Behind the Bars

by Brittainy Cherry

  “Like hell you aren’t!” she barked, marching over to me. “Everything you’ve ever done has broken my heart. You have let me down since the day you were born, taking away the only shot I had at a real career of my own. So, what do I do? I work my ass off to make you something. To give you what I’ve always dreamed of, and what do you do?! You toss it away because your feelings were hurt?! You’re a child, and I wish to God you weren’t a child of mine,” she sneered with hatred in her voice.

  I felt it—her hatred, but still, love existed inside of me.

  My skin crawled at her words, but I didn’t crumble. I didn’t falter as she spat her words my way. “Tell me about my father,” I softly spoke.

  She stumbled a little. “What?”

  “Tell me about my father.”

  “Your father was a monster, just like mine. He was a drug addict who took more from me than anyone, and then left me the moment he found out about you. He was weak. Just like you.”

  I shook my head. “No. That’s not my father.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “My father’s name is Ray Gable. He’s the lead singer of Peter’s Peaks, and a great man. He has a heart of gold, and he’d do anything to make sure I was okay. Now, tell me about my mother.”

  “I’m your mother.”

  I shook my head. “No. You’re not my mother.” She didn’t reply, and I cleared my throat. “My mother wouldn’t treat me the way you have. My mother wouldn’t push me to be something I never wanted to become. My mother would’ve loved me through all the bad times. She would’ve listened to me.”

  “You’re so selfish,” she hissed. “I gave you everything. You could’ve been a pop star.”

  “I never wanted to be a pop star. I sing soul.”

  “You don’t. You were never a soul singer!”

  “That’s all I am!”

  “I want you to leave,” she told me. “I want you to leave and not come back. Ever.”

  I took a deep breath, and for the first time in forever I finally started to let her go. It was slow, and painful, but I knew with pain came healing. Over time things would get better and my breaths would become calmer, but at least I could walk away knowing I gave it my all. I tried, and that had to be good enough.

  I turned to Elliott and gave him a small smile. “You ready?

  He stood up and placed a hand on my lower back. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes. I will be. Let’s go home.”

  We started walking away, and I heard her shout at me.

  “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life! Leaving your shot at a career for what? For love?! What a foolish child you are. You were always a fool.”

  I took a deep breath, and I felt it as it hit me--my truth.

  I closed my eyes and turned toward her. As my lips parted, the words flowed freely from my lips. The song was “Palace”, by Sam Smith, and it summed up everything I’d ever felt for Mama. It showcased my love, my need, my want to be her daughter. To make her proud. To be who she always wanted me to be. We built a palace of a career I never wanted to live in. And for years I lived in that palace because I wanted to be her princess, and because I loved her.

  She was everything to me, she was my queen, but I knew it was time for the palace to crumble. I needed to let go of her, I needed to allow my heart to break, in order for it to heal. And to do that, I had to feel it all.

  As I sang, I put my everything into the performance—my soul, my heart, my darkness. I gave way to every part of the harsh relationship between my mother and me. I remembered every second of pain and every glimpse of happiness. I relived it as the words fell from my lips.

  I loved her and didn’t regret it. I never would, but I was ready to move on. Therefore, I said goodbye. She’d be a ghost in my memories that sometimes brought me comfort, and other times she’d bring me pain. But no matter what, she was my past.

  It was now time to let go and move on to my future.

  When I finished singing, Elliott smiled at me, giving me comfort.

  “You found it,” he said.

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Found what?” Trevor barked.

  I looked over to Mama and released a weighted sigh I’d been holding all my life. “I found my truth.”

  Closure was an odd concept. In my mind, I always believed closure came when both parties spoke from their hearts, and let go together. I thought there couldn’t be full closure if one party wasn’t willing to open up and express their truths, but that wasn’t what closure was—not really. Closure wasn’t a fairy-tale ending with equal goodbyes. Closure was simply one person finding their voice, their own strength, and learning to let go by themselves.

  Closure was one person writing the ending to a very toxic song, and never replaying it in their souls. The best kind of closure was being brave enough to start a new song with new lyrics and a beautiful melody.

  Closure was moving on, and it was now time for me to do exactly that.

  Elliott and I stepped outside onto the porch, and he held me in his arms. As I fell against his chest, I didn’t cry. I just held on tight. “That was hard,” I said softly.

  “I know. You did good, though. I’m proud of you. Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I told him truthfully. “I am.”

  “Good.” He let me go and nodded toward the street. “Because I think he would’ve started a war if you weren’t okay.”

  I looked up and saw Ray leaning against a car. My eyes shot to Elliott. “You told him?”

  “I had to. Figured you could use your Dad today.”

  Ray smiled my way and walked over with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “You have a good day, Snow White?”

  I smiled, and raced over to him, pulling him into a hug. “Yes,” I whispered. “I had a good day.”

  Maybe it wasn’t the norm, but I had a family. A family that my heart created, a family that cared for me through the darkness and the light, a family that would go to war for me.

  My heart was filled with love, and the best feeling in the world was knowing that their hearts loved me, too.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Elliott

  Our first official family dinner took place on Katie’s birthday. It only seemed right to remember her while we expanded our family, and everyone came to celebrate and process together. Kelly, Jason, TJ, Mom, Ray, Jasmine, and I all sat around the new table in TJ’s dining room.

  Everyone shared their favorite stories of Katie, but we didn’t just live in the past with our conversations; we also looked to the future. We planned for tomorrow, because we were no longer trapped behind the bars of yesterday.

  True freedom came once you learned the final stage of grief: acceptance.

  I’d never thought I’d make it there, and I never thought I’d understand what true acceptance meant. It didn’t mean just coming to terms with the tragedy that rocked your world sideways. It didn’t mean tossing all that pain to the side.

  It meant accepting a new form of happiness. It meant allowing yourself to cry, yet also being so joyful that you sometimes thought your heart would explode.

  True acceptance meant learning to live again.

  I was so ready to live.

  “I better start cleaning up—it’s getting pretty late,” Mom announced, standing up from the table.

  “Wait, can I just say something really quick?” I asked. “While we’re all here?”

  “Yes, of course, Elliott,” she said, sitting back down.

  I stood up. “I just wanted you all to know that having you stand by me through the past several years is more than I deserved. You all mean the world to me, and I’m so thankful to have you in my life. You’ve stood by me through the darkest of times, so I was hoping to now finally have you stand by me during a moment of light.” I turned to Jasmine and reached out for her hand. As she placed hers in mine, I lowered myself down to one knee. “Jazz…”

  Her eyes watered over. “Oh my God,” she muttered, her bod
y shaking.

  “When we were kids, you asked me what jazz meant to me, and my answer is still the same: jazz is the re-reminder that whenever I’m alone, I’m not really alone. It’s my best friend when the world is hard. Jazz is beauty. It’s unique. It’s powerful without even trying.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small box.

  “Eli,” she said breathlessly.

  “You were, are, and will always be my Jazz. You are every beat, every note, every bar. You are the lyrics, the harmony, and the melody. You were, are, and always will be my favorite song.” I opened the box, revealing a key with an engagement ring tied to it. “So, I give you this. This is the key to my heart, and it’s yours for the keeping, but I just need you to know that my heart is rough sometimes. Sometimes it beats unevenly. Some days it’s battered and bruised, but I promise you, as long as my lungs rise and fall, as long as I am here, this heart of mine will beat for you. I will give my all to you, each and every day of my life. So please, Jazz…” I moved closer, placing my forehead against hers. “Marry me?”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Is that a question?” she whispered.

  “Yes”—I nodded my head—“and all you have to do is say yes. So please…say yes?”

  She placed her hands behind my neck, pulling me closer as her lips pressed against mine. “Yes.”

  With one word spoken, the whole house celebrated. That celebration was the beginning of a new life, not only for Jasmine and me, but for all of us. We were crafting a new song, with new lyrics, leaving the albums of the past behind us.

  But we were fully aware that if we ever needed a reminder of our past, those songs were always stored in our hearts and our minds, ready and available for a replay.

  After dinner, I walked outside and sat on TJ’s porch, staring across the street at my childhood home. TJ’s front door creaked open behind me and Jasmine appeared. She walked my way and sat beside me. Her head fell on my shoulder, and she stared across the street with me.

  “Happy?” she asked.

  “Happiest,” I replied.

  “You’re my favorite sound,” she whispered. Her doe eyes looked up at me, and a small smile found her lips. “You’ve always been my favorite sound.”

  For the first time in forever, I was finally able to step out from behind the bars of my past. I was learning how to stand on both feet, I was learning how to walk again. I could feel the light coming back to me, filling me up with hope, with love, with happy endings.

  I’d spent six years locked in a cage, and Jasmine Greene was the key to my freedom.

  She was my music, my life, my everything. When our love blended together, it produced the most beautiful sounds. When our love blended together, two songs became one.

  I placed my lips against hers and gently whispered my greatest truth, “You are beautiful.”

  Epilogue

  Jasmine

  Two Years Later

  “And there we go,” Laura smiled as she finished tightening the corset on my wedding gown. She stepped backward and stared at me. “Wow.”

  “Does it look okay?” I asked, feeling overwhelmed and excited all at once.

  “It looks more than okay. You’re so stunning, Jasmine.” She fanned her eyes, trying to stop from crying.

  “Don’t cry! You’ll make me cry and we’ll both ruin our makeup,” I joked.

  “I know, I know it’s just…I always dreamed of this day, and I’m so happy you’re the one who has my son’s heart. I know you’ll keep it safe.”

  “I promise I will.”

  She pulled me into a hug and held on tight. When her voice whispered against my ear, I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheek. “I always wanted two daughters.”

  I held her even tighter than before. “I always wanted a mom.”

  “We ruined our makeup,” she softly laughed against my ear.

  “It’s okay. There’s always time for touch-ups.”

  “Are you having a good day, Snow White?”

  Laura and I both smiled at the sound of Ray’s voice. We turned around to see him peering into the dressing room. He was wearing his best suit and tie, looking dapper as ever.

  “Wow,” he breathed out. “You both look amazing.”

  “She’s the showstopper,” Laura remarked.

  “Says the beauty queen.” I smiled.

  “Let me give you two time alone,” Laura said. As she walked past Ray, their hands slightly brushed against one another.

  “You are beautiful, Laura,” Ray told her.

  Her cheeks blushed over. “You don’t look half bad yourself, Ray.”

  She left the room, and Ray’s stare followed her until she was out of his viewpoint.

  “What was that?” I bellowed, shocked.

  “What was what?”

  “That! What was that moment you and Laura just had?”

  Ray smirked and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You definitely know what I’m talking about, Dad! Oh my gosh. You and Laura?!”

  “Shh…” he hissed. “It’s… I just asked her out to dinner, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

  “You do know Elliott is going to give you hell for this, right?”

  He nodded, and walked over to me. “I definitely know. Especially seeing how I’d gave him hell since he was sixteen. But you know what? Some things—some people—are worth going through hell for, and I think Laura is one of those people.”

  That made my heart skip. “You both deserve happiness.”

  “Speaking of happiness…” He stood in front of me and crossed his arms. “Wow, wow, wow…”

  My stomach knotted up with butterflies. “Stop…”

  “Snow, you look like the princess I always knew you were. This is the happiest day of my life.” His eyes watered over and he bit his bottom lip. “Elliott is the luckiest man alive.”

  “And I’m the luckiest girl.”

  “Oh! I have something for you.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small box. “Your gift from the father.”

  “Dad…you didn’t have to get me anything.”

  “Yes, I did. It’s nothing big, and it just goes with your charm bracelet.”

  I took the box and opened it. Thank God for waterproof mascara.

  “Dad…”

  “It’s a key charm—a key to me. And now, I give you my vows.” He pulled out a piece of paper, and cleared his throat. “Whenever you need to come home, no matter what happens, I’m here. I know Elliott is going to be more than enough for you. He is going to provide for you in every way a grown man should. He’ll stand by your side. He’ll protect you and care for you, but, I give you me too, Snow. I’m always here. As your father, I promise you my love, always and forever. I’m always going to be the first man in your life, and as I walk you down the aisle today and hand you off to your happily ever after, I want you to know I’m here in the shadows cheering you on. You’re the best blessing I’ve ever received in my life. You’re my world. Through sickness and health, till death do us part, for the rest of our lives, I’ll be here for you. For always.” He lowered his paper and wiped the tears falling from my eyes. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Dad.”

  He kissed my cheek. “Good. Now. Let’s go get you married.”

  The moment we walked down the aisle, I felt my heart heal. Elliott was standing at the end of the walkway waiting for me to meet him. Ray’s arm was linked with mine as we traveled down the aisle. My body was overtaken by pure joy as we grew closer and closer.

  This is it.

  This is forever.

  We reached Elliott’s side, and he stepped closer. Ray held his hand out toward Elliott, and he shook it, then they hugged.

  “Take care of her, son,” Ray whispered.

  “Forever,” Elliott replied.

  I took Elliott’s hands into mine, and we walked to the altar.

  “Hi,” he whispered.

  “Hi,” I
replied.

  “You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

  “You’re handsome,” I replied.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you,” I replied.

  In front of all our loved ones, we promised ourselves to each other. We gave one another our hearts and souls. We began a new chapter to our love story that would last forever. We said ‘I do’ and we’d continue to say those two words over and over again. Through the dark days and the light, through loss and new beginnings. Elliott was my first love, and he’d be my last.

  I’m the luckiest woman alive.

  After the ceremony, we headed to the reception hall to celebrate our love. Everyone who meant anything to us were there with the brightest smiles on their faces. We honored Katie by lighting a candle in her memory, and having a table filled with keys as a token of our love for her. Then we proceeded to have the best night of our lives, because that was what she would’ve wanted most—our happiness.

  When it came time for our first dance, Elliott and I both gasped as TJ moved to the microphone with a saxophone in his hands. “I know you both have a song picked out, and I’m sure it’s perfect, but if you’d allow it, I’d love to play you one of my favorites.”

  “Please,” I begged, tears in my eyes.

  “Of course,” Elliott agreed. We hadn’t seen TJ play his music in years. I’d known he was working toward it with the help of great physical therapists, but we hadn’t seen the outcome.

  As he started to play the song, Elliott wrapped me in his arms and we began to dance.

  “‘At Last’,” I murmured, speaking of the song TJ played. ‘At Last’ by Etta James. “This was his wedding song.”

  “And now it’s ours.” Elliott smiled, pulling me closer to him.

  “This is the best day of my life,” I said, swaying back and forth in his hold.

  That night we laughed together, danced together, and ate our wedding cake with vanilla frosting number twenty-eight. Our lives weren’t perfect, but we were beautiful imperfections together. He was mine, and I was his. Always and forever.