa and Quentin had arrived for the community meeting and quickly made their way over to Jake. As soon as the Green Avenger was close enough Jake inconspicuously pointed to the half-man half-cat. “Hey Green, who’s that furry guy?”

  The Green Avenger followed the direction Jake was pointing with his eyes. “Ah, that’s Linx - he’s an ex-space pirate captain. He was chased all over the galaxy by Zoe. However, she suddenly stopped chasing him and decided to retire here on Earth for some reason. Apparently, he tracked her down here though I’m not really sure why.”

  “Zoe…?” Jake blinked slowly.

  Green leaned forward conspiratorially. “Yep, Zoe used to be a Galactic Bounty Hunter! She was pretty famous.”

  Jake’s eyes grew wide. “A bounty hunter?! No way.”

  “Linx is completely gaga over Zoe, but she won’t give him the time of day. It’s pretty sad really.” The Green Avenger put his hands out and shook his head in a helpless gesture.

  “Zoe-channn!” Linx exclaimed. His eyes were currently two gigantic pink hearts. “Look what I got you!” He spun dramatically in her direction and offered her a gigantic fish that looked like some kind of salmon.

  Zoe gave Linx a disgusted look. “How many times do I have to tell you - I only need to consume sunlight, baka!” Zoe hit Linx over the head with a BAM! and he dropped his fish, which Zoe began to stomp on cruelly. Linx sniffled, and looked up at Zoe all teary-eyed. “Zoeeeee~” He moaned pathetically. However -

  Zchoom! Zchoom! Zchoom! Red lazer beams flew through the air in Linx’s direction all of a sudden. Jake recognized that ominous sound of a blaster being fired and which sent a chill down his spine. He was also able to instantly recognize the dangerous lazer beams that were flying through the air.

  “Look out, dude!” Jake called out a warning to the cat alien man.

  However, in a fluid and graceful motion, Zoe whipped out an energy saber and blocked the lazer beams easily. The energy saber had been strapped to her upper thigh and had been concealed beneath her petal-skirt.

  “Tsk.” Came a disappointed sounding voice and another alien babe made her grand entrance. She had short, dark blue and white highlighted hair that had been cut chin length and that flipped out at the ends. She had straight bangs, which gave her a serious look and drew Jake’s attention to her dark blue eyes. She had extremely pale, powder blue skin, but he noticed that there appeared to be blue gills on the sides of her face. This young alien woman was much taller than Zoe at six feet one inch. Apparently, she was some kind of aquatic alien or fish alien. She also had a few shimmering scales on her face. She was wearing a tight blue, black and silver bodysuit that Jake recognized as a Galaxy Police uniform since it had the letters ‘GXP’ in black across her chest. The tightness of her bodysuit showed off the young woman’s voluptuous curves.

  “A Galaxy Police Officer!” Jake blurted and staggered backwards in shock. What the hell is she doing here? Is she looking for Nova Inara?

  The Green Avenger shot Jake a curious look. I wonder how Jake-san knows about the Galaxy Police. Isn’t he supposed to be human?

  “Tsk. Stop getting in my way, Zoe.” The young fish-woman growled.

  “Just stay out of mine, Astra. Linx’s head is mine!” Zoe spat back with her hands on her hips.

  “No, it’s mine!” The female Galaxy Police Officer argued and the two young women glared at each other with lightning seeming to flash between their gazes.

  Linx was looking back and forth between the two women with a worried expression on his face.

  The ex-bounty hunter and Galaxy Police Officer began to duke it out.

  “Cat fight. Or should I say alien babe fight.” Jake’s eyes turned into two hearts as he watched the two alien girls fighting and a leer formed on his face. There was just something about two girls fighting that was hot. Now, if only they were naked and there was some mud. “It seems to me that they’re both fighting over Linx. Wouldn’t that mean that both girls like Linx but are just in denial?” Jake stroked his chin in a thoughtful manner.

  The Green Avenger looked horrified by what Jake had just boldly stated. “Jake…you can’t say that…they’ll…uh oh…oh shit…” The Green Avenger spotted something behind Jake and was now backing away from him.

  The hair on the back of Jake’s neck prickled in warning. Jake turned around and felt this aura of malevolent intent directed his way suddenly. Uh oh. This is so not good.

  Both the alien ex-bounty hunter and the Galaxy Police Officer had turned to glare at Jake fiercely. Lock on.

  “What did you just say?” Zoe demanded.

  “How dare he?” Astra raised her blaster and pointed it at Jake. “Let’s kill him.”

  “For once, I couldn’t agree more, Astra.” Zoe raised her energy saber and took a fighting stance.

  Jake raised a trembling hand at Astra. “Howdy, I don’t believe we’ve met yet. My name is Jake Lonestar.” Jake began to hastily greet Astra. “You must be from another planet because your body is out of this world.”

  Astra gave Jake a look of disbelief before she frowned at him. “He’s not only a busybody but he’s a pervert too!”

  The two alien women continued to stalk towards Jake menacingly with their weapons raised. Epp! Mommy! Jake took off running down the riverbank. The two alien girls looked at each other in disbelief before chasing after Jake.

  “Hey! Get your ass back here, you coward!” Zoe shouted after him.

  “You! Stop! You’re under arrest!” Astra joined in.

  As Jake - the newest resident of Brooklyn Prime - was being chased by two hot alien babes and dodging lazer beams and energy saber jabs while wearing a dorky, TeleTubby headband that made him look like a gay Martian, Mayor Stark cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention and began to speak:

  “Denizens of Brooklyn Prime! May I have your attention please? I have gathered you all here tonight to introduce you to a new addition to our fair community! I’d like you all to meet Jake Lonestar - he’s a Martian!” Mayor Stark swung his cane (he had a spare back at his house) in Jake’s direction.

  The attention of the inhabitants of Brooklyn Prime turned to Jake who was currently being hunted by Zoe and Astra. At first everyone felt trickles of sweat form on the sides of their head until they began to watch as Jake managed to avoid lazer beams and saber swipes, and then they all became impressed. The people of Brooklyn Prime began to ‘Ooo’ and ‘Ahhh’ and clap at Jake’s feat of actually managing to avoid Zoe and Astra’s deadly, skillful attacks.

  The Green Avenger watched Jake being chased by the beautiful Astra and pouted. “No fair…I wanna be chased by Astra too. He really is a superhero. They always get the girl.” The Green Avenger’s eyes turned into two stars as he admired Jake and his romancing skills. The Green Avenger nodded to himself knowingly and decided to take notes. Yep, Jake-san is sure popular with the ladies!

  While on the inside Jake was currently flipping out: I’m so going to die! Why me?! Such misfortune! So troublesome! I’m so unluckyyyy! Someone save meeee!

  Even Linx let out an impressed whistle. “That kid’s pretty agile. He’d make a good pirate. If it’s one thing us space pirates are good at it’s running away!” Linx chuckled to himself before he realized that he had just compliment
ed the man who was currently getting chased by the lovely Zoe and the lovely Astra. Link frowned feeling jealousy well up inside of his chest from Jake stealing the attention of the alien girls. “Pfft. What’s so special about that stupid Martian…Zoeeee~” He moaned dramatically while trying to get her attention. Linx was ignored. “Grrrr Jake Lonestar…you’ll pay for taking Zoe’s eyes off of me!” Linx began to chew angrily on the sleeve of his pirate jacket.

  ***

  Astra tripped over a rock on the muddy riverbank and cried out as she hit the ground. Jake immediately stopped running and turned back around to see if Astra was all right. He walked over to her and held his hand out to the Galaxy Police officer that had been pursuing him only seconds before. “Are you alright?” Jake questioned.

  Astra looked up at the strange Martian in surprise and allowed Jake to help her up.

  “I’m fine. Thanks.” She declared before slapping a handcuff on his wrist. She grinned triumphantly. “Gotcha.”

  “Oh crap.” Jake frowned as he realized he’d fallen right into Astra’s trap. That’s when he caught sight of something silvery out of the corner of his eye and spotted a pendant that Astra must have dropped when she fell. Jake stooped to pick up the pendant and noticed that it was a diamond shaped piece of metal with a strangely familiar symbol on it. The symbol was a circle with a line piercing through it vertically while a curved line pierced through the middle of the circle horizontally. It kind of looked like a horned demon with a sword piercing through it.

  As soon as Jake saw the symbol however he gripped his head in pain as he remembered having seen the symbol somewhere before, but it had been buried so deeply within his memory that he couldn’t recall it.

  Jake dropped to his knees and gripped his head in pain as his hand clenched around the piece of metal. The fiery image of the symbol was burning brightly in Jake’s mind.

  Astra knelt by Jake’s side with a concerned expression on her face. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Jake looked up at Astra. “Astra…what is this symbol? What does it mean? Where does it come from?” He held the pendant out to her.

  Astra took the pendant from Jake and blinked at the symbol on it. “Ah. This? This is the symbol of the Dragon Aliens. They’re the Most Wanted Galactic Criminals. Why?”

  “Dragon Aliens?” Jake shook his head. “No reason…but why do you have such a thing with you?”

  A dark expression crossed Astra’s face and she let out a sigh as she responded. “The Dragon Aliens killed my family and conquered my home planet. They left this behind…it’s a reminder for me of who my real enemy is.”

  Jake’s eyes widened in surprise at this revelation. He opened his mouth to say he was sorry he asked something so personal, but by that time Zoe had caught up to them.

  “Astra! Get away from my prey!” Zoe declared as she leapt up into the air and whipping out her energy saber brought it down upon the handcuffs that had still been linking Astra and Jake together. The energy saber easily cut through the handcuffs and Jake rubbed his wrist as he realized that he was free again.

  Jake grinned. “Thanks babe!” Jake declared before running off down the riverbank once more.

  Astra gaped after Jake in shock. “Ah! Zoe! You just let him get away!”

  “I did not.” Zoe huffed, hands on her hips. “Hurry up! We need to catch him.” Zoe took off after Jake once more.

  Astra let out another sigh but then she took off running after Jake too. She was curious though about Jake’s reaction to the symbol of the Dragon Aliens. Just what are you hiding, Jake? Whatever it is, I’ll find out.

  ***

  This is how Jake Lonestar came to be living under the Brooklyn Bridge with a bunch of crazy aliens in a secret community called Brooklyn Prime. As it so happened, Questa and Quentin owned a comic book store on Canal Street in the heart of New York City. The tanuki alien couple was graciously letting Jake stay at their home and sleep on their only couch. Questa was also feeding him, so essentially he was getting free room and board from the Quarks. He really wanted to do something in return and told them so. The tanuki couple immediately decided to put Jake to work at the comic book store that was called: Mom and Pop’s Comics.

  The next day, the Green Avenger offered to accompany Jake to the comic book store where he would start working. As the Green Avenger led Jake through the busy NYC streets cyborgs, androids, and robots also passed them by, as well as nicely dressed businessmen and women. The androids and robots were easy to spot because they all had a single metal antenna on the top of their heads that had a round metal ball on the very top.

  Jake looked at the Green Avenger out of the corner of his eye and took in his green, spandex bodysuit, full face mask, the black letter ‘A’ that was on the center of his forehead, his shiny black boots, utility belt and shook his head. Sure, the cyborgs got people’s attention, but New Yorkers were used to seeing cyborgs and robots now, so had already been de-sensitized to their metal arms or metal antenna poking out of the tops of their heads.

  But as for the Green Avenger’s unique fashion statement? Jake was quite sure humanity wasn’t ready to accept that just yet. “Dude…do you really walk around dressed like that all the time?”

  The Green Avenger frowned. “Yes, I’m a superhero, I have to be in disguise at all times in order to protect my real identity.”

  “Pffft.” Jake snorted. “Superhero…you’re weak man…”

  The Green Avenger blushed beneath his mask and was glad Jake couldn’t see the face he was making. “So?! You don’t need to be strong to be a superhero - you just need to be able to help people…!”

  Jake appeared to be unconvinced. “Uh huh.”

  The Green Avenger frowned. “Besides this city is full of them.” The Green Avenger crossed his arms over his chest and gave Jake an expectant look.

  “Full of what?” Jake asked absentmindedly as a cute android and her master passing them by on the street distracted him. It suddenly reminded him of the android maid that had almost raped him back at the mansion and Jake’s eyes widened. Ah! Ultraviolet! I completely forgot about her! Damn, I should have taken her with me. I hope she’s okay…

  “Superheroes of course, you baka. See, look over there.” The Green Avenger pointed.

  Jake looked over to where the Green Avenger was pointing and his eyes widened when he spotted a man dressed in a black bodysuit, red cape, and who had a domino mask on his face. Walking with the man was a woman dressed in a similar outfit. She had on a skintight, black bodysuit, and had a domino mask on her face, and was wearing an extremely tall pair of high-heeled shoes.

  Superheroes…? No way…Dude…Jake almost fell over as he continued to turn to look at the superhero couple as they passed Green and him by.

  A cocky smirk formed on the Green Avenger’s face. “You see, I told ya. Ah, we’re here.” Jake and the Green Avenger had arrived at the comic book store.

  Jake looked up at the storefront curiously. The building wasn’t very large and only had two floors. A simple sign that read: Mom and Pop’s Comics hung directly over the front door. Colorful superhero memorabilia could be seen in the two front store windows that were on either side of the main door. Jake could see cardboard cutouts of superheroes such as: Spiderman, the Green Lantern, Batman, Superman, and Captain America. There were also posters of these comic book series on the walls, and the comics themselves were displayed in the window and on bookshelves inside of the store. It was any teenage boy’s paradise on earth. Jake’s eyes sparkled as he caught sight of all those comic books.

  Jake loved comics. After the Lonestar’s TV had to be thrown away due to his ‘condition’ the Lonestars had gotten into reading classic American literature - while Jake and his sister Bonnie had gotten into comic books. Comic books had been there for him, in good times and bad, through thick and thin, when Jake was alone and friendless because he was such a freak…comic books had been there. They had provided Jake with a neces
sary escape from his crappy reality.

  Jake got to read tons of stories about guys who due to a strange series of circumstances inherited ‘super powers’, learned how to control their ‘super powers’ and then became superheroes themselves.

  Jake could really relate to characters like Spider Man who hadn’t had a choice about their powers - it had just happened. He could relate to the Hulk about how incredible strength could be nothing but a burden. He could relate to Static Shock when he accidentally made electrical appliances explode. He could relate to Magneto when he accidentally produced magnetism that made kitchen knives go zooming his way. Jake shared a special bond with these comic book superheroes.

  Jake shook his head. His own powers made no sense. They were just stupid, useless and dangerous. Deep deep down though, an idea, or the seed of an idea had been forming due to reading these comic books. Jake wondered what would happen if he actually learned how to control his powers? Could he become a superhero? And if so what kind of a superhero would he be?

  If the impossible were possible, and he could actually become a superhero he would want to become one with a cowboy theme. He could picture an ideal version of himself as a superhero clearly in his mind: he’d have an awesome horse that would come when he whistled from miles away. He’d wield a rifle and a whip, kinda like a young Indiana Jones. He could also fling horseshoes at his enemies. He’d definitely have a nice, new Stetson hat and a pair of cowboy boots with spurs that shone in the sun blinding his enemies.

  But in reality, he’d probably accidentally kill a real horse. He didn’t even know how to shoot a rifle. Or use a whip. He was bad at throwing things. He didn’t have a cool hat or boots. He was just Jake Lonestar. And Jake Lonestar was a loser with no job and no money. He was a cowardly, lazy, unmotivated, not very smart, kind of a pervert, and cursed with destructive strength. Jake Lonestar was always blowing up electrical appliances or making sharp, dangerous objects zoom his way every once in a while.

  He was no superhero. He was a natural human disaster.

  But even so, Jake still loved comic books. “Cool.” He said breathlessly before he and the Green Avenger entered the comic book store.

  Quentin was currently standing behind the checkout counter. “Welcome - ah, Jake, Green Avenger. You made it.” He walked around the counter and approached. “I have some errands I need to go do so it’d be great if you could watch the store for me. Now, there’s no electrical register…so that shouldn’t be a problem. The cash box is right there…you can use the calculator to figure out the sales. You can’t blow up a calculator can you?” Quentin raised an eyebrow at Jake questionably.

  Jake grinned and shook his head. “I don’t think so, Sir. I’ll try my best not to.”

  Quentin nodded and gave Jake a warm smile. “Good boy…I’ll be back in a few hours. Have fun boys. Make lots of sales!”

  “ ‘kay.” Jake agreed.

  Jake and the Green Avenger shared a surprised look that they had been left to watch the store just like that. Quentin sure was trusting. Jake looked around the comic book store and smiled. He just couldn’t wipe off the grin that had formed on his face. This was like the perfect job for him. He couldn’t break a comic book. And there were barely any electrical devices in the place for Jake to screw with. Jake would also get to read as many comic books as he wanted, all day long or for as long as he liked. He would also get to read the latest new releases of current comic series he was reading for free. Comic books were also something that Jake actually knew something about, so any questions costumers had related to comic books, well, Jake had ALL the answers. This could very well have been Jake’s dream job.

  Jake was scanning the shelves and slightly salivating when his eyes landed upon a comic book he had never seen before. Curious, he pulled it out and looked at the cover, which read: The Great Adventures of the Mighty Green Avenger!!!

  Yes, there were three exclamation marks in the actual title.

  “That’s quite a mouthful.” Jake’s eye twitched. The Green Avenger? No way. He looked at the drawing of the Green Avenger on the cover and was surprised that it did in fact resemble the kappa alien’s costume almost perfectly.

  “Dude…no way…” Jake hurriedly began to flip through the pages and saw that in the comic the Green Avenger could kick some serious ass using his martial arts skills, high tech gadgets, and inventions. He was also able to spit stuff at villains that looked like some kind of slippery, liquid goo or slime that the Green Avenger used to trip up the bad guys who were chasing after him. “This is pretty cool…how much is this thing?” Jake turned the comic around and his eyes bulged due to the price, which read: $45.00. “Forty five dollars?!” Jake exclaimed loudly. “What the hell…?!” Jake ran over to the Green Avenger to show him the comic book. “Dude…tell me what the deal is with this comic book? Is that really you? And why is this comic so damned expensive?”

  The Green Avenger blushed under his mask. “Ah, err, you see…yes, that’s really me and the comic is so expensive because it’s self-published. I wrote, illustrated, and published the comic myself. I know it’s not much, ah…” The Green Avenger trailed off in an embarrassed manner.

  But Jake was impressed and his eyes sparkled. “You actually drew this comic book? Wow…the illustrations, character designs, and backgrounds are actually really professionally drawn. It’s really high quality. I’m surprised you couldn’t get it published with a real publishing house.”

  “Really?” The Green Avenger had a hopeful look on his face.

  “Although the plot itself is cliché and predictable. And it’s not very believable that this lanky guy is a babe magnet…they never even get to see his face. Why would all the ladies be swooning after him?” Jake thought he should point out.

  The Green Avenger hung his head, dejected.

  “But it’s really cool nonetheless. So, you like comics too? Well, I guess you’d have to since you decided to be a superhero…” Jake trailed off beginning to sound excited.

  The Green Avenger looked up and gave Jake a lopsided grin as he nodded. “Yea.” He could tell that comic books were something that Jake-san seemed to be really passionate about.

  The boys began to discuss all of their favorite comics and comic book characters. Ah, male bonding. “My comic has a small cult following…” The Green Avenger revealed proudly as he took out a mini laptop, flipped it open and began to connect to the Internet via WiFi. “Stand back so you don’t make my laptop explode. I’ll bring up the comic book’s website so I can show it to you. Damn, if I wasn’t so poor I’d get myself one of those fembot computers, maybe even an android computer though those are even more expensive. Some of those androids can be really hot.” The Green Avenger said shyly and looked nervously out of the corner of his eyes for Jake’s reaction. Not everyone accepted such comments about A.I.

  Jake thought about Ultraviolet and grinned goofily. “Yea…they can be really hot…” He agreed immediately.

  The Green Avenger let out a breath of relief, glad that Jake hadn’t judged him for his android fetish and brought the comic book’s website up on screen. The Green Avenger then began to navigate around the site so that Jake could check it out without having to touch his laptop. Jake noticed a section that was labeled ‘videos’ that looked interesting.

  “What’s in the video section, Green?” Jake asked the Green Avenger curiously.

  “Ah~ videos of my heroic exploits in real life, of course!” He quickly clicked on the ‘videos’ button and several YouTube videos popped up. “Like this time I saved this woman’s cat…” The Green Avenger clicked open the video and it began to play on screen.

  Jake watched as the Green Avenger began to climb a tree to get to a cat that was sitting on a high branch. The cat clawed at the Green Avenger’s face as soon as he got too close and once the Green Avenger finally managed to grab the cat he ended up falling right out of the tree where he hit the ground with a painful sounding THWACK. Jake cri
nged. Ow. That had to hurt. He was having sympathy pains. He was slightly impressed though as he continued to watch when he saw that the Green Avenger quickly stood up as if nothing had happened to him and struck a heroic pose with the cat in his grasp while trying to look cool for the camera.

  Jake burst out laughing. The effect may have worked if it hadn’t been for the leaves stuck to his bodysuit or the visible tears on his costume from the cat’s razor-sharp claws. With blood gushing down the side of his head he handed the cat back to a worried looking, little old lady who had been waiting close by on the sidewalk.

  “Dude…you fell.” Jake felt the need to point out. “Lame.” Jake finished in a singsong voice.

  “No, I didn’t!” The Green Avenger burst out, aghast. “I did that on purpose. That was me jumping out of the tree, not falling, and that was my special landing.”

  “Uh huh.” Jake spotted another video labeled ‘ass whopping’. “Hey, what’s that?”

  “Hmmm I don’t know…” The Green Avenger frowned suddenly. “It’s a member posted video.” The Green Avenger clicked on it and the video began to play:

  The Flip Video was of a teenaged girl, who was being cornered in a dark alley by some cyborgs. On the ground were the unconscious bodies of several New York Police officers. But then the Green Avenger suddenly appeared and demanded that they leave the girl alone. The cyborgs approached him and he spit some slippery goop at their feet so that they all slipped and fell flat on their faces. The Green Avenger grabbed onto the girl’s wrist and quickly ran with her out of the alley. He then ran back to the alleyway and blocked the exit so that the cyborgs would have to go through him first before being able to pursue the girl. The high school girl didn’t look back as she ran down the sidewalk.

  Jake held his breath as he watched the Green Avenger blocking the exit with his body and as the Green Avenger raised his fists before him, prepared to actually fight those scary looking cyborgs. Jake was impressed, the Green Avenger was brave standing up to those guys. Jake would have run a long time ago. Jake licked his lips as he leaned forward, closer to the screen, ready to watch the Green Avenger kick some serious ass.

  The Green Avenger swung his fist at one of the cyborgs - and missed spectacularly. The cyborgs turned to look at each other with amused expressions on their faces before they began to laugh menacingly. They cracked their knuckles before approaching the Green Avenger, who even though Jake could see his legs were trembling continued to stand his ground.

  “Shit…” Jake muttered as he watched the video. “Why didn’t you just run away…I would have just run away…”

  And then the cyborgs grabbed the Green Avenger and proceeded to beat the SHIT out of him. BAM! POW! KA-POW! Jake flinched and cringed and was again having sympathy pains. “Ooo~ owww…damn. That had to hurt…” Jake turned to give the Green Avenger an incredulous look. “Dude. Why didn’t you just run away?”

  The Green Avenger puffed out his chest. “A true superhero never runs away from a villain. That would be cowardly.”

  Jake frowned at that. “So what? You could have been killed! You could have died!” Jake argued.

  “So?” The Green Avenger shot back, beginning to sound angry. “I’m a superhero Jake. Fighting evil villains is what I do.” The Green Avenger crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Yea, right…more like you let your ass get kicked by the evil villains and for what?” Jake argued while giving the Green Avenger a skeptical look.

  The Green Avenger’s attention was on the screen once again. The video had a single comment left from an anonymous visitor. ‘Thank you.’ It simply read. The Green Avenger smiled to himself. That simple thank you made all those punches and kicks he had taken all worth it. “You just don’t get it.” The Green Avenger challenged with a strange smile on his face.

  “Yea…you’re right. I don’t.” Jake frowned at the green superhero. “So why ‘The Green Avenger’? Superheroes with ‘green’ in their name is a bit over done, don’t you think? I mean there’s already the Green Hornet, the Green Lantern, the Green Arrow and the villain the Green Goblin.”

  “Bro…don’t dis the classics. Obviously they were all very smart to chose their names because there is just something cool about the word ‘green’ and the color too.” The Green Avenger nodded knowingly to himself.

  “Pfft.” Jake snorted. “What’s wrong with the word ‘red’ for instance. You would have been the Red Avenger.”

  “Jake, Jake, Jake…” The Green Avenger shook his head at Jake and gave him a pitying look. “Red is a villain color.”

  Jake raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Then what about Iron Man or Hellboy, huh?”

  The Green Avenger’s eye twitched. “Uh…no comment…”

  A few hours later, Quentin returned and the three of them continued to watch the store together. Jake even got to help out a few customers, and didn’t blow anything up - all in all it had been a perfect day, until:

  The bell above the entrance door jingled when five men dressed sinisterly in black suits with dark Ray-Ban wayfarer sunglasses on their faces entered the comic book store.

  “Wel-” Quentin’s words died on his tongue as he caught sight of who had just entered the store, and he gulped.

  “Mr. Quark. I hope that today you have the money that you owe us…” One of the men, who had a dark goatee, stepped forward and gave Quentin a scrutinizing look while rubbing his hands together expectantly.

  Quentin suddenly looked nervous and wrung his hands together. Jake noticed he was sweating bullets and to Jake’s horror he saw the fox alien’s tail pop out into existence behind him. Uh oh. So not good. “I, err, if you could please just give me a little more time…”

  “Time?” Goatee drawled, “You’ve had more than enough time to pay back the loan you took to keep this pathetic little store running. It’s like you don’t know how to make sales, old man.” Goatee picked up a comic book and gave it a disgusted look before tossing it aside.

  “Ah, it’s because of the recession my sales have slowed down…high school kids don’t have as much money to spend here these days.” Quentin hastily began to explain, hoping to appeal to the loan shark. “It’s greatly affected our business but…I’m sure we’ll pull through. December is just a few months away. If only you could give us more time…” Quentin gave the loan shark a beseeching look.

  But the loan shark’s expression remained as cold as ice. “You have until tomorrow to pay me back the money you owe me or I’ll have to get the money from you some other way…” Suddenly a vicious smile formed on the man’s face. “It’s a real shame about Quinn. We could have put him to work for us.” Goatee laughed evilly. “But I suppose if we harvest your internal organs we might be able to come up with what we need.” The loan shark raised his hand and Jake watched in horror as a gigantic dagger erupted from the palm of his hand.

  Jake’s eyes widened. He’s a cyborg!

  The loan shark approached Quentin and ran his dagger over the frightened man’s chest. “And if your organs aren’t enough we’ll harvest the organs from your little wife too…got it?”

  “I…I…yes, I understand…” Quentin wrung his hands together. “So please…”

  The loan shark laughed as he pulled back the dagger. “Until tomorrow Mr. Quark. You had better have my money or else. Let’s go boys.”

  “Right boss.” The other loan sharks responded gruffly.

  The Green Avenger was pissed, and had his fists clenched at his sides. “Damned cyborg loan sharks…shit, someone should teach them a lesson. I’m going after them!” The Green Avenger declared and headed for the door.

  “Ack!” Jake reached out and grabbed his shoulder in order to stop him. “Where do you think you’re going?! You’re no match for those guys! You’ll just get your ass kicked and Mr. Quark might get punished for your actions. Do you want to cause Mr. Quark trouble, Green?”

  The Green Avenger turned around and looked conflicted. “No
…” He began in a frustrated tone.

  Jake let go of his shoulder and turned to face Mr. Quark. “Old man, what do you intend to do?”

  Quentin had a pair of fuzzy brown ears now to go with his tail, he was so nervous. “I…I don’t know.” Quentin put his head in the palms of his hands and sighed heavily. “I knew it was stupid to borrow money from them. They work for the Noppera-bō Gang…the very same gang that is responsible for my son’s disappearance. But…the recession has hit our business hard. We couldn’t pay our rent and I needed a loan. None of the banks would give me a loan either…for some reason. And then I remembered about these guys…maybe if I could somehow sell the business but…I would need a buyer…and no one has that kind of money right now…I’m doomed…” Quentin sunk to his knees as his strength suddenly left him.

  Jake frowned at the broken man. What the Quarks needed was a superhero. A real superhero. He, on the other hand, couldn’t do jack shit to help the Quarks. He was completely useless…

  Jake was angry and frustrated. He felt powerless but at the same time he was afraid of those scary lone sharks. They weren’t even normal scary loan sharks but cyborg loan sharks! It couldn’t get any worse.

  Jake told Mr. Quark to go home and that he would watch the store with Green until closing time. Jake walked behind the counter and banged his head against the counter repeatedly. This totally sucks! His sweet ass job was about to be ripped away from him. He sighed. He should have expected this. Good things never last forever. He knew deep down that there had been something fishy with his current luck and happiness. Of course, it hadn’t been destined to last. Jake was not surprised. He should have expected this. Happiness had become such a foreign feeling that he almost hadn’t recognized it. But things were already returning back to normal. His happiness would be snatched away from him very soon.

  And once again Jake Lonestar would just watch from the sidelines and do nothing as it happened because Jake Lonestar was a lazy coward.

  The Green Avenger gave Jake a concerned look but was at a loss for words. After 6 PM rolled around the two boys closed the comic book store and headed back to Brooklyn Prime in a depressed silence. The Green Avenger walked Jake to the tanuki aliens’ house and dropped him off.

  “Night Jake-san.” The Green Avenger said in a listless tone.

  “Night…” Jake replied back, just as lack-luster, before opening the door to the tanuki’s house. Jake walked inside and the smell of fried fish and mashed potatoes wafted to his nose. “Mmmm that smells really good Mrs. Quark!” Jake declared, grinning from ear-to-ear as he entered the tiny dwelling and closed the door behind him.

  A blush spread across Mrs. Quark’s cheeks as she continued to stir the garlic mashed potatoes at the stove. “Oh no, it will probably be just sufficient.” And poof! she turned into a tanuki since she had been so pleased by his praise and embarrassed by it.

  Jake chuckled. He looked over to see Mr. Quark silently sitting at the table while reading a newspaper, and trying to appear calm and at ease. But Jake noticed that the newspaper he was reading was upside down. Fail.

  These tanuki aliens…these people…had been so kind to him. They had taken him in, no questions asked, fed him, given him shelter, a roof over his head, food, and a place to sleep. He owed them.

  I’m no superhero but I won’t let anything happen to these kind people. I won’t let the people I care about be taken away from me right in front of my eyes again. This time I’ll make it clear and say: Take me instead. Jake silently vowed to himself.

  Jake ate a peaceful dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Quark. It reminded him with a pang how family dinners at the Lonestar Ranch had used to be. After dinner Jake went to lay down on the couch so that he could sleep and stared up at the tin roof of the simple dwelling. He would have liked to help Mrs. Quark with the dishes, but he knew he’d have ended up breaking them.

  Once Jake was sure that Mr. and Mrs. Quark were fast asleep in their shared bed Jake stood up and walked over to pick up the framed family photograph of the Quarks that was sitting on the kitchen cupboard. Jake looked down at Quinn and frowned. These kind people have suffered enough. I may be a lazy coward but there’s something that even I should be able to do…