Holding Her Hero

by Amy Lamont

  “I’m not going anywhere until you give me a chance to say what I came to say.” She squared her shoulders and took a step closer to Mitch’s rigid body. “If you want me to leave after that, I’ll consider it.”

  Mitch’s jaw jumped with a small pulse and he looked briefly over his shoulder at his best friend.

  “I think you should hear the woman out.” Cal shrugged and picked up his hands, palms out, before letting them drop back to his side.

  “Is there somewhere private we can talk?” Mandy took one more step forward and put her hand on his forearm. Even as she worried about how he would react to her spilling her guts, she reveled in the hard, warm skin and muscles beneath her hand. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes. “Please?”

  Mitch’s jaw clenched and flexed again before his shoulders dropped slightly. “Fine. I’ll give you five minutes. And then you,” he flicked a glance at Cal, “can take her home.”

  Cal grinned easily and held his hands out in front of him. “Whatever you say, bro.”

  Mitch hitched his chin toward the small brick building on the edge of the helipad and started walking toward it at a fast clip, not looking back to see if she followed.

  A small spasm clenched her heart. Even before they’d gotten serious about each other, Mitch had been solicitous of her, guiding her with a hand on the small of her back or holding her hand.

  Her heartbeat picked up tempo when Mitch paused at the glass doors, holding one open and waiting for her to pass through. It was just what Mandy needed. Her Mitch was still here. And she was here to fight for him.

  * * *

  Mitch led her to a small, stark room. The brick walls were painted a creamy off-white. On one side was a long counter with a coffee maker and cups next to a refrigerator. The only furniture a long folding table with chairs tucked underneath that took up most of the room.

  Mitch pulled the door closed behind them and leaned against the counter, his arms folded over his chest. His gaze remained cool and distant.

  Mandy paced behind the line of chairs for a few seconds before stopping and grasping the back of one. Her knuckles turned white as she held on for dear life and silently prayed for the right words to get through to the hard man standing across from her.

  She cleared her throat and stared down at the faux wood grain of the table. She swallowed audibly, taking a deep breath.

  “I don’t have all day, Mandy.”

  Mandy. How often had he actually said her name? As soon as they started dating, she’d mostly been sweetheart to him, and all she could do was stand there and hope to convince him to give her another chance. Hope she’d hear him call her sweetheart again.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I’m just trying to think of the right words.”

  She lifted her eyes to him. He hadn’t moved from his position, his eyes still cold. “First, I owe you an apology.”

  “Fine. Apology accepted. We done here?” He straightened from the counter.

  His shortness with her brought her temper out. Part of her knew she deserved his treatment, but he’d promised to hear her out, and damn it, he was going to.

  “No, we’re not done here.” She marched around the table until there was only a foot of space between them. “Not by a long shot.”

  He raised an eyebrow and leaned back to rest against the counter again, the ticking in his jaw the only sign he felt more than he let on.

  “I know I was an idiot, okay? I spent the last two weeks sick with worry about you. I ended things because I thought it would make it easier, but—”

  Mitch barked out a humorless laugh. “Easier on who?”

  Her eyes squeezed shut. “On me,” she whispered.

  He turned away from her, bracing his hands on the counter. “Mandy, I get you feel sorry. I just don’t see the point in rehashing all this.”

  “The point…” She stopped to take a deep breath. “The point is I was wrong. And I would do anything to take it back.”

  His shoulders slumped and his head fell forward. “I think you were right.”

  “What?” Her voice came out on a breathless gasp.

  “I’m not going to lie. I was pissed when you broke up with me on the phone.” He looked over his shoulder at the last, spitting words out between clenched teeth, and she fought to remain strong when all she wanted was to cringe from the accusation in his voice. “But, after, I realized it was for the best. I saw your panic attack. How many times do you think I could put you through that?”

  She sighed and stepped up to him, reaching a hand out and letting it fall before making contact. “You wouldn’t be putting me through that,” she said softly.

  He spun at the sound of her voice at his shoulder. His face stayed expressionless, but his eyes were slightly less chilly. His gaze darted around the room for a moment, like he was searching for the fastest way out, before they came to rest on her face. He leaned back on his hands, as though he wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. She dropped her head and inhaled deeply, drinking in his heat and his scent.

  I missed him. God, how I missed him.

  She opened her eyes with a new resolve. “I realized some things while you were gone.”

  He raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

  “I realized the panic didn’t go away just because we weren’t together. Knowing you weren’t mine made it worse. And I realized I’ve been selfish. I was so worried about what I could lose, I didn’t think about what you needed.” Her lip trembled as she thought of the last few weeks and all she wanted to say to him. “I’m done with the panic attacks. I want to be the one who reminds you how much you have to come home to.”

  His hands went to his hips and he bent slightly at the waist. He shook his head and didn’t say anything for a few long minutes before he stood back to his full height.

  “You can’t just decide not to have more panic attacks, Mandy.” His voice had gentled from the stoic iciness, a little closer to the man she’d known up until the day she ended things over the phone. “And I can’t be the one to keep you living in constant fear.”

  “The only thing I’m afraid of is not having you in my life.” Her voice rasped out, pulled from her deepest recesses.

  He stared hard, his eyes digging into her, but only shook his head.

  “Mitch, I’m here. Look around you.” She gestured wildly with her arm. “Had you noticed how I avoided doing anything remotely related to the military before? I didn’t even let you talk about your day at work.”

  She turned away from him, unable to meet his eyes as she relived her behavior the weeks they were together. How had she not seen her selfishness? She claimed to love him, but she wanted him to hide the biggest part of himself from her. No wonder he could barely stand to be in the same room as her.

  “I noticed.”

  She turned and his words hung in the air between them, putting far more than a few measly steps between them. Had she ruined everything? Ruined it before they even had a chance to get started.

  Fight. Will’s voice whispered through her head. She looked around the room, the voice so real she couldn’t imagine someone else wasn’t standing in a corner.

  But no, the room was empty but for the two of them.

  Fight. The word was stronger now. And she knew it was Will’s last gift to her. If she wanted Mitch to believe she’d be able to handle his life, she needed to stand up now and show him she was strong enough.

  She squared her shoulders. “Did it bother you I never asked?”

  He shrugged.

  “Stupid question, I guess. Why wouldn’t it bother you? It would have bugged me if you weren’t interested in my shop or my family. And I didn’t let you tell me about any of it, any of you.”

  Mitch raised his hands and tunneled his fingers through his short-cropped hair. “Mandy, I don’t see why we need to rehash this.”

  “Because if not rehashing this means you walk out that door, then I’ll spend the rest of my life rehashing this.”
The last few words came out as a shout. “I’m not giving up on us.”

  “You gave up on us weeks ago.”

  Her breath came out in one long wheeze. His quiet voice was like a hammer to her stomach. She was amazed she wasn’t flat out on the floor. But she came here to fight. She’d take every blow he dished out if it meant she’d get to keep him.

  “I freaked out a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t be more sorry.”

  He sighed, shaking his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s understandable why this lifestyle would be too hard on you after what you’ve been through. Not too many women could put up with it.”

  His words the day he’d been called for his mission came back to her—This is why I avoid relationships.

  “Is that the excuse you’re going to use to keep me from getting too close?”

  A humorless chuckle broke from him. “I’m not the one who ended this.”

  “But you never pushed too hard to get me to see what was important to you. Your job, your flying.”

  “So it’s my fault you can’t handle my life?” His hands went to his hips and he leaned forward.

  Her lips twitched. In an instant she was transported back to the first day they met, standing toe to toe in her grandmother’s living room. She wished she’d remembered that scene all this time and held onto it. That was the moment she fell for him. And the moment his feelings for her took seed. The moment they stood facing each other. Fighting.

  “No, it’s not your fault. But you could have tried harder.” Her words were absurd, of course. But she wanted him to remember, too. Remember what was between them from the first day they met.

  “I could have tried harder?” He was shouting now. “Why, so you could have started having panic attacks sooner?”

  “Please, I had one panic attack.” She wasn’t going to tell him about any of the bad moments she had in the weeks he’d been gone. If she was going to be his anchor, it meant putting on a brave face when she felt anything but brave. “And that was enough to scare you off?”

  “Fuck. Yes, it was enough. Do you think I want to see you like that? Knowing I’m the cause of it?”

  “You’re not the cause of it,” she shouted right back. “It was all my stupid, messed up thoughts. My heart knew from the moment I agreed to go out with you it was willing to take the risk to be with you. It just took my head a little while to catch up.”

  “So, just like that, you’re done having panic attacks? You’re ready to hear all about my work? My flying? You’re ready to be kept in the dark when I have to fly off to God knows where at a moment’s notice?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t let even a second tick by before answering him. “I’m ready.” She took a step closer to him, her head leaning back to keep her gaze locked on his. “For all of it.”

  He shook his head, but didn’t back away from her. “You say that now. Now that I’m home safely. What’s going to happen the next time I get called out on a mission? What if I catch another deployment?”

  “Then I miss you like hell. And I send you off knowing you have someone to come home to. Something worth fighting for.”

  He gave her a hard look for several long moments, but his gaze dropped and he shook his head. When he finally spoke, his voice had turned low and tender, more like her Mitch. “I can’t do this anymore, Mandy. I can’t put you through that. I can’t watch you go through that again, especially knowing I’m the one causing you pain.”

  Damn it. How could she make him understand?

  A fast pounding had them both turning toward the door. Before either of them could say a word, the door flew back on its hinges, slamming against the wall behind it. Mandy jumped.

  Cal strode into the room, easy-going surfer totally gone, hard-ass Marine in his place. Mitch reacted before Cal said a word. His body slid to attention, an emotionless mask slipped firmly into place. He went from her Mitch to a predator, tensed and ready to shoot into action in an instant. His attention was hyper-focused on Cal.

  “Chopper down.”

  Mandy’s head started spinning. Or was that the room? Her breath started to come in short, fast gasps.

  No! She gripped the back of one of the folding chairs to hold herself steady. She bowed her head and took three deep breaths in and out. There was no way she was losing it the first time a challenge came up.

  Mitch must know at least the helicopter pilot. If she was going to be his anchor, this was her last chance to prove to him she was up for the job.

  I can do this.

  She raised her head to find the gazes of both men resting on her. Their faces were grim. They had enough on their plates, and here they were obviously concerned she would fall apart. Now or never.

  She squared her shoulders and kept her gaze steady as she fixed it on Mitch. “What can I do to help?”

  “Mandy, you don’t need to….”

  She raised her hand, cutting Mitch off mid-sentence. “I’m fine. I promise.”

  She took a few steps, closing the distance between them. She placed a gentle hand on his arm, and looked up at him with concern. “You guys need to go see about your men. Do you need me to stay here or wait at home to hear from you?”

  From the corner of her eye she saw a quick flash of a smile from Cal, but she kept her eyes fixed on Mitch’s face.

  He stood impassive for a few long seconds before his shoulders dropped. He slid a hand to rest at her waist. “You sure you’re okay?

  “I promise, I’m fine. You go do what you need to do. I’ll be waiting whenever you’re done.”

  His blank face slipped, and she could see a combination of wariness and hope. She didn’t hesitate. She slid into his arms and hugged him tight. He waited a few beats and his arms came around her with obvious reluctance. She didn’t care. They’d get there.

  For the first time since she heard him get called out for his mission, her heart was filled with hope. She could do this. She was done with panicking and more than ready to fight to keep her Marine.

  She pulled back and gave him a smile. “Where are your keys?”

  “What?”

  “Your keys? Is your car parked nearby?” She asked.

  His brow furrowed adorably and she fought the urge to use her fingers to smooth it out.

  “He should be parked in the lot we passed on the way in,” Cal said.

  Mitch looked over at his friend and nodded briefly before turning his attention back to her. His brow crinkled again and she couldn’t help but giggle a little.

  “Give me your keys.” Mandy held out her hand. “I’ll take your car back to your apartment, and you can ride back with Cal. Should I stay at your place or head back to Grandma’s?”

  Mitch shook his head and looked back to Cal as if he hoped Cal knew what to do with the insane woman in front of him.

  Cal shook his head back with a small grin. Then his mouth flattened again. “We need to get going. Give the woman your keys.”

  Mitch nodded and dug a set of keys from his pocket. He offered them to her.

  “Thanks. Now get going,” she said.

  The two men led her through the building and once more out to the concrete landing pad. Cal pointed her in the direction of the parking lot, and she gave his arm a quick squeeze. “Take care of each other.”

  When he gave her a nod, she turned her attention to Mitch. She threw herself into his arms, causing him to take a big step backward to keep them both upright. She couldn’t care less. She planted her lips on his and gave him the fastest, hardest kiss she could.

  “I’m going to tell you what I should have told you a few weeks ago when you left.” She rubbed a hand down the chiseled plane of his jaw. “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

  Mitch gripped her by both shoulders and looked hard into her eyes. He gave her a gentle shake and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll see.”

  With those two words he and Cal took off at a jog toward the helicopter still sitting on the launch pad.

&nb
sp; Mandy watched as they boarded and the helicopter launched into the air. Her stomach did a quick somersault. She pressed her hand over it and took a deep breath.

  “You will see,” she promised on a whisper.

  13

  Mandy parked in Mitch’s usual spot and used the keys he gave her to let herself into his apartment. She looked around for a minute, noting the mail Cal must have piled on the side table, the layer of dust that had accumulated in the weeks Mitch had been gone, and a slightly sour smell from whatever Mitch had left in the refrigerator. She shouldn’t be surprised. She could hardly picture Cal wandering through the apartment with a feather duster.

  On the drive over from base, she’d debated going back to her grandmother’s house. She had no clue how long Mitch might take, and she could continue working on the house and her little shop. Even if Mitch didn’t call her, he was sure to call her grandmother when he got back. She could just head over then.

  But the moment she walked through the door of his apartment, she knew the last thing she wanted to do was walk out again. She told him she’d be here when he got home, whenever he got home. She was sticking to that promise to the letter.

  A quick call to Grandma made it clear the older woman was on board with Mandy’s plan.

  “Stay,” Abigail said. “Everything else can wait. You need to be there.”

  Mandy smiled into the phone. “Thank you, Grandma. For everything.”

  After getting her grandmother’s assurance she’d call if she needed anything, Mandy took stock of the apartment.

  “First things first. That smell has got to go.”

  She spent the next few hours cleaning and airing Mitch’s apartment. When she walked in and saw the bed in the same state they’d left it in, she decided to wash the sheets and comforter. She wanted nothing more than to erase any memory of that morning.

  After a quick trip to the grocery store, there was still no word from Mitch. She decided to keep herself busy in his kitchen. She plopped her phone into the speaker dock on his kitchen counter and danced around the kitchen while she baked chocolate chip cookies and put together a pan of lasagna that would be ready to eat whenever Mitch returned.