Someone to Stay

by B. M. Sandy

  “Jake,” Cassie gasped through the kiss, her hands reaching blindly down to try to unbutton his shirt. She felt bare skin, felt the heat of him radiating as she found the buttons, fumbling through them.

  It was when she got to the last button, pulling his shirt back enough to run her hands along the expanse of his chest that he made a soft growl through the kiss, pressing his body against her, hips grinding into hers. She could only make a low moan, pulling back, grabbing his hand and pulling him to her room.

  It was dark, but Cassie didn’t turn on a light. She closed the door quietly, turning to look in Jake’s general direction, her eyes adjusting to the darkness, her hands reaching to unbutton her own shirt, stepping toward the bed as she worked the buttons, her fingers shaking with anticipation and a growing, aching need. Her eyes focused on Jake who, she realized, was watching her, the hunger in his eyes evident even in the dark.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said, when her shirt fell to the floor. He stepped forward, hands reaching out to cradle her face before sliding down her back to unfasten her bra; she let that fall to the floor too.

  She didn’t know how he did it - how he made her believe him.

  “How long are you in town for?” she asked, knowing the question was perhaps a mood killer. The look on his face turned tender, and her heart sped up.

  “As long as you’ll have me.” His hands skimmed the skin of her back, reaching around to her belly, his fingers lingering on the waistband of her slacks.

  “You’ll have to go home eventually,” she whispered, silently urging him to continue undressing her.

  He leaned in, his lips fastening on her neck, leaving a heated trail of kisses down to her clavicle.

  “I’ll say it again,” Jake said quietly. He unbuttoned her pants, pulling them down. Cool air hit her legs, and she kicked her pants off to join her shirt and bra. “I’m staying as long as you’ll have me.”

  His words stilled any doubts she had. It was very suddenly, then, that she became aware of the passing of time: the sense that the moments she had with him were precious, to be coveted, to be treasured. She reached a tentative hand out to rest on the back of his head, the feeling of his fingers brushing against the skin of her hip heady and intoxicating.

  “I love you, Jake.”

  The words tumbled out of her without any hesitation, without any further thought. There was only a split second of silence before Jake gripped her hips tightly, bringing her flush against him, his face burying into her neck. She could feel him breathing against her, and her heart seemed to stutter in her chest at the contact.

  After a moment of this, Jake raised his head, guiding her to the bed, laying her down and kissing her tenderly; when he pulled back, Cassie was momentarily breathless at the uncontrolled reverence on his face. She watched him, her heart finding a home in her mouth.

  “I love you too, Cassie.” He paused; she found herself unable to keep still - she reached out her hands, pulled him down, needing the contact. His mouth lingered mere inches from hers, a soft smile dancing across his face, and he whispered it again. “I love you.”

  It was then that her control snapped - they were soon a fervent, fluid tangle of limbs and heat, his hands tangled in her hair and her hands tangled in his shirt, sliding it off, gasping into his mouth which had made purchase with hers. Her body was shaking, buzzing with life and lust and love, the density of which she had never known. She felt his hips rocking into her, and she cried out into his mouth and she knew that she needed more; she needed it now.

  “Please,” she gasped, pulling back, seeing stars in the ceiling. She became strongly aware of the absence of his body; she heard shuffling and turned to watch him remove the rest of his clothing, the moon bleeding through the curtains and blanching his skin, leaving a trail of white where it touched. She reached down to remove her underwear, the last piece of clothing she still had on.

  Pointing to the nightstand, she said, “There’re condoms in there. From when...you were here before.”

  It only took him a moment - he turned, coming toward her, stilling as he hovered above her, eyes locking on hers, causing butterflies to erupt in her stomach. And as she guided him inside of her, she could only think of those three words, her breaths coming out in sharp bursts as he filled her completely.

  I love you.

  Epilogue.

  “Cassie, you look amazing!”

  Sam’s excited voice bounced off the walls of her living room, causing Scott to let out a soft whine, ears perking at the sound. Cassie felt herself blushing, nervously smoothing her dress.

  “Are you sure?”

  It was opening night at the O’Donald Theater in Pittsburgh for Macbeth, Jake’s play, in which he had the leading role. Cassie wanted to look perfect for their celebratory dinner afterward, but she also felt a growing sense of apprehension despite herself.

  Jake was extremely excited for this - everything he’d worked for, everything he’d sacrificed his career for, depended on tonight. She turned to regard herself in the mirror one last time, noticing the redness of her cheeks, the vibrancy of her eyes, before turning back to Sam.

  “Absolutely. Jake’s heart is gonna stop when he sees you.”

  Cassie giggled at this, clasping her hands in Sam’s, a completely uncharacteristic action for her, but nerves drove her to need the contact.

  “You look fantastic too, you know.”

  It was Sam’s turn to look bashful, but Cassie wasn’t lying. Her deep plum long-sleeved shift dress brought out her green eyes - she’d grown her blonde hair out in the past couple of months, too; it now rested just above her shoulders, giving her a gentle, glowing look.

  “Thank you.”

  They stood awkwardly silent for a few long seconds, as if uncertain what to do next. Sam broke the silence by looking at her watch and smiling.

  “Well, it’s time to pick up Madison and head out.”

  Cassie smiled, and they both shrugged on their coats, leaving the apartment and getting into Sam’s car. When the car began to move, she fiddled with her hands in her lap, staring out the window as the streets passed, the fresh layer of snow on the ground transforming the world into a pure, untouchable place. Christmas trees were visible in nearly every home they passed, their lights sparkling in the windows.

  “I’m excited for tonight,” Sam said after a while.

  “Yeah. I am too.”

  Cassie smiled, thinking of the night before; Jake’s obvious excitement, the anticipation of today. He’d spent the last five weeks rehearsing tirelessly for this. When he got the callback two days after she came home to find him in her kitchen, she could hardly believe how ecstatic he was.

  It had almost been like looking at a new person - someone who was finally where he wanted to be.

  Cassie thought of that first night often. The way he’d surprised her by being there that night, the reverent way he’d looked at her before he whispered that he loved her. The way they’d made love, falling asleep in each other’s arms, waking up famished at one in the morning and eating leftover lasagna quietly so they wouldn’t disturb her mom who’d slipped in at some point that night. It was like something out of a fairy tale, a fantasy. She remembered suddenly back to their first date, that moment of stillness when his eyes locked on hers in the woods and then moved to her lips.

  “What are you smiling about?” Sam asked, breaking her thoughts.

  Glancing at her, Cassie shrugged, a slight blush on her cheeks.

  “Just...the first time Jake and I went out. When I took him hiking.”

  “Yeah? And now look at you.”

  They were almost to Madison’s house; Cassie could see it, the green and red lights blinking in the dark. She allowed a genuine smile to cross her face and nodded. She thought of all the things that had happened since then: the dates, the difficult conversations about her father, that late night walk in the middle of the night, the fight with Sam. She looked over at Sam, who had her eyes on the road, and
a feeling of contentment washed over her.

  She thought about her dad, then. Wondering what he’d think about the path her life had taken. She found comfort in the fact that she knew he’d be proud of her.

  They pulled into Madison’s drive, and Cassie said, “I couldn’t be happier.”

  There was a rush of energy, a swirl of activity around him that exhilarated Jake to no end. He was sitting at the vanity, eyes locked on himself but his mind elsewhere, going over in his head various positions, lines, feelings. Everything he’d worked for had come to this moment, this one small speck of time before he walked on that stage.

  “Jake, we’ve got five minutes,” Amy, the stage manager, hurriedly said to him on her way past. Jake’s eyes snapped to her, watching her duck under a rack of empty hangers, her long brown hair bouncing from her movements. He then allowed himself to become distracted by the other actors congregating near the curtain. He stood and walked over to them, sliding into their semi-circle.

  “Are you ready for this?” Gaby, who played Lady Macbeth, asked him. He found himself nodding, not trusting himself to speak.

  “Wait, are you nervous?” Erik, another actor, asked. Jake found himself grinning, unwilling to give himself away to his peers. It was very odd to find himself in this position: many of these people had only been on small stages, and it took a couple weeks for some of them to stop looking at him with stars in their eyes. To them, it was probably ridiculous to imagine that he was nervous for this.

  “I’m eager to share the stage with you,” he said, looking at each of them, hoping he didn’t sound terribly pretentious. He’d said something of the sort their first week rehearsing, finding himself at a disadvantage because it’d been so long since he’d been in such an environment. Film making was miles away from stage acting, and it took him some time to adjust to the rawness of it all. But over the last several weeks, they’d all become close; Jake knew every one of these people, knew their lives and families and the other jobs they had outside of this theater.

  Gaby smiled. “We’re honored to have you with us.”

  Jake looked at the curtain, a heavy red velvet cloth blocking them from the people sitting in the audience. He thought about Cassie, who was surely among those out there; his heart began to beat faster at the thought of it.

  Some stagehands rushed out then, moving everything unrelated to the set away, pulling props in. He and the actors were ushered into the back, away from the view of the audience, and Jake knew that it was time.

  Applause was still in his ears, ringing through his brain as he made his way to the shared dressing room with a few of the other actors, their banter muffled, his hands a shaking mess beside him.

  It was over. An hour and a half had passed since he first stepped onto that stage, his eyes almost blinded by the lights. He had looked into the audience, blinking, unable to decipher anyone in particular - the moment had filled him with such a rush, he had forgotten everything else except the feel of the wood beneath him and Macbeth.

  He sat at the vanity, wiping off makeup, pulling off pieces of his costume. He looked wired, his cheeks flushed with excitement, and he gave himself a small smirk of satisfaction.

  “Jake.”

  There was a moment of stillness, then, as Jake’s gaze flicked from his own in the mirror to a figure hovering in the doorway, a delicate hand resting on the frame. He turned in his seat, seeing Cassie, a rush of warmth at the sight of her springing him to his feet.

  Her eyes, ever expressive, were tender with reverence as she watched him; her lips parted with the hint of a half smile. Her hair was swept back, with simple tendrils let loose to frame her face, and she was wearing a velvet green dress that brought out her eyes in a way that made his heart skip.

  “Cassie.” He walked over to her, hands reaching out to rest on her upper arms, unable to stop the smile from taking over his face. Her eyes met his shyly, a blush creeping over her cheeks. “You look magnificent.”

  “And you look like a Scottish king,” Cassie replied, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Although I’m glad to see your head in its proper place.”

  Jake laughed, becoming aware that they were attracting attention. He turned and saw that most of the actors in the room were watching them, some with smiles on their faces, obviously having some idea who she was. He nodded to her, lightly guiding her over to the group.

  “Everyone, this is Cassie, my girlfriend.” Jake then proceeded to introduce Cassie to each person in the room, most of whom he assumed she would recognize from the production. He watched her appreciatively as they began to ask her questions, wondering where she was from and what she did. It felt natural, far more natural than he would have ever thought.

  It was with a startling clarity that Jake realized that he’d come to think of this as home. They had a month of running - and after, Jake realized, home would be wherever he wanted.

  “This is so good,” Cassie said, popping another piece of shrimp in her mouth.

  “Oh yes, it is,” Jake agreed, sitting back in his chair. They were at Mordini’s, the very same restaurant Jake had brought Cassie to in the summer. They were in the same room and even had the same waiter by some stroke of coincidence; it would have felt like walking into the past if it weren’t for Cassie’s expression. She no longer had that guarded, uncertain look to her, no. When he looked at her, he knew exactly who he was looking at, and the thought filled him with a surge of love and pride.

  “Thank you for bringing me here. They really went all out for you.”

  Jake laughed at this, looking at the spread. They couldn’t decide on a meal, so they opted instead to work through several appetizers and desserts; the kitchen staff, they were told, had also made a couple of the entrees into small plates for them to sample as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this full - and the content, warm expression on Cassie’s face told him that she felt the same.

  “You’re quite welcome. And I’d like to believe that they went all out for us.”

  Cassie grinned, shaking her head, taking another sip of her wine.

  “Keep telling yourself that, Mr. Mason.”

  She reached her hand across the table, palm up, and Jake fit his hand over hers, squeezing.

  “So,” Jake said, after a moment. He let go of her hand, taking a sip of his own wine, knowing what he wanted to ask, but uncertain how. “I’ve got a question.”

  Cassie sat up in her chair, eying him curiously. “It sounds serious.”

  “Oh - ah, it’s not, I mean. Not really.” He paused, biting his tongue before releasing it to continue. “In November, The American Dream will be premiering.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes, in Los Angeles, London, and Berlin. And...I’d like, very much, for you to accompany me.”

  There was a still silence after this, and John, their server, entered the room and clapped his gloved hands.

  “How are we feeling?” he asked, picking up empty plates, stacking them in his hands.

  “Fantastic,” Jake replied, inclining his head toward him. “Thank you.”

  Cassie had a funny smile on her face as John left the room, closing the door behind him quietly.

  “You were...nervous, to ask me about the movie, weren’t you?” Jake recognized that she was asking a question, but the words didn’t come out as one.

  “Whatever gave you that impression?”

  “So you’re not nervous? You’ll be showing your face in that world for the first time in over a year.”

  That world. Jake sat up straighter, knowing she was poking fun at him on purpose, knowing that she knew that yes, he was very nervous about the premiere. He had found himself a nice place here in Pittsburgh; he had found himself content and fulfilled here. He looked over at Cassie, eyes sweeping her face, unable to comprehend how he’d gotten so lucky as to be given another shot with her.

  “Yes. I’m nervous. I - I know there will be questions, a lot of them. And - I’d feel much better with yo
u by my side.”

  He wished he could touch her. Her face softened so much at his words, and she leaned in as she smiled at him.

  “Jake, of course I’ll go with you.” She stood, pulling her chair back and walking around the table to him, leaning down to kiss his forehead. And then, quietly, she said, “I can’t believe you have to watch that movie three times in a row.”

  The unexpected comment caused Jake to burst out laughing. He reached to rest his hands on her back, his fingers digging into the softness of the material of her dress.

  “Oh God, yes. And I’ll have to wear three different suits, or they’ll know.”

  “Oh dear.” Cassie slid into his lap, crossing her legs, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her nearness, the scent of her, the warmth of her body leaning into his, caused his heart to accelerate; he suddenly wished they were in the privacy of his flat.

  “I love you,” he whispered into her ear, nuzzling his face into the crook of her shoulder. The heat of those three words surged through him, his breath twisting in his chest as he realized just how much he felt it. Before Cassie, he had been aimless; he told himself he cared about his film career, but it had been a lie to himself, a lie to avoid the truth. There was very little he’d enjoyed about his past life, and, unknowingly, Cassie had shown him what he couldn’t see himself.

  “I love you, too.” She pulled herself out of his arms, standing and smoothing her dress. Jake saw the future laid out before him, knowing that it was early for them, but somehow knowing that any future of his included hers, too. A mass of feelings swelled up in his chest as he stood, too, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her in for a soft kiss.

  “So,” he said, pulling back from her, smiling down at her. “What do you say we get out of here?”