The Door in the Alley

by Adrienne Kress

  “What’s with that?” asked Evie, pointing.

  Catherine glanced at the whip. “It’s a whip,” she replied.

  “Oh,” said Evie. That wasn’t what she’d meant by asking the question. But it was her fault; she should have been more specific.

  “What were we talking about?” Catherine asked.

  Evie, completely distracted at this point, couldn’t remember. “I don’t remember.”

  “Ah, right, underwater exploration,” replied Catherine. She turned and made her way back out of the locker room, with Evie close behind. “Well, the deeper you go, the more water gets piled up on top of whatever the object is, and even though water moves all about, it’s actually really dense.” They stopped for a moment as Catherine looked up and down the hallway, and then they quickly turned right.

  “So you have a lot to deal with when trying to make a journey like that. And you have to find a way to make your submarine not fall apart under all that pressure. No one had been able to build such a ship. Until us,” Catherine continued. “Doris came up with this marvelous invention that created an electromagnetic shield that allowed the ship to dive to such depths. And the bit that makes it run is hidden here at the society headquarters.”

  “It is?” said Evie, finally understanding where the conversation was going.

  Catherine nodded. “Headquarters is, after all, the safest place to hide things.”

  “What else did you hide here?”

  “Oh, that’s it: our puzzle box, the key, my bit of the map, and the EM-7056. It might be safest to hide things here, but only a fool keeps everything in the same place,” replied Catherine.

  “Okay,” said Evie. She supposed that made sense. They burst into a large, comfortable-looking room filled with different kinds of leather chairs. She remembered it from the other day when she had first arrived here, and she realized all of a sudden just how very tired she was, how long a day it had already been, how long the one was before that, and how much all she wanted to do was sit in one of the comfy chairs before her. Running away from bad guys really does take it out of you.

  But Catherine wasn’t stopping anytime soon, so Evie rallied herself. Time for a second wind.

  She caught up with Catherine as she was crossing the length of the large room. “So where is the EM-7056 hiding?” Evie asked as they approached a glass case that sat between two tall windows. “Oh, is there a secret back to this case, like the filing cabinet Sebastian found the box in?” she asked as Catherine opened the doors. Catherine grabbed a gold metal orb that looked about the size of a grapefruit off its pedestal. Then she turned to Evie.

  “Hold on to this. Don’t lose it,” she directed. Evie nodded and took the orb. It was smooth and cold to the touch. Very cold.

  “What is this?” she asked, following Catherine back across the room.

  “What do you mean? I just told you,” replied Catherine.

  “I just…” Evie looked at the orb. It didn’t look all that impressive. “Wait. This isn’t the EM-7056, is it?”

  “Of course it is,” replied Catherine, once more holding the door open for her.

  “But it wasn’t hidden at all. It was just there, in plain sight. Just sitting there.” Evie was so terribly confused.

  “The best place to hide something is in plain sight,” said Catherine, dashing out into the hallway. Evie followed her. They both stopped. Evie stared at Catherine, who stared ahead silently, and it seemed they were both unsure what to do next.

  “Let’s get to Sebastian,” suggested Evie, and Catherine nodded.

  That was exactly the moment when the wall beside Catherine exploded. Evie jumped back, her heart pounding. “Get down!” yelled Catherine, and Evie flattened herself on the floor like a pro, shielding the orb underneath her body. She was getting really good at this duck-and-cover business.

  She turned to look at Catherine for further instructions and watched her unfurl the bullwhip and swing it high over her head. There was a yell and then a thud, and Catherine leapt over Evie’s body. Evie turned and saw Mr. K on the ground, scrambling for his weapon. But Catherine got there first. She grabbed the gun and pushed something along its grip, and its magazine full of bullets slipped out onto the floor. She then shoved the gun into her waistband at the back of her trousers just as Mr. K crawled to his feet and pulled out a knife.

  By this point Evie was on her feet as well, frozen in place as Catherine came running toward her. Not wanting to let her down, Evie found her footing and was quick to fall in with her. They sped down the hallway as Catherine wound up her whip. Evie wasn’t sure where they were going or what they were looking for. Catherine skidded to a stop in front of a door. Evie gave it a try. Locked. She gulped and looked up at Catherine.

  “Next one,” said Catherine. Evie nodded and they ran to the next one. Also locked. Evie was getting sincerely anxious. Mr. K was gaining ground, and Evie could see Catherine was preparing to use the whip again. She ran to the next door, grabbed the knob, and it opened. Relief!

  “Catherine!” she called out, proud of her discovery, and the woman turned and gave her a sharp nod. Then she ran toward her.

  Evie dove into the room and Catherine slammed the door behind them, locking it as she did. They both turned and stared at the door for a moment. They saw the doorknob rattle. The rattling stopped. Suddenly there was a loud thud on the other side, and another…and then there was silence.

  Silence can be rather ominous and intimidating at the best of times. In this situation it was downright threatening. But even more threatening? A scary man all in black with half of his face melted off, including his ear, suddenly reciting a popular nursery rhyme on the other side of the door in a sickeningly sweet voice: “Little pig, little pig, let me come in!”

  “Well, that doesn’t top the creepy meter or anything,” said Evie.

  “Do you have such a tool of measurement on you?” replied Catherine, looking down at her.

  “Boy, you and Sebastian really don’t understand sarcasm, do you?” sighed Evie.

  Catherine shrugged. “I guess not. I never really thought about it before.”

  Before Evie could answer there was another loud thud against the door. “Help me find something we can use as a barricade,” Catherine instructed.

  Evie nodded. They turned around, only then realizing how intensely pink the room was, lit as it was at one end by a large neon sign shaped like an ampersand.

  And also only then realizing they were very much not alone.

  “Little pig, little pig, let me come in!” said Mr. K yet again from behind the door.

  “Snort” was the reply from the pig in the teeny hat.

  As quickly as he could, Sebastian ran and hid himself behind the body of Jonathan Llyr, the famous Shakespearean actor sitting in the classic Hamlet pose, just as Mr. I entered the human kinesiology room. The actor’s body was seated and gave the most area behind which Sebastian could hide himself. He was just down to the left of the door and could see a little of the shadow of Mr. I. The man was standing in the doorway.

  Sebastian watched as Mr. I’s feet began to walk in his direction. This wasn’t good, this wasn’t good at all. Sebastian looked around. He couldn’t hide himself forever. Mr. I knew he was in there. He had nowhere to go but deeper into the room, and that didn’t make any sense. What he had to do was make a run for it. But Mr. I was standing between him and the exit. Sebastian dared to stand just a bit to see if he could see more of Mr. I, until he found himself face to face with Jonathan Llyr’s head. The head the actor was holding in his hand in the Hamlet-holding-Yorick’s-skull pose. Mr. I’s shadow came closer. Sebastian stared at the head. The head stared back.

  Sebastian put down his book.

  Then he took a deep breath and grabbed the head and jumped in front of Mr. I.

  “Catch!” Sebastian yelled, and threw the head at Mr. I, who instinctively dropped his gun and caught the head in his hands, staring at it, horrified. In that moment of confusion
, Sebastian made a run for it. He darted through the door and back into the bright library. Directly opposite, on the far side of the room across the chasm below him, was a door that led to the hallway. All he had to do was run around the balcony to it. He turned left and started running until he reached the end of that side of the library and took a right. Just as he stepped forward, the railing shattered beside him. Mr. I had gotten his gun back, judging from the shards of railing all over Sebastian’s front, and he’d clearly resumed the chase. Sebastian turned to look. Mr. I had evidently taken a right out of the room with the bodies and was now on the balcony that ran parallel to Sebastian across the other side of the library. Sebastian started running again, staying as low as he could, trying to use the railing of the balcony as some small protection. Oh, this was so not fun at all. So. Not. Fun.

  He got to the door to the hallway and slid through it just as he saw Mr. I coming at the door from the other side. Sebastian ran into the darkened corridor and blinked hard, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness. The elevator was at the other end of the building and the stairs were to his right, but far off. Which should he risk? His body made the decision for him, which was something like Neither, and he found himself opening a door a little down the hall and staring at a hole before him.

  The slide. Wow, body, good job, congratulated Sebastian’s brain. No time for that, brain, replied his body, and he launched himself down the slide. It was a moment of conflicting feelings as Sebastian enjoyed the rush of sliding and twisting, and was deeply thankful he’d found a way to safety, but then heard the distinct thump of someone climbing onto the slide behind him. Suddenly relief returned to fear, and Sebastian tried to make himself as aerodynamic as possible. Must go faster, he told his body, pulling his arms in and tucking his chin tight to his chest. He shot out of the mouth of the slide and into the foam pit, landing awkwardly, head down and feet in the air. Frantically, he clambered around, trying to pull himself up but sinking deeper into the pit instead as the large foam pieces compressed under his weight. This was utterly ridiculous. Finally he righted himself just as Mr. I came flying out and landed, just like Sebastian, head down, feet sticking up out of a pit of foam pieces. Sebastian struggled against the yellow blocks—he tried to drag his arms through them as if he were swimming; he pulled his knees up to kneel on top of one and sank deeper into the abyss, only to reach out and slip forward. Finally he just decided enough was enough and he grabbed the foam pieces in front of him, picked them up, and put them behind him. He grabbed the next ones and did the same. Yup, this was completely ridiculous.

  Sebastian glanced over at Mr. I, whose arms had now appeared above the foam, flailing about a bit. Good. He was having problems too, and he was much larger than Sebastian, so surely his body weight would cause him even more trouble. The man’s head finally emerged. He looked wildly about and saw Sebastian, then paused as if feeling around for something. He grunted loudly and Sebastian realized the man had dropped his gun. Mr. I began thrashing through the foam, hunting for his weapon, and Sebastian renewed his efforts at getting the heck out of there. He kept an eye on the man and watched as he seemed to resign himself to having lost his weapon and then turned and directed all his attention to Sebastian.

  Must go faster.

  Thus began one of the strangest and slowest chases in recent history.* Sebastian pushed his way through the blocks of foam, trying to get to the edge of the pit, and like a tortoise in pursuit, Mr. I followed, slowly getting closer and closer. He was evidently rather good at maneuvering through foam pits, and Sebastian briefly wondered how exactly a person developed that particular skill. Though, he realized, maybe he was doing that right now?

  Finally Sebastian reached the pit edge and grabbed on for dear life…just as Mr. I managed to grab hold of his leg. The edge slipped from Sebastian’s grasp and he was pulled under and into a yellow sea of blocks of foam. They smashed into his face, and seemed to fill his mouth and nose. He felt a surge of terror as he realized he was going to drown in a pit of foam blocks. He kicked with his free leg, trying to dislodge Mr. I’s hand from his ankle, but the man’s grip was actually very impressive. Or…maybe it wasn’t. Sebastian suddenly found he was free, and he broke the surface of the foam pieces. He sucked in a huge breath of air and looked back to see Mr. I blinking hard, tossing his head this way and that, and his hair was all wet.

  “Give me your hand!”

  Sebastian had never been so happy to hear that voice in his life! Myrtle was standing above him, with what looked like a gun in one hand, the other stretched out toward him. He reached for it and she pulled as he pushed, and together they got him out of the pit. Sebastian quickly looked back and saw Mr. I slowly coming for them. Myrtle aimed her gun and fired again. Water streamed from the gun and hit him square in the face, causing him to snort and make strange guttural noises from behind his wired jaw, stopping him in his tracks.

  “Let’s go!” said Myrtle, and Sebastian was perfectly happy to obey that order. They ran down the hall and were making to turn right when they heard the sound of feet behind them. They looked back to see Mr. I not only free of the pit and reunited with his weapon, but chasing after them wearing a horrific grin on his face. Okay, it was probably more horrific because his jaw was wired shut and rusted bits of metal were caging his teeth; the grin itself was pretty average. Still. Not so great.

  Sebastian, following close at Myrtle’s always-very-competent heels, discovered they had immediately changed directions. Myrtle flung open a door and they darted inside. Ah, noted Sebastian, the giant map room. A room covered with nothing but giant maps except for the wall of windows that opened onto the street and the fireplace burning brightly at the far end. Another nifty feature? It only had one door. The one they’d just burst through.

  Another dead end.

  Sebastian looked at Myrtle, who seemed instantly to realize her mistake, and they made for the exit. But Sebastian found himself staring down the barrel of a gun as Mr. I stepped into the doorway.

  * * *

  * Though I still argue that the slowest chase happened at the Effervescent Bubble Gum Factory between Madame Effervescent and her ne’er-do-well son, who had attempted to burn down the factory for the insurance money. It concluded with a chase through a newly tarred street, resulting in all kinds of a sticky mess. But that’s all beside the point.

  “Why is there a pig in here?” asked Evie.

  “Why is he wearing a hat?” asked Catherine.

  “Snort” was the pig in the teeny hat’s reply.

  Evie and Catherine finally took stock of the room before them. The pig in question was standing in a little pen in one corner, but it wasn’t the only animal in the room. In a cage opposite were half a dozen green and blue budgies, all wearing teeny bowler hats and monocles. There was a large sandbox with three gerbils and two rats, the latter wearing teeny sunhats with flowers in them and the former wearing teeny baseball caps representing the three local teams.

  There was another thud against the door, and Evie was pulled back to their emergency situation. “Quick! Let’s grab something to block the door!” she called to Catherine.

  But Catherine just stood there, a smile crossing her face.

  “Catherine!” Evie called out, trying to pull her from her thoughts.

  Catherine shook her head and walked toward the pig. It trotted away from her to the farthest corner of the pen and looked at her suspiciously. She stretched out her hand and made a soft sort of noise in the back of her throat. The pig continued to stare at her, and then slowly walked to her. With great trepidation it sniffed at her hand and then slowly rubbed its cheek up against it. Catherine raised the hand and gave the pig a long stroke along its back, and the pig seemed to rather enjoy it, moving in closer to her. She opened the pen and stood up. The pig stepped out and looked at her expectantly. She smiled. Evie wished Catherine would tell her what she was thinking; instead Evie just watched the woman with confusion.

  Catherine went over to
the birdcage next and without pause opened the door. The birds flew out in a chaos of wings, flapping in a wide circle around the room, and then landed on her shoulders and head. The gerbils and rats, meanwhile, had already climbed out of their box and were standing at attention at her feet.

  “Well, friends,” said Catherine with a smile. “We could use your help.”

  There was a thud against the door again and everyone, human and beast alike, turned to see the wooden doorframe crack under the pressure.

  “We could use a distraction,” she explained.

  Evie was pretty certain the animals didn’t understand a word Catherine said, despite how intently they looked at her, though, yes, the rat in the straw hat with the pink flower did happen to nod just as she said it. Still. Evie assumed it was more that there was something in Catherine’s tone that made the animals feel safe. Or want to do her proud. Or…something.

  “What are you doing?” asked Evie as Catherine walked over to where she was standing by the door and placed her hand on the doorknob. The animals trotted behind her parade-style, except for the birds, which stayed perched on her person.

  “Get ready to run when I say ‘run,’ ” said Catherine.

  “To where?” asked Evie, shifting the orb to her left hand.

  “To the elevator; we need to get to the ground floor.”

  “But what about Sebastian?”

  “If he’s smart, he’s also heading that way.”

  “He’s smart,” said Evie. And I really hope he’s okay, she added to herself.

  “You ready to run?” asked Catherine. Evie nodded, squeezing the orb tight. Catherine turned to the animals, which had all congregated at her feet. “And are you ready?” That rat nodded again, and now Evie thought maybe they did actually understand her.