by Quinn Ward
“Yeah, I’m good.” He waved me off. The contents in the door of the fridge rattled when he slammed it closed. Good was a fucking long shot, but was it my place to pry?
I grabbed my bottle of water and went around to the lounge area. If he wanted to talk about it, he’d have to come to me. I wasn’t even a fan of trying to pry information out of Chase, so I sure as fuck wasn’t going to do it with a friend.
With spring break right around the corner, I had two papers left to finish that were due before the break, and I wanted to get a head start on my psych paper that wasn’t due until the end of the term. It was a beast, made even more unbearable because I had yet to compile even a short list of topics. If the professor had given us the slightest indication of the direction she’d wanted us to take, it would have been much easier. Then again, by this stage of the game, she probably assumed we were capable of building our own ideas and exploring the topics that interested us as a whole. And I would have been, if not for the needy little boy I’d allowed to take up every bit of my free time.
I pulled out a yellow legal pad to start free writing. It wouldn’t produce anything, but maybe it would allow me to get past the wall I’d created in my mind.
That didn’t last long. Every time Brandon slammed a pan on the stove or thwacked the knife too hard on the bamboo cutting board, my pen scribbled across the paper like a needle being dragged along the surface of a vinyl record. By the time I had six jagged lines and only three ideas, I slapped my pen onto the table. “Okay, that’s e-fucking-nough. Get your ass over here and tell me what’s going on.”
“You didn’t want to talk about it,” Brandon sniped.
“Yeah, and now I do.” I started packing up my books and binders. “I thought you were trying to get me to dish about my relationship and I don’t work that way. But it’s obvious to me there’s something bugging you, beyond the soundtrack of Zach and Daniel’s exploits. So, what gives?”
Brandon ignored me while he stirred the sauce. I stared at him as he pulled a spoon out of the drawer to taste it. I rolled my eyes when he shook a little of this and a bit of that into the pot. Seriously, we were college kids, we didn’t need a gourmet dinner. Before joining me in the lounge, Brandon grabbed two beers out of the fridge. I wasn’t much of a drinker—something Zach and Daniel loved to give me shit about—but if he thought this was a conversation better had over drinks, I wasn’t going to argue. Besides, maybe he needed a bit of liquid courage, and I wasn’t going to make him drink alone.
“I just want to understand what you guys do,” Brandon said as he flopped onto the couch. He groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “No, that came out wrong. I do not want to know the details of what you do behind closed doors, but I want to understand.”
“Why?” How much I shared with him depended on his motivation. I would still protect Chase at all costs.
“Because Matt’s been talking about some stuff and I’m trying to get it, I really am, but I don’t know man.” Brandon groaned, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. I felt bad for the guy as he twisted his fingers through his hair. There was nothing I could say to reassure him; he needed time to figure out what he wanted to say and then he’d talk. “The calling me Daddy stuff was a joke at first. Hell, he called me Daddy before we were even fooling around. Once we did start sleeping together, it was weird but hot. But now…he makes all these off-handed comments like he’s trying to test me.”
“How so?”
“Like, the other day I came home from class and he was sitting on the floor putting together a puzzle while he watched cartoons. He looked up at me and said, hi, Daddy. And then he just watched me like he was waiting for a reaction.” He stared straight ahead. “What am I supposed to say?”
“Maybe you could talk to him about it?” I snickered, remembering having a conversation just like this with my uncle. Of course, I hadn’t taken his advice, but Chase and I were in a different place than Matt and Brandon.
They’d never come out and admitted they were fucking, but it had been obvious to all of us. They were buddies when the school year started, but before fall break, it had been hard to miss the way they looked at one another. Hell, I’d thought they’d been together since the first time I met them, but they were apparently slow to feel the sexual tension that followed the two of them around. “It sucks, but sometimes you have to just sit down and ask him where he sees things going.”
“Was it weird for you?” Brandon still wouldn’t look at me. He took a long draw off his beer. “The baby stuff, I mean. Maybe that’s the wrong way to say it, I think.”
“There was a little bit of awkward when I first realized Chase was little,” I admitted. As long as I focused more on my own feelings, I wasn’t saying anything that could get me in trouble. “But it didn’t take long for everything to make sense. It’s not weird, it’s just who he is. And now, I’m not sure I could ever see him without his little side.”
“But what about…” Brandon’s cheeks turned red as he tipped back his bottle.
And there’s the real issue.
“What about sex?” I provided, finishing the question he couldn’t bring himself to answer.
“Yeah, that,” he confirmed. He got up to stir the spaghetti sauce and put the pan of nuggets and tots into the oven. I checked the time on my phone and noticed a text from Chase.
Matt wants to play a little longer. Is that okay? No matter how many times I told him he didn’t have to ask permission, he always did. It was one piece of our dynamic that allowed him to feel connected to his little side when he had to be big.
Yeah, that’s fine but dinner’s going to be ready soon.
Before he responded, I sent a second message. There was a way I could help Brandon and Matt sort out their shit, and I was pretty sure Chase would love my suggestion. What do you say we go out tonight? The playroom is open at the club.
His response took long enough that I worried he was going to make an excuse again. Can we invite Matt? I think he wants to play, too. He’s been acting funny.
That’s a great idea, buddy. I’ll ask Brandon. As much as he’d love for me to think it was his big heart that had him asking if Matt and Brandon could come with us, I knew it was just as much for his benefit as theirs. I’d suggested the club a few times, hoping he could find other littles to play with, but he’d been nervous about going when he didn’t know anyone. This gave him a safety net.
Thank you, Daddy. Love you.
My heart melted a little, the same as it did every time he uttered those words. The week after we’d first expressed our feelings, our roommates started making gagging noises. Apparently, we’d been a bit over the top. Someday, the tables would turn, and I’d laugh my ass off when they couldn’t hold back.
Love you, too. Home in 30, please.
Yes, Daddy. I’ll make sure Matt doesn’t go for ice cream.
Tell him he won’t get a treat tonight if he does. It may not be my place to threaten consequences, but Matt was cute as fuck when he let glimpses of his little side peek to the surface. If he knew a treat was on the line, he’d make sure they walked through the door with a minute to spare.
“See, that’s the shit that I want.” Brandon tipped his beer bottle in my direction as he came back from the kitchen.
“What?” I asked, totally playing dumb.
“You get this stupid look on your face when you’re texting with Chase. It’s like he’s the center of your world. And he needs you as much as you need him.” He started pacing back and forth, kicking someone’s shoes against the wall. Probably Zach’s. He was the pig of the suite. “I want that shit, you know, but I’m not sure I can do the rest of it.”
“Okay, so first of all, you don’t know yet if he’s truly little or just curious. He could try it and see it’s not something he wants,” I explained. I closed my eyes and thought about what William would say if he was the one here talking to Brandon. “All that shit you said you want, that’s part of being a good Daddy. And I get it, man. I f
ucking love the way Chase turns to me when he’s having a rough time and needs to get away from his adult side for a while. Knowing that I’m the one who can make his stress melt away? That’s the most powerful shit there is.”
“But the sex…” Brandon was obsessed with this one aspect, and we were getting close to the line I didn’t feel comfortable crossing.
I held up a finger and pulled out my phone. Buddy, how much have you told Matt about what we do?
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll understand.” He sounded utterly defeated. I prayed William was at the club tonight if we went, because I was quickly drowning here. Brandon needed someone who knew what the fuck he was doing to help him, not me. I still questioned myself almost daily.
“It’s not that,” I reassured him. I stared at the phone and tapped my foot. They were playing games on their damn phones; there was no way he hadn’t seen my message. “Checking in with Chase real quick.”
“Oh, cool.”
Um, enough? Why?
Brandon’s asking questions, I responded. Anything you don’t want me telling him?
No, it’s fine.
“Sorry about that,” I apologized as I tucked my phone away. “Chase worries about people knowing about him because of some shit that went down with his old roommate, so I wanted to make sure it was okay if we talk when he’s not here.”
Brandon seemed to relax a bit once I admitted that even though we fooled around when Chase was little, penetration was something that had only happened when he was big. It wasn’t something I’d told Chase I needed, but he seemed more comfortable keeping a bit of separation. And I didn’t tell Brandon how easily he slipped back once we were done; the way he needed me to hold him as he came down was too special to share, even with one of my best friends.
The only strange thing about the entire conversation was how normal it felt. Just a few months ago, being with someone who was into age play wouldn’t have crossed my mind. In fact, it was something I probably would have shied away from, insisting I could never find things like diapers, binkies, story time, and cuddling attractive. Now, I was trying to reassure a friend that he could do this, that it didn’t have to be a deal breaker.
“Before the boys get back, I wanted to tell you about a place that might help you dip your toes in the water, so to speak.” The timer went off and I got up. The food in the oven had been my idea, so it was my responsibility. I turned off the oven but didn’t take out the food just yet. I wanted it to be hot when Chase and Matt got home. “My uncle works at a place called The Lodge. It’s a kink club, but things in the front area are pretty tame. They just opened a new playroom and I have been trying to get Chase to go again. I think he’d be more willing if he had a friend to play with.”
Framing this as a favor wasn’t the most straight-forward, but if there were two guys who needed a safe space, it was them. I knew how much it had helped Chase to realize there were other people like him, and The Lodge was the perfect place for someone who didn’t know where he fit. I could picture Matt wandering around the playroom, exploring the different areas.
I didn’t tell Brandon that I didn’t think diapers and bottles were something he needed to worry about. Based on his personality, I couldn’t imagine Matt regressing quite that far.
“That sounds pretty cool, actually.” As Brandon finished up the sauce and drained the pasta, we made plans to head out after dinner, as long as no one had any homework that had to be done tonight. “Is there a dress code or anything like that?”
“Nope,” I reassured him. “There will be littles and their Daddies there, but from what I saw the one time we went, everyone’s totally chill. It’s pretty come as you are.”
Brandon leaned against the counter. I waited, knowing he was running through the pros and cons in his head. That was the way he did everything. “Yeah, okay. Let’s do this.”
“You won’t regret it.”
17
Chase
Matt was waiting for me outside Talbert. I’d planned on going upstairs to get my homework out of the way, so I had one less thing on my plate. I’d been going home with Jay on the weekends for a few weeks now, but there was this elephant in the room. Every time I tried talking to him about it, he quickly distracted me with a new stuffie or coloring book. As much as I loved presents, we needed to talk.
“Do you want to head over to the gym with me?” Matt twisted the hem of his t-shirt and wouldn’t make eye contact. He’d been more withdrawn recently, and I was starting to worry things weren’t going well between him and Brandon.
I’d warned him to be careful about dumping too much on Brandon at once. He wasn’t like me; being little was something he was interested in, but he hadn’t spent years obsessing over it before finding his Daddy. In some ways, I envied him never having to go out and look for someone to be with, but I also understood there was risk for him. If things went south, he was in danger of losing someone he’d been friends with since they were kids. That would hurt so much more than when Jesse kicked me in the gut.
I had too much to do to waste the afternoon playing our game. Defending our gym was a bad reason to put off my responsibilities. But Matt needed a friend. Surely there was an exception to the rules for that. “Yeah, but only for a little while. I’ll just text Jay and tell him where I am.”
“Is that one of your rules?” Matt loved when I told him about the rules my Daddy gave me. Any time I opened up a little more and told him about Ash, he’d give me his undivided attention, as if I was revealing secrets he’d been dying to learn. I felt bad for him. He was still too scared to tell his Daddy what he needed. I wished there was a way to help him.
“Sort of.” I shrugged. It wasn’t technically a rule that I had to check in with him. I almost wished it was, but Jay kept telling me I was still an adult who could do whatever I wanted. He worried a lot that people would think he was controlling me, but that was dumb. Knowing he loved me enough to set boundaries and expectations gave me freedom to be me. It felt like he took the little stress away so I could pay attention to the big things. “It’s more mutual respect than anything. I don’t want him to worry about me if I’m not home when he thinks I will be.”
“Maybe I’m not supposed to be little,” Matt said as he slumped against the low stone wall in front of the residence hall. “I don’t like having to check in or having people tell me what to do.”
This wasn’t the place to have a conversation like this, but it hurt my heart to see Matt sad. I leaned against the wall beside him, slinging an arm over his shoulder. “You’ll definitely be a handful, but don’t you think your Daddy knows what he’s getting into? You won’t be a different person from who you are big, just a different version of the you that’s always there. And maybe you forgetting the rules, will mean Brandon has to punish you.”
I shifted, allowing the rough capstone to rub against my still tender bottom. Punishments weren’t fun but they weren’t so bad. Unless it was sitting in the corner; I hated that, and Daddy knew it. I would do just about anything to make sure I didn’t get in big enough trouble for that again.
“Punishments are a good thing?” Matt’s nose scrunched up and he shook his head. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“They are,” I insisted. “When Daddy has to punish me, it reminds me that I belong to him. He doesn’t do it because he’s mad at me, but because he wants me to be the best I can be.”
“And you like that?” Matt gaped at me, seemingly baffled by my admission. “I mean, Brandon’s spanked me before, but that’s just part of sex for us. Do you have sex after you get punished?”
“Nope. We really don’t do that very often.” And there was the elephant again, stomping into my head when I was having a good time with my friend. I’d thought the weekends were going to be time for me to be little and for sex when Jay’s mom went out with her friends, which she’d been doing at least one night every weekend so we could have some alone time.
I was getting plenty
of time to be Ash without having to worry about someone walking in on me, but the sex…not so much. I was starting to think it wasn’t good for Jay, but he loved me too much to tell me. “If you are little, you’ll start to understand eventually. And sometimes, I guess, there could be sex after. You have to make your own rules.”
“Or Brandon does,” Matt scoffed. “I just don’t see that happening. I’ve been trying things to see how it feels, and I think it’s making him nervous. He looks at me like he doesn’t know what to do with me.”
“That can happen,” I reassured him. We kept talking as we climbed the hill leading to the science building. My legs ached by the time we reached the top. This was a dumb place to have a gym; we should have put it at the bottom of the hill.
Matt and I battled for a while before wandering further down the trail that wound through campus. Along the way, we stopped to capture more monsters. It was a mindless game, but a great way to get some exercise without feeling like we were working out. Before I knew it, we’d wandered over a mile from Talbert. I needed to text Daddy and check in with him.
He gave me permission to stay out another half-hour and then told me he wanted to go to The Lodge. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It was fun the first time, but I wasn’t good at making new friends and I knew that’s why he wanted us to go. He said I needed more littles to play with because boys shouldn’t have to hide their toys. I didn’t need other friends as long as Matt was willing to build stuff with me. He even had Beyblades in his room, and those were super cool when they broke apart in battle.
I looked at Matt and thought about how sad and confused he felt. I thought about how much it would have helped me if I’d known places like The Lodge existed when I’d first started learning about age play.
I didn’t want Daddy upset if he wanted tonight to be a date, but the worst that could happen would be he’d say no.
Can we invite Matt? I think he wants to play, too. He’s been acting funny.