Of Ice and Shadows

by Audrey Coulthurst

  The queen continued on as if I hadn’t spoken at all. “Since you’re new to Zumorda, you may not know that magic users generally apprentice to another with their same Affinity. But for those who are unusually strong, it pays to learn about multiple kinds of gifts and how to defend oneself from them. I used to have my guardians choose apprentices on their own, but now I prefer to have the elites train in Corovja first, especially those who hope to serve as future guardians. It exposes them to more kinds of magic and motivates them to compete for the best apprenticeships. Most important, it gives me a chance to build personal relationships with those tasked with defending my kingdom.”

  “That seems very wise, Your Majesty,” I said.

  She smiled. “Of course it is. I’ve had a long time to learn what works and what doesn’t in ruling this kingdom.”

  I tried to do some mental math to figure out how long she’d ruled here, but I had no idea. In Havemont, Zumordan history was taught only as it related to that of my kingdom or Mynaria. Zumorda was neither ally nor foe—simply a place to avoid unless you were a magic user. Either way, I remembered no reference in my studies to any ruler of Zumorda besides the queen. She had to be older than any of my grandparents had been when they passed.

  “My reign has been long and prosperous,” the queen said. “Making sure I have the best advisers and the strongest guardians watching over my cities and protecting my kingdom will ensure that my legacy continues even if I one day step down as monarch. It’s especially important now with the unrest that seems to be surrounding us on all sides.”

  “Isn’t the throne usually taken in combat?” I asked tentatively. Zumordan tradition didn’t seem to suggest any room for stepping down from the throne—only for defeat at someone else’s hands.

  “Yes,” the queen said. “But perhaps we should consider modernizing Zumorda and leaving the bloody rituals of our past behind.”

  Uncertainty gripped me. Having trained most of my life to be a ruler, I respected the idea that the queen was trying to create a situation that would involve less bloodshed, but I feared the way others would react. One didn’t go against hundreds of years of tradition and expect people to agree without question.

  “If you choose to accept my offer, most of your time would be spent training under Saia, the guardian of Corovja, and Brynan, her second-in-command. Neither of them has fire Affinities, so the remainder of your training would be with me.”

  A battle warred in my heart. She was offering me the opportunity of a lifetime, but I didn’t know how that would figure in with what Mare needed to accomplish.

  “I’m not Zumordan,” I repeated. “I have no manifest.”

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t take one if you wish,” she said. “I came to my manifest late—at seventeen winters.”

  My skin crawled, even though my curiosity was piqued. As much as I wanted to learn how to master my magic, taking the form of an animal wasn’t something I’d considered. I tried to imagine how my family would react, how Mare might see me differently. All I could picture was horror in their eyes. I drew on my diplomacy skills and did my best to respond in a way that precluded any promises.

  “Your Majesty, this is a great honor,” I said. “I’ll have to discuss it with my mistress.” It had occurred to me that as improbable as the queen’s offer was, it might be an opportunity to get Mare closer to the queen and accomplish what she needed to. I didn’t want to destroy the hope of that if it was a possibility.

  The queen’s eyes flashed. “With a gift like yours, you are your own mistress, Lia. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

  “Yes, Your Majesty.” Outwardly, I agreed, but inside, I felt only turmoil and resentment. I’d never been in charge of my own fate, and somehow, even now, it didn’t feel like that had changed. If it wasn’t people determining what I was to do with my life, it was my magic.

  “With your consent, until you make your decision, I can shield you from the casual Sight of other magic users. It won’t stop you from being able to access your magic—just prevent your unshielded powers from being a beacon to every other magic user in southern Zumorda. We wouldn’t want anyone with bad intentions to get their hands on you.”

  I didn’t have to think about my answer to that. “That would be most kind and generous of you, Your Majesty.”

  A gentle glow emanated from her fingertips. A tingle passed over me as she waved her hand in my direction. “You are now under my protection. I expect your response in two days’ time. You’re dismissed.”

  “Thank you, Your Majesty,” I said, then fled the library.

  The chilly air was a balm after the gauntlet of emotions she’d led me through. My gift swirled inside me, alive once again. Part of me hated how good it felt, because life had been easier when I didn’t have my magic to worry about. Even Mare had seemed more at ease around me while I was on the peaceroot, more comfortable and secure that it was tamed. I’d loved her ease around me during that time, but I’d sometimes silently resented that my misery led to her comfort. Before we’d left Mynaria, she’d accepted my magic as part of me, said it didn’t change anything between us, but that was before the star fall, before I’d rained death down on Kriantz, before I’d killed and injured so many others in Duvey. How could I be surprised that there was sometimes fear in her eyes when she looked at me? What was I supposed to tell her? I had too many questions and no answers, and only two days to decide what to do.

  If I accepted the queen’s offer, perhaps we could both go to Corovja. Especially with the ongoing border attacks and people like me disappearing here, Corovja felt like a safe choice. But Mare hadn’t even met with Laurenna and Zhari yet. Politically, she was still in new territory on a very uncertain path. Neither she nor her kingdom could afford for us to make decisions in haste. I felt hopelessly trapped in the midst of it all.

  When I got back to the room, Mare was already there waiting for me. A merry fire burned in the hearth, filling the room with gentle light.

  “Wine?” she asked, gesturing to an empty glass beside the half-full one she’d poured for herself.

  “Wine would be good,” I said, crossing the room and sitting down on the chaise.

  Mare joined me there, handing me the glass I’d requested. The liquid was a translucent garnet red, much lighter bodied than the wines I’d had back home.

  “How did your questioning with Laurenna go?” she asked.

  “It wasn’t Laurenna,” I said, taking a deep breath and trying to gather my jangling nerves to tell her what had happened. “Outside she handed me off to the captain of the Nightswifts.”

  “Who are they?” Mare asked.

  “The queen’s personal guards, apparently,” I said. “Then I was dosed with verium, a tincture to purge the peaceroot from my body.”

  Mare’s posture stiffened, and any hopes I’d had that I could tell her the rest of what had happened died away.

  “Your magic is back? Your full powers? Did they do anything else to get them under control?” she asked, her voice rising.

  I shook my head, feeling more and more crushed by the fear in her expression. My magic stirred along with my worries, tingling down my arms in the familiar way it often had back in Mynaria.

  “What did you tell them?”

  “The same lies and truths we’ve told everyone else,” I said. “There was nothing more I could say. You saw what happened when Laurenna touched me. She knows more than I do. Everyone does. I don’t know anything, really. I hate it.”

  “You’re not alone,” Mare said. “It seems we both have a lot of learning to do. But it’s going to need to happen fast.” She stared out the window with a brooding expression on her face.

  I wanted to lean over and kiss her. I wanted her arms around me, and her voice murmuring in my ear that everything would be all right. But the expression on her face and the way she’d put a little distance between us told me what I needed to know. My magic frightened her, and now that it was back in full force, she did
n’t trust me.

  I couldn’t tell her about the queen’s offer tonight. It would only confuse her objectives for the meeting with Laurenna, Zhari, and the queen tomorrow. I’d have to handle it on my own and hope the next two days provided some clarity about what to do.

  The next morning, I jolted awake with my heart racing and my mouth parched. The room was still nearly dark, with only the faintest hint of silvery light peeking in between the curtains. In my dream, Mare had been drowning in a river. I kept reaching into the water to save her, but she slipped out of my grasp over and over again. Everywhere I touched, her skin burned and blistered, turning black and peeling away to reveal the bone and sinew underneath. The current swept away bits and pieces of her, and the harder I held on, the more she fell apart.

  Even once the reality of the waking world had set in, I couldn’t let go of the consuming guilt. The damage was already done. I’d hurt her without meaning to. How could I ever trust myself again?

  Mare lay on the bed, her breathing deep and even. It took several minutes of watching her to reassure myself that she was all right. There was no way I was going back to sleep after that nightmare. Guilt followed me like a lost dog, staying with me as I used the washroom and then returned to the bedroom. I peeked outside the curtains and saw only a few servants crossing the courtyard at this early hour. However, I had a feeling I knew of one other person who would already be up and might be able to help me.

  I pulled on my cloak and walked down the hall, then knocked softly on Alek’s door. He opened it quickly, as if he’d been standing on the other side waiting for me. Unsurprisingly, he was already dressed in full leathers and had packs slung over both shoulders. The room behind him was immaculate.

  “What do you want?” he asked.

  “To talk—just for a moment.” I swallowed hard, suddenly nervous. Maybe it was foolish to ask him for help. “Were you on your way out? I can come back later.”

  “I’m moving to Wymund’s quarters in the court proper,” he said.

  “I could help you carry your things,” I said hastily, eager to offer some help in exchange for the enormous favor I was about to ask.

  “If it’s all the same to you.” He shrugged, handing me the smaller of his two packs. “We walk, you talk.”

  I followed him down the stairs and into the crisp morning air. The dry cold bit at my cheeks and crept under my cloak, making me wish I’d put on another layer.

  “The peaceroot is gone,” I said, dispensing with formalities.

  Alek gave me a startled look. “But you still don’t—” His eyes narrowed. “Wait. Something is different.”

  “The queen gave me a temporary shield,” I said, understanding that his Sight wasn’t allowing him to see my powers. She’d blocked them somehow.

  His gaze grew sharper. “The queen?”

  I nodded. “Look, I need to find a mentor, and quickly. I hoped you might help—if there was someone here who trained you, or another person they might know who would be willing to take me on. The queen’s protection is temporary. She’s leaving tomorrow.” I needed other options. Unless Mare’s meeting with the queen resulted in us heading to Corovja as well, I didn’t know how I could accept the queen’s offer. Being separated from Mare was unthinkable.

  Alek frowned and walked faster, so I had to rush to keep up with him. “If the queen’s laid a claim on you, I won’t interfere with that.”

  “She hasn’t,” I said, though his words filled me with doubt. It had only been an offer, not a claim, hadn’t it? “I just want to find the best person to learn from. Training with the queen comes with a lot of obligations to the kingdom—obligations I don’t know if I can fulfill, since I’m foreign-born.” I hoped appealing to his morality and loyalty to his kingdom might sway him to my side.

  “There’s Zhari’s program. Try that. No better way to get connected in Kartasha,” he said.

  “That’s something different from the queen’s training program?” I asked tentatively.

  “Zhari has a program meant to identify those of lesser means who have stronger magical gifts. Something similar existed when I was young—it’s how I got out of the slums. Mynarians.” He snorted. “I forget you know nothing.”

  “I’m not Mynarian.” I wouldn’t have admitted it, but he seemed to have particularly strong feelings about them that weren’t helping me get what I needed. And in a way, it felt good to say something about myself that wasn’t a lie.

  He gave me a sharp look, though his feelings remained unreadable.

  “I’m originally from Havemont,” I explained.

  He exhaled a long sigh. “That makes sense. And in that case, you should absolutely sign up for Zhari’s program. Plenty of Havemontians come down for training in Zumorda. You wouldn’t be the only one.”

  “Do you think they’d be able to find me a mentor quickly enough?” I asked, hopeful.

  “The waiting lists can be long,” Alek admitted, frowning. “And likely longer than usual right now—many of the young people who came here hoping to be signed on for the queen’s training but didn’t get in are signing up for Zhari’s program instead.”

  “I’m not sure it can wait.” I hated the worried tremor that crept into my voice.

  “Neither am I,” he said. “I suppose I’ll have to see what I can do. I’ll look into it this afternoon.”

  “Thank you,” I said, relieved to have even a tiny shred of hope to hold on to.

  I stopped by the medics’ hall on the way back from Alek’s new quarters and picked up some salve and bandages for Mare’s burn. Her gratitude for the salve was almost too much to bear, as was seeing the scorched flesh when I helped her apply it.

  In spite of knowing I had Alek’s help, my stomach was still a tight ball of nerves by the time Mare and I were dressed to meet Laurenna, Zhari, and the queen. When we arrived at the base of the tower, Alek was waiting for us. He stood there with his arms crossed, frowning as always.

  “What are you doing here?” Mare asked him.

  “You told Laurenna about Duvey last night,” he said tersely. “That’s what I’m doing here.”

  Mare gave him a look of mistrust as the three of us followed a page into the tower. The bottom floor was a vast receiving room the size of a great hall, decorated with overwhelming detail. Gilded arches circled the room, with intricate plasterwork twining from those up to the ceiling, which displayed a fresco of a great white dragon. We followed the page up a narrow spiral staircase that curved along the edge of the room and went to the next floor. The second room was smaller, but no less fantastic. An arched window looked out over the courtyard we’d walked through to get here, and on the opposite wall a mirror of the same size and shape reflected everything back at us. A wide table, large enough to accommodate about ten people comfortably, sat at the center. Beyond that stood an adjacent door through which two servants entered the room to bring hot water and herbs for tea. As soon as the place settings were finished, a herald entered the room. I stayed two steps behind Mare, doing my best to appear inconsequential.

  “I present Lady Laurenna, guardian of Kartasha; Grand Vizier Zhari of Corovja; and Her Majesty Invasya, the dragon queen of Zumorda, Bearer of Flame and Ruler of Generations.” The herald bowed and quickly took his leave.

  Mare executed a deep curtsy, and I followed suit as the three women filed into the room with the queen in the lead. Her height was as impressive as I remembered; she even towered over Mare, who had several inches on me. Again she wore white, this time a dress that managed to flatter her elegant form in spite of being made up of dozens of fine layers. She favored me with an almost invisible nod that made me shiver with nerves. What if she said something about our conversation last night before I could tell Mare myself?

  Laurenna stepped over to the table, the silky skirts of her pale gray dress swirling around her legs. Plunging necklines both in front and back revealed more skin than I would have expected to see at a morning tea. Zhari’s simple robes, a darker gra
y, were a sharp contrast to both of the other women’s garb in design if not in color. She was just as Mare had described, with a calming presence that seemed to balance the intensity of the other two women.

  I glanced at Alek, whose mask seemed more thoroughly in place than ever. If he had any feelings about seeing Laurenna, they weren’t showing.

  “To Her Majesty Invasya, the dragon queen of Zumorda, Bearer of Flame and Ruler of Generations, I present Her Royal Highness Princess Amaranthine, ambassador from Mynaria; her maidservant, Lia; and Sir Alek of the Misty Plains,” Laurenna said.

  “Thank you, Laurenna,” the queen said. Her voice was as smooth and sharp as it had been the night before, a sword that always followed the swiftest path to an enemy’s heart.

  We settled at the table and Laurenna gestured for the servants to begin their duties. Hot water was provided to each of us in individual pots, and then the servants came by with a selection of teas.

  “I hear you made quite the entrance to court last night,” the queen said to Mare. There was no trace of mockery in her tone, only a statement of fact.

  “I apologize for any missteps I made,” Mare said.

  “It’s easier to make good impressions when one isn’t saddled with poor company,” Laurenna said, shooting a humorless smile at Alek, who stiffened in his chair.

  Everyone pretended to be quite interested in the steeping status of their tea in the awkward silence that followed.

  “And it also seems last night there was a bit of a problem in the merchants’ hall,” the queen said, looking at Mare rather than me. I knew exactly what she was doing—she was checking to see how our explanations lined up and how much I’d told Mare. Worry flooded me, accompanied by regret that I hadn’t told Mare about my conversation with the queen. I’d wanted to spare her the burden, but it seemed I might have not done her any favors.