by Quinn Ward
“You…you mean…” It would really help if he’d explain what he needed.
Jayden closed the remaining distance between us, pressing his lips to mine. It was soft and sweet and left me wanting more. He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone, staring at me long enough I started to squirm. “I mean, you’re absolutely adorable. I thought you were cute the night you moved in, and I worried you would become a distraction. And you are, but in the best possible way. I love knowing that I’m the guy who’s helped you feel comfortable enough to poke your head out of your shell. I want more, even if I shouldn’t.”
“You should,” I responded, allowing my body to sag against his. “I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who accepted this side of me. It’s still hard to believe you do, even though you’re not into it, too. All night, I wanted to ask your permission to do things, but I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”
“And how did that make you feel?” Jayden asked, pinning me against the side of the car. “Did you like the idea of needing my permission?”
I nodded, sucking my lip between my teeth. Jayden leaned in, nipping my earlobe before whispering, “I like the thought of you asking me before you do things, too.”
“Y-you do?” I stammered. I couldn’t think when Jayden’s body was pressed against mine. I knew he wasn’t lying because he was as hard as I was. I rocked forward slowly, testing to see what he would do.
Jayden brought his hands to my shoulders, keeping me still as he took a step back. “You’re distracting me, buddy.”
Oh God, I loved hearing him call me that.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, doing my best to stand still.
“It’s okay.” He booped my nose before hooking his finger under my chin, drawing my gaze up to him. “I like knowing you’re turned on. But this is serious, and we should talk before we do anything. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I grumbled. I let out a huff of breath and pouted, hoping he’d know I was not a fan of this plan, even if he was being reasonable. “Can we finish talking then so we can do the fun stuff?”
“How about we stop and get something to eat on the way home. You didn’t eat dinner earlier, and I’m not in the mood to hang out with the guys when we get back to our room.”
Ugh. I’d been so excited that Jayden wanted to do stuff with me that I hadn’t thought about the fact we didn’t live in a hermetically sealed bubble. Eventually, someone was going to figure out what we were doing. Even if Jayden didn’t have a problem with it, I wasn’t stupid enough to think no one in the suite would. Matt and Brandon might be cool, but no way could I ever let Zach and Daniel know about me. They barely seemed to tolerate me as it was; I didn’t want to give them even more reasons to dislike me.
“Hey, why’d you get tense on me?” Jayden moved aside, allowing me to sit down in the car. He crouched beside me, gently rubbing my leg.
“They’re all going to know,” I said, staring out the windshield rather than looking at Jayden.
“Do you not want anyone to know we’re seeing one another?” His words were clipped, and I could hear his stilted breaths, like he was trying to stay calm. “I’m not saying we need to take out a billboard in the campus life center or anything, but I don’t do well with the closet. And you might be new to the suite, but I promise none of them will have a problem with us being gay. They’re not homophobic assholes. I know Zach and Daniel can seem that way sometimes, but they’re just immature dickwads who need to make sure everyone knows they’re straight.”
I folded my hands in my lap as I thought about Jayden’s question. I had never been in a relationship, but I couldn’t imagine it’d be any fun trying to pretend I wasn’t into him. The closet was a lonely, miserable place, and I didn’t want to feel cramped by pulling him in there with me.
“That’s fine,” I told him, wincing when I realized what I’d said. Jayden hated the word fine. “I mean, I don’t have a problem with them knowing we’re dating or whatever. It’s…the other stuff. They can’t know about that. It was hard enough for me to tell you, and I don’t want them to know about…”
“Buddy, relax.” Jayden smoothed the backs of his fingers over my face. His voice was quieter now, more patient. “I don’t want them to know about your little side either. But it’s not because I’m ashamed of it. That’s something that’s between us until you decide to show other people. And you might never get there. That’s okay, too. For now, I like the idea of Ash being just for me.”
“Ash?” I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out what he was talking about. And then it hit me. My eyes grew wide and I lifted my hands to my face because my huge smile probably looked weird. “You mean like Ash and Pikachu, don’t you? Because Pika’s my best friend, so that makes me Ash.”
“Yeah, is that okay with you?” Jayden eyed me warily and cleared his throat a few times. It was weird seeing him nervous for a change. “I was doing some reading, and a lot of little boys have a different name than when they’re big. I thought that might help you, too. But there aren’t really any good ways to shorten Chase, so I started thinking about what else could work.”
I threw my arms around his neck, hating the fact I was already buckled in. I kissed his cheek, then pulled back. “It’s perfect. And it’s even perfecter because you came up with it all on your own. I know you don’t think you’d be a good Daddy, but I think you’re wrong. You do all the right things. Can we get dinner and go home now?”
“Yeah, we can.” Jayden shoved his hand into my pocket, pulling out my binkie. “I know you’re dying to use this. Don’t ever feel like you need to hide it when it’s just the two of us.” He held it in front of my lips, waiting until I leaned forward and opened my mouth. “Fuck, that shouldn’t be as sexy as it is.”
I popped the pacifier out of my mouth. “You said bad words, Jay.”
“I’ll have to remember to behave so I don’t give my buddy any bad habits, won’t I?” He flicked the stuffed Pika attached to my binkie as he stood. “But we are going to finish talking on the way.”
As Jayden stood, I didn’t miss the way he adjusted his dick in his jeans. I squirmed, reaching down to do the same before I remembered maybe I wasn’t supposed to do that. Jay wanted me to ask permission before doing things, and touching my winky definitely fell under things I could only do if Jay said so.
He looked over at me and chuckled. “Does my buddy have ants in his pants?”
I shook my head and pursed my lips. I couldn’t tell him why I was so wiggly.
“Are you supposed to keep secrets from me, Ash?” Hearing him call me my special name helped me relax. He reached over, running the tips of his fingers up my leg. “Do you have owies, buddy?”
I nodded, not bothering to hide my moan. “My winky, Jay. It’s crooked.”
“Crooked?” He laughed and bent over the console. “Is your winky pressed against your pants? Is that the problem?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why didn’t you fix it?” He closed his eyes and took a few slow, steady breaths before glancing down at my lap. “You might want to now, before we’re driving.”
“You’re not going to help me?”
“I told you we had to talk first, and I meant it,” he reminded me. “But I’m very happy you didn’t touch your winky without permission.”
“I wanna be your good boy,” I told him.
“Oh, buddy, you’re already the best boy.”
7
Jayden
Grabbing dinner and driving around long enough that we could talk was fucking torture. My dick probably had a permanent imprint of my zipper along the length, and my nuts were about ready to bust. All because my roommate finally opened up to me about every fucking thing he’d fantasized about. And let me say, behind that quiet, bookworm exterior, my buddy had some kinky AF shit swirling around in his brain.
I’d originally intended to grab drive thru and take it back to our room but, as I neared campus, Chase got quiet. After I passed the turn
for Talbert Hall, he slowly relaxed and started talking more about his interest in being little. It made me feel a little better to hear him admit that he had no clue why he felt so drawn to the lifestyle.
He got quiet again as I pulled into my assigned parking stall down the street from our residence hall. “It’s going to be okay. Remember that Ash and Jay are our secret.”
“I like that name,” he admitted. His voice was quiet and higher pitched than normal. It was adorable. “Being Ash is easy. It makes me happy.”
“I can tell.” What I couldn’t bring myself to admit was how calm I felt when I was Jay. It was different being his Jay than it was when other people shortened my name. Normally, it irritated me, but when Ash called me Jay, it was special. “You can be Ash all the time when it’s just us.”
“That won’t make you grumpy?” he asked around the pacifier. That damned pacifier was going to be the death of me. I kept catching glimpses of him out of the corner of my eye and got distracted, thinking of other things he could be sucking on. What was scary as hell was that not all of them were sexual. My little buddy had a strong oral fixation.
I turned off the car and waited until I’d opened Ash’s door to respond. When he tried stepping away, I grabbed his hand. His confidence came out when he sank into being Ash, so I wanted to keep him there a bit longer. “Don’t wander off. Little boys have to stay right by their big people to stay safe.”
That sounded strange, but I wasn’t ready to refer to myself as anything more. It worked, though, because Ash stayed right next to me, swinging our arms as we walked. There weren’t too many people out this late at night, and there was nothing overt that would have given us away.
I could do this. And, in the process, I could show Ash that being little wasn’t all or nothing.
“Thank you, Ash. That’s a very good boy,” I praised him. I’d read online that littles needed a lot of praise and affirmation. That was something I could manage. “Now, one of the rules I think we need to set is that you have to trust me. If I say you can do something, I don’t want you waiting for me to change my mind.”
“Like being Ash when we’re at home?” He sucked on his lip, probably missing his pacifier.
“Yes, like that. You don’t have to be little all the time if you want to be big, but whatever you’re comfortable with works,” I reassured him.
“And what else?”
Ash took a step off the curb and I pulled him back. “Did you look both ways before crossing?”
“But there’s no one—” His eyes widened, and he smiled, stepping back onto the curb. “Sorry, Jay. I’ll remember next time.”
“I know you will.” I kissed the side of his head. “Were you wanting to know more rules?”
Ash nodded.
I scratched my chin, trying to think on the fly. “Well, I would say we need to make sure you don’t use potty language, but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you say a naughty word, so we don’t have to spend much time with that.”
“No, I don’t say bad words if I can help it.” Ash furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. “I always knew that was a no-no.”
“See, you were a good boy even when you didn’t have anyone to give you rules,” I pointed out. Fuck, he was a natural at this. “But you’re not always a good boy, are you?”
“What do you mean?” I made a show of looking both directions before guiding him across the street.
“When you think I’m sleeping, you play with your winky, don’t you?” Maybe it was wrong to call him out on it, but he needed to know I wasn’t oblivious to what was going on across the room from me. I pulled him closer so I could whisper in his ear, even though we were alone. Keeping my voice low felt like it was a secret I was sharing with him. “I know you like to put your pillow under you and rock back and forth.”
“Oh God!” Ash tried to pull away from me, but I tightened my grip.
“Shh, it’s okay, buddy,” I reassured him. “But from now on, I want you to ask me when your winky hurts, okay?”
“You’ll tell me when it’s okay to touch it?”
I pursed my lips and offered up a quick prayer that I wasn’t about to make a mistake that would decimate the progress we’d made tonight. “Or, if you want, you could ask your Jay to help you when it hurts. If you’re a really good boy, I might even kiss it better.”
Ash’s entire body tensed, then he shuddered. When I pulled him aside, he wouldn’t look at me. “Are you okay?”
“You can’t say things like that,” he scolded me. “Now I’m all messy, Jay.”
He came?
Okay. Not what I was expecting, but I supposed it wasn’t that unusual. And it wasn’t like it was just the mention of me blowing him that had made him come. Tonight, had been like the world’s most agonizing foreplay session ever. Hell, there were a few times I considered trying to get away long enough to rub one out in the bathroom.
“Then we’d better hurry back to the room to clean up my naughty little boy.” I swatted his backside to see how he’d react. He moaned, his back arching as he looked at me with pleading eyes. “You like that? We’ll have to find a time when I can spank my boy for being naughty. I don’t want anyone hearing you cry. That’s just for me.”
“Just Jay and Ash.” He sighed, leaning against my side as I led him up the stairs to our residence hall.
We almost made it to the room unnoticed. Almost.
“Well shit, never would have guessed the two of you were butt smuggling the salami.” I glared at Zach, who’d obviously had a few too many tonight.
“What’s wrong, Carter? Had to drink enough you forgot no one wanted your pencil dick?”
“You know what, fuck you, man.” Zach shoved past me, which was when I realized Chase was gone.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck.
I eased open the door, unsurprised to find Chase curled up on his bed with his back toward the room. I should have given him some space, but that felt like the wrong thing to do. He was worried about how I’d react if our roommates found out we were seeing each other. Well, now he knew. I’d get defensive as hell and forget everything but cutting down the mother fucker who decided to take issue.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I said as I quickly stripped out of my jeans and t-shirt. I didn’t wait for permission before climbing into bed next to him. I pressed my lips to his shoulder as I held him tight. “Forget Zach. He’s a douche on a good day, and a fucking asshole when he’s drunk. I’m sorry he made you feel bad.”
“It’s not… Maybe this…” He sniffled a few times, and his body shook as he sobbed.
“Oh, buddy, no. Don’t let him do this to you.” I deserved a fucking cookie for trying to soothe my boy instead of breaking Zach’s bedroom door off its hinges so I could lay his ass out. “Do not let anyone rob you of how happy you were tonight. You’re brave and strong. I’m sorry.”
“Not…your fault…” He hiccupped, then his hand flailed around. “Need Pika, Jay.”
And, finally, I felt like I could breathe. “Why don’t you come snuggle with me on the floor, Ash. We’ll get you calmed down and then you need to get ready for bed. You’ll feel yucky in the morning if you don’t brush your teeth.”
“Okay.” While he slid to the floor, I crouched down and reached under the bed. I knew damn well where he kept his things, but I hadn’t betrayed his trust by looking. I hadn’t even touched the bag until now. But now, I was allowed because I was his Jay. I was the one who took care of him and helped him be Ash when the big world got to be too much for him.
He crawled into my lap, accepting Pika when I handed it to him. I covered both of us with the blankie he slept with every night. And, yeah, I might have pulled the damn thing up to my nose so I could smell him. We scooted around until Ash was in my lap. I reached up, grabbing his binkie off the edge of the desk.
“Is the doors locked?” he asked before popping the binkie into his mouth. If there’d been any question that he was Ash right now, the
fact he didn’t blanch at his poor grammar would have made it known.
“Yeah, both of the doors are locked,” I reassured him. “And tomorrow, I’m going to get some chain bolts. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t be you in our space.”
The thought hadn’t crossed my mind, until I’d seen how torn up he was over Zach being a flaming bag of dicks. Later, I’d be having words with him to let him know that toxic masculinity shit wasn’t going to fly around here. He might be bigger than me, but I was a scrappy fucker. If he wanted a fight, he’d get one, but he’d leave Chase the hell alone.
“You’re the best, Jay.” He sucked on his binkie a while longer as I rubbed his back. Eventually, the tears dried from his face and he relaxed. “Do I get more rules?”
Only a little would actually want more rules than they’d been given. I tried to come up with more rules that wouldn’t be too weird. Yes, there was the one about touching himself and that was a bit extreme, but that was also for my own sanity. It was impossible to not wake up when the bed started squeaking, and the next time he got off, I wanted to be responsible for it. “How about whenever you’re feeling things, you need to tell me.”
“Feeling things?” He looked up at me, confused.
“Yeah, buddy.” I pressed my finger to the tip of his nose. “If I’m your big guy, you need to tell me when you’re upset. It hurts my heart when I come into the room and you’re crying. It’s okay if you can’t tell me when other people are around, but this is our space. Don’t hide here.”
“Okay, I can do that, Jay,” he promised. “What else?”
“Are there any rules you want me to set?” I needed Ash to cut me a little slack. Unlike him, this wasn’t something I’d fantasized about for years. I had exactly no time to do anything more than a few quick internet searches on my phone.