Sell Your Story in Single Sentence
Page 14
15. Jay, a crass, backwater attorney, stumbles out of the whorehouse and then races to save a young boy’s life while also narrowly avoiding disbarment by outsmarting a slick policeman who he truly believes is committing and then solving his very own crimes.
16. A young, idealistic, and somewhat naive oil painter and all-around artist risks her hard-won career to expose a museum’s deep, dark, secret conspiracy regarding the swapping out of masterpieces with forgeries over four decades.
17. A dying con man attempts to reconnect with his estranged daughter, Ella, whom he never knew, but instead of fixing what is wrong with their relationship he ends up forced to draft her to help him in his last sting, which involves the mob (pissed off at him for a previous job gone wrong), but what surprises them both is they learn to love each other during the ensuing escapade.
18. Marigold travels back in time to get multiple opportunities to try to trick fate and win Marcus, the man of her dreams, but she soon realizes that in order to have a chance at a happy ending she needs to wait until he falls in love with her all on his own—even if that never happens and she loses him forever.
19. Liz Anson, a coldly calculating professional assassin, has been assigned to kill Charles Unger, a nosy investigative reporter who’s gotten much too close to an evil genetics corporation, but she is unable to bring herself to pull the trigger because she is as desperately in love with her target as he is with her, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
20. A genetically engineered cyborg teen and her equally mechanical friends who are also cyborgs are tasked with saving what is left of humanity, which is basically just a young couple with a baby on the way, after the scientists who created the cyborgs accidentally set off the apocalypse.
Workbook—Complex Logline Answers
How did you do?
1.
ORIGINAL
Guided by conflicting motives, a queen and a peasant must venture on a quest to retrieve and recapture a magical bird that escaped from the czar’s menagerie. If they do not succeed, she’ll be forced to marry the first man who does capture the bird.
REDO
Guided by conflicting motives, a queen and a peasant must venture on a quest to retrieve and recapture a magical bird that escaped from the czar’s menagerie. If they do not succeed, she’ll OR be forced to marry the first man who does capture the bird.
CLEAN
A queen must recapture a magical bird or be forced to marry the first man who does.
2.
ORIGINAL
The Vietnam War turned some people into savages while others found their moral compass. When a US Navy officer who has a burning need to prove himself and a beautiful Indian woman who is collaborating with the Vietcong fall in love in grim 1964 Saigon, they are each forced to make decisions about who they are and what is important to them, and must defect or lose each other forever.
REDO
The Vietnam War turned some people into savages while others found their moral compass. When a US Navy officer who has a burning need to prove himself and aN beautiful Indian woman who is collaborating with the Vietcong fall in love in grim 1964 Saigon, they are each forced to make decisions about who they are and what is important to them, and must defect or lose each other forever.
CLEAN
When a US officer and an Indian woman collaborating with the Vietcong fall in love, they are forced to defect or lose each other forever.
3.
ORIGINAL
Framed through the lens of collegiate fraternity and sorority life, the story features two friends as they struggle to unearth their own identities and fall in love, ultimately succumbing to the reality that their deepest desires are no match for cruel twists of fate when they then find out that they are actually brother and sister.
REDO
Framed through the lens of collegiate fraternity and sorority life, the story features two friends as they struggle to unearth their own identities and fall in love, ultimately succumbing to the reality that their deepest desires are no match for cruel twists of fate when they then find out that they are actually brother and sister.
CLEAN
Collegiate friends fall in love, then find out that they are actually brother and sister.
4.
ORIGINAL
Set in ancient Egypt, this is the story of a common Egyptian trying to hold his family together while facing the impending Hebrew exodus, and who ultimately discovers his true love and must save her life while receiving salvation as the plagues fall one by one from the mysterious hand of a God unknown.
REDO
Set in ancient Egypt, this is the story of aN common Egyptian trying to hold his family together while facing the impending Hebrew exodus, and who ultimately discovers his true love and must save her life while receiving salvation as the plagues fall one by one from the mysterious hand of a God unknown.
CLEAN
An Egyptian facing the impending Hebrew exodus discovers his true love and must save her life as the plagues fall.
5.
ORIGINAL
Amanda Bixby begins to escape debilitating depression when she becomes a woman with an obsession with a serial killer, Gregory Hennes. Their intimate correspondence leads to a death-row wedding, after which Amanda begins to face the truth about Greg even while she puts her mental health at risk from his manic episodes.
REDO
Amanda Bixby begins to escape debilitating depression when she becomes a woman’S with an obsession with a serial killer, Gregory Hennes. Their intimate correspondence leads to a death-row wedding, after which Amanda begins to face the truth about Greg even while she puts her mental health at risk from his manic episodes.
CLEAN
A woman’s obsession with a serial killer leads to a death-row wedding, which puts her mental health at risk from his manic episodes.
6.
ORIGINAL
In a creature-filled universe where Valkyries, werewolves, and ogres roam, a 13-year-old young human girl, mistaken for a sprite, struggles to survive long enough to find a way back to her own world.
REDO
In a creature-filled universe where Valkyries, werewolves, and ogres roam, a 13-year-old young human girl, mistaken for a sprite, struggles to survive long enough and find a way back to her own world.
CLEAN
In a creature-filled universe, a girl mistaken for a sprite struggles to survive and find a way back to her world.
7.
ORIGINAL
After 50 years, a viper, Amelia Tooley, finally finds another one of her kind … who is determined to kill her and abduct her child, so Amelia determines that she must either save her child, whom she loves, or kill him before he can be used by the other viper to destroy the world.
REDO
After 50 years, a viper, Amelia Tooley, finally finds another one of her kind … who is determined to kill her and abduct her child, so Amelia determines that she must either save her child, whom she loves, or kill him before he can be used by the ANother viper to destroy the world.
CLEAN
A viper must either save her child or kill him before he can be used by another viper to destroy the world.
8.
ORIGINAL
An unlikely team of a private investigator and a maid must work together to uncover a clandestine plot and learn why the city’s ruling council is blocking their investigation, while at the same time stop those determined to unearth an ancient library that is filled only with unbelievably dangerous books on deadly black magic.
REDO
An unlikely team of a private investigator and a maid must work together to uncover a clandestine plot and learn why the city’s ruling council is blocking their investigation, while at the same time stop those determined to unearth an ancient library that is filled only with unbelievably dangerous books on deadly black magic.
CLEAN
A private investigator and a maid must stop those determined to unearth an ancient libr
ary filled with books on deadly black magic.
9.
ORIGINAL
Thomas Bean, a young, naive, hopeful aspiring journalist who relocates to the US from London to follow his passion and put a painful past behind him, finds himself investigating a grisly murder, which puts him on the brink of a deadlier mystery on both sides of the Atlantic as he fights to expose an international crime ring, which involves trafficking in sterilized women, and puts his own life in extreme peril while doing so.
REDO
Thomas Bean, a young naïve hopeful aspiring journalist who relocates to the US from London to follow his passion and put a painful past behind him, finds himself investigating a grisly murder, which puts him on the brink of a deadlier mystery on both sides of the Atlantic as he fights to expose an international crime ring, which involves trafficking in sterilized women, and WHICH puts his own life in extreme peril while doing so.
CLEAN
A naive aspiring journalist fights to expose an international crime ring, trafficking in sterilized women, which puts his own life in peril.
10.
ORIGINAL
When the police rule three dead women as accidents, a lazy Hawaiian PI, Charlie Ho, teams up with an uptight female Boston journalist to track down a serial killer whose weapons of choice involve various uses for poisonous animals in order to immobilize his prey.
REDO
When the police rule three dead women as accidents, a lazy Hawaiian PI, Charlie Ho, teams up with an uptight female Boston journalist to track down a serial killer whose weapons of choice involve various uses for poisonous animals in order to immobilize his prey.
CLEAN
A lazy Hawaiian PI teams with an uptight Boston journalist to track a killer who uses poisonous animals to immobilize his prey.
11.
ORIGINAL
Dr. Jonathan Hartley’s past and present are on a rapid collision course, a battle transpiring within the forces of fate and destiny that haunt us all, as he navigates the unpredictable labyrinth of life-threatening illness while deciding whether or not to marry his fiancée.
REDO
A DOCTOR Dr. Jonathan Hartley’s past and present are on a rapid collision course, a battle transpiring within the forces of fate and destiny that haunt us all, as he navigates the unpredictable labyrinth of HIS OWN life-threatening illness while deciding whether or not to marry his fiancée.
CLEAN
A doctor navigates the labyrinth of his own life-threatening illness while deciding whether to marry his fiancée.
12.
ORIGINAL
When 16-year-old Amanda Williams earns a scholarship and fulfills a dream to study abroad in Spain, she leaves her life as a poor, friendless orphan behind but finds herself tangled in an inescapable world of dark magic as she fights becoming a demon.
REDO
When 16-year-old Amanda Williams earns a scholarship and A STUDENT fulfills a dream to study abroad in Spain, she leaves her life as a poor, friendless orphan behind but finds herself tangled in an inescapable A world of dark magic FIGHTING as she fights becoming a demon.
CLEAN
A student fulfills a dream to study in Spain but finds herself in a world of dark magic, fighting becoming a demon.
13.
ORIGINAL
Identical 15-year-old twin boys embark on a quest as they vow to swap 25 souls with the devil in exchange for the return of their grandfather, who has been abducted down to hell and stuck there by an evil curse of magic.
REDO
Identical 15-year-old twin boys embark on a quest as they vow to swap 25 souls with the devil in exchange for the return of their ABDUCTED grandfather, who has been abducted down to IS STUCK IN hell and stuck there by an evil curse of magic.
CLEAN
Twin boys vow to swap 25 souls with the devil in exchange for the return of their abducted grandfather, who is stuck in hell.
14.
ORIGINAL
A true-story thriller that follows the life of FBI Agent Travers as he enters a world of mystery and intrigue in locations such as the Bahamas—as the clock winds down, Travers follows clues, while undercover, which take him on an amazing journey to stop an international diamond-smuggling operation and get out with his life.
REDO
A true-story thriller that follows the life of AN UNDERCOVER FBI Agent Travers as he enters a world of mystery and intrigue in locations such as the Bahamas—as the clock winds down, Travers follows clues, while undercover, which take him on an amazing journey STRIVES to stop an international diamond-smuggling operation and get out with his life.
CLEAN
A true story, an undercover FBI agent strives to stop an international diamond-smuggling operation and get out with his life.
15.
ORIGINAL
Jay, a crass, backwater attorney, stumbles out of the whorehouse and then races to save a young boy’s life while also narrowly avoiding disbarment by outsmarting a slick policeman who he truly believes is committing and then solving his very own crimes.
REDO
Jay, a crass, backwater attorney, stumbles out of the whorehouse and then races to save a young boy’s life while also narrowly avoiding disbarment by outsmarting a slick policeman who he truly believes is committing and then solving his very own crimes.
CLEAN
A backwater attorney races to avoid disbarment by outsmarting a slick policeman who is committing then solving his own crimes.
16.
ORIGINAL
A young, idealistic, and somewhat naive oil painter and all-around artist risks her hard-won career to expose a museum’s deep, dark, secret conspiracy regarding the swapping out of masterpieces with forgeries over four decades.
REDO
AN young, idealistic, and somewhat naive oil painter and all-around artist risks her hard-won career to expose a museum’s deep, dark, secret conspiracy regarding the swapping out of masterpieces with forgeries FOR over four decades.
CLEAN
An artist risks her career to expose a museum’s secret swapping of masterpieces with forgeries for decades.
17.
ORIGINAL
A dying con man attempts to reconnect with his estranged daughter, Ella, whom he never knew, but instead of fixing what is wrong with their relationship he ends up forced to draft her to help him in his last sting, which involves the mob (pissed off at him for a previous job gone wrong), but what surprises them both is they learn to love each other during the ensuing escapade.
REDO
A dying con man attempts to reconnectS with his estranged daughter, Ella, whom he never knew, but instead of fixing what is wrong with their relationship he ends up IS forced to draft her to help him inTO his last sting, which involves the mob (pissed off at him for a previous job gone wrong), but what surprises them both is YET they learn to love each other during the ensuing escapade.
CLEAN
A dying con man reconnects with his estranged daughter but is forced to draft her into his last sting, yet they learn to love each other during the escapade.
18.
ORIGINAL
Marigold travels back in time to get multiple opportunities to try to trick fate and win Marcus, the man of her dreams, but she soon realizes that in order to have a chance at a happy ending she needs to wait until he falls in love with her all on his own—even if that never happens and she loses him forever.
REDO
Marigold A WOMAN travels back in time to get multiple opportunities to try to trick fate and win Marcus, the man of her dreams, but she soon realizes that in order to have a chance at a happy ending she needs to MUST wait until he falls in love with her all on his own—even if that never happens and she OR loses him forever.
CLEAN
A woman travels back in time to trick fate and win the man of her dreams, but soon realizes she must wait until he falls in love with her on his own or lose him forever.
19.
ORIGINAL
Liz Anson, a coldly calculating professional assassin, has been assigned to kill Charles Unger, a nosy investigative reporter who’s gotten much too close to an evil genetics corporation, but she is unable to bring herself to pull the trigger because she is as desperately in love with her target as he is with her, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
REDO
Liz Anson, a coldly calculating professional assassin, has been IS assigned to kill Charles Unger, aN nosy investigative reporter who’s gotten much too close to an evil genetics corporation, but she is unable to bring herself to CAN’T pull the trigger because she is as desperately in love with her target as he is with her, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
CLEAN
A professional assassin is assigned to kill an investigative reporter but can’t pull the trigger because she is as desperately in love with her target as he is with her.
20.
ORIGINAL
A genetically engineered cyborg teen and her equally mechanical friends who are also cyborgs are tasked with saving what is left of humanity, which is basically just a young couple with a baby on the way, after the scientists who created the cyborgs accidentally set off the apocalypse.
REDO
A genetically engineered cyborg teen and her equally mechanical friends who are also cyborgs are tasked with MUST savEing what is left of humanity, which is basically just a young couple with a baby on the way, after the scientists who created the cyborgs accidentally set off the apocalypse.
CLEAN
A cyborg teen and her friends must save what is left of humanity, a young couple with a baby, after scientists accidentally set off the apocalypse.
How did you do in this challenging section? If you are feeling good about what you did on your own for at least half of the logline examples, pat yourself on the back. These are not easy.
Now that this book is at an end, how can you continue your logline education? Do what I did in an earlier chapter: pick novels, TV shows, plays, and films that interest you, and see if you can design a nice, solid selling sentence for it. I promise that the more you practice logline creation, as with anything in life, the better you get at it, and the easier doing it becomes.