by Quinn Ward
“I could probably be there in about thirty minutes,” I told him. I still needed to get back to the room to collect my keys and dump off my laptop. No way in hell was I leaving my shit sitting in the car. The Lodge wasn’t in the best part of town and my entire life lived in that backpack. “You sure Jack will be cool with my hanging out? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“You’re fine,” he reassured me. “Jack’s trying to take it easy this week before the new playroom opens. It’s Sam we have to worry about. But if he says anything, you need to remember he’s just stressed out. He wants everything to go perfect.”
“That’s the kid Jack hired, right?” I knew a bit more than I let on about The Lodge. I’d always tried playing it cool, saying I didn’t understand what all went on there, but when I considered how easily I’d accepted Chase, part of me wondered if there wasn’t something more.
“Kid? He’s only a few years older than you,” William scoffed. That may have been true, but I couldn’t imagine being a manager at a kink club at my age. Compared to the type of men who usually filled those roles, he was a baby. “But yes, that’s him. The playroom was his idea, so he’s wound tight about it. Who knows, it may do some good to see someone who’s curious about the lifestyle. He’s convinced it’s going to flop, and that Jack will fire him.”
Damn. That had to be a crazy amount of pressure. Hearing about Sam’s stress made me think my own worries were inconsequential by comparison.
“Cool, well I guess I’ll be there in a bit.” Chatting with William chewed up most of my walk back to Talbert. I hoped Chase was still in the room so I could give him a little pep talk before I left. He was nervous about spending the day with Matt, but that was because he was overthinking things. Even if Matt had figured out Chase was little, he was cool enough he wouldn’t care. He’d ask questions, but if Chase wasn’t comfortable answering, he’d let it drop. Plus, the more I learned, the more I became convinced the guys in the room next to us had some secrets of their own.
Chase jumped, slamming the lid of his laptop when I unlocked and opened the door. His hand was shoved under his pillow, most likely hiding his binkie. “Oh, it’s just you.”
“Well that’s one hell of a greeting,” I responded. I reached under the pillow, smiling when I realized I’d been wrong. I pulled out a sippy cup filled with juice. “Where did this come from?”
His face went white as he scooted into the corner of his bed. He picked up his blankie, clutching it to his chest, then mumbled something I couldn’t understand. I hesitated a moment before crawling into his bed and pulling him onto my lap.
“Hey, what have I told you about trying to hide things from me?” I asked as I held out the cup to him. I might not have been as chill as I should have been when I found his sippy, but that was because it had surprised me. I spread my legs and he shifted so he was sitting between them, his back leaning against my chest. I smoothed a hand over his hair, smiling when I heard him let out a content little sigh. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you stressed out today?”
“It’s silly,” he told me.
“That might be, but how about you let me be the judge, okay?” I leaned to the side so I could fish my phone out of my pocket. Chase was deep enough into his little space that he didn’t notice me composing a quick text to let William know I was going to be late. Now, more than ever, I needed to talk to my uncle. “I hope you know I wasn’t mad about you having a sippy. I’m proud of you for getting what you needed, even if I wasn’t here to take care of you. That’s what big boys have to do sometimes.”
“You sounded growly,” he pointed out.
“Only because I wasn’t expecting it,” I explained. We sat there in silence as I gently rocked him back and forth and kept kissing the top of his head. “Now, what’s silly, but not so silly you didn’t get upset about it?”
Chase grunted a few times, making me wonder if I was going to have to push him. I was getting better at that. Where I’d originally thought we needed to take things at his pace, I now understood he needed me to demand he talk sometimes, too. “I don’t want Matt to think I’m weird.”
“What have I told you about that word?” I scolded him.
“That I’m not supposed to say I’m weird and there’s nothing wrong with me being Ash when I need to be,” he responded. “But that’s you. What if he does know and he teases me about it? I like living here. I don’t want to have to move again.”
“That is not going to happen,” I insisted, hugging him tighter. “First of all, as long as you’re mine, I’m not letting you go. Second, if Matt does know and he still asked to hang out with you, that means he’s trying to show you it’s okay with him. He’s not a jerk. He won’t pick on you.”
And I’d make damn sure of that because, as soon as I got Ash calmed down, I would be having a little chat with Matt to suss out how much he’d figured out. If he was cool, I’d ask him to keep an eye on Chase while they were hanging out. It would help both of us feel a little better about this weird in-between space Chase seemed caught in most of the time.
“You promise?” Ash lifted the sippy cup to his lips and sucked down what was left of his juice. He still hadn’t let go of his blankie.
“Yes, buddy, I promise. If I had any doubts at all, I’d make sure I was there with you. But you’re safe with him.” I thought about what I might be able to do to put him at ease. Being a caregiver should come with a manual. Oooh, there was one thing… “You know, you probably shouldn’t play in your school clothes. How about if you sit here, and I’ll pick out some play clothes for you to wear? Would you like that?”
“Yes, please.” His voice was softer now, which meant he was starting to relax.
I hopped off the bed and rummaged through his drawer to find a pair of play pants. There wasn’t much. His wardrobe looked like someone who was trying hard to make an impression on people, which I assumed wasn’t that far off. He was working to bury his desires, so no one got too close to the truth. The only exceptions were some graphic tees that were cute, but not as far as I’d like to push him. I was definitely going shopping for my little buddy as soon as I got paid this week.
“Here we go,” I said, holding out a tee I’d seen him wear once and a pair of sweatpants. The shirt was tight and rode up if he moved the wrong way. That didn’t concern me, because it was still cold enough that he’d have a jacket on over it. The point of this exercise was reminding him I was the one who picked out what he wore because I was always going to take care of him. “Slide to the edge of the bed so I can help you. Matt’s probably waiting for you already.”
“I don’t want to make him mad, Jay. We need to hurry.”
“You’re right, you do,” I confirmed. “And you need to make sure you apologize to him for being late for your playdate.”
“I will, Jay.” He didn’t hesitate this time when I stood between his legs with a shirt gathered in my hands. “Silly, you can’t put that shirt on over my school shirt.”
I smacked my palm against my forehead and made a goofy face after tossing the shirt on the bed. “You’re right. How could I forget?”
“It’s okay. We all make mistakes.” Fuck, could he be any cuter? I tickled Ash’s sides as I slide the shirt up his body. He giggled and squirmed, trying to get away from me. “Stop, Jay! I have to get ready, so Matt doesn’t get mad at me.”
He kicked his feet against the edge of the bed after I finished changing him. I squatted down, trying to find his shoes. I knew he had a pair of brightly colored Vans that would be cute as shit for this afternoon. He held out his foot like Cinderella waiting on the prince to see if her foot was a perfect fit. I chuckled at the absurd comparison.
I kissed the tip of his nose once I finished tying his shoes. “You’re all set. I’m going to see if Matt’s ready to go. You need to get your jacket on, and make sure you take your little Pika with you.”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that,” he protested, sounding a little more grown up now.
“What if Matt sees it?”
“You don’t have to take your binkie, but I want Pika with you,” I insisted. “Now finish getting ready and I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, Jay. Thank you for helping me. I didn’t even think about wearing my school clothes,” he admitted.
I gave him a quick wink. “I know, buddy. That’s why you need your Jay to always look after you.”
He was still giggling as I pulled our bedroom door shut. I rapped my knuckles on Matt’s door. Something banged, Matt cursed, and then I distinctly heard Brandon telling him to watch his language. Maybe it meant nothing, but it might also mean everything. I stifled my laughter as the door swung open. “Hey, what’s up?”
I glanced past him to see Brandon kicked back on the gaming chair, controller in his hand. “I wanted to talk to the two of you for a minute. It’s about Chase.”
“Come on in, man.” It was Brandon who made the invitation. Matt stepped aside to let me in. I hadn’t been in their room since before Christmas break, and didn’t miss the fact there were two open suitcases on Matt’s bed. Matt’s eyes followed mine and he blushed. “I’m assuming this is about what happened before breakfast?”
“Yeah, for the most part.” Now that I was in here, I wasn’t sure what I should say. Chase hadn’t given me permission to tell them he was little, and I wouldn’t betray that trust. “I can’t say much, but he’s nervous. He had a rough time at the end of fall semester with a roommate who filed a complaint against him after learning certain things.”
“Did he try to make his last roommate his Daddy, too?” Matt blurted out. The glare Brandon leveled on him made me flinch. “Sorry. Brandon told me it’s not my place to say anything. And you’re probably here because you’re worried about the same thing. I promise, Jayden, I’m not going to do anything stupid.”
“The problem is, you don’t think before you engage your mouth,” Brandon scolded him. “If and when Chase is comfortable enough to say anything, he will. But he won’t if he’s worried you’re going to blab to people he’s not ready to have find out.”
“I swear, Jayden, I won’t say anything dumb,” Matt insisted. “I was only trying to help him see that he doesn’t have to hide those things from us.”
“How do you even know that much?” We’d been careful, other than this morning when I’d been worried about him.
“Um, the walls are sort of thin,” Brandon pointed out. “If it makes you feel any better, we haven’t heard the two of you having sex or anything like that.” He glared at Matt again. “And we weren’t going to make any assumptions based on what we did hear, but one of us can’t help himself.”
“You did it, too,” Matt protested. “I’m not the one who helped him wash his hands and told him it was okay when he got upset about the egg. You were bad, too. Do you need me, or can I go play with Chase?”
I rolled my eyes. This was one of the most absurd conversations I’d ever been a part of. I looked at Brandon and he simply shrugged. Yeah, we were definitely going to be having a long talk. Soon.
“Yeah, you’re good. Don’t stay out too long. I’ll have dinner ready when both of you get back.”
“Thanks, Brandon.” Matt’s face scrunched up when he said Brandon’s name. Knowing what I knew, it was comical. He got to the door, then turned back, crossing the room in five long strides. He bent down to give Brandon a kiss that got hot enough I felt uncomfortable staying in the room. Finally, I cleared my throat and Matt jumped back. “Sorry. Um, so yeah, I’m going to head out now. Bye Bran, by Jayden.”
“Later,” I called out as he rushed past me, refusing to make eye contact. I shoved aside one of the suitcases on Matt’s bed and made myself comfortable. “So, anything you want to tell me?”
“Nope.” Brandon’s lips popped at the end of the word. “Until I figure out what in the hell we’re doing, and if it’s going to make shit weird for next year, I’d rather not say anything.”
“Fair enough.” I couldn’t exactly demand answers from him when I wasn’t willing to open up more than I had to, either. My phone buzzed and I checked it to see a message from William telling me to take my time. I might regret what I was about to say, but I didn’t stop myself. “So, I have to head out, but if you ever want to go out for the night, I know a place we could go where they’d have fun.”
When I thought about what college would be like, I never envisioned myself subtly suggesting to one of my roommates that we plan on going to a kink club where the boyfriends we weren’t admitting we had, played in a room designed for littles.
“I’ll let you know.” Brandon turned back to his game, effectively dismissing me. I stopped by our room long enough to grab my keys and make sure the chain was locked on the door leading into the rest of the suite. Now that our secret was starting to leak out, I was paranoid one of the other guys would snoop. If they did, I highly doubted they’d be as chill as Matt and Brandon had been.
10
Jayden
William was waiting for me outside the employee entrance of The Lodge when I pulled into the employee parking lot as his text instructed. “Hey kid, you eat yet?”
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. The whole ‘kid’ thing grated on my nerves, but I didn’t want to get into a pissing match with him when I needed his help. The more time I spent with Chase, the more out of my element I felt. Every time I looked online, everything was Daddy this and Daddy that. A few had referred to the grown up in the relationship as the caregiver, and that wasn’t so bad, but I needed to get over the way the word Daddy grated on me if I had any hope of staying with Chase. And I wanted whatever we were building to work out.
“Grabbed a bite before I left,” I told him so he wouldn’t feel the need to take me out to lunch. And it wasn’t technically a lie; I’d grabbed a bag of cookies on my way out of the room because I was fucking starving. As I followed him into the club I said, “Thanks for letting me come and talk to you.”
“Jayden, you’re more than welcome to visit anytime,” he reminded me. He’d said similar things, repeatedly, since he’d retired from the military and moved back to Annandale. I felt like an immature little shit for keeping my distance because I’d convinced myself he was trying to step in to fill a void that I’d rarely felt.
Maybe I had wished there was a dad in my life when I was little and my friends talked about their dads, but Mom was awesome at stepping into both roles. She was just as likely to bake a batch of her to-die-for brownies as she was to help building sets for the school play. She’d bitched every time a call went out for ‘the dads’ to help out, telling me what a misogynistic pile of shit it was for some of my teachers to imply only the menfolk could help out with certain tasks. It had been interesting the day I’d repeated those words to one of my teachers and we’d been called in to a meeting with the principal. To his credit, he seemed impressed that a nine-year-old was willing to call out a teacher, even if my language had been inappropriate.
“I know. And I’m not trying to avoid you or anything. Ask Mom, she’ll tell you I’ve been crazy busy with classes this semester.”
William laughed, shaking his head. “Okay, we’ll pretend schoolwork is what has you preoccupied this semester, even though I have a feeling it’s the cute roommate that’s been taking up your time.”
Ugh. Of all the kink clubs in the area, he had to work at the only one that catered to people like Chase. I would rather discuss these things with just about anyone other than my mom’s brother, and yet, he was the one person who would be able to help me through this crisis. “Yeah, well, it’s not like I’m going to tell her I’m too busy figuring out what in the hell I’m doing with a guy who’s a little, even though I’m not a Daddy, and I can’t figure out how to tell him he’d be better off finding someone who can be what he wants, am I?”
Man, that was a mouthful. It was a good thing I needed to catch my breath, or I probably would have kept rambling.
“Fair point. But, seriously, I’m proud of
you for coming to me with your questions. It takes a mature person to do something they’d rather not because they understand it will help them be a better partner.” He pushed the door open and my mouth fell slack. Chase was going to love this room. It seriously had everything a little could want, no matter where they were in their regression. William ushered me into the room. “I thought it might be easier to talk in here where you can see a variety of dynamics.”
“But we’re the only people in here,” I pointed out. It was a cool room, but I was still clueless about what I was supposed to get out of this exercise.
“We are,” William confirmed. “And, so far, you’re one of a handful of people who’s been allowed to see what the playroom is going to look like when it opens. You’re a smart kid, Jayden. I think, in some ways, it’ll be easier for you to answer your own questions in an empty room.”
“Yeah, or maybe it’s even more confusing because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be looking at,” I scoffed, already making my way through the room. I bypassed the area that looked like a dream bedroom or rec room for a teenage boy. That wasn’t something that interested me, but I would have to tell Matt and Brandon about it—they’d go nuts for the wall of gaming consoles.
The next area made me slow down and look around a bit. I could almost see Chase playing with the building sets, but not quite. It was still too big for when he was Ash. The third section made my heart skip a beat. The low tables and smaller chairs would be perfect for when he had quiet time. I wished we had something like that in our room because I could almost picture him sitting there doing his homework, with a sippy cup and a little bowl of fruit in front of him.
It wasn’t until we reached the far end of the room that I got uncomfortable. I didn’t necessarily like the way my dick perked up when I took in the sight of the nursery that was most definitely not for children. All of the furniture, including the rocking chair, were designed with a Daddy and his boy in mind.