Pregnant with the Boss's Baby

by Sue MacKay

  I’m not falling in love with Tamara.

  No, he wasn’t. Spending more time with her had grown on him, and not to discuss nappies and baby formula. Was that love? Creeping in to bang him around the skull now that he had no excuse to keep his distance? He was going to be a parent regardless of his family history so why not pursue the other half of that picture? The mother of his child. Tam. The woman who’d had him aiming to move to another country because she’d woven a spell around him when he hadn’t thought it possible.

  Because it still wasn’t. Or was it? Spending time together might resolve some of the dread lurking in his head. Might displace the fear of hurting Tamara if his family history roared into life and left her alone with their child.

  * * *

  ‘I’ll have the lamb dhansak.’ Tamara looked up at the waitress. ‘Hot.’

  The only way to eat curry. She shrugged out of her faded denim jacket and dropped it on the back of her chair. It had seen too many wears, the threads barely holding together at the elbows. But, hey, it matched her scuffed ballet shoes.

  ‘Butter chicken, mild, for me,’ Conor ordered, before asking her, ‘You don’t worry all that chilli might upset junior?’

  ‘He’ll probably come out with a taste for spices, which would be great.’

  ‘Where does this enjoyment of Indian food come from?’

  ‘I had a friend at school, Savita, and I spent many weekends at her house.’ Until Sav’s family had packed up and moved to Melbourne for family reasons. ‘At first I wouldn’t eat anything except naan bread but Mrs Kesry was very patient and drip-fed me spicy food, increasing the chilli slowly, until the day came when I could eat whatever Savita ate.’

  ‘You’ll need to be as patient with me.’

  ‘We’re going to spend that much time together?’ Did she want to? Absolutely. When she wasn’t feeling uncertain about him she wanted nothing more than to be with Conor. They’d spent three nights in a row together and were still on friendly terms. Had to be a good start.

  ‘We’re going to be parents. Don’t they have a lot to discuss and share and enjoy together?’

  ‘You’re giving back my comments from yesterday.’ She liked that. They were on the same page for tonight. ‘Right, curry training starts now.’

  ‘You’re not going to change my order?’

  ‘I have the power.’ She laughed. It felt good to laugh. Something she did more often when around Conor. He was good for her. When she wasn’t doubting herself.

  ‘Please, please, don’t be harsh on me. I’ll tell junior in years to come how cruel his mother can be.’

  Junior. His mother. Tamara folded her hands in her lap and took a big breath. ‘Do you want to find out if junior is a boy? I should be seeing the midwife anyway and he’s going to suggest a scan.’

  ‘He? A male midwife?’ Conor’s eyelids were doing some rapid movements.

  ‘You didn’t know there’s such a creature?’ she teased.

  ‘Yes, of course I do. Just hadn’t considered it.’ He shifted in his chair.

  ‘So I’ll make an appointment with him?’

  ‘If it’s a boy, you’re going to be outnumbered right from the start.’

  ‘That’s a yes, then.’ Tamara tapped in a reminder on her phone. Not that she was likely to forget but best to cover all contingencies.

  ‘Are you intending to continue living in the flat once the baby is born?’

  So he wasn’t offering to set up home with her. ‘I don’t have anywhere else to go. Besides, I like it there. It’s not flash or big but I’m comfortable.’ There wasn’t money to rent a house. The money she’d put aside for next year at university would be used for her current level of rent, and all the other things to buy, such as a cot, pram and change table, a car that would be safe for a baby. That was only the beginning. She had no doubt the list would be endless over the coming years.

  ‘Fair enough.’ Conor sipped his water, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

  ‘What?’ Was he about to lob a bomb? Make demands she wouldn’t accept? Because it was his child? ‘What?’ she demanded again in a higher pitch.

  Draining the glass, he set it down with precision then lifted his gaze to her. ‘My role as a father.’

  Here we go. Tamara’s stomach tightened, as though holding baby closer. As she waited to be slammed, her breath caught in her lungs.

  ‘I want a part in my child’s life.’

  ‘I expected that, and want it too.’

  ‘You sound wary.’

  ‘Not at all,’ she fibbed.

  ‘Oh, hell, I’m worrying you sick, aren’t I? You’ve warned me about your lack-of-trust issues and I’m walking all over them.’ Conor leaned closer. ‘I’m trying to start a discussion about how we’re going to manage parenting from two different homes, and, if I stick to my plans, from two different countries, unless you come with me.’

  That stalled breath limped across her lips as she accepted his explanation for what it appeared to be. ‘I don’t have to stay in Auckland.’

  ‘I don’t have to move to Sydney.’ His head jerked back as though he’d just shocked himself. ‘I haven’t had my final interview yet. It’s been put back for another two weeks as one of the doctors involved had to take an urgent trip to New York. I’m one of two they’re considering so if I pull out they’ll save time and expense.’

  ‘If you really want the job, then go.’ She hesitated, straightened her spine mentally and physically, and stepped into the abyss. ‘I can join you over there. I’d get a job easily enough, I imagine.’

  ‘You’d do that?’

  Hadn’t she just said so? ‘I’m not suggesting we live together. I wouldn’t ask that of you.’

  Male pride flipped into his face. ‘Why not? We get on okay. Or don’t you agree?’

  Embarrassment flooded her. ‘I meant I wasn’t proposing a couple-type relationship.’

  Proposing? Tamara Washington, wash your mouth out. ‘We could share accommodation and the baby.’

  ‘She wounds so easily.’ He hadn’t quite banished the wounded-pride look but it was lifting.

  The heat in her cheeks heightened to an inferno. ‘This isn’t easy for me,’ Tamara muttered, wishing the floor would open beneath her.

  ‘Seems to me you’re doing great.’ Conor refilled their glasses with iced water. ‘You only said what I was getting around to in a haphazard kind of way. Sharing an apartment or house is a good solution to joint parenting. I don’t mind if we share a bedroom too. I mean...’ he shrugged ‘...we do get along in that department. Very well, in my view.’

  Okay, floor, hold that opening for a moment. ‘You want to live with me and our baby? As in a couple kind of relationship?’ Was that what she wanted?

  ‘Why the surprise?’

  ‘It never occurred to me. You have a busy social life and I’m sure I wasn’t the first woman you took back to your apartment after a night on the town. A baby. And me. We’d cramp your style.’ What a good idea. The thought of Conor with another woman didn’t sit comfortably.

  He had the cheek to laugh. ‘You think? You were the only woman in my apartment, in my bed, and before you suggest I’ve got a problem I probably have, just not the one you’re thinking.’

  She hadn’t been thinking. It was too hard, and confusing. But tension backed off as his words hit home. She’d been the last woman he’d made love with. Yes! Slow down. It was too soon to be getting excited. She wasn’t completely convinced she could trust her judgement yet.

  He continued. ‘We had a wonderful night together and it started me wondering if I was missing out on something. Then I’d remind myself of my pledge never to marry.’

  ‘Is that why you left Ireland? There was someone you were serious about?’ She’d walk away now if that was the case.r />
  ‘I left because every time I was with my sisters and their families, the pain of what I couldn’t have overwhelmed me. I wanted it so badly, yet asking someone to take that risk with me was impossible.’

  ‘You chose not to marry because of what happened to your brother and dad. Why couldn’t you have gone with no children and still married?’

  ‘I couldn’t ask a woman to give up having a family for me.’ He even had a smile on that gorgeous mouth.

  But since she’d got pregnant with his baby, he could ask her to join him because it was all too late. She was the soft option. He’d have the child he longed for and a woman who knew the score and couldn’t walk away because of that child. Thanks a million. Tamara’s heart sank. She definitely needed to delve further into what made Conor tick.

  Conor was watching her as he forked up a mouthful of butter chicken and rice. ‘One week at a time, Tamara.’

  One week? One day was difficult enough. Tamara tried following his example with her meal but swallowing became impossible as she waited for what he’d say next.

  Finally he put the fork down. ‘That’s seriously delicious.’

  Her throat opened and her food went down—without the enjoyment factor. What was going on? Was Conor toying with her? Or, ‘Am I expecting too much of you?’

  ‘What do you want from me, Tamara?’ Conor’s query stilled the questions in her mind.

  ‘I didn’t know what you’d do about—’

  ‘The question is what do you want of me? When you knew you had to tell me about the baby, what were you expecting? A cash handout? A home? Me to walk away? To stay and support you? What?’

  The truth and only the truth. Not that she’d worked everything out, but she would start as of now. ‘Firstly, your support.’ She drew a tick in the air. ‘Got it in spades.’

  ‘Yes, you have.’

  ‘Secondly, that you’ll always be there for your child, that he’d grow up knowing you, having you in his life for real and not a phone call or email away.’

  ‘You even doubted that?’ he growled.

  ‘A little.’ His face didn’t lighten up. ‘How was I to know? You were planning on moving to Australia, often commented about how settling down wasn’t for you when others at work talked about buying a house or moving in with a partner. I didn’t know why you move around. Now I wonder if you’re aware of what you’re getting into, how it’s going to cramp your style.’

  ‘I applied for that position in Sydney because I was starting to feel close to you. I had to put space between us, forget you.’

  This guy was good at curve balls. She waited for her heart to stop the tap dance it was doing before saying, ‘So you’re open to settling down somewhere.’ She wouldn’t delve into what else he’d implied. Too tricky when she was trying to be level-headed.

  ‘Yes. Believe me when I say I take this seriously and my son or daughter will always be a major part of my life, regardless of what you and I decide to do about a relationship.’

  Her forefinger traced another tick. ‘Thank you.’

  Shifting his butt and draping his arm over the back of the chair, Conor nodded. ‘Carry on.’

  ‘I’d like the happy family scene if at all possible. I grew up safe and happy. Dad adored me, spoilt me rotten. Not so sure about my mum, though.’

  Mum, you need to know I’m pregnant. There are so many things I want to tell you. Neither should you miss out on anything to do with your grandchild.

  Conor nodded. ‘Family is most important. Losing my dad was horrific, and I was a lost wee soul until the man who became my stepdad came along.’

  ‘How do we make it work? It’s not like we’re in a relationship already.’ They barely knew each other outside work and bed.

  Now he locked his gaze on her. ‘Look at how we’re dealing with this. We know each other professionally, got on very well the night we spent at my apartment and the world didn’t implode when you told me about the pregnancy. I reckon we’re off to a better start than some.’

  ‘You make it sound straightforward.’ The warning bells were tolling. Was she being sucked in again?

  ‘I don’t mean to, and yet in a way I do.’ He pushed his now empty plate aside, and reached for her hand. ‘I want this, Tamara. More than anything. You, me and the baby. I’ve been given an opportunity I never believed I’d have, and I want to make certain we get it right. It’s a chance for something special I don’t want to stuff up or lose.’

  Couldn’t be more blunt than that. This was about the baby and how to jointly make it work. Not about them and love and any of those crazy things. Which was fine, considering she couldn’t trust her heart either. ‘Sydney or Auckland?’ she asked.

  Conor looked a little shocked. No doubt the enormity of what they’d agreed to was only beginning to sink in. ‘Leave that to me for now.’

  Those alarm bells clanged harder. ‘A partnership, remember? You can’t cut me out of any decisions that involve me or the baby.’

  He winced. ‘It’s a work in progress, okay?’

  ‘Not good enough.’

  ‘You have to believe I’ll do the right thing by all of us, Tamara.’

  ‘The thing is...’ Oh, grow up. Take responsibility. Give the guy a break. He hadn’t put a foot wrong yet, but he also hadn’t made it easy for her about everything. ‘I do. Just don’t exclude me from decisions, okay?’

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CONOR BLINKED, THEN stared at the apparition walking into the department.

  Tamara in fitted scrubs. Scrubs that showcased the perfect figure wearing them. Wow. She looked stunning.

  Down, boyo. You’re at work.

  True. And if Tam knew what was in his mind she’d do the aloof thing all morning. But... A guy was allowed to dream, wasn’t he? It was the end of the week, and who knew what they might get up to in the weekend? ‘Morning, Tam.’

  She didn’t even bite. Just tightened her hands into fists as she walked towards him. ‘Hi.’

  Make-up. Her face was always beautiful. Today he was all out of words. Those deep brown eyes, accentuated with mascara and some other coloured goo, were bigger, brighter, more fall-into-them-looking. Her peaky cheeks had colour, her lips... How could he not have been aware they were so full? So luscious? It was going to be a very long day.

  Tam came around the end of the counter and stood in front of him. ‘You still on for four o’clock?’

  Blink. ‘Of course I am,’ he snapped. ‘Like I’d bail.’

  ‘I was thinking more that you might have to stay back to do paperwork or something.’

  At the end of most days he usually put in an hour behind his desk, trying to placate the paper gods upstairs. ‘Not today. Our—’

  She cut him off with a warning nod to the side. ‘Morning, guys.’

  The day crew had arrived all together. ‘Later.’ He gave Tam a curt nod. Damn but she looked beyond beautiful. Not even her permanent exhaustion was getting a look in this morning.

  A registrar from the previous shift filled them in on patients before heading away.

  Conor’s nostrils received a hit of spring flowers. Tamara stood beside him. He breathed deeper, enjoyed the scent, remembered her satin-like skin, and forced his body to behave.

  A gentle nudge from Tamara’s elbow.

  When he glanced sideways he fell into a huge smile.

  An almost imperceptible shake of her head. She knew what he was thinking?

  Then Michael stood up. ‘Hope everyone can join me at the local after work. It’s my birthday on Sunday so I’m shouting a few rounds.’

  ‘Sorry, but I’ve got an appointment at four.’ One he wouldn’t miss for anything. Excitement fizzed in his veins.

  ‘You can’t change it?’ Michael asked. ‘I know you won’t be drinking
since you’re running that race tomorrow but they sell water.’

  ‘No can do.’ Conor stared straight ahead, afraid of looking at Tamara in case everyone could read his thoughts.

  ‘You’re running in the morning?’ Annoyance slapped at him from the woman beside him.

  ‘A ten k run on the North Shore.’ It had never occurred to him to mention it.

  Michael asked, ‘What about you, Tamara?’

  ‘I’m not running anywhere.’

  ‘So you’ll be there for drinks.’ Michael laughed.

  ‘Sorry, but I can’t make it either.’ She sounded as if she’d like to cancel their appointment.

  ‘You both going to the same thing, by any chance?’ asked one of the older nurses with a hint of laughter in her voice.

  He looked at Tamara. Shall we tell them?

  She glared at him, then just as abruptly sighed and lifted her head a notch to nod. ‘I guess.’

  Reaching for her hand, Conor gave it a little squeeze. He’d had a reprieve and from now on would try harder to include her in everything. ‘Go on.’

  Best Tamara told them. She had expressed doubts over this only last night when they’d talked on the phone, but if she was ready then she needed to put it out there, let go of some of the things holding her back.

  Her fingers returned his squeeze. ‘We’re going to see a midwife and then I’m having a scan.’

  Delighted gasps echoed around the department. Hugs ensued.

  ‘Congratulations.’ Michael shook his hand. ‘You still should join us afterwards. We can have a double celebration.’