Someone to Stay

by B. M. Sandy

  “I never drink this much,” she said suddenly, and her words were met with laughter from Sam and Madison.

  “We gotta slow you down, then,” Madison said, putting her arm around her.

  At that moment, Cassie felt her phone vibrating in her back pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Jake.

  Just got home. I miss you.

  The words weren’t swimming, but they felt so secluded, there on the screen. She wanted to tell him that she could barely bear to be without him, that she wanted him to come get her, to claim her. Her mind fixated on that, then; what did it mean, to claim? To mark something as yours? To hold it, indefinitely? She wanted that very much.

  I miss you, too, she replied.

  “Are you texting him?” Madison asked then as Cassie put her phone away. They were walking into a new bar, one not as crowded as the last. Quiet acoustic music played in the background as they made their way to the bar.

  “Maybe,” Cassie mumbled, as she grabbed her ID and handed it to the bored looking bartender. “Three Washington Apples,” she told him.

  “Oh, girl.” Madison smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’d best be careful with that. Don’t go saying something you’ll regret.”

  Cassie shrugged, and Sam giggled. The bartender handed them their drinks, and they raised their glasses in another toast.

  “To regrets!” Cassie said loudly, inclining her head. The three of them downed their shots and slapped them on the bar.

  “I can’t believe you guys haven’t slept together,” Sam said as her vodka cranberry was handed to her.

  “Believe me, I want to,” Cassie replied, shocked at her own brazenness. Had she really just said that out loud?

  The beer she ordered was set down in front of her, and she thanked the bartender before looking back at Madison and Sam.

  “Then why haven’t you?” Madison asked.

  She hesitated inresponding, uncertain how to reply. How could she possibly put into words the way she felt about this?

  “I don’t want to get too attached to him,” Cassie admitted, just as her phone buzzed again. “And that’s the surest way to do it.”

  “I’d be on him so fast...” Sam said, giggling again. She was, quite possibly, more drunk than Cassie was; her short, typically neat hair was out of order, her bangs looking thoroughly ruffled. Cassie pulled her phone out, opening up the newest text from Jake.

  How’s Pittsburgh?

  It’s good, Cassie wrote back, fingers faltering over the screen. It’d be better if you were here. I can’t stop thinking about you.

  She hit send before she could think to do otherwise, knowing immediately after the message went through that it was perhaps not the best idea. But, she told herself, what was the point of dating if you couldn’t say what was on your mind?

  Madison and Sam were talking about a band that was coming to Pittsburgh in the next couple weeks, but Cassie could only concentrate on her phone. His response would come any minute, and she felt a deepening sense of intoxication set in. The bar felt so far away, but all she had to do was lean into it to realize how close it was.

  I think about you constantly, Jake wrote back. She could almost feel his words against her neck, the warm breath tickling her skin.

  What else do you think about? Cassie asked, her fingers numb with anticipation. Her heart was hammering, her mind humming with a forbidden sense of longing.

  “I can’t even tell you how hot Matt is,” she heard Madison say, snapping her out of her reverie. She looked up at the two of them, engrossed in their conversation about the band’s lead singer. Her phone buzzing stole her back.

  I think about the way you make me feel.

  The way those words seemed to reach out and grab her proved that they were real, living things. Her breath hitched in her throat as she replied, And how do I make you feel?

  Like I can’t get enough.

  His response sent shivers down her spine. She felt weak as she set her phone down, taking another sip of her beer to ground her. She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice that Madison and Sam had stopped talking; she looked over at them to see them staring at her.

  “What’s going on in there?” Madison asked, gesturing at Cassie’s phone. She felt her face heat at the knowledge that they had seen something she never intended to display.

  “Oh, uh, nothing. Just finalizing plans for Saturday,” she lied quickly.

  “Is that what that was?” Sam asked.

  Cassie’s phone buzzed again, and she ducked her head, avoiding the question and opening her phone.

  Sometimes, all I can think about is how you’d feel in my bed.

  Heat shot through Cassie, a burning sort of devouring fire that took over every inch of her skin. She grabbed her beer and took another generous gulp, the warmth of the alcohol mixing with the heady lust she felt. It created a perfect, potent mix.

  Come get me, she replied.

  Jake had a suspicion that Cassie was drunk. As he drove toward Pittsburgh, the GPS navigating him to the bar she told him she was at, he told himself that he could be certain of it. But she asked him to come get her, and he was going to oblige.

  Why had he sent that message? He was just making it harder on himself - he fantasized too much about her as it was; the feeling of her mouth on his was all he had. He thought of her flirtatious messages, her questions.

  And how do I make you feel?

  Everything, he had wanted to reply. You make me feel things I didn’t even know I could. But some things were better off left unsaid; and in this instance, with August 25th racing closer and closer, he couldn’t drag her deeper in with him. He could swim by himself.

  The street of the bar she was in had paid parking, so he pulled his car into a spot and stuck a few coins in, pulling the bill of his baseball cap down further over his face. It wasn’t too busy, with it being a weekday, and he made his way into the bar.

  He spotted Cassie as soon as he walked through the door; she was at the bar, next to two women he hadn’t seen before; he assumed they were Sam and Madison. They were all laughing loudly, their faces cherry pink in the dim lighting. He had never seen Cassie laugh with such abandon.

  They hadn’t noticed him, and so he walked across the bar and stepped up to them, awkwardly, and cleared his throat.

  All three of them turned to look at him; he saw the dawn of recognition in their faces. Cassie was the first to break into a smile.

  “Jake!”

  She jumped off the stool and hugged him. She was drunk, that was certain, and so were her friends. He smiled at them, patting Cassie’s head lightly.

  “Hullo. I’m Jake.”

  He shook hands with both of them, their stunned faces comical. Cassie giggled.

  “That’s Sam, and that’s Madison,” she said.

  “Wow,” the girl Cassie indicated as Sam said. “I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you.”

  Jake shot a glance around the bar; it was mostly empty, except for a couple sitting by the jukebox across the room. He smiled at them, slipping his hand into Cassie’s and squeezing.

  “I’m leaving with him,” Cassie announced. “Don’t be mad.”

  “I don’t blame you,” Madison replied, flipping her long brown hair back. Jake smirked a bit at that, knowing full well what was running through her mind.

  The girls said their goodbyes, and Jake waved as the two of them left the bar. He felt Cassie’s weight a little more than normal; she was leaning into him as they crossed the dimly lit street. He opened the passenger door of his car for her, and she slid in, resting her head against the seat.

  “So,” Jake said, once he pulled his seatbelt on and turned on the car. “Good night, then?”

  Cassie rolled her head so she was looking at him, a lazy smile on her face. “Oh, yes.”

  “I’m glad you and Sam made up.”

  She suddenly shifted in her seat, raising herself up and leaning over across the middle console. Her face cam
e down and her lips landed on his in a heated, drunken kiss.

  It was impossible not to respond to this. He could feel heat radiating off of her, and he reached to grip her hip, squeezing against her shorts, needing to feel some of that fire. She moaned into his mouth; he felt her hands reach under his shirt, her fingers leaving white-hot trails as they traveled up.

  “Woah,” he said, pulling back from her, hands resting on her shoulders. His breathing had accelerated and he forced himself to calm down, forced himself to see reason. “Cassie, God.”

  He saw uncertainty cross her features; she leaned back, her own breathing rapid. He watched her chest heave, eyes landing on the hollow of her throat. He wondered what it would taste like there.

  “Don’t you want me?” Cassie asked, a hint of hurt in her voice.

  “Of course I do,” Jake replied, reaching a hand out to cup her cheek. “You can’t even imagine how much I want you. Just not when you’ve been drinking. It’s not right.”

  She nodded, pulling away from him completely, sitting back in her seat. She buckled her seatbelt, the motion clumsy as she struggled to get it to click.

  “Can I...” Cassie began, and then she paused. Jake had begun to pull out of the spot, following the GPS to the highway.

  “What, love?”

  “Can I stay with you tonight? I just don’t want to be alone.”

  Jake looked over at her; she was watching him, eyes alert, waiting for his response.

  “Of course you can. We’ll just have to get up early so I can take you home.”

  His heart hammered in his chest at the thought of sleeping with Cassie in his bed - was he wrong to agree to it? He felt pressure on his knee; she had reached over and was gripping it, her hand warm and soothing.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked her. “I could go for a taco or two.”

  He caught her eye; she was watching him coyly, a small smile on her face as her hand squeezed his knee a little harder.

  “I’m starving,” she said, and he couldn’t help but think she was talking about more than food.

  It was nearly twelve o’clock by the time they got to Jake’s trailer. The sound of the crickets was almost deafening as he unlocked the door and helped her inside; she seemed to have mostly sobered up with a few tacos and some water, but he was wary of the dark steps on her behalf. Once inside, he closed and locked the door behind him, removing his baseball cap and tossing in onto the table.

  She was oddly quiet when he turned to look at her; the moonlight filtered in from the window above the small kitchen table and cast an ethereal hue on Cassie’s face. He was overcome by the affect she had on him just then, and he reached a hand out without thinking to rest against the back of her neck, pulling her closer. They stared at each other for a brief moment in the dark before she stepped closer, closing the distance.

  He felt her hands on the back of his neck, pulling him down, her mouth meeting his in a soft kiss. He could feel her breath against him, her hands reaching to grip his hair, giving him enough of a tug to sting, and, in turn, deepening the kiss.

  Was there any way to bring her closer? He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her into him, his heart hammering in his chest, jumping into his mouth. There was nothing more perfect than the curve of her body; nothing else existed but her warmth, and his mind was centered on that focal point where the two of them met.

  After an immeasurable amount of time, he felt her make a low noise into his mouth; he became aware of himself at that point and broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers.

  “Jake...” she whispered, reaching her hands around to rest on his chest. His own hands dropped to her lower back, his fingers itching to curl into the fabric of her top. His own fantasies were getting the better of him; his mind was whirling with dreams and thoughts of her, her skin, her eyes locked on his. He opened his own eyes, stepping away, remembering that she was still not fully sober, and he did not bring her here to take advantage of.

  “You look tired,” he said finally, leaning in to give her a small, quick kiss. It was obvious in the way she curled into him that she was desperate for more. “Let’s lay down, shall we?”

  She nodded, and Jake decided quickly that she needed something more comfortable to sleep in than jean shorts, and he went searching for something suitable. In his drawers, he found a pair of sweatpants that would probably fit her decently enough and a t-shirt to change into. Handing them to her, he said, “These should fit you alright. Er, the toilet is over there.”

  Cassie looked to where he pointed and he turned his back, removing his shirt and tossing it into the small basket beside his drawers. He heard the rustle of fabric behind him and realized that she had not gone to the toilet after all.

  It was incredibly difficult to keep himself from turning to look at her; the knowledge that all that skin that had been hidden from him was now within his reach was too much to bear. He swallowed, forcing himself not to give in, knowing that she was acting much more brashly than normal because she’d been drinking. He pulled his jeans off, deciding that he was much too hot to put on his own pair of sweatpants, and made his way to the bed.

  He heard her giggle as the rustling stopped. “It’s safe to look at me now.”

  Jake wasn’t quite prepared for the way Cassie in his clothes made him feel. They were much too large for her, but the sheer knowledge that they were his somehow solidified the fact that he was hers. That thought dried his mouth, and he swallowed, the sensation reminding him of just how irrevocably drawn to her he was.

  “Come to bed,” he said, in a voice he didn’t quite recognize.

  She stepped forward, her eyes taking on a quality he had never seen before. He crawled into the bed, taking the side against the wall, and watched as she got in too, snuggling against his pillows and curling under the comforter on her side, eyes wide and focused on him.

  Her free hand reached out and gripped his upper arm, tugging, pulling him closer, pulling him completely against her. He could do little else but stare at her; her attention was so obviously fixated solely on him, and he felt a strange sense of buzzing warmth radiating in his chest.

  “Thank you for letting me stay,” she said quietly, and he felt her hand brushing gently through his hair. He closed his eyes at the sensation. “I know you have to film tomorrow and...I appreciate it.”

  “Anytime,” he replied. He opened his eyes, leaning in for another kiss, this time savoring the softness of her lips and the feeling within him as she responded in turn, her breath hitching in her throat.

  “Jake,” she breathed, pulling back. He heard the longing in her voice, saw the desire on her face. He wished so badly to relent and give her what she was silently asking for, but he knew he shouldn’t.

  “Let’s get some sleep,” he said, brushing her hair back from her face. “We’ve got to get up at six if I’m to be on set on time.”

  She made a face at that, dropping her hand and resting it on him. He chuckled and closed his eyes, finding it difficult to succumb to sleep, feeling her arm draped around him, the heat of her body reaching out and enveloping him. In the back of his mind, he wondered vaguely what it would feel like to always have her here - and again his mind fixated on August 25th, that dreaded, blasted day when all of this would come crashing down and end.

  Opening his eyes, he watched her for a moment, her face a picture of relaxation, her eyes shut, the hint of a small smile on her face. He wondered how often she thought of it, the end. He wondered if she was scared. He wondered what exactly she felt for him; had she thought about the possibility of staying together after he left?

  What sense would that make? he asked himself, bitterly. We would never last. We’d be another tragic story for the Sun to profit from.

  But looking at her now, completely angelic in the darkness, he could almost convince himself otherwise.

  It was the touch of a hand that woke him, slow and aimless across his chest.

  Jake opened his eyes; he was on his
back, staring at the ceiling, disoriented. It took far too long to connect that hand leaving white heat across his skin to Cassie, and he turned his head to look at her, remembering the events leading up to this moment. She was watching him, her face unreadable, her eyes alight with some sort of mischief that he couldn’t quite put his finger on - it was as if she had a secret she was dying to tell him.

  He wanted to ask her if she was alright - he had actually opened his mouth to do so - but she leaned over before he had the chance, closing the small space between them and pulling him in for a heated kiss. He leaned into it, turning sideways, a groan escaping his throat, the sound almost alien to his ears. He never even had the chance to see the time - it was clearly in the middle of the night, and he felt his mind beginning to cloud over with that familiar sensation of lust, one he had gotten quite acquainted with recently.

  Cassie’s breathing began to accelerate; it was like music in his ears, and he found that in that moment he couldn’t quite get enough. He reached his hand out, cupping her neck, that warm, sweet heat imprinting on his palm. Her own hand made purchase with his face, her thumb pressing into his cheek, the pressure adding urgency to the kiss.

  “Jake,” she gasped, breaking the kiss, pulling back and looking at him. He had expected, perhaps, to see shyness there, but instead he was met with an unexpected boldness that made his heart race even faster. Even in the dark, he could see two pink spots on her cheeks, and he reached his hand from her neck to her mouth, trailing his thumb across it, parting her lips, the image so heady in its sensuality he felt his breath hitch. Her eyes narrowed at the sound.

  “Cassie,” he whispered, the desire within him urging him to move, to roll her on her back and take her, to claim her once and for all - but he couldn’t be certain that was what she wanted. He felt her shift, lifting herself up and pushing him back against the bed fully. She hovered above him, her hair dropping down between them like a curtain.