by Ella Jade
“You haven’t done anything personal in years. It’s all business and business functions. Work trips, no vacations for pleasure.”
“I went to Greece over the summer.”
“To look at a lucrative business opportunity.”
“I met up with friends and had dinner.” I stretched out my legs. “I know you don’t agree with any of this.”
“It’s not my job to agree,” he said. “It’s my job to listen. I’ve known you long enough to know that you have to work things out in your own time. I’m your sounding board. Tell me about Zoey.”
“She has my eyes and Lanie’s smile. She’s smarter than the average four-year old. Kara reads to her every day. She’s articulate for her age but I sense a neediness.”
“What do you mean?”
“As I said, the man who adopted her, and I won’t call him her father.” I’m her father.
“But you do consider Kara her mother.”
“Kara didn’t abandon Zoey. She’s there every day being her mother. She didn’t leave her with no emotional support or any financial stability.”
“Like your father did to you, your mother, and brother?”
“My father isn’t worth my therapy time anymore. We’ve moved past him.” My father left my family when I was ten. He never looked back. “I won’t do the same thing to my child.”
“What happened with your father is very different from what’s happening with you and Zoey. You had no control over this situation and I have a feeling that’s what’s driving you.” He typed something into his tablet. “You want control because you didn’t have it when you were a child.”
“I want to know my child. That’s the difference between me and the man who got my mother pregnant.”
“You could have done that by allowing your attorney to reach out to them.”
“You see what they say about me in the papers and on-line. If someone approached Kara and told them I was Zoey’s biological father, how do you think she would have reacted?”
“You didn’t give her the chance to react.”
“She owes me nothing because legally, I’m screwed. Do you know how creative my legal team would have to be to get me any rights when it comes to Zoey? This could take years. My way is better.”
“Lying to them is better?”
“I’m not going to lie forever. I want them to get to know me. To allow them to understand who I am. That I only have the best intentions when it comes to my daughter.”
“Let’s go back to Zoey’s neediness.”
“She took to me immediately. I want to believe that it’s because we have this connection. Perhaps her heart knows who I am.”
“Do you think that’s it?”
“Of course not.” I dealt in facts and rational thoughts. “She’s craving a father figure. Kara is doing the best she can but they’re struggling even if she does a good job of hiding it. She’s conflicted. She’s careful with me. As she should be. She has a child to protect but she wants Zoey to be happy.”
“Is there a possibility that Kara thinks you’re interested in her?”
“I suppose she could but I haven’t done anything to suggest that. The situation is complicated enough. I can’t blur the lines.”
“You believe that she thinks you’re hanging around because you like her daughter?”
“I like them both. I hadn’t thought about that. I guess it is kind of strange if you don’t know the circumstances.” Does Kara think I’m pursuing her? “She’s a beautiful woman but I haven’t given her any indication that I want to date her.”
“When are you seeing them again?”
“Tonight.”
“Three days in a row but you don’t think there is any possibility that this woman might think you’re interested in her?” He took more notes. “For a smart man…”
“She’s someone I could see myself with but that’s not why I approached them.”
“I’m going to state this for the record. Not because you’re going to listen to me and not because what I think you’re doing is catastrophic.” He set his tablet on his desk. “You’re my patient, first and foremost, and this path you’ve chosen to travel has the potential to not only blow up in your face but it could destroy Zoey, who I’ll remind you, is a child who can’t possibly understand how or why her biological father came to be in her life. Her mother will figure it out and she’ll remember every lie you told right down to the first time you introduced yourself and you weren’t honest.”
“Don’t you think I know all of this?”
“I’m going to say one more thing before our session is over and I want you to analyze it long and hard.”
“I always do.”
“It took you years to get over what your father did to your mother. How he left you and your brother with an empty refrigerator and no way to survive. You did not abandon Zoey. You can still salvage this. Tell them who you are and move forward from there. It may take time but everything works out in the end.”
“I’ve already lost four years of her life.” I stood from the couch, determined to make this work for all of us. “I’m not wasting another second.”
6
Kara
After dinner, Xavier helped me clean up the dishes. He was dressed more casually than the other times I’d seen him. Faded jeans and a dark blue buttoned-down shirt graced his athletic form. His stubble grew a bit thicker tonight, covering his sculpted jaw and chin. It was sexy.
“You’re staring at me.”
When I heard his deep, smooth voice, I realized he had busted me.
“Oh.” I tried to recover. “I was just thinking you probably don’t do dishes.”
“Not anymore.” He dried his hands on a paper towel. “I didn’t grow up rich. Far from it.”
“That’s why you’re such a success story.”
“I’m just determined. I have a head for business strategy. I see what others can’t. When I graduated from college, I took a huge risk on a deal that most people turned down. It paid off for me.”
“Now you don’t have to do your own dishes.”
When I reached for the top shelf in the cabinet to put away the serving platter, Xavier came up from behind me, his breath swept along my neck as his chest brushed against my back.
“Let me.” He took the platter and gently placed it on the top shelf. I turned to face him, trapped between the counter and his masculine body. He glanced into my eyes for a moment before dropping his gaze to my lips. He smelled of autumn. It wasn’t overbearing but enough for me to commit the crisp, clean scent to memory. I wondered what his lips would taste like. From where I stood, they seemed awfully delicious and I…
“Lila takes very good care of me.”
“Who’s Lila?” Talk about killing the moment.
“Technically, she’s my housekeeper but I don’t really refer to her as that. She’s been in my life for as long as I can remember. I grew up with her daughter. A few years ago, her husband got sick and she needed a job. She’d been a homemaker her whole life. She swore that was all she knew how to do.” He stepped back, creating some distance between us. “I didn’t believe that but I needed help around the house with groceries, cleaning, dry cleaning, things like that.”
“You helped her.”
“She helps me so much more.” When he spoke of Lila, I could tell he was fond of her. “I’m away from my house most of the day and a lot of nights. She keeps me up and running. She’s a personal assistant, cook, and honorary mother. She likes taking care of me, so I let her even though I pride myself on being very independent.”
“She sounds sweet.”
“Her husband passed away last year and her daughter lives in Washington, so she has a lot of time to dote on me. I tell her she does too much but she insists it helps her.”
“It probably does.”
“Your home is very nice.” He gazed around the kitchen. “This is a solid neighborhood. Good schools too.”
“Yeah,” I ag
reed. “The house is a little big for just Zoey and me.”
“Are you thinking of moving?”
“I haven’t given it much thought but it could be in the future. Zoey goes to a private school. It goes up to eighth grade. It was Josh’s mother’s idea.” So many things were her idea but like her son, she took off and left me here to survive. “I haven’t decided what I’m going to do with that either.”
“What do you mean?”
“The school is a little over the top. Don’t get me wrong,” I said. “It’s a great place but it comes with a hefty price tag and I’m not sure it’s really necessary.”
“A good education goes a long way.”
“Says the Princeton graduate.”
“Exactly.” He grinned. “Zoey seems to be well-adjusted. She’s advanced for her age.”
“She’s always been articulate. I’ve been reading to her since the day we brought her home. Sometimes, I wonder if she’s a little too advanced.” I laughed. “The things she says.”
“If the school is working for her, maybe you shouldn’t change anything.”
“She’s thriving there. She has friends and loves her teachers. Plus, the afterschool program is phenomenal. They stage plays, teach sports and dance, and they even have a creative writing program. Of course, it’s not anything elaborate but the pictures she draws and the stories she creates to go along with them are amazing.”
Xavier stared into my eyes, with a slight smirk on his face. All I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss him.
“I’m bragging.”
“It’s wonderful.”
“What is?”
“The way your face lights up when you talk about her. She’s a very lucky girl to have you.”
“Thank you but I’m the lucky one.” I gazed down at the floor. “I’m trying so hard.”
“You’re doing a fantastic job.” When he took my hand, I was caught by surprise. “It’s not an easy one but you’re here doing the best you can. I see that.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “If I can see that after only a few days, I’m sure so many others do too.”
“I needed to hear that.” I glanced at our joined hands, enjoying the warmth his touch created.
“Mama!” As Zoey came running into the kitchen, X let go of my hand. “Can we watch the movie now?”
X dropped down to Zoey’s level. “What are we watching?”
“Princess Daisy!” she exclaimed. “It’s about a princess and a pirate. Do you like pirates?”
“I do.” He stood and followed her into the family room.
“What about a princess? Do you like them?”
“I’m not sure.”
As I grabbed the tray with the popcorn and drinks, I couldn’t remember the last time things had felt this normal. I did my best to give my daughter a stable life but I wondered what she missed out on. Seeing her with Xavier made me realize how much she lacked a father figure.
When I joined them in the family room, Zoey and X were already on the couch. She was explaining to him how to work the remote. He bit the inside of his cheek as he humored her.
“Oh, so that’s how it works?” He studied the buttons. “Interesting.”
“It’s easy,” she told him. “Mama.” She patted the sofa. “You sit here. I’ll sit next to X.”
“Okay.” I set the tray on the coffee table before taking the throw from the loveseat and covering her with it. “I see you two have it all under control.”
“I’m following Zoey’s directions.” X grinned. “She’s good at delegating.”
“What does that mean?” Zoey asked.
“It means you’re good at being the boss.” He laughed. “Don’t ever change.”
“Del la gating.” Zoey tried out the new word. “Are you the boss at your job?”
“I am,” X answered her.
“Do you like delegating?”
“I do.”
“Me too.” She cuddled into my side. “I want to be the boss when I grow up too.”
“I’m sure you’ll make that happen.” I kissed the top of her head. “Are you ready to watch the movie?”
“Yes.” She pointed at X. “Can you please press the green button?”
Once the movie started, Zoey stayed close to me but managed to take X’s hand in hers. In a few days’ time, this man had captivated both of us but I still couldn’t get an accurate read on him. He was guarded almost to the point of distant but there was something about him that intrigued me. Seeing him sitting on the couch watching a princess movie on a Saturday night, might have had something to do with it.
Xavier
Zoey had fallen asleep about twenty minutes into the movie but Kara and I continued to watch. I didn’t think either of us were actually paying attention to what was on the screen. Each time I stole a glance at her, she quickly turned her head and focused on the movie. She’d been staring at me too. Was she thinking about that brief encounter in the kitchen when I dropped my defenses and almost lost myself? If the circumstances were different, would I have kissed her? Was that what she had wanted me to do?
When our gazes connected, I couldn’t help but take in her beauty. Her crystal clear blue eyes focused directly into mine and it didn’t take me long to notice her mouth. Her full, pink lips called to me in a most distracting conflict. John was right. I couldn’t allow myself to complicate this situation any further than I already had. How could I keep Kara at arm’s length and still be in Zoey’s life without telling them the truth?
Zoey snuggled against Kara but her tiny, warm hand was embedded in mine. This kid made it all so easy. She may not have known who I was to her but the way she had taken to me was undeniable. She’d stolen my heart and now my mission was to make sure she had the best life I could give her.
“I should probably put her to bed.” Kara brushed Zoey’s soft, brown hair with her fingers. “She never makes it more than thirty minutes into the movie at this time of the night.”
I wanted a few minutes more. I wasn’t ready to let go. How could I say that without giving off the wrong impression?
“Would it be okay if I carried her to bed?” I reluctantly let go of Zoey’s hand and stood, turning off the movie as Kara gently maneuvered Zoey into a seated position. I smiled at the two of them, lingering on Kara’s stunning face as I lifted Zoey into my arms.
“I’ll show you where her room is.” Kara moved in front of me causing her long, sleek hair to sway, filling the air between us with a minty scent. “She’s out.”
I held her close to my chest, listening to her deep breathing as she rested her head on my shoulder. It was hard to remember just how tiny she was because her attitude was so fierce. I knew where she got that trait from. This was my kid through and through.
I followed Kara up the stairs and down the hall to Zoey’s room. It was a good size space with delicate white furniture and a full sized bed. The large bookshelf in the corner of the room caught my attention. It was four shelves high and filled with books.
Kara pulled down the sheets and fluffed the pillow. I gently squeezed Zoey, giving her a discreet hug before placing her in the center of the unicorn bedding. These past few days were more than I could have asked for. Now that I had gotten to know my daughter, I wanted to tell her who I was. She needed to know I was her father and I was never going to leave her.
Kara placed a soft kiss on Zoey’s forehead before turning out the light on the nightstand. After we exited the room, she shut the bedroom door.
“She had an amazing night,” Kara said as we made our way back downstairs. “Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure.”
We stopped at the bottom of the stairs, facing the foyer. When Kara leaned against the banister, I wasn’t sure where the rest of the evening should head. Now that Zoey was asleep, should I leave?
“Would you like a glass of wine?”
“I’m driving.” That probably sounded abrupt. “I don’t drink when I’m driving but if you’d like to
have a glass, I’d be happy to sit with you.”
“I don’t need one.” She fidgeted with her hands and I wondered if I made her nervous. “Zoey really likes you.”
“She’s a sweet girl.”
“Under different circumstances, I wouldn’t have… I mean, I don’t date so she isn’t exposed to men. The way we met you, it was…”
She stopped moving her hands but now she didn’t look me in the eyes. The conversation turned awkward. All I wanted to do was tell her I wasn’t some stranger looking to sleep with her. I wouldn’t hurt her or her daughter. My daughter. I’m here because she’s mine.
“I don’t get the impression you bring many men home.”
“You’re the first,” she admitted. “My ex left me with a lot of trust issues.”
I’m not much better.
“The day after my father’s funeral, I came home and found him in bed with our twenty-year old babysitter.”
Okay, maybe I’m not that bad. “That’s awful. What kind of a man would do that to you?”
“The worst part was he wasn’t remorseful. He’s still with her, so maybe it was meant to be.”
“Maybe they deserve one another?” When I’m finished with that bastard… “He certainly doesn’t deserve you or Zoey.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For?” I tilted her chin so she could look at me. If I saw her eyes, I’d have a better understanding of what she wanted.
“I keep dumping on you.”
“Perhaps you need a friend?”
As soon as I said the word, I saw the disappointment in her expression. John was right. Why else would she think I was pursuing her if not for a potential intimate relationship? If she knew the truth, she would understand. I was trying to protect everyone involved.
“I have several friends.” She gazed into my eyes. “I shouldn’t be telling you about my ex. I don’t miss him. I don’t want him back.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He’s never getting near my daughter again.
“I’m upset for Zoey.” The conflict in her voice made my stomach churn. “He should be in her life.”
“No, he shouldn’t.” I balled my fist, trying to hold back my rage. Zoey was a gift. A very precious gift and this was how he chose to treat her? “He’s shown you his true colors. He abandoned you.” That word continued to haunt me. “Who adopts a beautiful child and leaves such a perfect woman? Why doesn’t he pay child support? Why has he put you in this position? Who sleeps with a girl in the bed he shares with his wife? I don’t know him but he’s already done enough damage.”