by Amber Garza
The only good part about any of this was that I got a close-up view of Nick playing football. Since I’d never been to a game before, I’d never actually seen him play. That was a shame, because he was good. Not to mention that he looked super-hot in his uniform.
After royally botching all of our cheers for the first half of the game, I was relieved when we got a little break. Thank god we didn’t have to perform during halftime tonight. Slumping down onto the ground, I grabbed my water bottle and chugged almost the entire thing in less than a minute.
My legs burned even worse than during practices. I massaged my thighs with my hands, hoping it would give me some relief. It didn’t. I kind of wondered if my legs would ever feel normal again. They’d felt like jelly all week, which made sense because I’d never been a very active person.
“What’s up with you?” Brooke stood over me, her shadow falling over my body.
I peered up and shrugged.
“You’re all over the place tonight.”
Biting my lip, I found a little comfort in the fact that maybe I wasn’t always this terrible. If I’d gotten the hang of this before, maybe I could again. My gaze scanned the field.
“This is about Nick, isn’t it?”
My head snapped up. “What?”
She smiled, her eyes sparkling. “I don’t know why I didn’t put it together before. You haven’t been physically sick this week. You’re love sick.” She drew the word “love” out dramatically.
My initial instinct was to refute her suspicions, but then I decided to go with it. It was the perfect excuse. “You got me.”
She laughed. “Well, let’s hope Romeo makes his move tonight so you can get your head back on straight.”
Excitement bubbled up in my chest. I wasn’t sure about my head getting on straight, but I loved the idea of Nick making a move. Did she really think he would? Tonight? God, I hoped so. Glancing up, my breath hitched in my throat. Ava. What was she doing here? The Ava I knew wouldn’t be caught dead at a football game. Then again, up until a week ago, neither would I. Wait. I froze. She wasn’t alone. The rest of the choir was here too. They filed onto the field and stood in a half circle. Behind them the marching band stood ready. A few of them stepped forward and started to play, and then the choir began to sing. I knew the marching band performed at the games, but in all the time I’d been in choir we’d never been asked to join them. Watching, I felt a little jealous.
“Seriously?” Brooke crossed her arms over her chest. “This is so lame. As if the marching band alone isn’t bad enough.”
I didn’t think it was lame at all. They sounded incredible. I watched Ava’s face as she sang, and my heart pinched. There she was. My Ava. When she glanced at the girl next to her and smiled, I felt achy and hollow inside. That used to be me. I didn’t recognize the song they were singing, but I could pick out the alto part, and I imagined being out there with them. I wouldn’t bumble through that the way I did with the cheer routine. I’d be on point.
When the choir finished, I hoisted myself up on shaky legs. They were so tight, I kind of wished I’d never sat down. I still had half the game to get through. I’d need the use of my legs. Wincing, I stretched them out. When that didn’t work, I decided to take a short walk to warm them up. I still had a few minutes. Even though the choir had finished, the marching band was still playing.
As I worked out my sore muscles, I spotted Ava’s mom standing near the edge of the bleachers. My chest tightened. Uh oh. This couldn’t be good, unless the 1993 version of Patty was nicer than the 2018 one.
When Ava approached, her mom scowled. Nope. Still the same. Patty’s lips started moving. Ava frowned as she said something back. Patty’s scowl deepened. I inched closer, straining to hear what they were saying. But it was too muffled for me to make out the words. The intensity was obvious, though, and I wondered what they were fighting about.
It was just like Patty to pick a fight with Ava on a night when she should be pleased with her. Frustration bloomed in my chest.
When I first met Ava, she was always telling me how awful her mom was. But I figured she didn’t like being told what to do or that she and her mom butted heads over chores or whatever. I mean, sometimes I was super irritated with my mom too, like when she made me fold laundry instead of watching YouTube videos.
But then I met Patty and realized it went way deeper than that. Patty was miserable and angry and super hard on Ava all the time. Apparently, she’d been like that ever since Ava’s dad left her for a younger woman. And I guess things only got worse when Patty married Kurt. Ava’s stepdad was a total loser.
That’s why Ava spent so much time at my house. Biting my lip, I wondered whose house Ava went to now. I really hoped she had someone.
After their brief, heated exchange, Patty spun on her heels and stalked off. Blowing out a frustrated breath, Ava dropped her head into her hands and muttered something I couldn’t make out.
“You okay?” I approached.
Her head lifted, her lips curling downward. “Like you care.”
“Of course I care, Ava.”
Scrunching her face up in confusion, she glanced around. “What is your major malfunction lately? Why do you keep messing with me? Did Brooke put you up to this?”
“No.” I shook my head vehemently. “I know how things are with you and your mom and I wanted to check on you.”
Eyes widening, she backed away from me. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I need you to leave me alone.”
“Ava.” I stepped closer.
“What’s going on?” Brook appeared out of nowhere like some kind of magical being.
“Nothing,” Ava said firmly, hurrying away from us.
I watched Ava’s back as she made her way to the parking lot. “It’s like she hates me.”
“Well, duh,” Brooke responded, shocking me. I was expecting her to try to make me feel better. Not agree with me. “She hates all of us. Whatever.” She grabbed me by the arm. “C’mon. Halftime’s over.”
Numbly, I nodded and allowed her to lead me out onto the field.
As I went through the motions, I thought about how weird this was. I finally had what I always wanted. I was popular. A cheerleader. Practically dating Nick Sinclair. So why wasn’t I happier about it? Why did I keep longing for the life I used to have?
***
“Hello. Earth to Remy,” Nick’s voice cut into my thoughts.
I’d been staring out the window of his car thinking about Ava. After halftime, I never saw her again. She must’ve left. Not that I blamed her.
“Sorry.” I turned toward him. My hair and face were still damp with sweat, and it caused a shiver to run up my spine. “I was just thinking.”
“About?” He raised an eyebrow.
I wished I could forget about everything. The disaster that was my cheerleading routines tonight and the fight with Ava. But I couldn’t. They all spun in my mind like a song on replay.
I didn’t know who I was. This version of myself was a mystery, and I was tired of it. The one person you should know is yourself.
“Am I…?” I paused, biting my lip.
“Are you what?”
“Am I?” Oh, man, was I really going to say it? Tonight, I was supposed to make up for how badly I botched our conversation last night. I had already given myself a peptalk this morning, and I’d planned to stick to flirty gestures and one-word answers. Only who was I kidding? That wasn’t me. Plus, Nick was the only person I trusted right now. And I wanted to be real. Honest. Me. “Am I awful?” There. I asked it. Ack. I really hoped it wasn’t a terrible mistake because it was too late to un-ask it.
Nick shook his head. “Nah. You had an off night.”
I furrowed my brows, confused.
“Don’t sweat it. Happens to everyone,” he continued. “Once Brooke tripped and fell during a halftime routine. At least you didn’t do that, huh?”
“Right. Yeah.” I nodded, because I wasn’t sure if I wa
s there for this particular incident or not. “But that’s not what I meant, actually.” I sighed. “I meant, am I an awful person?”
“What?” His eyes widened in shock. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“I saw Ava tonight…” my words trailed off. What was I doing? Ava and I weren’t even friends in this lifetime. There was no way to explain to Nick how I was feeling. But I had to try. There was no one else to talk to. I felt so alone. “I mean, I know we’re not friends…or whatever…but she was so mean.”
“Been there,” Nick said with a slight laugh. Sighing, I frowned. He didn’t get it. “Hey.” His gaze caught mine. Reaching over with his free hand, he patted my arm, his touch surprisingly light and gentle. Goosebumps rose on my skin. “Don’t let her get to you. You’re not a bad person. That’s what Ava’s like.”
But she wasn’t. Not the Ava that I knew. “I guess I don’t really know who I am anymore.”
Nick was silent a moment. The only noise was the blinker as he turned and the sound of the tires as they buzzed along the road. “I know what you mean,” he finally said.
“You do?” I was surprised at his answer.
Nodding, he furrowed his brow. “Hey, what do you say we ditch the others tonight?”
My heart stuttered in my chest. “What?”
“Instead of meeting the group, why don’t we go somewhere…just the two of us?”
My mouth dried out. I found it difficult to formulate words. Swallowing hard, I nodded. That should suffice, right?
“Cool.” He smiled, so my nod must’ve worked. “There’s something I wanna show you.”
I hoped what he wanted to show me was his mouth against mine…oh, god. Was it hot in this car or what? Clearing my throat, I pulled on the collar of my shirt and stared out the window as Nick cruised into the other lane. The one taking us onto the freeway. “Where are we going?’
“You’ll see.” There was a giddiness in his tone that made my stomach flip.
Sitting up in my seat, I nervously fingered the bottom of my shirt. Nick cranked up the music a little, and I bobbed my head along to the beat. It was that same song from before. The one he said I liked. The one my mom and aunt were dancing to in the living room. It was a group of girls. Wilson Phillips? Yeah, I think that was it. I could see why I was a fan. It was pretty catchy, and after a couple of choruses I found myself singing along.
“You have an amazing voice,” Nick said, and my face warmed. I didn’t realize I’d been singing so loud.
“Thanks,” I mumbled under my breath and stared out the window.
It was another ten minutes before Nick turned on his blinker and started heading toward the onramp. My chest tightened when I took in the street signs. This wasn’t the best part of town. I wanted to say something, but didn’t want to sound lame, so I pressed my lips together. This was Nick, the boy I’d been crushing on for years. He wanted to show me something…alone. I wasn’t screwing this up.
He parked in a residential neighborhood in front of a small one-story house. Someone peeked out the window when Nick turned off the engine. My stomach knotted, and my hands filled with moisture. I swallowed hard. What were we doing here?
I kind of thought he’d take me somewhere romantic, but this definitely wasn’t that. A dog barked in the distance. Nick got out of the car. I stayed put until he opened my door. It was a cool thing to do. The kind of thing my dad would’ve liked. When I peered up into Nick’s eyes, my trepidation waned a bit. He reached for my hand, and I gladly gave it to him. Chills snaked up my arm when our fingers entwined, the tips of his fingers brushing my palm.
He guided me out of the car and closed the door behind me. As we made our way down the sidewalk, I held tightly to his hand while millions of questions spun in my mind. I kept my mouth closed though.
“This is where I used to live,” Nick finally spoke.
I glanced over at the house to my right, trying to picture Nick here. It was almost impossible. I kept picturing him in his current front yard, tinkering with his car or laughing with his buddies. This neighborhood was nothing like ours. Nick didn’t fit here.
“See.” He stopped walking and pointed down toward his feet. “That’s where I carved my initials when the sidewalk was redone.”
I glanced down at the initials NS carved into the cement. Nick Sinclair. So, he really did live here. But why did he want to show me?
“C’mon.” He tugged on my hand, and I followed him. We made our way down the street and around the corner. We passed a couple sitting outside smoking cigarettes and a group of guys on their front lawn talking and drinking beer. They all looked at us curiously, but I kept my gaze averted. “My school was right over there.” Nick’s arm shot out, his index finger pointing toward an elementary school across the street. “I hated that school.” His eyes darkened. I squeezed his hand. “Kids were dickheads, constantly bullying me.”
“Bullying you?” My eyes widened in surprise. From the minute Nick stepped foot onto the campus of my junior high, he was popular with both the guys and girls. I’d never seen anyone mistreat him.
One side of his mouth curled upward. “I was a scrawny little kid when I went to this school. I had glasses and braces, and the kids were mean as hell about it.” His gaze slid over my shoulder. “One day when I was walking home from school a group of boys jumped me right here.” A shudder ran through me. I held my breath. “That was when my mom pulled me out of school, and she and my dad put our house on the market. Within a year, we’d moved next door to you.” He smiled. “I worked out, bulked up, tried out for football, lost the glasses.”
“Not the braces though,” I teased, remembering that he had them when we first met.
“Yeah, well, I’ve ditched them since then.” His grin deepened. “And now I have this bomb-ass smile.” True. He winked. I giggled.
“I sometimes wonder who I would be right now if I’d stayed here.” His gaze scoured the street. “I know how you’re feeling. Sometimes I don’t know who I am either, but it beats the alternative.” I nodded, understanding. And he was right. A week ago, I was being picked on by the popular girls, and there’s no way Nick Sinclair would’ve been holding my hand. “You’re not an awful person,” he continued. “Neither am I. We’re doing our best to survive.”
Sighing, I bit my lip. Was I though? I mean, I had never been jumped or beat up, or truly bullied for that matter.
“I get what you’re saying,” I told him. “I just don’t ever want to be the person doing the bullying, you know?”
“And you aren’t,” he assured me. “Neither of us are.”
I knew he wasn’t. At least the Nick from 2018 had never been a bully, so I assumed this one wasn’t either.
“The way Ava acted tonight…it kinda seemed like maybe I’d hurt her.”
“You two hurt each other,” he said. “Yeah, it was ugly when your friendship ended, but you can’t take the sole blame for it.”
My heart leapt. So, we had been friends…and it had ended. I felt sick.
“Stop beating yourself up over this. You tried.” He shrugged.
My gaze met his. What had I done? What had happened between us? God, I really wished I knew. “I guess I just miss her…and I worry about her.”
The corners of Nick’s lips curved upward, and he stepped closer. “That’s what I like about you, Rem. You’ve got such a big heart. Too big sometimes.” Lifting his arm, his fingertips brushed my cheek. I stiffened. “I’ve never told anyone else about this. About my life before.”
“You haven’t?”
He shook his head.
“Why me?
“I trust you.”
I breathed deeply, my knees softening. “You do?”
He laughed, his eyes crinkling in amusement. “Yep.” Releasing my hand, he took another step closer to me. “I do.” Reaching up with his free arm, he framed my face with both hands. My pulse raced, thumping beneath my flesh like a manic drumbeat. I fought to keep my breathing
even. When he tilted his head, his gaze lowering to my mouth, warmth crept up my neck and spilled across my face. His thumbs caressed my skin. I was seriously close to passing out by the time he brought his lips to hover over mine. Closing my eyes, I waited for our mouths to meet.
Warm air swept across my lips. I shivered.
Laughing rang out, followed by a couple of whistles. Nick froze. My eyes flipped open. A group of teenagers walked in our direction. A few of the guys hollered out catcalls. I pressed my body into Nick’s. He drew me closer, shielding me from the group.
“Let’s get outta here,” He mumbled.
I nodded. With my head ducked, I allowed him to lead me away from the group, their whistles and laughter trailed us. When we reached the car, he opened the door and quickly ushered me inside. When he pulled away from the curb, my heart sank. I couldn’t believe how close I’d been to finally being kissed by Nick.
I prayed I’d get another chance.
Maybe when he dropped me off.
EIGHT
Nope. No kiss when Nick dropped me off.
There might have been, but my little brother was outside and ruined the entire moment. Seemed that was the theme tonight. Ugh. After a swift hug from Nick, I trudged into the house.
Mom and Kelly were in the family room, a bottle of wine with two half-drunk glasses on the coffee table. For a second it seemed like any other Friday night. Until I took in Kelly’s sweat pants, wrinkled shirt, messy, permed ponytail and tear-stained face.
“What’s going on?” I dropped my bag on the ground and rushed toward the couch, all thoughts of kissing Nick leaving my mind.
Mom rubbed Kelly’s back while she sobbed. “Craig broke up with her,” she whispered.
I didn’t know who Craig was, but he must’ve been pretty special to make Kelly cry like this. She never cried over boys. It was even on her list of life rules. Right below, “You can never have too many pairs of shoes…or pieces of jewelry…or glasses of wine.”