The Man Test

by Amanda Aksel

  I began softly running my fingers on his neck. In one swift, very sexy, move I straddled him. Our faces were only inches apart. He said nothing while my fingers ran sensually through his soft hair. He looked deep into my eyes and kissed me gently, yet fervently. My body pressed into his and he held me tightly. His kisses moved down my neck, and I threw my head back pushing my chest out. A shiver shot through my body as his hands ran up my thighs and under my dress until he reached my lower back. He caressed my skin as we kissed, the movie still blaring in the background.

  I sat back to unbutton his shirt, then slid it off. His chest rose and fell as he breathed the sensual air. I traced a line down his chest to his belt and unfastened his pants. He kissed me again and pulled my dress up and over my head. He unlatched my bra and it popped right off like a broken rubber band. I stood and whispered, “Let’s go upstairs.” He followed close, yet far enough away for him to get a good look at what I had going on.

  James came up behind me kissing my neck and touching every inch of my body. I reached around and pushed his pants to the ground. I crawled onto the bed. He grabbed my hips and kissed me along my back until he reached my shoulders. He held his body up with his strong arms while I flipped onto my back.

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked. His blue eyes gleamed at my hazel ones. I rubbed my hands down his back, slipped my fingers into his boxers, and began to pull them down.

  “Yes,” I said. And I was. He sucked on my neck and slipped off my panties, careful to take his time. I helped slide him inside me, which sent a tingling sensation all over my body. He moved his hips at an easy pace as we kissed passionately. There I was again, completely free, uninhibited, and in control. The soft light from downstairs reflected off his defined body. I found pleasure in the sight and the sensation. His gaze caught mine and for a second I was fixed. Feelings of vulnerability began to unravel, causing me to close my eyes and turn my head. He leaned in to kiss me, then pulled away, softly kissing my chest. He continued down inch-by-inch until he reached my stomach, then lightly ran his tongue below my belly button. I threw my head back enjoying his attention to detail until he resumed his previous position.

  I was feeling close, but didn’t want it to stop. He pulled my legs back and cupped his hands around my ass. It sent me over the edge and before I knew it I was having those tingling flashes of pleasure streaming through my whole body. James immediately followed.

  “Oh, wow.” He breathed and rolled on his back.

  “I know,” I said, also trying to catch my breath.

  “Did you uh . . . ya know?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I said. “When it’s good, it’s good.”

  “That was great.”

  I woke up in one of James’ undershirts and a pair of his boxers. Not since my early days with Chad had I looked so cute in a morning after outfit. It was just after seven and James was missing from the bed. The bathroom door was slightly open. The sound of rushing water resounded from it. Kinda early for a Saturday. I got out of bed to check my face in his bedroom mirror and wiped the smudged mascara from underneath my eyes. When I heard the shower shut off, I hopped back into bed, pretending to be sleeping.

  James came out a few moments later wearing nothing but a towel. Water dripped from his thick, dirty-blonde mane down his beautifully sculpted chest.

  “Hey,” I said in a groggy voice. He turned around quickly as if I caught him sneaking out.

  “Good morning.” He smiled showing off his pretty white teeth.

  “I didn’t know you were such an early riser.”

  “Not usually this early, but this is my Saturday to volunteer at the children’s hospital.”

  “You volunteer at the hospital?” Was this guy for real?

  “Yeah, just once a month.” He dried and dressed.

  “I guess I better get ready to leave too,” I said, pushing the covers off.

  “No stay, sleep in, it’s still really early. There’s coffee and croissants if you’re hungry,” he said, pulling a shirt over his head.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be gone most of the day, but I’ll call you later.”

  I cozied myself under the covers. He kissed me goodbye and grabbed his bag to leave. I rolled over and watched him walk down the stairs, which was easily seen from his loft bedroom. After a minute, the sound of the front door closing resonated in the loft, and I sprung out of bed. My heart raced as I made my way toward the stairs. Marvin, who had been sleeping on the floor, followed. I held the railing as I walked briskly down when Marvin wedged his large horse-dog body between the rail and me, nearly knocking me off balance. He probably did it on purpose. He hates me.

  Ignoring the near fall, I hurried to look out the living room window. James was walking to his car. Once he took off, I looked back at Marvin who sat behind me, staring me down like I was his enemy. I gave him a snide glare. He wasn’t going to deter me.

  After I checked to make sure the door was locked, I relished. I was alone in James’ most sacred haven; his apartment. Then I looked at Marvin. Well, mostly alone. At first I was overwhelmed and unsure where to start. How do you clean? From top to bottom. I headed upstairs. The bathroom had already been searched, so I went through every dresser drawer, under the bed, and in all the closets for any clues of an ex-girlfriend or a slew of lovers. It was clean. Downstairs his hall closets and living room nooks and crannies were well organized. Still nothing. His answering machine had one message from his dentist and his kitchen wasn’t much help either. That’s when I saw it, the place a man keeps his real secrets. His laptop.

  I made my way over to grab it, but Marvin beat me to it and placed his paws on top of it. My knowledge on the behavior of Great Danes was shallow, but this one was smart as hell and a pain in my ass. My eyes searched his. Did he have a human soul somewhere in his oversized dog body? I tried to grab the computer out from under his paws, but he guarded it like it was his special bone.

  “Come on, Marvin,” I said, then looked toward the window.

  “Marvin, what’s that?” I said and pointed in that direction. Marvin’s ears perked up and he looked at the window. While he was momentarily distracted, I swiped the laptop.

  “Got it!” I said, and he barked at me. “Oh, stop,” I told him. Marvin disappeared upstairs leaving me to investigate the computer at my leisure. No password. Good. First, I looked through his Internet history, which was mostly news sites and a few cooking sites. I looked in his picture files and finally stumbled upon his porn stash. It was a fair amount, so I decided to take a look to see what he was into.

  Naughty Office featured a blonde woman dressed like an assistant. “I cancelled all your other appointments this afternoon,” she said shutting the door behind her. After that it was pretty much her and the “boss” getting it on all over the office. There was quite a bit of spanking, but probably not enough to be considered fetish porn.

  “James, you naughty boy.”

  I riffled through a few more movies. All were similar in nature, boy on girl action, nothing out of the ordinary. So far my search had been a bust. I put everything back in its place, grabbed a croissant, and headed home. The cab ride was nauseating due to an overwhelming odor of urine. I couldn’t wait to take a shower, because the pee stink seemed to permeate my clothes. After I was showered and dressed, I realized that the pee smell wasn’t from the cab, but was from my purse.

  “Dammit, Marvin! This is Kate Spade.” I shouted. The purse was immediately escorted to the dry cleaners. Later, I met Telly for lunch to get her input and expertise on my search at James’.

  “Oh, my God, Marin!” Telly said after I told her that James and I finally slept together. I smiled shyly as I stirred my iced tea. “So how was it?”

  “It was actually really great,” I said. “There’s something about having sex without all those emotions that makes me feel uninhibited, almost powerful.”

  “I’ve been trying to tell you,” she said.

/>   “This isn’t just about good sex,” I said to change the subject.

  “Oh, right. Any new developments?”

  “He left me alone in his apartment this morning, so I did some snooping.”

  “What’d you find?” Her eyes widened in anticipation of a great delivery.

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?” She couldn’t believe it either.

  “Well, I did find some porn on his computer,” I whispered.

  “Oooh, what kind?” I leaned in closer trying to be discreet. “That’s the thing. It was just regular guy on girl porn.”

  “So what’s wrong with that?” She looked confused.

  “A man's private porn stash exposes his deepest sexual desires. They make porn for every kind of masturbating bastard on this planet. Foot fetishes, racial specific, mature, chicks with dicks, masochistic sex—”

  “Two girls and a cup,” she said.

  I grimaced. “That's gross, Telly.” She snickered and I continued in a more serious tone. “It's true. Men are deeply disturbed. But this guy isn't deviant at all.”

  “No. I’m not convinced. There has to be something,” she said.

  “But where do I look?”

  “You’ve got to get into his phone. Check his text messages and contact list. A guy’s computer is like his bat cave, but men are stupid when it comes to protecting their phones.”

  I nodded, thinking of how I could possibly get his phone long enough to look through it all.

  “That reminds me,” I said. “Have you heard of Ashley Madison?”

  “Marin, I’m a divorce attorney, of course I’ve heard of it,” she said with a mouth full of food. Ashley Madison was an ambiguously named site I had stumbled on during my recent research. Its sole purpose was to help adulterers hook up. Seriously.

  “You know they have more than twenty million members?”

  “That’s a lot,” she said.

  “It’s not a lot, it’s too much. That’s twenty million marriages affected. What’s wrong with our society when we tolerate and encourage this kind of philandering?”

  “Marin, this is America, land of the free. We’re inundated with unlimited choices and we’re always gonna keep our options open. It’s the American way.”

  “I get that. But, if that’s the case then men should communicate openly about their choice to stay free so they don’t hurt the other person.”

  “How many of those twenty million are women?” she asked for the sake of throwing my argument.

  “You know as well as I that women don’t cheat for the same reasons as men. It’s not just about the sex.”

  “I’ve cheated for sex,” Telly said, disproving my point.

  “Were you in a loving, committed relationship?”

  She looked up in thought. “No.”

  “Then it doesn’t count. Besides you don’t count. You are basically a man with a vagina.”

  “Cheers to that,” Telly said, raising her iced tea glass to mine.

  After James’ shift at the hospital, he called and invited me to dinner at his apartment. I arrived promptly at six. He greeted me with a welcoming kiss and told me how much he missed me before rushing back to the kitchen where he was preparing Thai curry. I followed him and the spicy aroma to the kitchen.

  “Do you need any help?” I asked.

  “Nope, I’m all set. Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes.” He threw peppers into the pot. It certainly was new to have someone cook for me. Chad didn’t know how to make anything other than protein shakes and eggs. The table displayed a romantic setting of candles, wine, and cloth napkins.

  “You did all this for me?” I smiled.

  “Yeah, I wanted to do something nice for you.” I gave him an appreciative kiss. He stirred the curry, and I stood closely behind him, observing his culinary skills. My eyes wandered about the kitchen, and I noticed his phone sitting on the opposite counter, out of plain sight.

  “I’ll be right back, I’m just going to use the bathroom,” I said, inching away from him.

  “Okay,” he said, still fixated on his hot pan. I crept over to the other counter and quickly confiscated the phone before disappearing upstairs. My pulse was rapid and I broke a cold sweat. I sat on the edge of the tub and began to look through his text messages. Some were friendly messages from David, guys he played soccer with, and some work related texts. Then I found it. Jackpot.

  I can’t wait to see you Friday. Miss you.

  It was from someone named Amanda, and it was sent earlier that day. Who’s Amanda? I took a deep breath, washed my hands, and returned to the kitchen. James was still facing the range, so I was able to safely put his phone back. I exhaled, thankful I had gone unnoticed. The find was relieving, but I could use the information to my advantage. That’s when I pulled out an oldie, but goody.

  “I forgot to tell you I’m going to a mental health conference this weekend in San Diego. I leave Friday.”

  “Oh, yeah, that sounds fun,” he said.

  “Uh huh,” I murmured, awaiting his next comment. He took a moment to speak.

  “I’ve got a pretty busy weekend coming up, so that works out.” His back still turned away from me. Easy for him to lie when he wasn’t looking at my face, huh? I bet it did work out well for him. He just didn’t know it worked out well for me too.

  That week brought me an interesting visit with a couple, The Gartons. Carmen Garton began seeing me about a year prior to deal with some father issues. After working with her for a while, we decided it would be good to bring her husband Seth in the mix to help him understand some of her insecurities and work on their relationship as well. Carmen was unusually suspicious of his whereabouts and often thought he was out using drugs and soliciting prostitutes.

  “So did you both do your self-reflection exercise?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I have mine here,” Seth said and handed me a manila folder.

  “Carmen?” She gave no indication that she was prepared with her exercises.

  “I think we should talk about something else,” she said, and I inched forward to listen. “I want to talk about why Seth took five-hundred dollars in cash out of our account on the same day that he claimed to be working late.”

  “Seriously, Carmen?” Seth rolled his eyes.

  “Carmen, what’s this about?” I asked.

  “I know that he’s sneaking off, getting high and blown by hookers.” She turned to Seth. “You disgust me.”

  She was perfectly serious and the scenario wasn’t unfamiliar. We were starting to make some progress, but any evidence she stumbled on always regressed her back to square one. Seth shook his head then stood.

  “You know what? I’m done.” He turned to me. “We’re here for two seconds and she starts in with this bullshit. I can’t take it anymore. It’s not worth it.” And with that he stormed out. Just another eventful day at Dr. Johns’ office.

  “See, I’m right,” Carmen said, staring after him and then turning to me. “He could at least try to explain himself, but he has no real excuse.”

  “Are you absolutely sure about that?” I asked.

  “Pretty sure, but I’ll be able to prove it soon.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I hired a private investigator.”

  “Really?” A private investigator?

  “Yeah, I found him in the yellow pages, in the Castro.”

  And that was exactly what I needed for the weekend, a private investigator to keep an eye on James while I was “at a conference.” It was perfect.

  “Do you have his number?”

  CHAPTER TEN

  The PI

  I twiddled the business card between my fingers. Ed Rogers, Private Investigator. Life really does change in an instant. Not long ago I was blissfully engaged and unaware. My life was assimilating to that long established path of marriage, babies, and happily ever after with someone I thought I knew. Instead, I’d found myself in a fake relationship, ready to hire someo
ne to follow him undercover like some kind of criminal. Then again, what men do, what James was about to do, was a crime.

  In truth, I was excited to close this chapter in my life. With any luck, the PI would be able to confirm my suspicions and this whole thing would be over. What will Holly say when she finds out I not only went through with my plan, but that her brother-in-law’s best friend was the one who proved it right? The mere thought of that proposed victory tasted justifiably sweet. I picked up the phone and set up an appointment for Thursday.

  “Did I just hear you make an appointment to meet a PI?” Andy asked as he swooped into my office. Nosey much?

  “Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

  “So, it was a PI.” He seemed proud that he solved the case. I stared at him, silently willing him to leave. “What are you up to, Marin?” he asked.

  “You caught me. I hired a PI to stalk you.”

  “Nice try. I gotta go. You can tell me the real story later.” He glanced at his watch and left my office. I shut the door behind him and dialed Telly.

  “Ello, Bay-bee,” she said in a bad French accent.

  “You feel like getting out of town this weekend?” I asked.

  “That depends. Where am I going?”

  “How about we spend a couple of days at the wine country B&B and spa?”

  “Oooh, sounds good. And to what do I owe this pleasure?” she asked in an even worse English accent.

  “Short version? You were right about the cell phone. James thinks I’m out of town this weekend, but really I’m hiring a PI to be my eyes and ears.”

  “Okay, wow. Well, the answer to your first question is yes, and you can tell me the rest on the way.”

  “I’ll book the rooms, you drive.”

  How exciting. Not only would I catch James cheating, but I’d also get to relax and enjoy it with Telly at the spa. Ah, life has a funny way of working itself out sometimes.