Alchemy
Page 6
"You know full well you have his attention, and he will see little impediment to his ambitions now, will he? It would be an opportunity too great to miss for him."
Was everyone at court expecting they would 'align'? Perhaps they did, but she did not marry for opportunity. They would all have to learn that there would be no alignment between them. Under no circumstances would she let a predator so very close to her. She wasn't one who could guard her heart within her own marriage, and she didn't want to find herself in a position where she had to. Trust was of supreme importance. Lorcan saw things very differently.
"Raufasger would never approve of such an alliance," she stated.
Wierstoke smiled.
A hush descended on the room and all eyes turned to the doors that were opening. Roisen Lorcan stood there, straight and strong, neatly dressed in black. There was no sign of weakness in his body, but Ashra thought he looked pale. He moved fluidly with grace and measured steps. The smoothness of his movement contradicted the weakness from his injury she had seen just a few short days before when he’d been bedbound. It must be sheer will that drew him here, and apparently, he refused to show how weak he was.
"The prodigal son returns," Wierstoke says. "With his favorite now out of the picture, Raufasger needs a new one, and Lorcan has always had his interest. Their marriage had pleased Raufasger inordinately, even though it was effectively a failure. Raufasger doesn't actually like change. Fears it, in fact."
Ashra listened intently to what Wierstoke was saying. Rarely did he speak without making a point.
Lorcan milled around the room, chatting to people who were all interested in expressing their joy at seeing him back. How many of them meant it, she wondered? Even Raufasger, who gave him his favor, was also wary of him. Maybe he had a right to be, because how far Lorcan was willing to go was something Ashra wasn't certain of. The thought gave her chills, because she was his primary target. This might only have fueled his intentions.
For a moment, she caught his eye across the room—cool and calm, giving little away other than the fact that they lingered. Ashra felt heat rise up her cheeks at the scrutiny. He always succeeded at making her uncomfortable by simply looking at her.
"I understand Raufasger is having fireworks prepared," she said to Wierstoke, tearing herself away from Lorcan's attention. "Have you heard any reason?"
"I have heard mention a victory ball planned to celebrate the strength of Raufasger's empire. It will likely be an extravaganza. Raufasger would want to wipe this period away by turning to more eliciting subjects."
Himself, Ashra thought bitterly. Perhaps they were overdue something a bit more spectacular from their usual evening festivities. Raufasger had a need to prove his greatness, and now that there was no one left to fight, spectacles had to serve the purpose. Which did present a problem as he continually needed to outdo himself.
"Lady Greve," the now all familiar voice of her simultaneous friend and foe. A fission of concern snaked up her spine. She hadn't seen him approach. Wierstoke faded away with a reproachful look on his face and Ashra turned to greet him.
"Lord Lorcan. I see you are strong enough to join us today."
"Yes."
There was a stiffness in his shoulders that betrayed that he still suffered discomfort. How much pain would he tolerate to get out of bed, she wondered. "Are you sure you are not pushing yourself too fast?"
"It sounds as if you care, Lady Greve."
Ashra's mouth opened, but she couldn't say anything. It would be rude to say no, but equally, she couldn't say yes. "You seem like the kind of person who would rush into something before it was prudent."
"There is much to do. It seems quite a bit has changed—important things."
Again she was lost for words, forcing herself to speak, but luckily they were distracted by Raufasger clearing his throat.
"You have seen fit to join us tonight, Lord Lorcan," Raufasger said loudly from his throne, catching the attention of all in the room. "You have recovered from your ordeal, it seems."
Lorcan bowed. "I have."
Raufasger's eyes lingered then shifted to Ashra. Discomfort clenched her stomach as the vile man's attention was on her. She lowered her eyes, not wanting to appear as if she was challenging in any way. Everything was still precarious; just as complicated as before. The state of Lorcan's petition was still unclear, so there was very much an ax still hanging over her.
"An injury many men would have succumbed to. Too stubborn to not have your way, some would say." Raufasger's gaze was still on her when she cautiously looked up again. "We are all pleased to have you returned to us," he continued and Ashra felt the man's attention shift off her again.
Raufasger looked around in expectation and resounding agreement was heard throughout the hall. Some of that agreement looked forced, however. Lorcan still had enemies; she still had enemies, but she was genuinely happy that he lived and was recovering. How much of that was selfish best interest, she didn't want to examine. There would be uncomfortable truths with whatever the answer was. Others would have preferred it if his recovery wasn't quite so successful, including Wierstoke.
That Lorcan didn't want to appear weak for long, so coming here and putting on a show that he was almost superhuman in his recovery served his purposes, even if he must clearly be in a substantial amount of pain.
"Where were we?" Lorcan asked when everyone’s attention fleeted away. "Oh yes, I think we were discussing your concern for my health and wellbeing."
"As was just shown, we are all concerned for your health and wellbeing."
Lorcan's lips parted, the action drawing her attention. "Hmm, deflection." His gaze was intent on her and she suddenly felt the need to escape. Lorcan had an uncomfortable habit of seeing through her mask. No doubt he was fully aware how uncomfortable he was making her. Part of the plan, even. "Yet not all came to sit by my bedside. But then we are naturally aligned."
"How so?"
"It is my child you are carrying. That is a link that can never be severed."
It was a hard point to counter. How could she say it was a link that meant nothing? In all honesty, she couldn't, but it simply wasn't a link that she would allow him to capitalize on. Her child would not be used for anyone’s purposes. Still, Lorcan was the child’s father and perhaps wishing him to simply go away would not make it so. There was also the question of a relationship with its father being owed to the child, but Ashra wasn’t so sure how interested Lorcan would be if there was absolutely nothing to gain. By his own words, he’d confessed that he does nothing if there is no gain to himself. The future would, in one way or another, prove how true those words were.
Chapter 9
"My liege," Lorcan said, looking away and up to where Raufasger was sitting conducting conversation with Madame Gwenoch, who, if she hadn't installed herself as his lover yet, was working her way toward that objective. Ashra hadn't seen her for a while, but it seemed she was back. "I believe there is still a small matter to settle when you are of mind."
Ashra battled an impulse to hurt him. Here was the reason he was present; the reason he had dragged himself out of bed—to continue his game, his quest. Apparently, once he had a target, he didn't give up for anything, not even recuperating from a near-death injury.
"I'm not sure this is the time nor the place, Lord Lorcan," Raufasger said with a sly smile.
"I couldn't agree more," Ashra said distastefully.
"Perhaps you should seek an audience with me in the morning."
"Yes, let's do that." Lorcan smiled, pleased with the arrangement.
Ashra walked away feeling angry and disgusted. Why did he have to push this? Well, she knew he was going to, but wished he would just leave it be for a moment, but that wasn't him. He pushed and pushed until he got what he wanted.
Part of her wondered if she should flee in the night. There was real temptation there, but there was also so much to lose. In the end, it would not be a strategy that would work in h
er favor. And if things went against her, it wasn't as if they would rip the baby out of her belly. There was time to consider her choices and to act as she needed to. She would act if it came down to it. It would be a desperate move, but one she was prepared to make to protect her child.
In the morning, they would meet, which meant she only had a few hours to work on her defense. Damn Lorcan for doing this—all of it. There was a sense of betrayal that hurt. One moment, she’d been considering his rights and obligations as a father, the next he was trying to take this child from her. How could she have been so stupid to even soften for a moment? There was too much riding on this to ever think softly about Lorcan. This more than proved that he didn’t think softly in return. Never forget that he was a political predator.
She had to take some of the blame for sleeping with him, for inviting him into her life. How could she have been so stupid? Even without the baby, she had simply been handing him leverage. All that talk about nothing they did mattered that night, that it had been the night for doing the things they wouldn't allow themselves to do. The consequences had been monumental for her, all for being silly and giving into… desire. Heady, compelling desire. Mesmerized by a viper, more like.
No, she had to get these emotions—this anger—under control. Things had changed, and she needed to work through what that meant, where that put her claim. There were options open to her and she needed to pick the best one, and hope she didn’t pick badly. Or was it illogical to apply legal precedents to this at all? Didn't Raufasger simply do what he wanted anyway?
Raufasger liked to be contrary, to stir the pot. The one thing in her favor was that he, out of spite and a sense of amusement, would probably rather deny Lorcan than her. Sinking her would probably be less fun. Maybe she could play up on that, on Lorcan's sense of entitlement, if she got a chance to speak, to defend her corner. It was obviously a longshot and a risk, but at times, playing Raufasger’s personality and sense of self was more effective than anything related to logic or legal philosophy.
She felt sick and her feet ached. It wasn't so much morning sickness that bothered her these days as that had mostly alleviated by now. It was a more general nausea, brought on by stress. All this stress couldn't be good for the baby. She would have to find some mechanisms for relaxing, and maybe she could highlight that this bickering was making her and the baby unwell and that perhaps this was an issue that needed to be settled at a later date, when the baby was born. Ideally, once the baby was hidden back at the Greve estate and out of sight.
It was an unhappy end to the evening for Ashra. All she wanted to do was go home and cry, even as she knew it would do no good. Perhaps she could beseech clemency with Raufasger to let her go spend time at her estate. There was certainly cause for her to say it had been an inordinately stressful time, considering recent events.
*
Sheer tiredness had claimed her and made her sleep. Her body's demands seemed to overrule emotional distress and she woke up feeling somewhat refreshed. The bump on her belly was growing and she rubbed the smooth curves as she lay in bed. The circumstances were so different from when Tabain was growing in her belly, when she had been happy and in love. Torunn had adored her belly, had found it erotic and she'd felt beautiful.
Closing her eyes, she grieved the things she'd lost. For a moment, she didn't even regret the cruelty of Amethyst's death. She deserved it for the things she'd done, the damage and loss she'd caused.
Ashra's heart was tender as she forced herself out of bed. A brutal day lay ahead of her and all thoughts of softness and comfort had to be put to side. It was time to battle. She had her strategies in place and she had to pit her objectives against Lorcan.
Sadly, so much of this was dependent on Raufasger's mood, and his moods could be erratic. A bad evening could leave him grumpy, but then grumpy could be in her favor. But the baseline for him was hoping he wasn't feeling homicidal. With a sigh, Ashra acknowledged the truth of the statement.
It was time to be strong, time to fight. She dressed more somberly, wearing a darker gown. For a moment, she considered wearing something lighter, something more feminine, that might convey that she was being unjustly bullied. It was a ploy that some females used with him, particularly Madame Gwenoch, who still strongly vied for his attention. It was definitely a ploy he seemed susceptible to, but then he might see her as too weak to protect this child.
Checking the clock, Ashra saw that it was time to go. It was time to face her opposition.
The pearls around her neck felt like they were choking her, but showing wealth and strength was the best strategy, she had concluded.
A clerk had to tell her where the liege was that morning and she was directed to one of the anterooms of his personal chambers. Lorcan was already there and stood looking calm as he turned to see her approaching.
"Lady Greve. I hope you slept well, considering the importance of this morning." Was he prodding her, hoping for a reaction, maybe even to unnerve her?
"I'm pregnant. I would sleep through a war."
"Ah," he said, apparently surprised. As his wife had never been pregnant, he probably knew nothing about the peculiarities of it. "Then I hope this isn't too taxing for you."
"See I wonder if you think that if you make this taxing enough, I will just give up and relent. You have no understanding of mothers, Lord Lorcan."
He didn't say anything and Ashra refused to let his attention draw her, instead kept her gaze on the gray and windy weather outside. There was now an uncomfortable silence between them.
The doors opened and Raufasger appeared, his robes billowing as he entered the room. He did like to make a dramatic entrance.
"Now, what business have we?" he said, taking a seat and crossing his legs.
"The issue of the Lorcan heir," Lorcan said with a small bow.
"An issue which has resulted in unprecedented dramatics in my court."
"It is an issue of high importance."
Raufasger pursed his lips and considered them. "Your wife took great issue to the petition. Lost her life in the process."
"It was her unruly sense of entitlement that forfeited her life," Lorcan said.
"Yes, perhaps. But the loss of that life changes things considerably, Lord Lorcan. There are now no impediments stopping you from claiming your child in a most natural way. The justice of this court should not be engaged because you cannot convince the lady to marry you." He shifted his hand loftily.
"As you say," Lorcan said tersely. Ashra stopped herself from smiling. Raufasger was coming down on her side, and she hadn’t even needed to say a word. He had ruled and she had won. Rather, Lorcan had lost. "We will bother you no further."
Ashra could see the tension in Lorcan's shoulders. He wasn't taking this loss well, and he walked out of the room.
"Thank you," Ashra said.
"Don't thank me, Lady Greve. Do I need to tell you that this is hardly over? Lorcan doesn't let setbacks stop him. Perseverance is his strongest suit."
"If you think he will succeed anyway, why not just give him what he wants?"
"I like Lorcan to be entertained and distracted. How long it will be before you fold, we will have to see."
"I can't afford to fold."
"I know," he smiled. "Lorcan will run over you like a mouse on the road."
"I am no mouse."
"We will just have to see. Leave me."
Ashra curtseyed and left the room. Raufasger was probably right; this wasn't over. Lorcan would just have to find a new tack. But she was no mouse. This was not going to end with her relenting. A mother defending her young is the fiercest creature in existence, and both Lorcan and Raufasger would simply have to learn that.
In the dramatic turn of events, she had forgotten to ask for permission to retire to her estates. It was too late now and she was kicking herself. Then again, with his enthusiasm to keep watching this showdown between her and Lorcan, he was unlikely to say yes.
Chapter 10
Raufasger had effectively ruled that he had to get her to acquiesce to marriage for Lorcan to claim this child, so perhaps she was safe. He could not overrule her consent, not that Lorcan would stop trying. It could be that he would pursue even more dangerous strategies, but she had the final word, and it was something that could not be circumvented.
Tonight, she would take the liberty of putting it out of her mind. She would enjoy the food and the music, and relish her victory. If people were aware of it, she didn't know. No one had mentioned anything to her, but she didn't care. Amethyst never understood that what these people thought didn't matter much. What Raufasger thought did, obviously. Well, saying that, the opinion of the court was something Raufasger cared about, so it was perhaps unwise to say public opinion didn't matter. It was the level of public opinion that mattered, and Lorcan had more enemies than he had friends. A lifetime of brutal political moves would do that to you. Her only victim was Lorcan himself.
At this point, she needed to keep her alliances strong, and this victory would help with that. Maybe she could even propose that it was time they strengthened it.
She danced with a young Lord Woenbeck, aware that she was being watched by Lorcan. If only he would accept a loss, things would be perfect. But right now, she had bought herself some time to be free of worry.
Shortly after the dance, exhaustion was nipping at her. The stressful morning had given to a day where she had floated on a cloud of victory—her enemy vanquished. With a few nods to people, she drifted out of the room, knowing that she had not looked back, not acknowledged him. Was ignoring him making it worse, was it stoking his ire? No, Lorcan didn't give himself to emotions—good or bad. He was too calculating and circumspect for that.