by Quinn Ward
“Nope.”
“We can’t take it to my parents’ house,” I protested. The only time I’d had any of my gear in their house had been over winter break, and I’d been tense the entire time waiting for one of my siblings to go snooping.
“No, but we can put it in my car. Luckily, most of your stuff is already at my mom’s place, but I know you. If we leave anything here, you’re going to worry about someone breaking into the room and finding it while we’re gone.” When he put it like that, yeah, I was definitely okay with taking my stuff with us. But he could still leave it at his mom’s, where we both knew no one would think anything was strange if they saw it. “And if you’re struggling, we’ll find a way to get you at least a few minutes of little time. You need this, Chase. It’s part of who you are, not just something you like dressing up to do on the weekends.”
I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around Jay from behind with my cheek pressed to his back. “Thank you, Daddy, for always taking care of me.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that, babe,” he said as he turned in my arms. He hooked a finger under my chin, tipping my head back so I was looking up at him. It still amazed me that this beautiful man was all mine. His stubble felt rough under my palm. He tilted his head to the side. “I meant it, Chase. I’m the lucky one. It’s crazy that our paths probably crossed a hundred times, but it wasn’t until you barged into my room that I realized how much I needed you in my life.”
Jay and I took a few minutes to go through the room making sure none of my little stuff was left behind. I startled when there was a knock on the door. I felt silly, but I hid behind him as he opened the door. “Hey man, what’s up?”
“Is Chase here?” Zach asked. I swallowed hard and dug my fingers into Jay’s hips, so he’d know I didn’t want to talk to our roommate. I’d just managed to come back from the stupid things I’d let get to me from earlier. Having a week apart would give us time for me to calm down enough I wouldn’t make a fool of myself when I had to face him again.
“What do you want, Zach?” There was no missing Jay’s annoyance.
“I wanted to apologize for being a flaming bag of dicks earlier.” The non-apology felt almost scripted, like he was here because he was told he had to be, not because he felt bad about what he’d said to me. And maybe I had overreacted. He hadn’t been teasing me about being little, his cracks had all been unoriginal insults about how only babies liked this or only kids were into that. But I’d let him get to me.
Zach wasn’t fooled by me hiding behind Jay. He leaned around so he was looking directly at me. I tucked my chin, trying to make myself smaller. “Listen, I had no right to take my crappy week out on you. I’ve got some shit I’m trying to deal with, and you were an easy target. That wasn’t cool.”
“No, it wasn’t,” I agreed, my words muffled by Jay’s body. I held him tighter as I looked up at Zach, remembering everything Jay had said to get me to calm down. I let Jesse mess with my head and convince me there was something wrong with me. I’d kept my guard up since moving in here because I didn’t want to be vulnerable again. “I’m sorry if you were in a bad mood, but that doesn’t mean you can make another person feel bad for something they enjoy. What I do doesn’t impact your life at all, so it shouldn’t matter if I wanted to spend all day looking for that figure. There’s probably stuff you like that I don’t, but I would never, ever, go out of my way to make you feel bad.”
“Damn, where was this fire earlier?” Zach sounded almost proud of me for standing up to him. I let go of Jay and stood taller. Zach had a valid point; I had no reason to hide.
“If you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you, we’re here for you.” I slid my hand into Jay’s. He gave my fingers a squeeze and smiled, letting me know he was proud of me for being the bigger person. “But please don’t look at me and think I’m going to be your punching bag. No one deserves that.”
“I promise, I won’t.” I shook his outstretched hand. It felt like a weight I hadn’t known I’d been carrying around vanished from my shoulders. For the past few months, I’d convinced myself he was no different than Jesse and steered clear of him. Now, I was starting to get a clearer picture. Like me, Zach had something he was holding back. For someone who tried acting so confident all the time, that had to be tough. “Maybe when you get back, we can all go out. Things have been tense in the suite this semester, and that’s on me. I want to get back to how it used to be.”
“I’d like that,” Jay told him. I slipped back as the two of them talked a bit more about life before I’d moved in. Everything was packed and ready to go by the time Jay pulled him into a quick hug. Maybe Zach wasn’t as bad as I’d originally thought.
20
Jayden
“Hey boys,” Mom called out as I set our bags down at the base of the steps. My stomach growled as I inhaled the scent of fennel, garlic, and peppers. It didn’t matter that I’d eaten lunch a couple of hours ago, the prospect of a home-cooked meal made me ravenous. “Jayden, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Shit. My mind raced, trying to come up with what I might have done that caused that tone in her voice. I’d gotten used to it in high school when I was constantly in trouble for forgetting to do assignments or for fighting because I didn’t deal well with being called a fucking fairy. But I wasn’t in high school and I didn’t think colleges operated that way.
Maybe William told Mom about us going to The Lodge? No, I doubted that would shock her in the slightest. She knew all about Chase, so she more than likely assumed we went to the club.
Did I have unpaid parking tickets? No, I always parked in my assigned lot at school and rarely drove anywhere that had paid parking.
Seeing as Chase was the only person I’d even looked at since the start of the year, and I was a gold-star gay boy who’d never even kissed a girl, it couldn’t be that someone had knocked on Mom’s door to let her know she was a grandma.
I was at a total fucking loss. She sounded far too chipper for gearing up to tell me someone had died or was dying. “Why don’t you take our stuff up to the bedroom and I’ll be up when I get done talking to Mom.”
“Okay.” Chase and I had a routine that worked for us, helping him shift from Chase, the college student, to Ash, my sweet boy. He slid a hand around to the back of my neck, pressing his forehead to mine. “Relax. I’m sure it’s nothing bad.”
“Oh, now you’re the one taking care of me?” I teased. It was an unexpected turn of events, and I was joking to cover up how strange it felt. I was the one who reassured him, not the other way around.
“We take care of one another,” he corrected me. He pulled my head down so he could press his lips to my forehead. “And, right now, I can tell you’re freaking out. Don’t build this up to be bigger than it is. She probably just wants to talk to you about spring break.”
There he went being logical. I stuffed my hands into the back pockets of his jeans, pulling his body against mine. Unlike his chaste kiss to my head, I licked my way into his mouth, conveying without words how much it meant that he cared enough to be my rock when I needed it. He broke the kiss, but not before both of us were left panting and hard.
“Go. I’m going to lay down for a few minutes.”
“I fucking love you. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I do.” He gave me a playful shove before bending down to pick up our bags. He stopped halfway up the stairs and called out my name. “I love you, too. Make sure your mom knows I’ll help with the landscaping when we get back.”
Oh yeah, I had to tell her I was bailing for the week, too. Who knows, maybe she had psychic abilities she’d never told me about and her spidey senses told her we were only crashing at home until mid-morning tomorrow. I figured if I was driving him down, there was no point in leaving at the ass-crack of dawn.
“Hey, Mom, something smells good in here.” On the off-chance I was in trouble, I figured a little sucking up couldn’t hurt. Besides, it wasn’t a l
ie. She had a pan of sausages and peppers simmering in her homemade sauce on the stove. Homemade sauce said something was up. When it was just the three of us, she still made a home-cooked meal but nothing that she had to spend a fair amount of time on. “Should I be worried?”
“Why does everyone get nervous when I get a hair up my ass to actually cook?” she grumbled.
“Um, because we know you?” She swatted me when I got close enough to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You’re a great cook, but you prefer to spend your time baking most of the time.”
“Fair enough, but maybe I wanted to do something special for Chase before he goes home to his family.” The look on my face must have adequately conveyed my disbelief. Besides, she knew he didn’t do tomato-based sauces. She’d scolded me for not telling her ahead of time the weekend she made lasagna for us and he’d spent the evening with an upset stomach because he’d been too polite to say anything. Proving my point, she dumped macaroni noodles into another pot, and I saw the ingredients for a homemade cheese sauce on the counter. I smirked and she busted up laughing. “Fine, you caught me. But I’m not just making the mac and cheese for him. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Before she could explain, I heard footsteps that were much too quiet to be Chase plodding down the hall. “Miss Gen, when’s my Daddy going to be here?”
“Uh, do you have something to tell me, young lady?” I asked, looking down at the pint-sized cutie rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Oh shi—” Mom stopped me with an icy glare. “Are you seeing someone? Is that why the special dinner tonight?”
“No.” She scooped the little girl into your arms. “He got here when you were still sleeping, sweetheart. He and William are having a grown-up talk. If you can color a picture for my fridge while I talk to Jayden, I’ll take you to them in just a few minutes, okay?”
I was living in the Twilight Zone, that was all there was to it. There was a toddler I’d never seen whose father was talking to my uncle—unless ‘grown up talk’ was a euphemism for busting a nut while the kid slept—traipsing around the house like she was the queen of the castle and my mom didn’t see anything unusual about all this.
“Why is everyone so interested in my love life all of a sudden?” Mom grumbled as she stirred the pasta.
“Because you’re still young enough to have needs, Mom,” I pointed out, shuddering at the thought of Mom’s needs. Still, she had ignored that side of herself for my sake, and I didn’t want her wasting the rest of her life alone. She deserved to go out and play the field a bit. “So, who’s the kid?”
“Your uncle’s boyfriend’s girl,” Mom said, still more focused on getting dinner ready than on me. It was her way. When she wasn’t sure how I’d react, she busied herself doing other things. The problem was, I couldn’t see why any of this should be an issue.
If William was seeing someone, I was happy for him. It was a sad state of affairs that the one commonality between the siblings was that they’d never had anyone significant in their lives. I wasn’t under any illusions that my uncle had lived as a monk, but I’d always felt like there was something missing in his life. He talked a good game, but he wasn’t really cut out to be the bachelor forever.
“I wanted to give you a heads up so you could make sure it wasn’t going to be an issue for Chase.” My heart warmed that she’d thought about how uncomfortable he tended to be until he warmed up to new people. But he was doing much better lately; he’d even been friendly when Mel had stopped by unexpectedly. “I love that this has become a place where he can be himself, but he may need to tone it down for tonight. You know your uncle wouldn’t have an issue with it, of course, but…”
Her gaze drifted toward the living room. Of course. No freaking out the small child by letting her see the grown man who liked being little. Ugh. I hated that I was going to have to break it to Chase, but it made sense. He wouldn’t be comfortable, and I doubted the kid’s dad would be happy about having to answer questions.
“I get it,” I reassured her. “Why don’t I go up and talk to him now. We’ll be down in a bit.”
“I really am sorry about this,” she called out as I left the room. I felt like a dick for being pissed about having outsiders in our sanctuary. The kid seemed sweet, but she was fucking with my plans.
Chase was dozing on the bed when I snuck into the bedroom. Funny, the first week or two, it had been my room, despite the fact Mom had bought the place shortly before I moved out, but now it was our bedroom. This space was as much Chase’s as mine. These four walls were our ultimate safe zone where nothing was off-limits. That feeling had never been truer than as I slid into the bed next to him.
“Everything okay?” Chase reached back, placing a hand on my hip as he pulled me tighter against his back.
“Yeah, it’s all good,” I told him. There was no harm in giving him a few more minutes of peace, right? I kissed the back of his head as he curled into a tight ball against my chest, his favorite blankie clutched in his fists.
He looked so damned peaceful. This was why we came home on the weekends. During the week, there was always something bothering him, even when he was supposedly relaxing. It wasn’t until he walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed that he began to shed his stress like businessman might strip his shirt and tie at the end of the workday. And now, I had to cut his time short.
“What’s wrong? You’re tense,” Chase pointed out, his words still slurred from sleep. He rolled over, smoothing his thumb over my forehead. “Something is wrong, isn’t it?”
“Not really,” I responded, lacing our fingers together and bringing our joined hands up to my mouth. “Mom wanted to give us a heads up that William’s new boyfriend and his daughter are here for dinner.”
“William has a daughter?”
“No, the boyfriend does,” I clarified.
Chase surprised me. I’d expected him to be upset about losing his time, but he popped up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “This is a good thing, Jay. I know you’re probably worried about me, but I’m going to be fine. And this will give both of us a chance to practice being boyfriends, instead of Daddy and Ash. That’s one of my big worries about taking you home with me. I don’t want to slip up. At least here, I’ll be around people who get me if I do.”
“You amaze me sometimes, baby.” I captured him when he tried to stand, pulling him back onto the bed. He might be ready to conquer the world, but I wanted a few more minutes with my boy. After all, he’d made it pretty clear we may not be able to have private time once we were at his family’s home. I needed my fill of snuggles before then, just in case.
Eventually, Mom knocked on the bedroom door to let us know dinner was ready. Both of us got out of the bed. Chase stood in front of the dresser, staring at his reflection. I placed a hand at the middle of his back. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking about how much happier I am now than when I went home in December. My parents are probably going to think I’m on drugs or something.” Chase laughed and shook his head. When the smile on his face fell, I stepped closer, wrapping my arm around his waist. “I wish they were more like your mom. She’s genuinely happy that we’ve found one another. I’m not expecting that tomorrow.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” I told him. I’d overheard a few of the calls he’d had with his parents over the past few months and often wondered how much of the tension between them was miscommunication. I was going to be hopeful for both of us. Until there was a reason to think otherwise, one of us had to keep the faith that they would welcome me into their home with open arms. “For now, let’s go down and enjoy dinner. Mom made you a pan of mac and cheese.”
“She doesn’t have to make special meals for me,” Chase protested.
“But she will because she loves you,” I told him. “The more you protest, the more she’s going to dig in her heels. Eventually, she’ll start making your favorite foods and we’ll all be livi
ng off dinosaur shaped nuggets and tater tots.”
“The dinosaur ones taste best,” Chase stated as I picked up the comb and ran it through his hair. It was a ridiculous statement, but I’d put up with him and Matt arguing about which shapes tasted best enough times to know it was best to humor him. “I bet if I asked her, she’d put cheese on the tots like Brandon does. He’s a genius.”
“Yes, dear.” I laughed and gave him a playful swat on the backside. We needed to get downstairs before Mom sent William up to get us. If he came upstairs, he’d probably embarrass Chase without meaning to. William went a bit overboard trying to make sure I had a thorough education in how to be a good Daddy to my boy.
Chase’s confidence lasted until he turned the corner into the kitchen. He froze, gripping my hand tight enough I had to bite back a curse. I followed him and my eyes went wide. It was no wonder he’d panicked. He spun around, pushing me back into the hall. “Did you know that was his boyfriend?”
“Nope.” I was just as surprised as he was to see the bartender from our first visit to The Lodge sitting at my mom’s kitchen table with the curly-haired toddler on his lap. It was an odd coincidence when he also worked at the pop culture store Chase had wanted to visit earlier today, but I felt like we’d dodged a bullet there. Chase didn’t seem to recognize him then, and the guy didn’t say anything, so I didn’t give him a second thought. Now, my boy was trying to escape. But, unless I was mistaken, he didn’t realize the connection that should make him nervous. “Babe, look at me.”
He swallowed hard as he tipped his head back. I cupped his face, tracing my thumbs over his cheekbones. “It’s going to be fine. Why are you so nervous about this?”
“He saw me earlier. He probably thinks I’m a freak because of how upset I was when I didn’t find the Pop I wanted. And now he’s here. It’s…” His breathing started to slow, and I wondered if he realized now that he was overreacting. Yes, it was unexpected, but coincidences happened. “I’m being dumb, aren’t I?”