by Quinn Ward
“Someone’s cheeky this morning,” he observed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s cute to see you coming out of your shell.”
“Um, what is the wrong way to take that?” I was pretty dang cute. I wasn’t going to be upset with Brandon for noticing.
“Oooh, Chase is sassy this morning,” Matt teased. He scowled at my coffee mug, and I stifled a laugh. Sucked to be him; now that I had my special cup, he couldn’t steal my coffee and pretend he didn’t realize what he’d done. He leaned in close enough to whisper. “Cover me. I need my caffeine.”
“You know he’s going to catch you,” I warned Matt. Theirs was an interesting dynamic. I was pretty sure they were together, but no one said anything one way or the other.
“I know.” Matt waggled his eyebrows. “But it’s more fun if he thinks I’m trying to be sneaky.”
“Matthew, what are you trying to talk Chase into over there?” Brandon scolded him. “You’re distracting him, and he’s supposed to be helping me.”
“Sorry, Brandon.” Matt winked as he sulked through the kitchen. He wasn’t the least bit sorry, but it wasn’t my place to call him out on it. I shook my head. Those two were insane, but I liked it. They made me feel a little more normal. “You guys should really get to work. Everyone’s going to be up soon, and you know Zach and Daniel will pretend they don’t care if they miss out on breakfast. They have early classes today.”
It hadn’t taken long to realize the guys in our suite operated like a dysfunctional little family. Zach hadn’t been as much of a jerk to me recently, but he also hadn’t apologized for the mean things he’d said the night he was drunk. I thought of him like the bully older brother. Daniel was quieter and always careful to maintain his bubble of personal space. He thought the rest of us didn’t notice the way he and Zach huddled together when they didn’t think anyone was looking. Brandon was the most paternal of the suite. He kept all of us fed and knew all of our schedules. For me, he was more like the cool uncle because Jay was Daddy, even if he didn’t believe it.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” Jayden let his hand linger on my hip as he poured himself a glass of juice. He didn’t always have coffee, and when he did, it was more often than not just a few sips of mine. He claimed he was trying to cut back because it messed up his stomach. He put his hand to my forehead. “Are you feeling better this morning? You didn’t look so hot last night.”
“I think I’ve been pushing too hard,” I admitted. He didn’t realize I’d been waking earlier than usual the past few weeks so I could get my work done. I wanted evenings to be our time together, which meant I had to find another time for schoolwork. Unfortunately, that plan was catching up with me now.
Jay glared at me. “We’ll talk about that after breakfast.”
“Okay.” I hated feeling like I’d let Jay down. I knew the rules, but I had a set bedtime, not a time I was allowed to get out of bed. If he knew why I was waking up early, I’d lose snuggles at night, but if I didn’t tell him the truth, I’d get a punishment and those weren’t as fun as some people made it sound like they’d be.
Jay patted my backside as he left the kitchen, making some excuse about needing to grab something from our room. It was only then I realized how strange our interaction might have seemed to our roommates. Matt’s head was cocked to the side, his brow furrowed in confusion. Brandon, on the other hand, shook his head and got back to work.
“Crack the eggs, Chase,” he instructed me, his tone more demanding than before. I wasn’t sure how I’d upset him, but I didn’t like it. He handed me the carton of eggs and I got to work, being extra careful to not get shells in the bowl like I usually did. Maybe then he’d be happy again.
“Hey Chase, do you want to hang out after class?” Matt asked as he finished setting the table. I almost told him I had to ask permission but stopped short. It would definitely raise suspicions if I admitted that to them. But I couldn’t say that to him, or he’d definitely wonder what sort of weird stuff we were up to in our room. “I want to go play some Pokémon Go, but Brandon says it’s boring and dumb to walk around playing games on my phone.”
I definitely wanted to do that with him. My heart raced, wondering if he’d seen something he shouldn’t have, but told myself that was stupid. A lot of people played, and he might just be inviting me to hang out while he played. “That’d be fun! I need to see if I have anything going on after classes though.”
There. That sounded like a totally grown-up answer. See, I could do this.
“Cool. Just let me know if it’s okay—” Matt pursed his lips and I quit breathing. How could I when I was scared to death of what he might have been about to say? Brandon set down his knife with enough force it made me jump. When I looked at him, his eyes were narrowed slits aimed directly at Matt. “Sorry. I mean, let me know if you have any study groups or anything.”
That so was not what he’d been about to say. I tapped an egg on the counter a bit too hard, sending egg white oozing all over the counter and shells crushed against my palm. Tears pooled in my eyes, certain that my secret wasn’t so secret anymore and the progress I’d made with my roommates was gone.
“Here, let me get that for you,” Brandon offered. He handed me a towel before leading me to the sink. He turned on the faucet, standing behind me, holding my hands under the stream of hot water. As he held out the soap and squirted a few pumps into my palm, he said, “It’s okay, Chase. You don’t need to worry about anything. Let’s get this mess cleaned up, okay?”
“Okay.” I felt numb. He knew. They knew. They had to know. There was no other logical explanation for him helping me wash my hands. But if he was taking care of me, that had to mean he didn’t have a problem with it, right? “I’m really sorry I made a mess, Brandon. Matt surprised me.”
“It’s okay, buddy,” he comforted me. “We’ll get you cleaned up and then you can go find Jayden while Matt helps me finish breakfast.”
“But I was supposed to help you,” I protested. It had sort of become a thing for Brandon and me to cook for the rest of the suite in the mornings. I didn’t want him thinking I was trying to get out of anything.
“It’s okay. I think you could probably use a few minutes alone.” He held out a towel, patting my hands dry. “Tell Jayden what happened. We can all sit down and talk about it tonight if you want. I’m sorry Matt surprised you. I told him it wasn’t our place to say anything.”
“So, you do know?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to confirm my fears, or pretend he was clueless. Either way, things were bound to change between the four of us. And if they knew, I couldn’t be sure Zach and Daniel didn’t know there was something different about me. No way would they be okay if they knew about Ash.
“We have our assumptions,” he hedged. “But it’s your story to tell. Until you’re ready, you don’t owe us anything. But if you do want someone else to know, we’re safe. Trust me.”
“I do.” It wasn’t until I said the words that I realized I did trust Matt and Brandon. There was something about them that felt familiar. Before I’d come out to Jayden, I’d often watched them and been jealous of the relationship they seemed to have. Maybe if I told them about me, they’d open up, too. “You can talk to us, too. Right?”
“Yeah. I think it’s past time for all of us to get things into the open,” Brandon said. He turned back to the stove. “Go, see Jayden. I’ll send Matt down when it’s time to eat.”
“Thank you, Brandon.”
“Anytime, buddy.”
I didn’t look at Matt as I fled the common area of the suite. I barreled through the door, clinging to Jay.
“What’s wrong?” I felt myself moving across the room. Jayden bent down, then held the binkie in front of my mouth as he lowered both of us to the bean bag. “Talk to me, buddy. What happened? I haven’t been gone that long.”
“Matt asked me to play Pokémon Go with him after class. And then I broke the egg. And he said it was okay and helped me wash my hands. We all need
to talk. He was too nice to me. I think he knows.” The jumbled thoughts flew out of my mouth in no particular order. I clung tighter to Jay, burying my face in his neck. “You didn’t tell them, did you? I know it’s a bad question but how else do they know? What if they say I need to move out now?”
“Shhh,” Jay soothed me. I closed my eyes, focusing on his hand against my back. “Take a few deep breaths and then try telling me again what happened that has you upset.”
Jay rocked me gently as I explained everything that had happened. Some guys would have told me I was being a drama queen or overthinking what Brandon had said, but not Jay. Instead, he rocked me slowly, combing his fingers through my unruly hair. I felt calmer by the time I reached the end of the story. I was still scared they knew about me, but when Jay promised he’d be by my side no matter what, I believed him.
“What do you say we get you ready for school?” He slid out from under me and starting rummaging through my dresser. I’d already gotten dressed, but I didn’t question him. He turned around, a pair of shorts and one of my favorite Pokémon t-shirts in his hand. “Arms up, Ash.”
I complied easily, lifting my hands in the air. Jay slid his hands up my sides, lifting the shirt over my head. “I know you’re going to be nervous today. When you are, I want you to look down and remember that your Jay’s got you. I won’t let anyone say anything to hurt your feelings. And if they do, I’ll be here to make it all better.”
He kept talking to me as he put on the shirt he’d picked out and then stripped me out of the jeans I’d planned on wearing today. He ran a finger over the waistband of my underwear, making my winky ache a little bit. Not bad, but I wished he’d help me before it really hurt. “Please, Jay.”
He turned his hand, pressing his palm against the achy parts. That wasn’t enough. I wanted him to really touch me. He’d been so careful, and it was getting harder to convince myself it wasn’t because he didn’t want me that way. Having my Jay take care of me was better than I’d dreamed any Daddy could be, but I’d always imagined there would be more to it than him taking care of me.
“We don’t have time right now. If you’re a good boy today, I’ll help you before bedtime,” he promised me. “And I think you might have to sleep in Jay’s bed tonight so I can make sure you aren’t getting out of bed after I fall asleep. You’re going to make yourself sick if you keep it up.”
“I know,” I responded softly, picking at my bottom lip. I nearly asked him to help me find a better way to get everything done, but I was too caught up in wondering why he wouldn’t touch me. Maybe if I was really good, I could convince him to go further than kissing me. “You’d be okay with me sleeping in your bed?”
“Oh, buddy, I’d love nothing more, but I didn’t want to push you,” he admitted. “We’re still trying to figure out what we look like, and I didn’t want to throw too much at you at once.”
“I’m a big boy, Jay,” I insisted. It sounded ridiculous since I was using my baby voice, but dang it, I was. Yes, I loved being little, but I also had big boy needs. It might get me a time out before breakfast, but to prove it to him, I placed my hand over his and moved it onto my dick. I felt out of sorts, drifting somewhere between Chase and Ash, as I moved his hand along my length, arching into his palm. “I want this. I want everything with you. I want to be your buddy, but I also want to be your boyfriend. Maybe that isn’t what you want, too, but I want you to know where I’m at.”
Jay crushing me as he took my face in his hands, was not the reaction I had anticipated. He stared down at me and shook his head slightly. I held my breath, worried that I’d gone further than he wanted. My concerns died the moment his mouth crashed against mine. My lips parted on a gasp as he started grinding against me.
“Fuck, Chase,” he sighed as our lips parted. “You have no clue how badly I needed to hear you say that. I know we’ve fooled around but I’ve been worried about what you want from me. I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing and scare you off. I’m still not certain I can be what you need, but I’m trying. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression I was only doing this for your benefit. If I had been, I’d never have let you get me off. That would be the ultimate shitty move.”
“I just…” He might be out of his element when it came to being a caregiver, but I was in over my head with everything. The night we’d been walking home from the parking lot, and I’d come in my pants, had been the furthest I’d ever gotten with anyone. Before that, I’d never had an orgasm in front of someone. “I didn’t want to assume anything.”
Jay backing away from me wasn’t what I’d expected to happen after the hot kiss we’d shared. I reached out, trying to pull him back to me. “Not like this, Chase. I don’t want the first time we’re really together to be rushed or when someone could interrupt us at any minute. We’re going to get dressed and go to class. You’re going to hang out with Matt after classes, because you need more than just me, and I’m pretty sure he’s going to be okay with whatever you decide to reveal to him. There’s time for us. We don’t need to rush anything.”
“I don’t want to be a virgin forever,” I complained, immediately regretting what I’d said. Even though I was fairly certain he already knew I hadn’t been with anyone, blurting it out like that was horrifying. I buried my face in my hands, not wanting to see his reaction. Even though Jay had been amazing about everything so far, I knew a lot of guys didn’t want to be with someone who’d never done anything.
“And you won’t be,” he promised me, pulling my hands away from my face. He was so close, it was hard to make my eyes focus as I looked at him. “I promise, this isn’t me blowing you off. But you deserve better than a quickie people might overhear. Trust me on this, please. I just need time to make some plans.”
“Okay, Jay. I trust you.”
He’d better not expect me to wait long. If he did, I was definitely going to earn time outs for touching myself. I’d spent too much time since I realized I was gay, thinking about what it would be like to have sex. Before Jay, it had been easy to push those thoughts away as fantasies for someday. Now, the man who penetrated me had a face and I knew every detail about his body. I was tired of waiting.
9
Jayden
How in the hell was this supposed to work?
Chase was counting on me to give him what he needed, and this morning he’d made it abundantly clear that what he needed was me. I might as well have skipped classes today for as little as I’d paid attention. When I should have been scribbling notes, I was thinking about how needy Chase had been this morning.
It was the first time he hadn’t been Ash when we’d fooled around. Sure, he’d slipped into his little space when he’d first barged into our room freaking out, but when he’d gotten hard as I changed him, he most definitely was not my compliant little boy. He was all greedy man, and it had taken everything in me to not strip him out of his briefs, flip him onto his stomach, and bury my cock so deep inside of him that he cried out in pleasure and pain.
I meant it when I told him he deserved better than a quickie in our room for his first time. If I could, I’d rent the best hotel room in the city and make love to him overlooking the city skyline at night. That was a great fantasy, but I was a broke college kid. That meant I needed to get creative. Being a broke college kid with a healthy libido and a boyfriend who was desperate to burn his V card, meant it was impossible for me to concentrate.
Most days, I rushed home from class so I could spend time with Chase, but with him out spending time with Matt, I decided to make a call I dreaded. With every ring, I grew hopeful I’d be able to take the coward’s way out and leave a message. Those hopes were dashed when the call connected in the middle of the fourth ring. “Hey Jayden, everything okay?”
No. Everything most definitely wasn’t okay. I was falling for my roommate and worried I’d never be enough for him. I had more questions than answers, and no matter what I searched on the internet, I was no closer to feeling like I
knew what I was doing. “Yeah, everything’s good, Uncle William.”
“Uh-oh, you sound far too formal for me to believe you.” Okay, so maybe I’d pushed back on calling him anything other than William since he’d retired from the military and barged into our lives. In my defense, I was used to being the man of the house and didn’t appreciate him thinking he was any sort of authority figure when he’d been MIA most of my life. “What’s going on, kiddo?”
Ugh. I hated when he called me that. It always felt like he was trying to put me in my place. But in this case, I was practically a damned infant. “I was wondering if you meant what you said.”
“I always mean whatever I say, but would you care to be more specific?” There was something about the tone of his voice that said he didn’t need the clarification as much as he wanted me to say it out loud.
“The stuff from the other night.” If I couldn’t even say it, how could I expect to do it? “The…you know…the Daddy stuff,” I explained, my voice dropping lower with every word. I checked over my shoulder to make sure no one was close enough to overhear. “Well, all of it, really.”
My uncle laughed hard enough I pulled the phone away from my ear and glared at it. This wasn’t helpful. The last fucking thing I wanted was for him to be entertained by my crisis.
“You know what, nevermind.” As my thumb hovered over the end call button, I heard William calling my name. “What? I don’t need to be mocked. You said to call you, so I did.”
“I’m sorry, Jayden. That was insensitive of me,” he apologized. “I’m on my way down to the club now. Are you free this afternoon?”
I wasn’t sure I was ready for another private lesson in the world of age play. That wasn’t why I’d called him. “Yeah, but Chase is hanging out with a friend.”
“That’s fine. I get the feeling it might be for the best if the two of us sat down without him.”
Okay, that didn’t sound so bad. If not for the fact Mom would hear my car coming down the road, I might have suggested we meet up at his place when he wasn’t on his way to work. Going to the club was my best bet of hashing things out with him, without worrying about any well-meaning meddling.