Saddles & Sabotage

by Nellie K Neves

  “Uh-uh,” she waved her slender finger in my face and sank back on her knees. “I’m not saying you look different. I’m saying you are different. My Lindy never would’ve gotten involved with these two in the first place. She’s too busy saving the world. And no wonder the whole Billings family is mad at you; you haven’t gotten anything done because you’ve been running around mooney-eyed after your cowboy.” Her silky dark hair fell to the side as she tilted her head. “Do you bother to profile anyone anymore? I mean there was a time that you’d be able to tell me everything that had happened to me by looking at me, and you’ve only talked about yourself for the last twenty minutes.”

  My mouth went slack at her words. Eleanor raised her hands defensively. “Hey, I’m not mad. It’s about time you found your inner girl, but I’m wondering if you’ve lost your gift entirely in this last relapse.”

  Her fingers twinkled in front of my face and I thought it was a strange thing to do. I narrowed my eyes and focused on what I assumed was her version of a clue. Gripping her left hand, I pulled it close to my face and screamed. “You’re engaged!”

  She tackled me and we laughed and giggled on the bed until we fell into a heap on the floor. Kip ducked his head in and smiled. “Nothing like the Johnson girls back together again.”

  I clutched my baby sister close and squeezed with all my strength. She wasn’t such a baby anymore, and when had she become insightful? Was she right? Had my gift faded without my knowledge?

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  We met Dana and I instantly liked her. She and Kip were matched intellectually and that was saying something. I expected her to leave with her girlfriends for some sort of party, but she was content to stay with Kip, Eleanor and me on the back patio and hear their favorite stories of my misspent youth.

  “How about the time Lindy profiled her way out of a speeding ticket?” Kip asked through the bout of laughter. The cows’ deep caterwaul clashed with his high pitched cackle.

  Eleanor mimicked my voice, “I can see that you’re going through a really hard divorce by the way your ring finger still holds traces of a ring, but I don’t think that is any reason to take your frustration out on me.”

  Kip joined in the fun with his own impression. “Maybe you should take up dance again, I can see by the way you stand that turn out comes naturally.”

  The sun had long since slipped behind the distant mountains and I pulled my jacket tighter around my chest. I rolled my eyes. “In my defense, he was a dancer as a teenager. It’s not my fault his parents shamed him out of it.”

  “The cop was a guy?” Dana asked incredulously. “I thought it was a chick.”

  “No,” Eleanor said, but her hand shot up, “there was this one time with a female security guard though.”

  “Stop,” I pleaded through my laughter. “I can’t take this abuse. Isn’t it someone else’s turn to be humiliated?”

  Dana shook her head. “I’m sorry, I know you and Kip dated, but I can’t see it.”

  “She was my bad girl phase,” Kip said with a grin.

  The thought of Kip with a bad girl nearly made me fall out of my chair with laughter. “Yes, because I was such a bad girl when I was with you.”

  Kip shrugged. “Come on, we got wild, Lindy.”

  “Name one time,” I challenged.

  “Skinny dipping at the Stop-On-Inn,” he offered.

  “It’s only skinny dipping if we both take off our clothes. I remember you got scared as soon as I unbuttoned my shorts. You jumped the fence and ran off. I had to walk home, Kipper.”

  “Yeah, but it was wild,” he joked.

  “So has Lindy always been into the nerds, or was Kip special?” Dana asked.

  Eleanor and I exchanged a look and said in unison, “Kip is always special.”

  Kip felt the need to defend his reputation. “Lindy is prone to bad relationships. I was the best choice she ever made.”

  Eleanor jumped ship and joined in the Lindy banter again. “Ooo, remember Doug with the street gang?”

  “Not a gang. They met on the street for basketball practice,” I said.

  The crickets started to sing and I could feel the dampness in the air leftover from the evening sprinklers. I knew some of the discomfort I felt was from my environment, but most of it had to do with the conversation.

  “And Harley, the guy who never spoke?” Kip added.

  “We found things to do anyway,” I said.

  “And Amos,” Eleanor said with finality.

  I had no way to excuse Amos, there was no way to sugar coat that relationship.

  “Who was Amos?” Dana asked, her curiosity peaked.

  “Amos,” Kip explained as he put his arm around his would be wife, “was the worst decision Lindy ever made, and that speaks volumes.”

  Again, I couldn’t argue.

  “Kip told you about her medical situation, right?” Eleanor asked Dana. When Dana nodded, my eyebrows shot up in surprise. It was as if I’d turned invisible. “Well,” Eleanor continued, “Lindy had sworn off relationships, but because of her work she ran into this guy named James, well, really he was Amos, but he was a grifter, a con man, ya know? He was British and oh my gosh, gorgeous.”

  Kip took over. “Lindy fell crazy head over heels for James, let him call her ‘Sparrow’, and forgot all about profiling or checking his background. Not to mention she gave up her relationship ban rather quickly. He was ready to take her for everything she was worth when he found out about her disease. I guess he must have felt bad because he came clean. Amos couldn’t handle it, so they broke up. Lindy hasn’t had a real relationship since.”

  I sunk a couple inches in my chair and considered tucking my head into my jacket. They’d described it all too well. I’d thought Amos was another private investigator, and I helped him on his “cases”, but really they were all crimes, more than I’d ever admit to. We were about to go into business together, merge assets and all that, when I finally trusted him enough to tell him my big secret. James disappeared and Amos came clean. His words were still fresh in my memory.

  “I could be a lot of things, Love, take from a lot of people, but I can’t do it to a girl who’s nearly terminal, and you know I won’t be any good for you. I’m too selfish, Sparrow,” he’d said, “and I’ll leave you when it hurts the most. Instead, I’ll leave you when it’ll hurt the least.”

  He’d climbed on his motorcycle, likely stolen from what I knew about him, and sped away. In reality, my heart had never been the same, not until Ryder.

  I cleared my throat and averted my eyes as the fresh memory pushed the emotion right to the top. “I think I should go to bed. It’s been a long day and we all need some sleep, right?”

  “Oh Lindy,” Eleanor apologized, “I didn’t mean to upset you. Tell Kip about the guys you have now, the good one and the one I don’t like.”

  She had a way about her—that was for sure.

  “I think you covered it pretty well, Sprout.” I did my best to hide the ache of an opened wound as I left. But I could still hear them through the screen door as I pulled a quilt around my shoulders in the guest bed.

  “How do you think she’s doing, Elle?” Kip asked.

  “What do you mean? Like physically? She looks great, no issues talking, seeing or walking.”

  “I mean emotionally. She pulled a crazy stunt a couple months ago, and it made me question her judgment, but you know her the best.”

  Eleanor was quiet for a minute and I wondered if I’d missed her answer. Finally, it came.

  “I think she’s lost.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  There was a major hustle and bustle in the morning that woke us both. Skirts rustling in the hall way outside our bedroom, shouts of joy and dismay and everything that came with a wedding day. As we listened to feet pound up and down the hallway, I slipped my arms around my sister’s waist and kissed the top of her head. My departure felt imminent, set for later that night, and I didn’t know when I’d see her again.
Her words about me echoed in my mind and I wondered if she was right, if I’d gotten a little lost.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The family’s seventeen acres of rolling meadows made a beautiful backdrop for the event. I’d never imagined so many cows at Kip’s wedding, but then again I’d never imagined Kip married. Perhaps there was hope for us all.

  The day breezed by entirely too fast and I realized what a treasure the day before had been. It was a gift really, a moment to remember myself and forget everything that had made me Cassidy, if only for twenty-four hours. Underneath it all, I was Lindy and I was a private investigator first and foremost. As I watched Dana smear Kip’s face with wedding cake, my phone buzzed with a text from Ryder. Eleanor glanced over my shoulder and read the note in a hushed whisper.

  “I messed up. I can see it now, and I’m sorry. But if he makes you happy, Huckleberry, then I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

  Eleanor’s eyes glistened with emotion. “Are you kidding me? How are you not running to him right now?”

  The place settings trembled and clinked as a thick woman at our table struggled to turn and shush her, but true to everything I’d taught her, Eleanor shushed the beast right back. I chuckled with sick pride at my sister’s attitude problem, but sobered as I spoke. “It’s not that simple, Elle.”

  My phone buzzed again with another message.

  “Promise you’ll be careful,” Eleanor read aloud. She frowned as she said, “Oh please, forget the case and go get married and we’ll have a double wedding. It’ll be amazing.”

  Hopeless romantic to a fault, that was Eleanor. I laughed and squeezed her hand. If only it was that simple, I thought.

  Kip pulled me aside before they left and tucked an envelope in my hand. Without looking, I knew it was Jackie’s information.

  “I already reached out to her a little bit. She’s not very receptive, and she thinks I’m lying about the kidnapping.” He watched my face fall in disappointment. “She has your address in Washington. I didn’t want to explain your situation at the ranch. I’m sure she thinks we’re both nuts, but I didn’t want you driving cross country to meet her with the reckless abandon you normally employ.”

  As usual Kip had done his best to save me from myself. I heard Dana call his name and I knew it was time to say goodbye.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and clutched my oldest friend close. “I love you, Kipper.”

  “Always and forever, Lindy.” Kip kissed my cheek quick and I swore I saw tears on his ruddy cheeks.

  My goodbye with Eleanor was worse. She made me promise to keep in touch once the case was over and I made her promise to pick a date for the wedding that wasn’t summer in California. Her parting words were simple, “Don’t forget who you are, Lindy.”

  We laughed and cried and then I was back on the road, struggling to remember who Cassidy Billings was and why on earth I wanted to go back to the Rockin’ B at all.

  Chapter 24

  I arrived late at my cabin and had to use my key to get in. Of course Dixie didn’t wake up as I crashed into my bed, and I was grateful. I felt as though the weight of the world had descended on my shoulders and I wasn’t sure how to peel it off again.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  My alarm buzzed the next morning and the reality of my life as Cassidy Billings swallowed me whole. I could see her pink water bottle near my head, her tank top with the glitz accents balled up in the corner, and her boots waited near the door, both the pink pair and the black pair. I rolled over to stop my alarm and gasped. Kicking the quilt off my legs, I glanced over the space beneath my empty bunk where I stored all of Cassidy’s things. Every bin, every box, bag and drawer had been dumped out on the floor.

  “What happened?” My question landed flat. Dixie didn’t answer so I wadded up my pillow and lobbed it at her head.

  “Dixie!”

  She lifted groggily from the pillow with partially opened eyes.

  “What’s this?” I yelled. I started to sort through the mess, but how could I tell if something was missing? None of it was mine to begin with. The only thing of mine that I’d brought was…

  The thought scared me to the core as I pushed through the pile to find my stash of syringes that held my medication.

  “Where are they?” I said to myself. “Where’d they go?”

  Dixie pulled herself from bed and stumbled to where I tore into my pile. “Are you looking for your drugs?”

  My head snapped to attention. “What happened here, Dixie?”

  She wasn’t willing to take credit for all of it. “I don’t know. I came back yesterday and everything was dumped out.” Her arms crossed in front of her in defiance. “But I did get rid of your drugs.”

  My palms went clammy as my mouth went dry. “What do you mean, Dixie? What’d you do?”

  “You’re in recovery. I don’t know what all that did for you, but I wasn’t going to let you get a fix. I mean, the prescription wasn’t yours, Cass.” Her lips pressed together. “I destroyed them. There’s nothing left.”

  I sank onto the bench and thought about the consequences of her actions. I had no medication left. She’d destroyed three weeks’ worth of medication. It wasn’t like I could get more either. I could get a message to Ryder, but could he get it to me? He had connections, but how would we...

  At the back of my mind a tiny thought of dissonance broke through.

  Maybe I don’t need them.

  I shook it off, but the thought took root. I hated those shots with every fiber of my being. For as much as I was terrified to be without them, I was also liberated to be free of them. Dixie set a hand to my shoulder and tried to console me.

  “It’s for the best. Now you can become healthy again.”

  The irony wasn’t lost on me. That medication was the only defense that stood between Lindy and the monster. Its sole purpose was to hold off relapse for as long as possible. The shots had been the only part of me, other than my car, that I’d brought. My connection to myself, the connection I’d found again with Eleanor, slipped away and dangled by a thread.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Dallas eased in next to me at breakfast and kissed my cheek. His words, “I missed you,” slipped over my skin and tickled my neck. The guilt of my Cassidy charade bubbled under my skin. He deserved to know my real identity. I reminded myself that it was for the case. I kept hidden for his safety.

  “I got us some time off together.” He kept his voice quiet, as if it were a secret. “I had to beg Wiley, but Saturday we get the day to ourselves.”

  Eleanor’s words plagued my mind and refused to let me relax into his touch. The Lindy I know would be done with the case by now… I needed to tell him the truth. The guilt tugged at my heart.

  “That sounds amazing,” I agreed.

  “In the meantime, I have to be gone tonight. I’m scheduled for a two night trip down into the valley.”

  I frowned. “That’s too bad. I just got back.”

  “But Saturday is ours, and it’s only five days away.” He kissed me quick, grabbed his hat and headed for the door.

  Tate sat in his chair at the head of the table. He still harbored a grudge over my accusations about his possible guilt. Nonetheless, he passed on the message. “Mallory called; she wants you to stop by the hospital today. She says she needs to see you.”

  Mallory was the woman who’d been thrown in the river with me. If she had something else to tell me, it meant her memory had started to clear.

  Tate pointed to Dixie with his fork. “You pick up the slack on the rides then so that Cassidy can go. Two-Bit, you step in as well.”

  Dixie groaned. “Can you tell him not to flirt with the guests? He ruins my tips.”

  Tate grumbled something unintelligible as he pushed up from the table and walked out the door. I cleared my plate and scurried after him. I fell into step beside him, despite his cold exterior.

  “Did Mallory say what she wanted?”

  Tate frowned. “No, I found a note tac
ked to the cabin.”

  I hoped it wasn’t some social call, or survivors unite kind of meeting. I was far too behind for something like that.

  “I’ll get back as soon as I can,” I promised.

  He dismissed me with a wave of his hand. I knew I had a long road ahead of me to earn any sort of trust back. But I couldn’t decide if I wanted it at all.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  After I checked in at the front desk, I headed to Mallory’s room and knocked softly.

  “Hi Mallory,” I said. “How are you feeling?”

  She smiled broadly. “So much better. They’re talking about releasing me soon. How are you doing…” her voice trailed off, “I’m sorry I forgot your name.”

  “Cassidy,” I said. “It’s okay. It was a crazy night.”

  She nodded, but I noted that her lips twitched back and forth as if she didn’t know what to do with them. Her hands fiddled with the blanket. Nervous or bored? She beat me to the heart of the matter before I had a chance to breach it myself.

  “Look, Cassidy, it’s great that you are here and all and I know we should have some connection because we survived the same psychopath, but really, I want to go home and forget this whole thing ever happened.”

  I nodded. “I can totally understand that. We don’t have to have any of the small talk, tell me what you need to and I’ll be on my way.”

  She stared at me for a moment, as if she didn’t know how to speak. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You showed up out of nowhere, and now you want me to retell the story again?”

  Frustration filled her voice like rising waters and I felt the need to clarify before she called security. “I got your message; you said you needed to see me, so here I am.”

  Her head shook slowly. “I didn’t call you, or the ranch. I can’t remember anything else about the night. I’m sorry you drove so far for nothing, but honest, I don’t know how you got that message.”

  I thanked her, wished her well, and walked from the room. A sense of urgency gripped my chest as my feet moved faster than my brain. None of my thoughts sat well and I couldn’t get to my car quick enough. The engine choked and refused to turn over, but after the sixth try it roared to life and I found the highway without hesitation.