How to Dork Your Diary
Page 2
NOOOOO!!
It was NOT my diary!
I needed ANOTHER geometry book like I needed a hole in the head. Heck, I didn’t understand the math problems in the book I already had.
“Um, thanks. But this ISN’T my book,” I muttered, and handed it back to Mrs. Pearson.
“Well, take a look in the lost and found box. There’s a chance it could be in there,” she said encouragingly.
I closed my eyes and prayed it would be there.
Please let my diary be in the lost and found!
Please let my diary be in the lost and found!
Please let my diary be in the lost and found!
Then I sighed and walked over to a large cardboard box sitting in a corner.
I slowly opened it and carefully went through each and every item.…
ME, SEARCHING FOR MY DIARY
AMONG ALL THE VERY WEIRD ITEMS IN
THE LOST AND FOUND
But unfortunately, it was NOT in there.
I bit my lip and tried to blink back my tears.
“Don’t worry, dear. It’s bound to turn up later today,” Mrs. Pearson said, trying to make me feel better. “And to make sure we find it, I’m going to post a note alerting all my student office assistants to keep an eye out for a book belonging to Nikki Maxwell! Okay?”
That’s when my knees got weak and my stomach felt so queasy I thought I was going to throw up.
But it WASN’T because of the moldy bologna sandwich.
Or the dirty ortho retainer.
Or the matted hair extension (which was quite disgusting in a peculiar sort of way).
I suddenly realized my little diary problem was probably going to get a lot WORSE before it got better.
WHY?!
Because JESSICA HUNTER is a student OFFICE ASSISTANT!
And Jessica’s BFF is MACKENZIE HOLLISTER!
And everyone knows that MacKenzie Hollister
HATES MY GUTS!!
Even if at some point my diary IS turned in to the lost and found, there’s a VERY good chance MacKenzie is going to intercept it, read it, and then plaster pages around the school—just to make my life more miserable than it already is. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
Except rush straight to the girls’ bathroom and have a massive mental meltdown.…
AAAAAAHHH!!
(That was me screaming. AGAIN!)
NOTE TO SELF
WARNING:
Unfortunately, parents, bratty kid sisters and brothers, friends, enemies, and even total strangers LOVE to read diaries that do NOT belong to them.
HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #4
NEVER, EVER LEAVE
YOUR DIARY WHERE
A NOSY CREEP CAN
SNEAK A PEEK!
If someone caught you writing in your diary, what would you say to trick them? Write four different responses below:
Never let anyone tell you that keeping a diary is a silly or childish thing to do. Reflecting on your feelings and experiences is actually a very mature activity. If someone said something rude about you having a diary, what would your response be?
How would you disguise your diary? Draw phony book covers on the next two pages:
PHONY BOOK COVER #1
PHONY BOOK COVER #2
ENGLISH CLASS, 8:00 A.M.
I was completely out of breath by the time I arrived at my first class.
I frantically checked around my desk, on the counters, and on the bookshelves. But there was no sign of my diary ! I was like, JUST GREAT!
I collapsed into my seat, closed my eyes, and massaged my temples, trying to replay yesterday’s events in my mind.
If I had somehow lost my diary, WHO would have been around me to find it? I suspiciously eyeballed all the potential suspects in my classroom.
That’s when I remembered that Chloe walked with me to class yesterday. As usual, she was raving nonstop about the latest novel she’d just finished. It was called …
“OMG, Nikki! It is the BEST book EVER! I could NOT stop reading it.
“This talented artist is obsessed with drawing this supercute guy she had made up in her mind. Then one day he shows up at her school as a new student. And he can read her thoughts.
“The doodle dude seems really nice until her crush, Hunk Finn, an even cuter guy in her art class, sketches her for a class project and shares a double-fudge chocolate cupcake with her.
“When Doodle Dude starts acting scary jealous, the artist decides she has no choice but to secretly erase all her drawings to get rid of him.
“Then she totally freaks out when Doodle Dude steals ALL her erasers so she can’t erase him. And then he starts eating paper to gain superpowers and immortality.
“Nikki, since you’re an artist too, I think you’re gonna LOVE it!”
I was like, “Um, thanks, Chloe. Can’t wait!”
Then she handed me her Deadly Doodle Dude book, and I unzipped my backpack and stuck it inside.
That was probably when my diary accidentally fell out.…
AND CHLOE FOUND IT ?!
I have to admit, Chloe is hopelessly obsessed with romance novels.
And she’ll read just about ANYTHING. Soup can labels. Lip gloss tubes.
What if she picked up my DIARY, read it, and LOVED, LOVED, LOVED all the wacky drama?!
I know this might sound really crazy …! But what if Chloe actually turned my very private, dorky tales of WOE into a bestselling book series?!
AND a blockbuster Hollywood movie?!
Without even telling me?!!
I’d probably NEVER, EVER get over it. My life would be totally RUINED.
And then, many years later, Chloe and I might just happen to see each other on the street.…
Hey, it could happen! Why is my life so hopelessly CRUDDY?!
NOTE TO SELF
Keeping a diary isn’t just about describing what kind of person you are. It’s also about DISCOVERING what kind of person you are.
That’s why it’s important to dig deep and examine your thoughts and feelings. Be very comfortable with writing about YOU!
HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #5
IT’S ALL ABOUT
ME, MYSELF, AND I.
If you can answer each and every one of the following questions, you’ll be on your way to keeping an AWESOME diary.
What makes you really happy?
What makes you really sad?
What’s your biggest life accomplishment?
What are you most proud of?
What’s your biggest embarrassment?
What’s your biggest fear?
Who’s your biggest hero?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What are three of your favorite TV shows?
What are three of your favorite movies?
Who are three of your favorite pop stars?
What are three of your favorite books?
What are three of your favorite songs?
What’s your favorite food?
What’s your least favorite food?
Who’s your best friend in the world?
Who are you hopelessly crushing on?
Where do you like to hang out?
FRENCH CLASS, 9:50 A.M.
HELP!! Today is turning into the WORST day EVER!
Right before French class I decided to search all the girls’ bathrooms for my missing diary.
And guess who I ran into?!
HINT: She was looking in the mirror, slathering on seventeen layers of Fluorescent Candy Apple Bliss lip gloss.
You guessed it!
MACKENZIE HOLLISTER!!
And get this! She was actually NICE to me.
Which, of course, made me SUPERsuspicious.
Especially when she bumped into me and then tried to act all innocent and apologetic, like the whole thing was just an accident.
“Oopsie! I just bumped into you, Nikki. But it was totally an accident. Sorry! I hope you’ll accept my apology. By the way, does this l
ip gloss match my shoes?”
I could NOT believe my ears. How dare MacKenzie apologize for being a clumsy ox AND ask me for fashion advice, all in the same breath! Where did that girl learn her manners? Doggie obedience school? I’m just sayin’!
Anyway, as soon as I left the bathroom, I noticed everyone in the hall was pointing and laughing at me.
And I didn’t have the slightest idea why.
Well, SURPRISE,
SURPRISE!
MacKenzie had given me a little, um, PRESENT.…
ME, BEING PUBLICLY HUMILIATED BY MACKENZIE’S LITTLE PRANK
When I saw her again in French class, I had to restrain myself from sneaking off to the girls’ bathroom to borrow a roll of toilet paper.
WHY?
Because a very dark and evil side of me wanted to TP her butt right there in the middle of class.
Anyway, I was a little surprised when she sashayed over to my desk.
“I heard from a very reliable source that you lost your little diary. It would be horrible if all your secrets got out. So I have some important news for you!”
My mouth dropped open and my heart skipped a beat. OMG!! MacKenzie knew my diary was missing?!
Had she found out from Jessica ALREADY? My worst NIGHTMARE was coming true!
And I had a really bad feeling about her news.
“Actually, MacKenzie, it would be news to me if, for once, you DIDN’T stick YOUR nose in MY personal business.”
That’s when she stared right at me with her icy blue eyes.
She glared at me, stuck her nose in the air, and then sashayed back to her desk.
I just HATE it when MacKenzie sashays!
But now I have just TWO nagging questions:
1. WILL SHE FIND MY DIARY BEFORE I DO?
2. IF SHE DOES, WHAT EVIL, CRUEL, AND DIABOLICAL PLAN DOES SHE HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? !!
It‘s hard to concentrate on my French lesson with MacKenzie eyeballing me all evil-like from across the room.
I swear! That girl is going to be really sorry when
Did I just see Max the Roach on a … LEASH?!
Okay, I give up!
There is no question about it.…
I’M DOOMED!! !!
NOTE TO SELF
You never know if your diary might fall into the wrong hands. Just in case, make sure you have codes that only YOU understand!
HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #6
WHEN NECESSARY,
GO INTO SECRET-
CODE MODE.
Chloe and Zoey and I always talk about the CCP (Cute, Cool & Popular) crowd and GGG-ing (giggling, gossiping, and glossing). Make a list of codes you and your friends have and what they all mean.
You could also come up with new meanings for these abbreviations, and then no one will be able to crack your code!
WCD = Westchester Country Day OR World-Class Dork OR:
LOL = Laughing Out Loud OR Laughing Obnoxiously Loud OR:
BRB = Be Right Back OR Busy Rescuing Batman OR:
BTW = By the Way OR:
OMG = Oh My God OR:
CCP = Cute, Cool & Popular OR:
RCS = Roller-Coaster Syndrome OR:
TTYL = Talk to You Later OR:
JK = Just Kidding OR:
NOTE TO SELF
Although you’ll spend a lot of time writing in your diary, you can also express yourself through art. Try adding DRAWINGS, DOODLES, CARTOONS, and COMIC STRIPS. They can be serious, artsy, emo, or just plain silly. If you’re a supertalented artist, create a masterpiece. Or try drawing simple stick people. Or trace your hand and make it into a turkey like you did back in kindergarten. Just have FUN!
HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #7
RELEASE YOUR
INNER ARTIST!
Here is a four-panel comic strip called “My Diary Drama.” (A panel is just another name for the box the artwork is placed inside.)
Now you’re going to make your own four-panel comic strip! But before you get started, plan what it is going to be about.
My comic strip is called:
PANEL 1
Panel 1 will contain a picture of:
The characters are saying:
PANEL 2
Panel 2 will contain a picture of:
The characters are saying:
PANEL 3
Panel 3 will contain a picture of:
The characters are saying:
PANEL 4
Panel 4 will contain a picture of:
The characters are saying:
Now you’re ready to draw your own comic strip in the space provided. Have fun !
SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS, 10:47 A.M.
I’m beginning to think my situation is HOPELESS!
I’ve checked all the halls, the library, and the cafeteria. AND I just scoured my social studies classroom.
But still no trace of my diary !!
That’s when I started wondering if maybe someone picked it up by accident.
Who, other than Chloe, did I come in close contact with yesterday?
Well, that’s a no-brainer! The answer is … ZOEY!!
As library shelving assistants, Chloe, Zoey, and I go to the library during study hall. We gather up all the library books and place them back on their proper shelves.
I have to admit, I don’t exactly remember whether or not I even had my diary in the library yesterday. But what if I DID …?!
OMG! What if Zoey accidentally grabbed my diary while she was gathering that huge stack of books?
And what if while she was putting them back on the shelves, she found my diary and READ IT?! She’d have enough drama to launch her own TV talk show.…
Right now I’m so utterly frustrated, I feel like crying.
But mostly I have this very sick feeling deep down in my gut that I’ll probably never see my diary again.
I can’t believe this is happening to me!
!!
NOTE TO SELF
A diary can be a great place to figure out your future goals in life. Make some of them short-term goals that you can achieve in a month or less. And make some of them long-term goals that may take a year or more to achieve.
Remember to keep track of the ones you’ve accomplished and set exciting new ones.
HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #8
DARE TO DREAM
ABOUT YOUR
FUTURE!
List three things you’d like to accomplish.
Tomorrow:
Next week:
Next month:
Next year:
GYM CLASS, 11:45 A.M.
I had barely gotten out onto the gym floor when both Chloe and Zoey came rushing over.
“Hey, Nikki!” Chloe said, looking a bit worried. “We waited for you by your locker this morning, and again after second period. We started thinking maybe you were at home sick or something.”
“Yeah, we’re glad to see you,” said Zoey. “Although, to be honest, you DO look a little down today. Are you okay?” she asked, giving me a big hug.
I do NOT deserve friends like Chloe and Zoey!
Why did I EVER suspect that my BFFs would find my diary, read it, and then share it with the entire world? I could trust them with my LIFE!
A wave of guilt washed over me. That’s when I decided to tell Chloe and Zoey what happened.
I lowered my voice to barely a whisper.
YOU LOST YOUR DIARY?!
I could NOT believe Chloe and Zoey just screamed it out loud in front of the ENTIRE gym class like that!
EVERYONE heard it and started staring at us.
“SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”
I whisper-shouted. “I was hoping to keep it a secret! BTW, did I mention that MacKenzie knows my diary is missing? She’s looking for it too.”
“Not good!” Chloe said, scrunching up her face like she smelled something really bad.
“Well, girlfriends, I guess that just means WE have to find it before Miss Thang does!” Zoey said, putting her hands on her hips.
“Yeah! And MacKenzie and her CCPs are no match for the three of us! Right?” Chloe said, giving me jazz hands.
I was so overcome with emotion, I started to choke up right in the middle of my jumping jacks.
If my diary is anywhere in this school, my BFFs, Chloe and Zoey, are definitely the ones to help me find it.
Maybe things aren’t so hopeless after all.
!!
NOTE TO SELF
Your diary is a good place to remind yourself that things aren’t always as bad as you think. You can use it to plan exciting events and fun activities. Feeling down?
Cheer yourself up by throwing a party and inviting all your friends!
HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #9
DON’T BE A PARTY
POOPER! HAVE FUN
CELEBRATING YOU!
Complete the following exercise:
IT’S MY PARTY!!